You give me heart palpitations
by Procrastinator-starting2moro
Summary: In the words of Slughorn: You will not underestimate the power of obsessive love. James and Lily start their relationship in 7th year, but what happens when Lily starts receiving love letters from the Half Blood Prince? 'Obsessive Lily Disorder' sequel.
1. Roundabout escapades

**You Give Me Heart Palpitations**

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

**A/N: **This is the sequel to the story 'Obsessive Lily Disorder.' If you haven't read that story, I suggest you read it first because a few original characters in this fic might confuse you. Click on my profile for the first story. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed Obsessive Lily Disorder, the amount of feedback was amazing. I hope this sequel is just as good, and I hope you enjoy reading!

**Chapter 1**

"How was your summer?"

One Lily Evans looked up into the dark, mischievous eyes of one Marauder, James Potter, a cool, composed smile spreading across her face. She leant back on the handle of her luggage trolley, trying to make it look as though his presence didn't faze her. Couldn't let him get too cocky for his boots.

"_You_ should know," Lily retorted, subconsciously tucking a strand of long, red hair behind her ear. "You practically owled me twice a day." James turned uncharacteristically bashful. "You should follow those instructions for cleaning your teeth, not sending me letters."

James arched an eyebrow at her roguishly. "Are you suggesting I should brush my teeth more often?"

Smiling, Lily shrugged her shoulders and made no comment, ignoring the fact that James' teeth shined like the brightest of car lights.

"Not to mention," she carried on, "that you tried to floo to my house and completely destroyed my living room, possibly putting my parents into an early grave."

James still remained uncharacteristically bashful and Lily wondered whether Sirius had pasted James' cheeks with permanent blusher whilst he was sleeping again. "How was I supposed to know the fireplace had been blocked up? I mean, who does that these days?"

Lily chuckled and indicated she was indeed one of those people.

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you blocked the fireplace on purpose to torture me by not letting me see you everyday," James said, moping.

Lily shrugged her shoulders casually again and even went as far stretching, as though the conversation was tiresome. As she stretched her arms out high in the air, James tugged her forwards so she was pressing up against him.

He stroked up and down her back with his thumb. "I'm not boring you, am I, Lily?"

"You have my attention." She dropped her hands from the stretch and tucked them into James' trouser pockets because: it was a sign of affection, her hands were cold, and Remus had failed to give back her green woolly gloves after using them as oven mitts.

"_Euurgh_!" Lily quickly removed her hands from the pockets and wiped them on James' shirt. "What did you put in those pockets, James? And please think about your answer."

James examined the gooey substance on Lily's fingers and sniffed them. "Melted chocolate frogs," he said, watching Lily wipe brown stains on him, yet not care because her fingers were soft and gave him the good-kind of goosebumps. He was about to lick the melted chocolate from her fingertips but she continued to wipe them on James' front so the kinky moment has passed, much to his disappointment.

"Where's your bum boys?" Lily asked, now playing with the tufts of James' hair.

"Marauders," he corrected her, looking cross-eyed as he tried to watch what she was doing with his tresses.

Lily smirked, "Same thing…"

James tugged her closer at this comment and decided to put his hands in the pockets of her skirt because: it was a sign of affection, his hands were cold, and Sirius had stolen his gloves to do a "doo doo" in his Animagus form in.

"The guys should be coming soon," James referred to his friends.

"Oh joy," Lily muttered unenthusiastically.

"I thought I'd come early to see you sooner."

"Your mother made you come early so you wouldn't miss the train, didn't she?"

"Maybe…"

"Mummy's boy."

James let the remark pass on the grounds that Lily wore the trousers in their relationship. As a consequence of him being nosey and curious, he searched Lily's pockets and discovered an odd bulge. Much to her protest, he tugged whatever object was making the bugle out.

"What is it?" he questioned, examining the coloured wrapper. "Some kind of Muggle sweet?"

"That's a tampon."

James went white in horror and almost dropped the "sweet" on the ground. "That's a feminine product, isn't it?"

"Got it one."

James shoved the feminine product back into Lily's pocket and kept his hands more comfortably on her hips.

"Let's not look in each others pockets ever again?" James suggested.

Lily nodded and rested her head on his shoulder, liking the smell of his shirt now it whiffed of melted chocolate frogs. Of course, the smell of chocolate frogs and _melted_ chocolate frogs is noticeably different.

"I've missed you," Lily said quietly.

"Hmm?"

"_I said_, I've missed…this shirt," Lily said, rubbing her nose against his shirt collar which for some odd reason had been turned upwards. She instinctively fiddled with it until it was pushed back down and she could see the skin of his neck.

"It's only been two days since I last saw you, you know," James said, knowing what she had really said.

"That's ages," she pouted, "besides, the boys were there and they kept making gagging noises when we cuddled." 'Boys' meaning Sirius Black, of course.

"They don't appreciate the Lily Cuddles."

Lily backed away from him slightly to look at his face. "You've named my cuddles?"

James reddened. "Maybe…"

Keeping her head resting on his shoulder, Lily moved her arm around James' back so she could secretly look at the watch on her wrist.

"Checking the time when you're in my company?" James pretended to look insulted. "Makes me think you can't wait to get away from me."

"_No_, I'm just making sure we don't miss the train_--bugger!_ We've only got a couple of minutes until it leaves!"

Lily reluctantly untangled herself from his arms and grabbed for her luggage trolley, where her huffy owl, Hizzy, sat moodily in his cage atop her bags. If Lily wasn't corrected, she could see Hizzy twisting his head confusedly at the other bird on James' trolley, Herpes, the owl who had been permanently changed into a pigeon last year and was downright peeved about it.

"Hey," James said, "you're not getting away from me that easily." Lily struggled for a moment but eventually let him pull her forwards so she was wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him.

The remaining Marauders watched in the distance as the couple smooched, slowly moving backwards, Lily's feet resting on James' since they made pretty handy feet cushions.

"Good God," Sirius complained, resting an arm on Peter's head. Remus was about to scold him for using Peter's freakishly level head as an arm rest but knew Sirius would find some sort of loophole for it somehow 'saving humanity' or completely ignore the scolding altogether. "They're going to be like that all year, aren't they?"

"Even longer if they get married," Peter pointed out.

"_Wonderful_," Sirius responded dryly. "Kind of makes me wish I hadn't spent six years getting them together." He sighed and shouted to the couple, "Get a room!" But they plainly ignored him, finding examining each other's mouths more interesting as they stumbled back, nearing a platform pillar. "I liked it better when they argued, it was more entertaining. Now it just looks like…porn."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Trust you to mention the word 'porn' on our first day back."

"Well, someone had to bring it up!" was Sirius' poor excuse. "And Pete probably would have mentioned it anyway…"

This was not true, as Peter couldn't utter the word 'sex' without blushing or bursting into giggles. The boys turned their attention back to James and Lily to see what progress they were at the moment.

"Do you realise what they're eventually going to topple into?" Remus asked.

"Yep," Sirius replied.

"Should we at least warn them?"

"Nope."

The three boys watched with satisfied smiles as the couple continued to step back, kissing rather publicly. Once the platform pillar was in sight, James had thought (rather pervertedly) to lean Lily against it so they were more comfortable.

Of course, this particular wall was the opening to the platform 9 and ¾.

"WAAAH!"

Their screams split the air, making heads turn. Sirius, Remus and Peter watched as Lily fell backwards whilst James fell on her front, through the secret opening, and in a blink of an eye, they vanished. A few Muggles saw this odd sight but blamed it on stress from working too hard in the office.

"Our Head Boy and Head Girl," Remus sighed, his tone of voice hinting that maybe they weren't the best authority figures. "I'll grab Lily's trolley and your grab James', Padfoot."

A stern look from Sirius indicated that he was no man's slave.

"Fine! I'll get James', then!" Remus huffed. "But honestly, James' pigeon, Herpes, won't just suddenly slim herself to fit through the bars of the cage and masticate your face…again. Your fear for that bird is ridiculous."

--------

"I hope nobody saw that," Lily mumbled from the floor, her voice rather feeble as James had fallen on top of her and was currently using her as furniture.

"Why?" he asked curiously, finding the situation not only amusing but rather pleasant.

"Because we're Head Boy and Girl and we're not showing a very good example."

At her mention of their titles, James rolled off Lily and helped her gentlemanly to her feet. "What makes you think I'm Head Boy?" he asked, unsmiling.

Lily's face fell. "You're not? But I was certain Dumbledore would-"

She was cut off by James revealing the Head Boy badge from his trouser pocket with a grin. She smacked him in the arm for tricking her.

"I saw your face when you thought I wasn't head boy!" James teased. "_You loooove me. You want to huuug me," _he sang, wrapping his arms around himself. _"You want my baaaabies-_"

"I most certainly do not want your babies, James Potter." Lily took out her own Head Badge from her pocket and admired how it shone, comparing it to James' which appeared to be covered in –do you need to even guess?- melted chocolate.

"We should probably put these on," Lily referred to the badges, unpinning the back of hers.

"I'll pin it on for you, if you want?"

Lily moved her badge away from James' grasping hands. "_Sure_. Any chance to feel me up," she remarked.

"Yep. You found me out," James gave in, not even bothering to defend himself. He finally managed to seize her hand which had been trying to pin the brooch and grabbed the badge from her, hovering it high in the air.

"I'll give it back for a thousand kisses," James compromised, looking pretty proud of his intellect.

Lily socked him in the nose.

"_Ow!" _James felt his nostrils that may have swelled from the impact of the punch. "_Lily!_"

She looked unabashed at her actions. "I've worked for all my life at Hogwarts to get that badge, mister. You got yours for being devilishly handsome and fancied by the teachers."

"I have a few points to add to that," James' prodded his red nose, "One, I hope you are referring to the female teachers. Two, exactly which teachers? And finally, to comment on 'devilishly handsome', just look whose talking." He smiled impishly.

Lily was about to rebuke him but found herself softening. "You should thank Merlin I'm a sucker for flattery," she mumbled. "Unless you're referring to me being handsome, as in _masculine_ in some way." She folded her arms.

"Er…you're super pretty?" James rectified.

"Good answer."

Lily leaned on her tiptoes to kiss his nose better, but James lifted his nose up at the last second, making her miss his nostrils and kiss his lips instead. Barely a second later, they were snogging again.

"Not at it _again_, Prongs!"

"Ow! What the sodding hell!" James yelped as a luggage trolley booted him in the backside on purpose.

"_Weeeeeee!_" said a giddy voice.

"Get out of the trolley, Wormtail. It was fun and all in first year, but you're seventeen now."

The couple met with the three boys who had just run through the barrier wall, each with nauseating looks on their faces.

"I'm surprised you haven't pulled the muscles in your lips," Sirius snorted.

Lily tried to her hide her bashful smile, taking her luggage trolley kindly from Remus. "We weren't doing anything," she denied. "I was just, er, putting James' badge on for him!" She grabbed a badge from James' hand and pulled his shirt forwards so she could pin it on him.

Of course, James had taken the pulling-shirt-forward action as a sign of more snogging.

"No, Prongs. She pulled your shirt forward so it was easier to pin the badge on you, not as another opportunity to smooch."

James boldly gave Sirius the finger.

"There you go." Lily tugged on James' cheek once she managed to fasten the badge to him.

James put his hands on his hip, flashing a cheesy smile. "James Potter. Head Boy. At your service." He saluted the air.

The boys burst into laughter, and not because James was a failing comedian.

"What?" he demanded. "What's so funny?"

Remus patted him on the back sympathetically. "You make a spiffy Head Girl, my lady," he told him, and Sirius bent his knees and curtseyed.

Finally, James looked down at his shirt, discovering the wrong badge pinned to his front; the title of 'Head Girl' stared him in the face.

"Lily!" James cried.

"I swear," she put her hands up in defence, "I really didn't know it was the wrong badge until it was too late."

Sirius snorted, "_Whatever_. It's _always_ the quiet ones-"

"Shut up, wanker!"

Sirius had grown to find this insult as normal and really a sign of affection, as so he claimed, and replied to the redhead with a bow.

"Come here, _Head Girl_," James ordered, taking a step forward as Lily simultaneously stepped back. She quickly ran over to Remus and hid behind his gangly figure.

"Please don't get me involved in this nauseating game of flirty play-fighting," Remus begged. But his pleadings were ignored as he was used as a middle point which the couple was circling as they chased one another.

Remus watched dizzily for another thirty seconds as the twp continued to literally run circles around him. With a triumphant cheer from both James, and the boys who were relatively bored out of their minds, he shouted "Got ya!" as he grabbed Lily's waist and flung her over his shoulder.

"Let me go!" she ordered, though you could tell she didn't truly mean it as she subsided into giggles. She kicked out her legs to make it look as if she was putting up a fight.

James announced, "Spinning time!"

"Oh, God, no," Remus begged.

With Lily heaved on James' shoulder, he began spinning, Lily's body rotating with him.

"How many times have they done this already?" Sirius complained.

"It's like James is Lily's personal roundabout…" Peter watched, his eyes trying to focus on the turning figures. "Gavommiting…" he mumbled, suddenly feeling sick with wooziness.

The boys watched as James gradually got faster, their figures moving so fast they became blurry to the human eye.

"Put me down, James!" Lily pulled on the back of his shirt. At this sudden action because Lily was 'undressing' him as he'd like to think, and because she'd tugged quite hard, James stumbled.

"Oi, watch it!" Sirius said as James bashed into him.

Remus watched the chaos as Lily manically kicked out her legs out and by accident, collided her feet with Sirius' head.

"_AARGH!"_

Within a second, Sirius had collapsed.

"THROBBING!" he shouted from the ground, arms and legs spread out widely, stroking his injured forehead. "And she's wearing those _bloody_ pointy shoes as well!"

"Sorry-" Lily spun "-Sirius!"

"I think she may have made a dent in your head," Remus acknowledged, kneeling at Sirius' side as he examined his head cavity. Peter had even conjured a quill and was now trying to poke it through the manhole that was on Sirius' forehead.

"James, seriously, put me down!" Lily's cheeks were puffed out like a hamster. "I think I'm going to be sick!"

Remus put his hands to his hips mimicking a frustrated parent. "James! For God's sake! Put her down already!"

James stumbled again, looking distinctly pale in the face. "I don't think I can!" he yelled dizzily.

"What do you mean, you don't think you can? All you have to do is _stop moving your legs_!"

"Just be motionless…pretend you're having sitting down, trying to hide a stiffie-"

"_Do not_ do that," Remus cut off Sirius, rolling his eyes.

James staggered again, heading for Peter's bent down figure.

"No!" Remus waved his hands back and forth to indicate to stop. "_No_! Discontinue! DISCONTINUE!"

"_AAAAAAH!"_

James crashed backwards into Peter, which made both him and Lily fall on top of the boy. Unfortunately, Peter had been at Sirius' side, also caught up in the collision of bodies along with Remus.

The five groaned in sync, heaped up in a sort of pyramid of bodies.

"Well, that was fun," said Lily dryly.

James ignored the fact that his friends were probably in much more painful positions and helped Lily again to her feet.

"You okay?" James asked her. "You all right?"

"I'm fine, James," Lily reassured him.

"Are you okay?" repeated James. He looked her over for any broken bones, and then physically checked by feeling her arms and legs. "Are you alright?"

"I'm-" Lily started, and then gave James a smack to the head as his hands had wandered too near chest area in his doctor examination.

"Are you sure you're okay?" James moved her hair out of her face, which was recently dishevelled from the roundabout escapades. "Are you sure you're all right?"

Their conversation had stopped and was replaced by pressed-up mouth murmurings.

"And there they go again," Sirius said, waving a hand.

The boys watched as James and Lily had unexpectedly, or maybe not so, gone back into Canoodling Mode. The couple slowly paced backwards in their kissing, again nearing another platform wall.

"Wait a sec," James reluctantly pulled away from Lily and felt the platform wall, checking it was solid and not a magical opening. He grinned, "All clear," and leant her back against it, continuing to their favourite pass time.

"Teenage spouses…" Remus sighed. Dusting off his clothes, he rose to his feet, finally realizing that the platform was too just too quiet, besides the occasional sound of saliva exchanging from the couple in the corner.

"Guys? _Guys_." Remus had to resort to clicking his fingers to get his friends attention, and was very aware that he felt very much like a teacher. Sirius regarded Remus, but with a grumpy look on his face from being speared in the head with Lily's shoe which had an end the same shape as a pencil's, whilst Peter was greatening Sirius' unhappy mood, still trying to still a quill into Sirius' hole... of the _forehead_ kind.

"I don't want to interrupt the moment or anything." The impatient look Remus received from the smooching couple who had been forced to separate inclined that he did interrupt a particular something. "However, I would like you to take focus on the train."

Sirius looked left, then right. "But…there is no train, _Muh-hoony_."

"Exactly, _Pad-feet_."

The train tracks were empty.

The five looked at each other in turn and all at once, muttered; "Well, Bugger me."

James decided it wouldn't be helpful to the situation if he answered Lily's 'bugger me' with a 'gladly.'


	2. Angsty Moony and kungfu fighting

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing

**Chapter 2**

"Hey! Look!" Sirius pointed to the distance, bouncing on his feet. "I think I see the train! Let's chase after it!"

Remus looked back and forth between what Sirius was claiming as the train, and the clearly delusional Sirius. "But, Padfoot, that's a-"

"Let the pursuing commence!"

Sirius ran at full speed with his arms flapping at his sides, not seeing the platform end as his eyes were glued on his destination. With a high-pitched scream, he fell off the platform and landed on to the empty train tracks.

His three associates and a disgruntled redhead quickly ran to the edge of the platform, peeking out their heads below to inspect the probably impaired boy.

"Are you okay?" Remus called down worriedly.

"You have _no_ _idea_ how much that hurt…" Sirius made an audible groan, trying to peel back his flattened face against a train track. "The train…" he mumbled painfully. "Can you still see the train?"

"IT WAS A BIRD!" Peter yelled, his hands cupped around his mouth. "A BIRD, IT WAS!"

Sirius groaned. "One, the drop wasn't that high so you don't have to shout as if you're at the top of the Astronomy Tower. And two, shit. I swear that was an effing mode of transport."

Lily massaged her eyelids. "How did this happen? I don't understand," she whined, stomping her feet. "We couldn't have missed the Hogwarts Express!"

"Why?" James questioned her.

"Because we couldn't have!" she continued lamely. "We're Head Boy and Girl! We're supposed to be on the train bossing around the prefects!"

Remus arched an eyebrow. "Bossing?" he echoed.

"Did I say 'bossing'?" Lily laughed shrilly. "I meant, _enlightening_."

"I'd like to _enlighten_ someone that I'm still down on the train tracks! Hello? Pay attention to me, damn you! HEL-LO!" Remus finally poked a head out again and Sirius brightened. "Look what I can do, Moony!" He turned his eyelids inside out as he pulled an ugly face.

"That's nice, Sirius. It's nice to see you've learnt something productive," Remus spoke in an even tone. "Now, I'm just going to continue my chat with the adults and try and work out how we're going to get out of this situation. You be a good boy and stay put, okay?"

Sirius nodded obediently and sucked on his thumb.

Meanwhile James was trying to soothe Lily with a shoulder massage, involving karate-chop hand gestures.

"This cannot be happening. This must be some sort of bad omen, you know. We become Heads and we can't even make it on the sodding train." Lily stopped James' bad massaging and fixed him an annoyed look. "This is all your fault! You should learn self control." She flushed, crossing her arms.

James tried to calm her down. "Don't worry, Lily." He pinched her cheeks together so she looked like a puckered fish. "I'm Head Boy," he reminded her. "I'll save the situation! No worries everyone!"

Two minutes later of James thinking and Sirius climbing back onto the platform after being lured with a cauldron cake…

"I want Professor Dumbledore!" James whimpered, kneeling on the ground as if he were praying to The God's that the headmaster would arrive with a 'pop' and charm them with encounters of a room full of toilets and offer lemon drops. "Christ, even McGonagall will do! Any sort of authority figure!"

"But you are an authority figure," Peter pointed out plainly.

This statement only made James whimper more. "I was picked because I was pretty…"

"Oh, I bet Lily is so attracted to your sobbing right now," mocked Sirius.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Oh yes. I am full of sensual feelings right now..."

There was a pregnant pause until Sirius finally replied, "Really? Would you, um, like to _describe_ these sensual feelings and what they are doing to your—_ow!_" He was cut off by Lily hurling her pointy shoe at him. "Christ, woman!"

"What are we going to do?" Peter questioned. He tried to occupy his nervous state of shaking hands and stuffed them into his pockets, but this clearly did not work as his hands were now moving on their own accord into the air, whilst still in his trousers.

"Watch where you're poking that pocket, will you!"

"Okay," Remus tried to breathe calmly, "Let's think this through rationally-"

"We can run back through the platform wall we came in through!" James butted in, obviously no rational thoughts going through his mind as he thought of the exact things people told him not think of, such as: is Sirius' mum attractive in any way?

Remus shook his head predictably at James' idea. "No, the opening wouldn't be-" he started.

"Oh, Moony, you're always nay-saying me! Trust me, once I get through wall I'll be laughing in your ugly, fat arse faces. Except Lily's because her face is as lovely as sponge cake and does not resemble an ugly, fat arse, in any way, shape, or form," he quickly rectified as Lily shot him an indignant look.

James took a runner up and sprinted full pelt at a platform pillar.

"No! James!" Lily shouted in warning.

Of course, the warning was too late and James smacked head-on into the bricks of the wall, possibly stupefying himself at such an impact.

"It's the other wall," Lily pointed to another pillar as she cringed. She gave him an affectionate ruffle to his messy hair and helped him to feet.

He took another step back as he ran at the other platform wall.

"No, no! James!" This time Remus shouted in warning.

Of course, the warning was too late again and James slammed into the platform with a cry of pain and very sore genital parts.

"As I was going to say, the opening would probably have locked after the train left," mentioned Remus too late.

James grumbled sorely as he was again pulled to his feet, massaging his groin area. "But what about our mums and dads? How do they get back home?"

"Most probably apparition, excluding Muggles," Remus guessed. "Wait…_Apparation!_ _Of course_, we can't Apparate to the school itself but perhaps nearby…Can any of you Apparate?"

"Too young to take the test," James and Lily answered simultaneously. They looked at each other in surprise at answering at precisely the same time.

"You know what they say about people who say things at the same time?" James smiled coyly and gave Lily a slightly energetic elbow nudge.

"They spend too much time together?" she offered.

"No, Head Girl. They say they're soul mates." James smiled a sappy grin.

"Oh, God, _kill me now_," Sirius begged as he prayed to the clouds. "Please, just have another snogging session. Get it over and done with," he told the couple, noticing their lingering, starry-eyed looks.

They responded as maturely as possible by sticking out their tongues.

"Well, I failed my test," Peter mentioned. He reddened and looked down at his feet. "I just left something behind when I Apparated."

"Oh, what did you leave behind?" Lily asked curiously.

"His whole body," Sirius answered for Peter, snorting. "He didn't actually Apparate any part of himself," Sirius patted Peter on the back, "Never mind, Wormtail."

"Well, what about you two?" Peter said, turning on Sirius and Remus with a childish pout.

"I missed the test," the two boys answered simultaneously.

Much looking was focused on Sirius and Remus.

James snickered, "You know what they say about-"

"Shut the hell up, turd face," Sirius cut him off. "And I'll have you know, I missed the Apparition test because I was distracted in the company of a _stunning_ _woman_."

"Madam Rosmerta," added Remus.

James and Lily grimaced, whilst Peter seemed to accept it with an impressed nod and a high-five in the air which was not returned by Sirius because he had declared it out of fashion two days ago.

"She's old enough to be your mother," Lily scolded him. "What is your infatuation for older women?"

Sirius smirked, "They're much more experienced…"

Remus rolled his eyes. "Sirius missed his test since he _walked_ instead of _Apparating_ to the Three Broomsticks, then proceeded to chat up the bar lady and get completely sloshed out of his mind. Which was why _I_ also missed the test, trying to unpeel him off the bar floor after Rosmerta complained he was scaring off punters."

"Well, that's a lovely story and everything," Lily said, brushing the odd anecdote aside, "But what exactly are we going to do?" She reminded the boys back to their grim situation.

"Maybe we'll have better ideas if we talk whilst we walk?" Peter suggested ridiculously.

Five minutes later, the group were following the bare railway tracks, lugging their trolley limply along in their rather pathetic dragging of feet. Of course, Lily had the common sense to charm her luggage to the size of a keyring, slipping her bags lightly into her pocket.

"Okay, Pete. We're on ground level now, yet no refreshing ideas are coming to me."

Lily was rather suspicious to the fact that they were following the Hogwarts Express train tracks. "We're not seriously walking to the castle, are we?" she asked gravely.

"We're just walking until we get some inspiration," Remus said.

Inspiration was obviously rare to find.

Lily stopped in her tracks, whilst the boys walked ahead, only noticing she had stopped until five steps later where they had to turn back their heads.

"Move it, redhead," Sirius regimented. "You're holding us behind! Do you want me to tie you to a train track, missy? Eh?"

Lily ignored the name of 'missy' and took more attention to her throbbing feet. "My feet hurt," she stated to nobody in particular, though you could tell her tone of voice meant it was purely directed at James. Instinctively, the boys looked at him.

"What?" James asked, noticing their gaze on him. "What am I going to do about it? Cut off her feet?"

Lily pouted her lips and tucked her hands behind her back. "James, you couldn't give me a piggyback, could you?"

James did not look enthusiastic on her invitation. "We've had bad experiences with piggybacks. Remember the old biddy we fell on last year? And—mmmm…" he cut off into a moan as Lily was kissing him as a use of softening him up to get her way. She continued until he finally nodded and she tore away from him with a satisfied grin, grabbing his shoulders to spin him around.

"Why do I feel as if I'm Lily's bitch?" James asked his friends.

"'Cause you are," Sirius smirked.

Lily now sat comfortably on James' back, who was trying to control his hormones whilst balancing his bag of belongings on each wrist. She sighed happily whilst he tried to control himself as her breath kept tickling his ear.

"I'm so comfy I could just sleep…" she boasted.

"I'm so _not_ comfy I could just _die_," Sirius muttered. He suddenly thought of an ingenious idea and stopped walking, making the others take attention to him. "_Oooow_," he moaned, rather theatrically. He put the back of his hand to his head and groaned again, hovering a foot in the air. "My foot hurts," he shot an inclining look at Remus, "Moony, could you be a doll and-"

"Don't even think about it."

Sirius stuck out his tongue. "Fine!" He turned to another Marauder. "Oi, Pete, give us a piggyback, will you?"

Peter purely thought this was some kind of ridiculous joke and laughed. He finally realised Sirius was, indeed, completely serious. "But," the boy began, startled, "I'm small. And you're-"

"What are you implying, papoose?" Sirius said in outburst. "That I am _obese_? Let me get on your back, _Pete!_ Pete…? Oi, mork, get back here!" He shouted to Peter who had abruptly run ahead, wailing his arms in the air.

Remus watched with noisy exhaling the two run off with noise exhaling. "Don't run on the train tracks, guys! Guys! It's reckless and highly treacherous!" he yelled after them. "Treacherous!" he tried again. "Recklessness!"

As if the situation couldn't get any worse, the weather was not on good terms with the teens.

"Okay, either Moony just spat at me with his 'treacherous' and 'recklessness' explosion," James stated, feeling drops of water spatter at him, "Or it's beginning to rain."

Remus turned his head upwards to the dismal, gloomy clouds, where a drop of rain landed conveniently in his eye. "I think it would be the latter," he muttered bitterly.

"Rain!" Lily cried, jumping off James' back with a horrified expression.

"Don't worry. We'll use a water reflective spell to protect us from the rain, so your hair won't get ruined-"

"How dare you imply I was going to complain about the rain ruining my hair?" Lily cut James off with a scandalised look.

"But you were though, weren't you?"

"Yes, but that's beside the point!" Lily flushed. "Anyway, we don't need to use magic for every little thing. We can use my umbrella!" she announced, her features proud.

James instinctively massaged his forehead, which was now a little damp from the heavier rain. Remus was busy looking amused yet dry, already protected from the rainfall with a handy charm. "Not that Muggle thing, Lils." James shook his head in disapprove.

"Magic isn't the answer to everything," Lily reprimanded. She took out her minimized luggage from her pocket, saying the incantation to re-size it back to normal. She dug into one of her bags until she found the umbrella. With a triumphant smile, Lily opened the umbrella over her head.

A collection of belongings toppled on her skull, falling out of the Muggle contraption.

"Sirius!" Lily screamed, knowing fully well who the culprit was. The worsening rain did not help her fiery temper.

She grumbled painfully, eyeing her possessions of various underwear garments, quills, toiletries and other random objects which had fallen from inside the umbrella and clouted her head.

"C'mon, you've got to admit that prank is funny!" Sirius said, nearing towards her as he was perched on Peter's back in what looked like a highly uncomfortable piggyback. Peter appeared to be making unbelievable cries of agony, but Sirius talked over him. "I admit, it may not be so funny, this being the fourth time I've done the gag to you. But you were just asking for it, leaving your luggage trolley unattended in my presence."

James had to physically hold Lily back, tugging at her waist. "Padfoot, how many times do I have to say, Lily is out of bounds for pranking." He pulled her into a hug, and secretly shot Sirius an impressive thumbs up behind her back for it being a pretty good practical joke.

"Let's get some shelter under the trees," Remus suggested sensibly. He rolled his eyes at his friends who were lazy and had chosen to get soaking wet and on the verges of pneumonia, rather than cast a simple spell to protect themselves from rain water.

"You heard the Moony man!" Sirius told Peter. He was struggling to sit on his back as the boy clearly had no energy to hold him up, so kept slipping every few seconds. "Shelter is what we must seek!" Sirius gave Peter a kick to the back of the legs and pointed to a nearby by tree, their new destination.

Peter started walking at an exceedingly slow speed.

Sirius was an extremely impatient person. "God, you're the worst donkey ever, Wormtail."

Peter would have responded but he'd abruptly collapsed under Sirius' weight.

The five finally found a tree to huddle under on the edge of a forest along the bare train tracks.

"We need a new plan," Lily said in between teeth chattering. She rubbed her goose-bumped arms as she shivered.

"We just need to think of a new mode of transport," Remus suggested logically.

Sirius shrugged, not looking too stressed about being stranded in the middle of nowhere. "Hippogriff?" he suggested.

"Oh yes," Remus spoke dryly. "Because a Hippogriff is really going to pop out of nowhere and let us ride her." He rolled his eyes.

Peter stared past the trees of the forest, as if he were expecting the arrival of something.

Remus was the only one to notice this. "What, Peter?" he asked, looking worried. "What are you looking at?"

"_Well_, this is just the part where Hippo the hippogriff suddenly pops out of a bush, isn't it?" Peter questioned.

The group gazed at a bush for exactly three minutes and decided Hippo was not coming to their rescue.

"Wait!" Sirius put a hand to his ear, hearing rustling from the bush. "I told you she would come!" he said triumphantly.

A black crow tumbled out of a bush, looking startled, and clearly not remembering entering the bush in the first place.

"False alarm, amigos," Sirius said dejectedly. "Unless we use a spell to enlarge the crow so it's like GIGANTIC! And then, we ride this GIGANTIC crow to Hogwarts and spread out our arms whilst riding the bird which is really quite dangerous because you could fall off but it looks impressive and the crow is GIGANTIC-"

"Quidditch! Quidditch is always the answer!" James butted in.

Lily looked back and forth between James and Sirius, baffled. "How short are your attention spans? I cannot keep up with you two! One is talking about a _giant crow _and one is talking about _Quidditch_, for _goodness sake_…" She slammed her head against a tree trunk.

James looked pretty annoyed that his idea of 'Quidditch' was ignored. "Quidditch, people?" he reminded them. "Quidditch _brooms_." The teens all brightened and slapped their foreheads for not thinking of something so obvious. "That's right, morks. Head Boy saved the situation," he stuck up his fingers into rather rude hands gestures and displayed to each person, "Screw you all…Except for you Lily, I mean, though I'd like to, but…never mind."

Lily brushed aside his perverted declarations before she lost her line of concentration. "So, how many brooms have we got?"

She looked at Peter who snorted, whilst Remus reacted the same along with the words, "You have got to be kidding me! _Me_, be in the possession of a _broom_?" and doubled over with laughter.

"I've got one," James and Sirius answered in unison, raising their hands.

"So," Lily got herself into mathematical thinking, "roughly two people can fit on one broom?" The boys nodded. "So there would be two on each broom, which leads to a grand total of four…oh, wait, there's five of us…" Her face fell. "One might possibly have to stay behind-"

"Oooo! Oooo!" Peter jumped up and down, waving his hand like a classroom swot or possible embarrassing relative. "Pick me! Pick me!" he shouted, as though they were choosing sport teams. Peter froze when he received startled looks. He pulled his hand down. "No, wait, this is something bad. I take it back! I didn't hear the question!" he revealed his poor listening skills.

"No, no, Pete," Sirius patted him on the shoulder, "We'll definitely come back for you."

James tried to hide his panicked state. "Er…we will?" he murmured to Sirius. "Really?"

"Suck up to the rat, Prongsie."

Lily heard the exchange between them. "We can't leave him behind!" Her firm eyes made the two boys cower in guilt.

Peter looked heartily surprised that Lily had stuck up for him. "Wow, thanks, Lily. I mean, I never knew-"

"I don't like you."

"Lily!" James hissed. "What did I say about making an effort with my friends?"

Lily looked apologetic. "Sorry, Peter. I find you…_tolerable_, and you seem like a nice enough lad… Just, stop looking at my legs."

"Wormtail!"

"Sorry…"

"Guys, you're drifting off into the realms of babbling and insanity," Remus interrupted them. He waved his arms towards his chest. "Come back to me."

James' eyes widened, indicating he'd just thought of another ingenious plan. "Peter could trans-" he clamped his mouth shut, realising what he nearly revealed to a particular person in the group.

The Marauders took intakes of breath.

"What?" Lily said confusedly. She looked each boy in turn. "I don't understand. 'Trans'? Trans-what? Become a transvestite?" She angered more when she received only silence in reply. "WHAT?"

James exchanged silent but meaningful eye contact with Remus, as though they were having a conversation in Marauder Language of facial features.

James raised his eyebrows, which meant, 'Shall I tell her?'

Remus looked hesitant but eventually nodded.

James twitched his nose, meaning, 'Are you sure?'

Remus nodded again, more certain, but looked away.

Sirius elbowed him and did a double twitch of the nose. 'Are you really, really sure?'

Remus gestured a finger to his teeth, most probably representing werewolf fangs, indicating to shut up because Lily was wondering what all this sign language meant.

Sirius pointed to Lily and twirled a finger towards his head.

"I saw that, wanker!"

James took Lily's hands in his. "Lily," he brought her hands to his mouth and gave them a peck, "If I…I mean, _we_," James corrected himself, and the boys did not look happy to be shared the blame, "tell you something, will you _promise_ not to get mad?"

Lily smirked. "Well, it depends what that 'something' is."

James and Sirius exchanged a nervous look.

Lily laughed. "I'm kidding, James," she smiled warmly, "Just tell me." James looked unconvinced. "I promise I won't get mad." She rounded her eyes in innocence.

Two minutes later…

"_I cannot believe you_, JAMES POTTER! _Aaargh!_"

James ducked, avoiding the luggage that was hurled at him. "You promised you wouldn't get mad!" he reminded Lily, hiding behind a tree trunk.

"YOU-" Lily threw a bag which hit the tree trunk and exploded open all its contents "-CAN STICK YOUR PROMISE UP YOUR LYING-" she grabbed a bag Sirius was holding and aimed it at James, managing to hit his shoulder "-SODDING ARSE!"

"Christ, Lily!" James used a tree branch to block another incoming bag which proved to be unsuccessful when it came to shielding.

Sirius, Remus and Peter watched the exchange with bemused expressions; this simply could not be the same couple that was snogging each others faces off barely half an hour ago.

"Aaargh!" Lily hurled another bag. "_How_ could you keep such a secret from me? When we went into this relationship, we promised there were would be _no lies!_"

"Well, technically I didn't lie. I just failed to mention-" he broke off as another luggage piece collided with his arm, possibly dislocating it.

"_How_ could you not tell me something this _big_?"

James forced a chuckle to lighten the situation. "It's not _that_ big of a deal-"

"You're _illegal Animagus_! Not to mention _Remus is a werewolf_!"

Said boy looked down at his feet.

"How could you not tell me, Remus?" Her face showed a hurt expression. "I mean, we're pretty close, right? We're prefects…Slug Club members…"

"I don't exactly what to broadcast it," Remus spoke barely above a whisper, flustered.

Lily softened and rubbed his arm reassuringly. "I don't blame you," she turned on James with a glower, "I blame _him_."

"What? What the bloody hell have I done?"

Remus looked clearly uncomfortable with the current situation and subject topic. "Don't blame James, Lily, I forced him not to tell you," he said in a voice that was tired and embarrassed.

Lily was busy directing her anger at her boyfriend. "Were you just _never _going to tell me?"

"It wasn't my decision!"

Remus voice broke in and everyone silenced. "_This _is why I hate everyone knowing _what I am!" _He recognized his sudden heavy breathing as his voice shook. None of them had seen him like this before_. "_Everyone argues and shouts at each other and _I hate it!_"

He stormed off into the forest, pushing the tree branches away of his path.

"Moony?" Sirius called after him. He stopped James who was about to go after him and indicated he would instead. "Moony!" he called again, chasing after him.

The couple stared at each other, unaware on what to say, until Lily figured the best option would be to blame James for Remus' outburst.

"Now look what you've done!"

James almost laughed. "Me?"

Peter stood uncomfortably between the couple and whistled. "I think I'll just, er, go for a walk," he suggested, thinking the safest option was to leave the two alone.

"Lils, will you calm down," James pleaded.

"Aaaargh!" She continued back to her enraged state and grabbed the nearest luggage, which happened to be an owl cage with her owl Hizzy inside, and lugged it at James' head.

There was a sound of crash, clang, a defiant owl hoot, and a bellowing of, "OW! BUGGER!"

James howled in pain, clutching at his face that now appeared to be bleeding.

"Oh God, are you okay?" Lily gasped, running to his side.

James clutched his chin. "You just _hurled_ at owl cage at my _jaw_!"

"I'm sorry," she cringed. She used her wand to magic the blood away and began to stroke his chin better as if it were a pet rabbit.

James closed his eyes relaxingly at her touch. "You shouldn't be apologizing to me…"

"You do trust me…don't you?" Lily asked uncertainly, though quite out of the blue.

James stopped her stroking hand and held on to it, holding her with a fixing look. "Of course I do," he insisted.

"Then why didn't you tell me?"

James ran hand tiredly through his hair. "You have to understand…It wasn't my decision to tell you. It was Remus'. I had to respect his wishes."

Lily gave him an understanding nod. "You're too much of a good person," she acknowledged, her tone almost scolding. "I can't believe I didn't figure it out though…" She shook her head, slightly annoyed with herself. "I mean, those odd nicknames …'Moony'... Though people could think Remus was called that because he was an expert at mooning people, but somehow that image doesn't fit…"

"He did do it once," James said conversationally, playing with Lily's fingers in his hand, "Involuntarily though. Sirius pulled down his trousers in front of a group of first years."

Lily chuckled and then examined James' jaw again, it looking painful. "Sorry," she apologized again. "I think I may have killed my owl in the process of hurting your jaw if that makes you feel better."

"You kissing my jaw could make me feel better…"

"Don't push it, James."

--------------

Remus leant against a tree after winding his way through the maze of the forest. Panting, he tried to catch his breath back.

He'd never let himself get like that before, to a situation where he was snapping at the only friends he had. Almost…_ferocious_. It was characteristics like that which could link him to the creature that he turned into every full moon…

_It couldn't happen again_.

"Woah, Moony. Got a bit angsty back there, didn't you?"

Remus didn't turn to face the voice and stared fully at the bark of the tree, whilst leaning an arm against it to support himself. "You…you don't think she'd tell anyone, would she?" he asked, his voice laced with fright.

"Of course not!" Sirius reassured him. He was startled he had even asked such a question. "This is Lily we're talking about here."

Remus breathed a sigh of relief, grateful for the comfort from his friend; he continued to look at the bark as if it held all the answers.

"Stiffie upper lippie, mate," Sirius consoled him, both hands in his pockets.

Remus made a puzzled look to the tree trunk. "I have no idea what that means," he clarified.

"It's just my modified version of the saying 'stiff upper lip'."

Remus nodded to the tree again.

Sirius was getting slightly annoyed as eye contact during conversation was one of his morals and he was worried about his friend talking to tree bark.

"Moony?" Sirius reached out a hand to Remus' jaw and turned it so he was looking at him.

Almost simultaneously, they both jumped back away from each other, as if they were burnt by fire.

"Oh dear God…" Remus muttered, shielding his eyes for unknown reasons.

Sirius massaged his forehead. "Room of requirement flashbacks there…" he cringed.

It took a couple of seconds until they burst into laughter, whether it was real or false was unidentified.

"Seriously, Moony," Sirius stopped his laughing to show that he was subdued. "You shouldn't hide what you are, you know," he spoke with sincerity.

Remus again was uncomfortable by the matter of the conversation. "Sirius, I couldn't even tell you guys that I was a werewolf, you had to find out for yourselves."

"Well, _one_ does get suspicious when a different relative dies every month…"

Remus turned crimson. "_One_ does run out of ideas…"

Sirius finally noticed his discomfort and got back into Insane-o Sirius Mode. "You should just stand up and say, 'I'm fanged and I'm proud! And if you don't like it, screw you, or I'll eat you because I got the werewolf munchies!'"

Remus hid the chuckle which threatened to escape from his mouth and fixed him with the usual unimpressed look.

"Too soon for jokes, eh?"

"Too soon," Remus confirmed.

"Let's get back to Mr. and Mrs Potter then," Sirius said, dragging Remus was away from his newly claimed sanctuary tree.

Remus let him pull along and even hummed along a little to Sirius' singing of, '_I see a little silhouetto of a Moony man, Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango! Snape's oog-ley face, very, very fright'ning ME! GALILEO! GALILEO! GALILEO! GALILEO FIGARO, FRICKIN MAGNIFICO!_'

"You won't tell anyone, then?" Remus asked awkwardly, ten minutes later after returning back with Sirius to face James, Lily and Peter. Lily looked shocked that he'd asked her something that he already knew the answer to.

"Of course I won't, you walking-talking-dictionary," she pulled him into a friendly hug and patted his back in reassurance.

"Must you insist on calling me that?" Remus spoke shamefully. "I may have a wider range of vocabulary but it's embarrassing…"

"Okay, people!" James intervened, feeling mightily neglected. "Enough with the Lily Cuddles…"

Lily rolled her eyes and gave James an equal embrace, kissing him on the cheek.

"See," James made his friends observe them as he was pulled into a hug and Lily's back was facing the boys, "Only in my Lily cuddles do I get access to the bottom." He gripped a hand to her right buttock.

_SMACK._

"Too soon for groping after a fight, wasn't it?"

"Too soon," Lily confirmed.

----------

"Have you written the letter to Dumbledore yet, Padfoot?"

A sensible plan thought by Lily had prompted them to write a letter to Professor Dumbledore about their situation, safety, and their 'probable' arrival by quidditch brooms.

Sirius had volunteered to write the letter.

Yes, he can write.

"Nearly finished," Sirius answered, poking his chin with his quill. He sat cross legged on the forest floor, using the ground as a table as he made another crossing out of a mistake into Dumbledore's letter. There was already a mountain of crumpled up pieces which were declared as 'drafts' and had been tossed over his shoulder.

"All done!" Sirius jumped from the floor and marched towards Herpes the pigeon, ready to tie the scrolled parchment to its leg.

"Wait a second, dung brain." James snatched the letter from Sirius' hand and unrolled it.

_Yo, Dumbley-door!_

_Just writing a note to tell you we are cool (teenage slang word for fine and well)._

_No need to worry about us, especially me since I am exceedingly missed, mostly by Professor McGonagall who is probably reading this over your shoulder and was in your office because she was giving you a spanking! OH YEAH, SIRIUS BLACK KNOWS ALL, MATE. Don't think that I haven't seen you two do footsie under the teachers' table in the great hall, you two! If you don't give me a million galleons by tomorrow evening at seventeen hundred hours, I will be forced to declare your TEACHERS SEX to the ENTIRE SCHOOL at the breakfast table. DON'T THINK THAT I WON'T DO IT, MATEY-_

"That is enough!" James scrunched up the piece of parchment, too revolted to read on. "For Christ's sake, Padfoot! That was our bloody last piece of parchment after you made about a bloody hundred drafts!" He threw the parchment in anger and it bounced off Peter's head.

"How did you manage to change a letter to Dumbledore explaining our safety to a letter of blackmail?" Lily asked exasperatedly.

"Don't worry, I wrote back up-letter in case Sirius did something like this." Remus revealed his own version of the letter to Dumbledore from behind his back and went over to Herpes, tying the parchment to her leg. Sirius noticed Remus received no halting as he had gotten earlier.

"Hey, why aren't you checking what he wrote?"

"Because he _wouldn't_ write about bloody _teacher's sex_, butt pirate!" James pointed out.

Remus stopped tying the parchment to the bird and brought a hand to his mouth. "Oh dear. On that note, I'll have to re-write it," he informed.

"WHAT?"

Remus didn't expect such an outburst of a reaction. "It was a joke!" He put up his hands in defence. "I was kidding…What? Aren't I allowed to make a joke?" He stared at the gaping mouths. "Oh, for the love of…never mind, post the damn letter, already!"

The group watched as Herpes descended into the air, flapping her wings with much force as she tried to balance such a large scroll of parchment on one foot.

"Maybe we should have made Lily's owl go instead," Peter said, wincing as the pigeon seemed to be pulled by the recent heavy wind.

"But Herpes hasn't posted a letter since she was permanently transfigured. She needs some work," said James.

Lily observed him. "But she's very likely to get blown away because of her small size…" James grinned, informing Lily's suspicions. "James! That was your plan, wasn't it! You wouldn't mind if Herpes gets blown away, as long as you get a new owl! How can you be so heartless?"

"Do you know how embarrassing it'll be for Head Boy to get letters delivered by a pigeon? Everyone knows people buy pets to show them off! The bigger the owl, the bigger-"

"Size banana?" Sirius finished, wanting to join in the conversation.

"I was going to say importance and position," James shrugged, "but banana will do."

Remus held a blank expression. "Is the word 'banana' used for some kind of vague reference to the-"

"Penis!" Peter shouted, and clamped his mouth at once, trying to control his giggles.

James noticed Lily's fed up appearance because of the typical Marauder conversation. "Okay, let's get going," he said, taking Head Boy leadership. "The luggage has been resized and everything seems to be in order. Pete, you ready to transform?"

Peter replied with a nod. Lily watched with an awed expression as Peter's body morphed, gradually getting smaller until he had transformed into his animagus form of a rat. Sirius picked him up by the tail and pocketed him into his jacket.

"Wait, what about the Muggles?" Lily questioned, remembering that flying on Quidditch brooms was not part of normal scenery.

"The invisibility cloak? But that would only cover one and wouldn't really work flying-"

"INVISIBILTY CLOAK?" Lily cut off Sirius with a fuming face directed at James.

Sirius shot James an arched eyebrow; it appeared James had neglected to tell Lily things…

"Did I not mention the cloak?" James raked a hand through his hair and looked pointedly at the ground. "You're super pretty, Head Girl..."

Lily clamped her hands together which had threatened to strangle James.

"The Disillusionment charm should fix our visible problems," Remus said, trying to distract Lily's anger. Just as Sirius was about to ask what the Disillusionment charm was, Remus had tapped his wand on top of his head.

"Ow! What the hell was that for…EUUURGH! EUUURGH!" Sirius shrieked, feeling the compulsory feeling of an egg smashing on his head. He shivered as he felt cold trickles run over his body. "What did you just…AAAARGH!" Sirius did not give the impression of handling the charm well. He looked down at himself and discovered his body now coloured the same as the scenery. "Freaky." He opened and closed his fingers.

After Remus had performed the spell to the others and himself, the group was ready to go, but he kept staring at the dismal sky every now and then with a look of dread. The rain had stopped but was replaced by worsening winds and the approaching of…mist?

"Maybe this isn't a good idea," Remus said apprehensively.

"The quicker we get going the quicker we get to Hogwarts!" Lily said, looking desperate to get back to the castle.

James did not argue and kicked off the ground and into the air, whilst Sirius followed his lead, both having the unusual yet thrilling feeling of soaring the air whilst not really recognizing their hands gripping the broom.

James was controlling one broom with Lily holding on to his sides, whilst Sirius controlled the other with Remus grudgingly clinging on to him for dear life.

"This is a peculiar feeling of holding onto thin air," Remus stated, knowing he was holding on to Sirius but could only see his camouflaged skin.

"Hey, Moony?" Sirius had resorted to shouting since the wind was getting noisy as it blasted their faces, pushing their hair back. "Want to go upside down? We can do the loop-de-loop!"

"NO!" Remus shut his eyes, clearly not wanting to see the long drop below to their possible gratifying death.

Lily remained oddly quiet and diffidently held on to James' waist. "I'm still in a mood with you, you know." She tried to keep a brave eye open as she gazed at the ground below; passing the landscape and the railway track they were following to school. "Your flying is quite impressive, Mr. Potter," she mumbled reluctantly, and James chuckled in reply.

"_I'm gonna be a big star! I'm gonna laaaay it on and go WOO-HA!_" Sirius made an impressive slice into the air whilst holding the broom with one hand and jiggling. "_Cos when the mood gets eeeeexciting, come on, when everybody's Kung Fu fiiiiighting! Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting! Come on! HUH! WOO-HA! Those kicks were fast as lightening. Hah! WOO-CHA!" _

Sirius noticed Remus had stopped holding on to him. "Oi, Moony?" He peeked behind him whilst trying to keep the broom under control. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I swear, if you don't stop singing, I will jump!" Remus threatened, sticking an arm out whilst holding one hand to the broom handle.

"Fine."

Sirius silenced…then began humming.

"_Padfoot!_"

"Okay, okay!" Sirius tried to calm Remus down, dangerously glancing back at him whilst trying not to collide into passing birds or James' broom next to him.

None of them knew how long they had been flying for, but it had felt like hours. The weather had got considerably worse and the sky was darkening.

"Prongsie!"

James' head snapped at the sound of his name called and saw Sirius flying to his left, both his body and Remus' were flickering, one second camouflaged, one second normal.

"What's happening?" James yelled. He glanced down at his hands and chest and saw his appearance was suffering the same effects.

"I think the charm is wearing off!" Remus yelled, whose body was now completely in view.

James cursed. "Lily? Lils, you still with me?" He tried to safely peek back at her and still keep an eye on the path in front of him. Her body had also gone back to normal, no signs of camouflage from the glimpse he saw of her pale face.

"Hmm?" she answered faintly. Her tone of voice was tired as she rested her head on James' shoulder. "Yeah, yeah…"

James detected her grasp had loosened around him. "Lily, keep holding on to me tight. Are you feeling okay?"

"Hmm? Yeah, yeah…" she mumbled again. "Just feel a bit dizzy…"

James tensed. "Don't let go of me, alright? This wind is getting worse and I can barely see through these clouds." He zoomed past the foreboding mist and tried to find some kind of space of clear sky. He automatically thought Sirius was following him on the broom, but when he looked either side of him, he and Remus were not there.

"Sirius!" James shouted. He whirled his head left and right but was only surrounded in thick fog. "Remus!" He tried again. There was no answer, and he could still not fly out of this suffocation of cloudiness.

"Shit! Where are they?" James spoke aloud, thinking Lily was listening to him. He suddenly felt her release his stomach and her head lift off his shoulder. "Lily, how many times have I gotta say, keep holding on to my stomach," he spoke with annoyance.

He shot a look over his shoulder, confused to why she hadn't answered.

She was no longer on the broom.

"Lily?"

He glanced beneath him and saw the glimpse of red disappear into the clouds.

"LILY!"


	3. Horny Stag

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing

**Chapter 3**

"LILY!"

James sunk his body low against the broom, making it easier for him to rocket through the air. He gripped the handle so tightly he swore he heard the wood crack. Pointing the broom downwards, he raced after the flash of red that had flickered moments before.

The second he flew downhill he was instantly obscured by clouds. He cursed, flying in circles of distraught and confusion. "Lily!" He shouted again, but was only answered by an odd echoing of his own bellows.

Meanwhile, the peculiar twosome of Sirius and Remus were battling their own problems with the weather.

"I do believe we have lost James," Remus informed, gripping onto Sirius' sides so firmly in fear of his elevated death that he was probably leaving hand prints embedded into his skin.

"Oh," Sirius acknowledged, "Right you are." He took a fleeting look back to look at Remus at the same time as trying to look at the path of sky ahead of him, so not to crash into any unexpected objects- which was pretty pointless anyway because the only thing to run into was clouds, clouds, and more sodding clouds.

"Shoo! Shoo, I say!" Sirius tried to waft away the clouds as if they were an annoying, following fly on a hot day. "Effing smog…"

"Sirius, do you have any idea where we are or where we are going or where James is?"

He furrowed his brow at such a question. "Too many where's in that question, mate. Come again?"

Remus decided not to dignify him with an answer and exhaled noisily. Too little intellectual conversation made Remus Lupin an unhappy chappy.

"Oh, bloody hell!" Sirius exclaimed in outburst. "Wormtail just peed in my pocket!" He took both hands of the broom, intent on grabbing Peter and swinging him a few times by the tail to teach him a lesson. Both Remus and Sirius screamed as the broom swerved out of control, it zigzagged wildly and threatened to tip them upside down, which was not good for either of their bowel movements.

"Why are you screaming, nincompoop!" Remus yelled once Sirius had managed to be in command of the broom once again. "You must have known that would have happened if you let go of the broom handle!"

Sirius stopped the broom to a halt and made it hover. "_Nincompoop?_ Did you just call me a _nincompoop? _Stupidest insult ever."

Remus gripped hard on Sirius' stomach, intending to at least scar a spleen or kidney with his fingernails.

"Ow, Moony!" Sirius whined. "Anyway, it's not as if we're going to bump into anything are we! Clouds-" he waved a hand to the left and right of them "-Clouds-" he waved a hand below them "-Clouds…" He pointed to up above but his eye caught something puzzling. "What the…?"

Remus noticed his confusion. "What?" He upturned his head to follow Sirius' gaze and spotted something red hurdling towards them through the mist. "What in Merlin's beard is that?"

"Ooo, you don't think its one of those Dementor thingys, do you?" Sirius theorised, and Remus instinctively grinded his teeth at Sirius' use of the word 'thingy'. "I read in the Quibbler –Lionel Lovegood's zany dad's newspaper- that Lord Voodoll-"

"Voldermort," Remus corrected with a sigh.

"Whatever. Well, apparently he got them on to his side and-"

"Oh my goodness!" Remus butted in, finally recognizing that the falling red object bombarding towards them was an actual person. "It's Lily!"

"What about the redhead?" Sirius asked, not putting two and two together.

Before Remus could explain, the unconscious Lily crashed into them, making the Quidditch broom drop a few feet at such an impact and weight. Neither of the boys had been prepared to catch Lily, so the girl had simply bounced off them and was now falling again to the faraway ground. In such a messy scramble, Remus grabbed onto Lily's hand and was tugged forward, threatening to fall off the broom himself.

"Lily!" Remus shouted.

"Jesus Christ, Lily!" Sirius fanned his face, trying to slow down his quickening heart beat which had recently gone into Mental Overload. "Give us a warning before you decide to do a James-Potter-suicide-attempt, will you."

Remus couldn't believe his ears. "For goodness sake!" He gave Sirius an incomprehensible look for brushing aside Lily's near death experience as though someone had just passed wind. "Help me get her up!"

"Oh, _right_," Sirius cringed, realising he should probably help in the rescue of Lily. He managed to grab onto her shoulder and pull her up with much cursing and tugging, and quickly Lily was half way on the broom though only with Sirius and Remus holding onto adjoining limbs.

"Wouldn't it be, like, funny, if, like, we dropped her?"

"No!" Remus scolded him.

"Yeah, didn't think so either…" Sirius decided slapping Lily's face would awaken her. "Oi-" SLAP SLAP "-wake up!"

Remus was about to reprimand Sirius on smacking someone who was clearly not in a fit state, though smacking someone who was healthy was also immorally wrong, but his sensitive werewolf ears picked up on distant shouting.

"_Lily!"_

Remus pulled Lily up again who threatened to slip. "Do you hear that?" he asked Sirius.

"_Lily!"_

Sirius could recognize that voice anywhere. "It's Prongs," he stated. "Hey, Prongsie! What are you yelling about now?" he shouted into the clouded atmosphere.

"_Lily!"_

Remus whirled his head around, hearing James' voice become closer. He would have been glad of the arrival of his friend but a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach, or the predictability of the situation, made him feel that James' coming would only cause more accidents.

"Fly down, Sirius."

"You what?"

"Fly down," Remus said again, his eyes frantic. "Before James bumps into-"

His final word of 'us' was cut off by the arrival of James who appeared suddenly through the clouds with a surprised expression. The boys made outcries of cursing as both brooms collided, where the tip of James' broom noticeably stabbed Sirius in the eye. At such an unexpected crash, both brooms bounced back off each other, both Sirius and Remus letting go of Lily at such an impact.

Remus tried to grab for Lily again but missed, watching her fall. "James! Lily-" he began to warn, but James had already flown off after her falling figure.

With some impressive, speedy flying, James zoomed downwards and caught Lily in her arms, so perfectly it looked even rehearsed, and as if saving people's lives was just another daily ritual on the James Potter Agenda.

"That was so cheesy," Sirius commented on James catch with a grimacing face. "I may have even vomited in my mouth a little." He popped a finger into his mouth as though he were check vomit tracings. "Yep," he confirmed. "Wanna see, Moony?"

"I think I'll pass."

James tugged Lily with one arm to his chest and tried to get a look at her pale face. "Wake up." He shook her and she only shook along floppily. His face filled up with panic. "Wake up!"

Sirius finally flew over to James after much scolding off Remus because he kept playing with the clouds by putting two spread out fingers and blowing out air, making it appear as if he was smoking whilst shouting, "LOOK, MOONY! I LOOK LIKE I'M SMOKING BUT I'M NOT! HAR HAR HAR!" And after trying to sign his own signature into the clouds.

"What's up?" Sirius asked with the grace of cool.

"_What's up_?" James echoed. He hooked Lily's arms around his neck so she was more secure to him and hopefully wouldn't fall again. "My girlfriend near fell to her death, that's what's up, niffler dung brain!"

"Wouldn't it be, like, funny, if, like, she died?"

"No!" James looked at him with disbelief. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Yeah, didn't think so either…" Sirius scratched his head and avoided Remus' gaze who looked like he might give Sirius another finger nail scarring to an organ.

James shook Lily again but her eyes remained closed, her face pasty. Sirius pointed this out and compared it to the colour of semen, which James returned with another stab in the eye with the handle of his broom.

"We have to get her to the Hospital wing to rest," James said.

Remus knew James was worried but getting to the Hospital wing, or even Hogwarts, was clearly not going to happen.

"James, I know you probably won't like the plan I am going to suggest, but just hear me out…"

Two minutes later after Remus had explained his plan; Remus now had a blackened eye along with Sirius. "Stabbing me in the eye with your broom handle was completely unnecessary, James!"

"Your plan _sucked_," James said with much emphasis. If his arms had not been occupied holding Lily, he would have folded them with stubborn immaturity.

"But we can't keep flying," Remus tried to get his point across. "The weather is terrible and we're only getting ourselves more lost. Not to mention it's getting dark. The best we can do is get back to ground, gets some rest, and wait until morning when the weather has probably cleared up."

"Not to mention, boy, am I tired," Sirius added, with a tone that suggested that everyone needed to be informed this and it would undoubtedly affect everyone around him.

"Yes…and we wouldn't want him falling of the broom, would we?" Remus spoke in a flat tone.

"Speak for yourself…"

Sirius gasped. "Prongsie!"

"Oh, _alright_!" James gave in. He pointed his broom downwards and shot towards the ground, muttering, "Effing smog," with Sirius following his trail.

-----------------

Lily would have preferred a snugly, comfy couch to lounge onto, but apparently that kind of furniture was not supplied in a gloomy forest.

James wrapped his coat around the unconscious Lily's shoulders and rested her on to the grass. He watched her stomach rise and fall. She was breathing, which was a good thing, right? Unless her moving shirt was playing tricks with his mind, thought what was _under_ that shirt was particularly more _in-ter-est-ting_…but he shouldn't be thinking about _that_ right now. She's ill, you pervert! Ill! I-L-L! Maybe she needed resuscitation? Or maybe James was just making up excuses to touch her mouth because he hadn't kissed her in HOURS and he was practically DYING.

"Are you drooling over an ill person?"

James snapped out of his thoughts as Sirius and Remus climbed off their broom and landed either side of him.

"That's immorally wrong, you know," Sirius teased.

"I'm allowed to!"

Sirius peeked behind James' shoulder, as if he was afraid of ill people. "Hasn't redhead woken up yet?"

"No. What do you suggest, throwing a bucket of water over her?" He cut off with widened eyes. "I was kidding!" He stopped Sirius' wand which had conjured up a bucket of water that was threatening to spill its contents over the ill girl.

"Whatever floats your boat," Sirius said, making the bucket disappear with a sigh.

Remus eyed Sirius' trouser pocket with suspicion, the clothing looking more active than usual. "You can let him out now."

Sirius cocked an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

"_Peter_. You can let _Peter_ out now."

"That's funny, 'cos I thought you were referring to my-"

"_Don't even_," Remus cut in shortly, referring to _not finishing_ that particular sentence. He would not be the one to remind Sirius of the time he left Peter in his Animagus form, in his pocket, for nearly two days without food or water except for cookie crumb remains.

Sirius shrugged, "Whatever floats your boat," unaware that he had used that saying for the second time in thirty seconds. He shoved a hand in his pocket, about to drop Peter to the forest floor from quite a towering height -because rats were like cats and had nine lives, right?- but a rat suddenly shot from the trees and sat at Sirius' feet.

"Wait…" James furrowed his brow. "If that's Peter," he pointed to the rat on the ground, "then what exactly is that?" He pointed to Sirius' pocket and raised his eyebrows mischievously.

"You're a sick minded papoose, Prongsie."

Sirius finally realised that finding out something unknown was moving in his pocket was quite worrying. He started screaming and moved towards Remus.

"Get it out, Moony!" he yelled whilst thrusting out his crotch as if the moving creature would suddenly bite his bits off.

Remus did not react well to this kind of energetic movement. "_Keep away from me_."

Peter took this opportune moment to transform back into his human form and malformed with his arms spread out widely- either for a 'TA DA' entrance or an expected hugging.

"Wormtail!" Sirius rejoiced and immediately started thrusting his trouser pocket at Peter. He wasn't sure what to make of Sirius' momentum. "There's something moving in my pocket!"

Peter cocked his head to one side. "Are you sure that's not just your-"

"I'm quite sure," Sirius cut in. "Get it out!"

Oddly with no hesitations, Peter shoved his hand into his pocket and brought out a jiggling rubber chicken. The boys stared at the chicken whilst Peter wiggled it from its feet. He giggled at the odd noise it made and how funny it looked when you stretched it.

"I've been looking for that everywhere!" Sirius said brightly. _Remus did not understand what had just happened_. "You can put it back in the pocket, Pete."

Peter looked reluctant, but in the end popped the jiggling rubber chicken back into Sirius' pocket.

"Wormtail…you can take your hand out of my pocket now."

"_Oh_, right! Sorry!"

"…_Anytime today, Pete_."

"Oh…you mean _now_? Sure."

"How did you get out of Sirius' pocket anyway?" Remus asked, thoroughly bewildered by everything.

"I fell out of his pocket when he was signing his signature into the clouds," Peter explained. He noticed the worried looks on his friends. "Don't worry. I only fell around forty feet. Rats have remarkable endurance," he spoke matter-of-factly.

"Like that time I used you as a ball to play that Muggle sport tennis with," Sirius remembered. "Ace! Love all!" he quoted the tennis terms. "Those Muggles are off their heads."

An almighty groan from Lily made the boys snap to attention. The girl tightened James' coat around her shoulders and clutched his arm as she sat up.

"What happened?" she asked groggily.

Remus stepped in. "We assume you passed out and fell off your broom."

Sirius snorted. "Assume? She nearly knocked us out of the sky, the crazy wench!"

Lily would have retaliated but dizziness prevented it. "I…fell?" She looked at James for a confirmation who nodded. "That's absurd! I am completely fine with heights and—_oh God, I feel sick."_

James brought her into a hug. "You have no idea how much you scared me. I mean, one second you were behind me and then you were gone and I was like, AAAH, Mr. Evans is going to kill me -"

"-really…feel sick…" Lily mumbled into James' chest.

"And I thought I'd lost you forever and for a split second I felt my heart stop and nearly losing you only made me realise how much I care about you and-"

Lily promptly vomited on James' front with a noisy, "BLEEEEURGH."

James peeked down at the mashed up cornflakes on his shirt that looked to be the remains of Lily's breakfast. However, he tried not let her vomit faze his brave speech.

"And…and…" James fumbled, losing his place. "You mean so much to me. And-and, catching you in my arms was like catching a falling angel! And-"

"BLEEEEURGH!" Lily heaved again, this time coughing up what looked like to be milk.

"And…" James tried not to grimace. "And I realise just how much I love you and if you ever leave me again I will probably die-"

"BLEEEEURGH!"

"Alright, can you stop vomiting through my speech of undying love to you?" James asked, a little annoyed, but rubbed Lily's back as she gave a painful moan. He frowned at Sirius. "And what the hell are you laughing at, butt munch?"

"Are we all agreed that we will be staying the night here, then?" Remus asked, trying to get his friends back on track.

"Its looks like we have no other choice," James gave in. Grimly, he looked down at Lily who had passed out once again; a hand gripped tightly to his shirt. "Can you hold her whilst I go change my clothes? Thanks, Moony," he said quickly in one breath so Remus could not argue, and handed Lily into his arms after unpeeling her fingers off him.

Remus not only felt uncomfortable talking to girls but holding one was on a completely new Mortification Level.

"Right," James massaged his head and got into Head Boy leader mode for the hundredth time that day. "Wormtail?" Peter brightened at the call of his name and heightened his feeble stance. "I want you to conjure up some sleeping bags, pillows- y'know, that sort of thing. Also gather up the little food we have and ration it, preferably keeping it away from Sirius-"

"I'M RIGHT HERE," Sirius reminded James crossly he was not out of his ear shot. "_Geez, some people_…"

"You keep holding on to Lily," James told Remus. He wished he'd been assigned to magic up some sleeping bags or possibly something similar to rearranging books in the library - that was more of his sort of thing.

"Oh, and Padfoot?" Sirius quickly lost all sulking thoughts and perked up at the idea of James thinking he was responsible enough to complete a task, and that he may indeed be useful for once in his life. "You can pick which tree is our toilet."

Sirius' face fell. "I'm the CRAPPER PERSON? Moony gets to hold your attractively ill girlfriend, and I am the _CRAPPER PERSON_? _How is that fair?_ Why don't I _not_ pick a tree and piss on your face instead! I could easily mistake that as a _tree trunk_! Oh yeah, _I said it!"_

"Calm yourself down!" James hushed him. "You can also…um…start the fire."

Sirius double punched the air, ecstatic. "OH YEAH!" He displayed his middle finger to Remus and Peter with a triumphant grin. "You can't beat that! _Nothing_ beats the _fireman!_"

Remus couldn't believe what James had done and quickly felt sweat dripping from his forehead. "You're letting _Sirius_ start the fire?" he hissed. "_Are you insane?_ You know he's an arsonist! It wasn't an accident that the Charms classroom burnt down in third year!"

"He'll be fine," James reassured him. "Hop to, Padfoot."

"Yes Mr. Prongs!" Sirius saluted the air and dropped to his knees, collecting twigs which James guessed was for the fire.

"I'll be back soon after I change my clothes," James informed, walking deeper into the forest. "I want that fire blazing by the time I get back, alright?"

"Yes Mr. Prongs!"

"And don't touch the flames, Sirius. They will burn you."

"Kiss my arse, Mr. Prongs!"

----------------

Sirius' mouth opened in awe at the oddly impressive sleeping bags Peter had managed to materialize. Not only were they colour coordinated, blue for the boys and pink for Lily, but each bag was complete with a snugly pillow to match.

Sirius pressed a pillow warmly to his cheek. "It's like my head is resting on candy floss!" he said blissfully, petting it.

"Get back to making your fire, Sirius!"

"Yes, Moony!" Sirius tried to look as if he was doing something productive and continued back to talking to Peter once Remus looked away.

"Good man, Pete," Sirius patted Peter, purely amazed by his magic skills. "Good man."

Peter looked down at his feet which was an obvious sign of his guilt.

"Moony did it all, didn't he?" Sirius figured, pursing his lips together so he wouldn't laugh.

"Yes, but I told him where to _place_ the sleeping bags!" Peter rectified. "But if James asks, tell him I did at all."

"Why?" Sirius asked.

Peter reddened. "I have low self esteem…"

"I will not tell you again, Sirius!"

"Yes, Moony!" Sirius clomped down on to a sleeping back, grabbed two sticks from the ground and continued back to the chore he had been doing for the past half an hour.

Peter tilted his head to one side and sat on his own sleeping bag, observing Sirius and wondering exactly why he was rubbing two sticks together. "Er…what are you doing?" he asked eventually.

"Trying to start this sodding fire!" Sirius rubbed the twigs together more vigorously and cursed. "Inferno, I say!" he roared at the twigs. "INFERNO!"

Peter thought this was part of one of Sirius' elaborate joke. After watching Sirius graze sticks together for at least another five minutes, Peter knew this couldn't be some sort of prank because Sirius was clearly an impatient person and couldn't hold out for this long.

"Sirius, why don't you just use-"

"_I'm back!"_ James announced, appearing out of the trees with cleaner clothes but probably not a cleaner mind. He dropped the pile of firewood he had collected and dusted off his hands. Remus hurriedly handed the unconscious Lily back into James' arms before he passed out himself.

"Thanks, Moony." James observed their surroundings, looking for any signs of flames. "Padfoot! Where's the fire?"

Sirius stood up in outburst and lobbed his twigs at James' head. "I can't bloody do it, alright! It's harder than it looks!"

James would have retaliated by lobbing the sticks back at Sirius but his hands were occupied holding Lily. "Oh no…" James took one glance at the sticks and Sirius' peeved face. "Don't tell me you've been rubbing sticks together for the past half an hour," he asked dreadfully.

Sirius looked at him as if to say that there was nothing as productive he could have done with that period of time.

James looked at Remus absurdly. "You _let_ him rub sticks together for half an hour?"

"It kept him quiet," Remus said, "He's like a puppy dog. If you just let him play with his stick –preferably not his own- then he'll be fine. Otherwise if he gets too hyperactive he'll need putting down-"

"_I'M RIGHT HERE_," Sirius repeated for the second time that day, extremely huffy. "_Within ear shot_, might I add."

James couldn't understand how Sirius had not thought of magic to start a fire. "WIZARD," James said clearly to him, hoping the word might trigger something in his head. "WIZARD," he tried again. Sirius stared on blankly. "WIZARD. WIZARD. WHIIIIIIIZARD."

"Must you spit shower me?" Sirius wiped his face. "Wizard what, exactly? I mean, how does being a wizard going to help you start a fiii…oh." Sirius clicked his fingers. "Sorry. Muggle-moment there…"

Effortlessly Remus waved his wand and with a simple fire spell a blaze erupted into ground. The boys sat down onto their sleeping bags, oddy in sync which was customary with the Marauders.

James kneeled down and placed Lily into her own sleeping bag. He was sure to slip her in tightly, if possible near to the grounds of suffocation. He pushed her nearer to the fire so she was warm and kissed her forehead goodnight.

"Aw. Going to tuck me in too, Prongsie?" Sirius teased, licking his lips. "We can get hot and steamy under the covers…"

"No thank you," James replied, nearing Lily' sleeping bag to confirm his sexuality. "Good work on the sleeping bags, Wormtail," he commented.

Peter flushed. "It was nothing, really…"

James checked for the millionth time if Lily was secured, most likely she couldn't even escape to the bathroom (which was the tree name tastefully by Sirius- 'El Crapper').

"So," Sirius dived onto his stomach and kicked his legs back and forth in the air as though he were swimming, "What do you guys want to do now? We're in the middle of a dark forest at night!" He waved his fingers in the air as if to mimic a ghost which wasn't that scary because seeing ghost was a daily occurrence in Hogwarts. "The possibilities are endless!"

"Why don't I suggest a possibility that is pretty predetermined?" Remus said as he tucked himself into his sleeping bag and gazed up at the sky. "Sleeping."

"Sleeping?" snorted Sirius. "Pah! Lets play games and sing joyous campfire songs! I'll start us off! _Kum by ya, my Lord, kum by ya! Kum by ya, my Lord, kum by ya! Kum by ya, my Lord, kum by ya! Oh Lord, kum by ya! Someone's wanking, my Lord_-"

"Here's my portion of rationed every flavor jellybeans," Remus cut in, shoving the sweets into Sirius' hand. "I am giving them to you, and in return you will not sing. Understood?"

Sirius nodded eagerly and thumped the air. "Score!" he rejoiced, chewing openly on his beans.

"We could always play Truth or dare?" Peter suggested, trying to appear communicative.

"Gay," Sirius dismissed instantly with a hand.

"Er…I-Spy?"

"Gay," Sirius dismissed again.

"Besides, Sirius cheats on that game by conjuring up things he can't see and claiming he can see them," Remus said. "Such as the 'Snivellus-eating tree'."

"I can't help it if you don't posses The Eye," Sirius said mysteriously, tapping his nose.

"Well, how about…Spin the bottle?"

The cricket background noise was more noticeably heard in the silence of eyeing Peter.

"Wormtail, there's only one girl here," James prompted him, "And she's my red-haired maiden." He placed a hand on Lily's sleeping bag to prove his point, and let his hand linger too long over the patch where Lily's chest was underneath. Remus gave him _that look _which reminded him that Lily would be extremely pissed off if she woke to him groping like that. He slowly detracted his hand.

"If you suggest Spin the bottle, you're basically saying 'Lets play spin the bottle! Except without the bottle! And with all guys!' That's what they play at Hufflepuff parties. And we're not Hufflepuffs, are we. We're Gryffindors!" Sirius roared like a lion. "_Rawr!_"

"Here you go." James handed over his portion of rationed jellybeans to Sirius. "Don't ever roar like a lion again."

Sirius celebrated getting yet another Marauder's portion of food but looked hesitant on not being allowed to holler. "Just one more time?"

"Fine."

"_Raaaawr!_"

"_There._ I hope you got that out of your system because you'll never be doing that again."

Remus dug in further into his sleeping bag mainly for warmth but mostly because he wanted to block out certain voices. "I don't know about you guys, but I'm going to sleep. Good night." He let his eyelids display.

"Moony! C'mon, stop being soft!" Sirius threw a rock at Remus but it simply bounced off him because of his werewolf potency.

"I think I'm with Moony on this one," James agreed. "G'night!" He yawned and nuzzled into his pillow.

"Not you too, Prongsie! Don't be boring!"

James turned on his side, displaying his back to Sirius.

"DON'T BE BORING," Sirius whined. "YOU'RE BEING BORING."

His droning was plainly ignored. Sirius finally remembered that he had not asked the forth Marauder. "Wormtail!" he chorused. Peter froze in the middle of climbing into his sleeping bag. "Come on, Pete!" Sirius slapped his legs as if he were calling the family pet. "Come on, Pete-y!" He resorted to whistling to attract him and considered getting out a flute like a snake charmer.

"Go to sleep, Peter," James said in a flat yet instructing tone.

Peter instantly jumped into his sleeping back and feigned slumber.

"Why do you do what James says?" Sirius sulked.

Peter popped his head out of his sleeping bag. "Because James has a girlfriend now," he explained.

Sirius looked at him blankly. "So…?"

"_So_," Peter emphasised, "If James has a girlfriend now, then maybe if I do whatever he does I will get a girlfriend too!"

"But you're not doing what he's _doing_, you're doing what he's _commanding_," Remus pointed out the difference drolly. "I mean, not that I'm actually listening to you ramble on or anything…" He flushed and went into fake snoring.

"So you guys are actually going to sleep? Forty winks. Slumber. Siesta. Actual sleep?"

Silence answered Sirius' question.

"Boring sods you lot are." Sirius exhaled noisily and climbed into his sleeping bag. He fluffed up his pillow at least sixteen times until Remus complained about the noise he was making.

"_Night, Prongsie."_

"G'night, Padfoot."

"_Night, Muh-hoony!"_

"Good night, Sirius…"

"_Night, Wormtail."_

"Niiiiiiiight!"

Sirius could not sleep. Or to be more accurate, he wouldn't sleep.

"_Night, scrotal fuzz!" _Sirius sang.

"G'night, sausage jockey!" James retorted.

"_Night, turd burglar!"_

"G'night, mork!"

Sirius gasped. "Phrasemonger!" he pointed at James, disgusted James had used _his_ word. "You are a precociously repugnant narcissist and a ludicrous, mucous-eating excrement stain on Slughorn's underpants!"

"You are a piteously decadent pervert and a gaudy, sheep-molesting, malingering, nostril-offending turd whose natural odour could kill an elephant!"

"Ooo, nice addition on the odour," Sirius commented.

James grinned. "I know."

Remus sat up in his bed, aggravated, annoyed, and any other word with the definition of irritated.

"Go to sleep!" Remus ordered. "Both of you! Before I roll your sleeping bags into the fire!" he warned wrathfully.

The boys shot off to sleep, dreaming about the every flavour jelly beans they would have for breakfast, if Sirius hadn't eaten them all, which was almost certainly.

-------------

Lily woke to the feeling of being cocooned. Waking to the feeling of being cocooned was not only slightly constricting but a little bit scary. Caterpillars expected this feeling, and Lily –on second glance- did not appear to be a caterpillar.

With much wiggling in her sleeping bag, which she was glad to be doing when nobody was watching and only in the darkness except for the fire blazing next to her, she managed to slip out an arm from the sleeping bag. With amazing flexibility (which James very much bragged about to the Marauders) she managed to unfasten the zip so she could breathe.

A dinosaur-like snore nearby confirmed her suspicions on who exactly had fastened her in.

"James," Lily murmured.

His eyes shot open as if she had whispered in his ear and had not been snoring at full volume seconds ago. Lily blushed at James' adorability.

"What's wrong?" he asked, sitting up with an expression of worry.

"Nothing," Lily quickly relieved him. She unzipped her sleeping bag further and patted the space next to her. "Come here…"

James' jaw dropped - if this was what Lily was like after falling off a broomstick, then James would push her off the Astronomy Tower the second he got back to Hogwarts!

"James, you're daydreaming and the offer is only open for the next ten seconds."

Checking if his fellow Marauders were asleep, James swished his head left and right, before crawling on his hand and knees over to Lily with secret agent behaviour. He climbed into the sleeping bag and naturally wrapped an arm around Lily's waist.

"You're not going to vomit on me again, are you?" James asked hesitantly.

Lily shook her head against his chest. "Sorry for being sick on you on through your speech of undying love. Your declaration didn't make me heave, it was the flying," she clarified.

"Well, thanks for making me _now_ think that my speech made you sick," James whispered dryly. "You know," he began running a finger through the strands of her hair, "if I had a romantic way with words, I'd make up some form of deep poetry to say how gorgeous you look with the fire making your hair glow like that."

Lily ran a finger up and down in his chest. "Yes, but I'm not going out with Remus, am I."

"You're bloody right you aren't. Or I'd put silver in his breakfast."

Lily kicked him in the leg. "Don't even joke about that!" she told him off.

"I'm kidding!" James nudged her leg back. "Playing footsie under the covers, eh, Miss Evans?" He used his toes to tickle her leg.

"Oi, stop it!" Lily tried to quieten her giggles. Their voices were noticeably disturbing the boys who flinched in their sleep. "You're going to get us caught!"

James shrugged, not bothered by the risk of getting seen by the boys and took more attention to kissing Lily's neck. He pulled the sleeping bag over their heads and grinned impishly.

"If I had my wand I'd curse you," Lily falsely threatened.

"Less talking, more snogging."

More giggles were clearly heard.

"Wos goin' on?"

The two broke apart with reddened lips. "That's Sirius!" Lily hissed.

James looked at her blankly. "So?" he said, and was about to pop his head out from behind the sleeping bag to say hello to his friend.

Lily stopped him by kicking him in the leg who groaned audibly in pain. "_So_?" she echoed. "So he'll know you're in here!"

"Again, I repeat the last question," James said confusedly.

"We're Head Boy and Girl!" Lily whispered. "We're not showing a very good example!"

James rolled his eyes. "Bloody hell. You and your examples…"

"Oi, redhead! You alright under there?"

Lily's tried to think fast. "You keep your head under and stay low," she commanded. James continued to give her a blank stare but stayed near to the ground by instruction.

Lily popped her head out from under the sleeping bag and was met with Sirius, sitting up with his knees bent and hair disheveled a few feet away. She faked a look of friendly politeness. "How are you, Sirius?"

He kept his suspicious expression which looked a little spooky in the light of the flames. _"Moo har har har har!"_ he cackled.

Lily gave him a blank look.

"Sorry, couldn't resist," he admitted with a cringe. He suddenly adopted a raised eyebrow. "I heard you giggling," he stated. "Why were you giggling?"

Lily arranged her shirt that had somehow lowered in her James Potter fondling. "Isn't a girl allowed to have a silent giggle in the middle of the night, Sirius?" His eyes widened.

"Oh! I see!" He winked openly. "Playing with yourself, eh?"

"_Of course not,_ _you dirty minded boy!"_ Lily let out a shriek as James hands had wandered to her thigh. She dug a hand back into the sleeping bag and slapped him hard. Sirius watched this with confusion.

"Leg cramps," she clarified, and made another smack under the covers.

Sirius straightened with curiosity and peeked over at Lily's sleeping bag. She kept her strained smile.

"What's happened to you?"

"Excuse me?"

"Have you suddenly grown obese?" Sirius frowned, pointing two floppy and confused fingers at her. "Your sleeping bag looks all fat and lumpy."

"Are you implying I'm fat, huh? _Huh!_" Lily faked heavy panting as if she was about to break into uncontrollable sobbing.

Sirius panicked. "Oh, no, no, no!" He put up his hands in defence. "Jesus, don't cry! I'm sorry! I'll leave you to your giggling and go back to sleep!" He slammed his head against his pillow and began snoring.

Lily breathed a sigh of relief. She slipped her head back into the sleeping bag and shone James a triumphant smile.

"Oh, and get in there, Prongsie!"

James raised his eyebrows at Lily, as if to say 'I knew that was going to happen.' He closed his eyes and snuggled into Lily's frame, ready to sleep.

"James?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I…?"

James snapped open his eyes, confused about her hesitance.

"Can I see your Animagus form?"

"What?"

"Your Animagus form," Lily repeated. "Can I see it?"

"…Now?"

"No, next sodding Christmas," Lily rolled her eyes. "Of course now!"

James yawned to appear more tired than he actually was. "But I'm exhausted," he said, outstretching his arms.

"Do you want to sleep by yourself?"

James' yawn ended as he locked his mouth together. "Righto then…"

He grudgingly exited the sleeping bag and kneeled on the forest floor. He checked it if the boys were fully asleep before breathing a calm breath in and out.

"Oooga, booga! Oooga, booga!" he chanted, his hands waving outrageously. "Stag-oooo! Transform-ooo!"

"What the hell are doing?" Lily cut in, a hand on her hip. "I don't remember reading that transforming into an Animagus form required chanting."

James flushed and ran a hand through his hair. "It doesn't," he admitted. "I just wanted to make it more exciting…"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Get on with it!" she pressed.

James made another calming breath in and out and kept his arms down at his sides. He kept his mind focused on his inner stag as he transformed yet still kept an impish James Potter grin on his face. Lily watched his body alter, and in barely seconds, he had sprouted four legs and stood proudly as a stag. She was in awe of him, especially with the flames of the fire wavering in the background, giving James an even bolder and snazzy appearance.

"I could do that, but I don't want to," Lily pouted and folded her arms mulishly. She had to admit she was a little envious that James excelled at something that she couldn't master with remedial classes.

She watched as the stag clomped his feet forward, cocking his head attractively to one side. Lily did not respond and remained in a mood; she finally reacted when James started nudging her arm with his head.

"Fine," Lily gave in and outstretched her arm. Shakily she began stroking his back and found it rather soothing. If stags could purr, James would be indeed purring.

"You're still handsome, even in bloody animal form," Lily sulked, but didn't stop stroking the stag's coat.

Suddenly James poked her boob with an antler.

"You're still _perverted_ even in Animagus form…"

James found himself getting lost in his stag thoughts. If he didn't concentrate, the stag part of his mind would take over and he'd end up marking his territory by a lot of widespread spraying. Sirius occasionally got lost in his dog thoughts, James had unfortunately gone down that road.

The stag stepped closer to Lily as he grinded his hooves on the ground.

"What are you doing?" she asked warily, backing up.

James suddenly pounced on her and tried to climb on to her back - apparently it was mating season for Mr. Prongs.

"James!" Lily shrieked.

Sirius and Remus instantly sat up in their sleeping bags at such high pitched screaming. Panicking at such a noise, Sirius dashed over to Remus' sleeping bag and hooked his arms around his neck in fear.

"Get off, Sirius!" Remus flushed at such close proximities. "What have I told you about passing the bounds of communal behaviour?"

Sirius turned to the source of the screaming where Prongs still appeared to be trying to climb onto Lily's back. "What the hell is going on?" he asked Lily directly.

"It's James!" Lily clarified before the boys got the wrong idea.

Sirius still remained disturbed. "And that makes more sense how?"

"How many times do I have to scream elongated, convoluted verbal abuse until I get some sleep?" Remus cried before disappearing under the covers. "Get out of my sleeping bag, Sirius!"

"Sorry," he apologized, scratching his head. He climbed back into his own sleeping bag and tried to get back to his 'Dog Nap'.

James finally seemed to focus his thoughts, stopped trying to hump Miss Evans, and transformed back to human form. Once all bones and limbs were resized back to normal, he stood embarrassingly in front of Lily with his head bowed like a disobedient servant.

"Sorry about that," he tittered. Lily did not look at all amused. "My Prongs thoughts took over."

"Get to your sleeping bag," she ordered straight away.

"What? But I thought we were-"

"_Now_."

James kicked a stone as he brooded. "Bugger," he muttered, sliding into his sleeping bag with a moody expression.

"Tough luck, Prongsie!"

"Oh shut up."


	4. A chapter of many knives?

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing

**Chapter 4**

Remus Lupin was having a very peculiar dream…

"_Honey, I'm home!"_

_Remus shut the door of the ridiculously one hundred and fifty bedroom mansion. _

"_I'm in the kitchen, darling!" a voice called from within the abode. _

_His footsteps boomed as he walked into the high ceiling entrance hall, where he stepped under an elaborate chandelier and was immediately met with a house elf._

"_How was your day, sir?" _

"_Not bad, Poppet. Not bad," Remus replied, letting the elf take his robe. The creature hurried away, remaining in a continuous bow, which Remus insisted was not necessary but nonetheless the poor being did a peculiar moonwalk in his departure whilst Remus followed the appealing smell coming from the kitchen. _

_He leaned either hand on the sides of the kitchen doorway and sniffed an almighty inhale. _

_Sirius Black turned around from being occupied by the stove to greet Remus wearing not only a cheeky grin but merely an apron which said 'KISS THE COOK'._

_Remus reacted as if seeing Sirius naked and only wearing an apron was an ordinary phenomenon. "Something smells nice."_

"_I'm making Creamy Tortellini Chicken Primavera!" Sirius announced. He turned back to stirring in a cooking pan, revealing his jiggling bottom in its current eager wiggling. _

"_Want to try some, Moony?" Sirius offered a spoon of sauce. _

_Remus stepped into the kitchen and accepted the offer of food-tasting. He licked the sauce covered spoon much too long than considered normal and ended it with a seductive lick of the lips. "Tasty."_

"_Are you talking about my outfit, or shall I say lack of, or the sauce?"_

"_Both."_

"_Rawr!" Sirius growled. _

"_Mr. Black, and, er, Mr. Black, sirs?" Poppet the house elf stepped into the kitchen with his back flattened like a surfboard. "Mr. Potter has just confirmed dinner at seven."_

"_Oh, thank you, Poppet!" Sirius said gratefully. "You can go on your break now. Go have a fag or something," he tried to get rid of her. _

_The elf looked very much confused. _

"_Just go and sit in your hidey-hole, then."_

"_Yes, sir." The elf left the room looking at the floor at all times. _

_Remus leaned on the kitchen counter with a slightly sulky expression. "James and Lily are coming for dinner tonight?" _

"_That's what the Creamy Tortellini Chicken Primavera is for, silly papoose," Sirius wagged a spoon at him teasingly before continuing stirring._

"_Do they have to come over?" Remus spoke in an odd sort of whine. "I was planning to just shag your brains out until I screamed the Greek alphabet in ecstasy."_

"_Oh, really?" Sirius raised an eyebrow. "We can always fit in a quickie before they come…"_

"_Bedroom. Now," ordered Remus. "And keep the apron on."_

"_We haven't done it in the dining room yet," Sirius pointed out._

"_Really?" said Remus, shocked and possibly appalled. "We've already marked our shag territory in the living room, bathroom, study," he counted on his fingers, "the pantry, broom closet…"_

"_There's a first time for everything, is what I always say. Now, to the dining room table!" Sirius announced, grabbing a hold of Remus' arse and completely forgot the cooking that was burning and on the verge of setting fire. "Shag my brains out, eh, Moony? I'll hold you to that-"_

"AAAARGH!"

Remus' eyes bulged, not only waking from such a horrifying dream, but also waking to the eyes of his pal who was in it. Panting from the nightmare, he self-consciously pulled up the cover of his sleeping bag and wiped the sweat that dripped from his forehead.

"Well, jolly good morning to you too, Moony," said Sirius, a little startled and insulted by the reaction he had received. Honestly, his face was quite beautiful, _stunning_, in fact, and here was his friend screaming like a banshee. Only Severus Snape deserved that kind of response. Sheesh.

"How many times do I need to repeat that you must not wake me up with your face so close in my facial area zone?" Remus made an imaginary circle around his face to show that Sirius had indeed crossed the line of said facial zone area.

"Jesus, someone woke up on the wrong side of the sleeping bag this morning," Sirius remarked. He stood up, dusted himself off and shielded the morning rays from his eyes. "I heard you talking in your sleep. Heard something about a 'shag territory'." Remus blanched. "Any good?"

"What was any good?" Remus spoke carefully.

"Your dream."

"Oh!" Remus exploded into fake laughter. "The _dream_! I, er, I…can't remember it…"

Sirius looked sympathetic. "Hate it when that happens. Especially the kinky ones. Racks my brain all day trying to remember it."

"I wish I could forget mine…"

"What was that?"

"Er…nothing!" Remus stooped, finding particular interest with the forest floor.

Wow, an ant.

Double wow, a stick.

Out of the blue, funnily from a bush, Peter appeared with a cheerful expression too early for this time in the morning. Plainly someone had taken too many happy pills. "Fancy some brekkie?" he asked his friends.

Remus figured Peter meant breakfast but was too lazy and informal to say the full word.

"You can share my fry up!" Peter announced, rubbing his hands together eagerly.

Remus cocked an eyebrow. "A fry up?" he repeated. His head turned left and right, looking for the kitchen area that would have to sprout from the ground in order to cook scrambled eggs. Not seeing a cooker or stove, it became quite apparent to him that dark forests did not supply kitchen areas.

"Well, when I mean fry up," Peter began, rustling a hand in his pocket, "I mean things that taste like a fry up. So, here's a jelly bean that tastes like bacon." He popped the pink bean into Remus' palm. "Here's one that tastes like fried eggs. That one's toast…" He searched for more beans.

"I think I'll pass on breakfast," Remus informed.

Rising to his feet with much stretching and yawning, his eyes eventually landed on Lily's sleeping bag and her particular occupant. Remus didn't know when, or even now, but figured James had somehow climbed into Lily's sleeping bag (most probably without her consent) and somehow zipped themselves in compactly like an oblong Christmas present.

James' head lolled back even more as he made a thunderous snore, whilst Lily unattractively dripped saliva onto his shirt.

"How," Remus chose his words wisely, "Odd…"

Sirius nodded in agreement and rested an elbow on his shoulder. Remus eyed the elbow with suspicion as if it were the teeth of a hungry rabbit.

"Doesn't it make you…?" Sirius paused, unsure on how to finish the sentence.

"Wish you didn't feel permanently single in the depths of never-ending celibacy?" Remus offered.

"I was going to say 'make you want to push them off a cliff'," Sirius clarified. "Are we near any canyons?" Remus was about to reply with a stern, 'no,' but Sirius had apparently got caught up in the idea of rolling the couple into impending doom. "You take the top of the sleeping bag, Pete, and I'll take the bottom," Sirius said.

Just as he lifted the couple's feet, they made outcries of being woken and lifted up so early in the morning.

"Drat," Sirius cursed, plonking the end of the sleeping bag back on the ground.

James yawned, showing off his molars. "Were you watching me sleep?" he asked drowsily, straightening his glasses. "You do know that's extremely weird, don't you?"

Lily's eyes shot open at the sound of his voice, almost jumping if she hadn't been confined. Clearly seeing James in her sleeping bag was quite surprising, particularly after she told him to go sleep in his own. "How and when did you get in here?" she asked James, a little annoyed.

With slow registering thoughts as his eyes darted around, James finally realised where exactly he was. "I'm not in my sleeping bag," he stated. His mouth opened in a fairly adorable circle of confusion as he tried to remember how and when he had travelled over to this position in the middle of the night.

"Never mind." Lily rolled her eyes. "Just get out. I need to pee."

"Morning to you, too," James replied wryly. Stretching his arm in an uncomfortable position, he grabbed for the zipper of the sleeping bag and tugged on it.

It did not move.

Sirius appeared to be snickering.

"Sodding zipper!" James made another furious tug of the fastener. "_C'mon!" _He looked at Peter for help. "Wormtail, a hand, please?"

Peter crouched to his knees and got a hold of the fastener. After many minutes of yanking, where at one point Peter pulled so hard that he fell back and landed on his bottom, it was obvious the sleeping bag zipper was stuck.

Lily let out a whimper, desperate to escape. "I need to pee," she squeaked, crossing her legs.

James tried to look as if he wasn't bothered by the fact that his girlfriend may wet herself in the next few minutes and he undoubtedly would be caught in the crossfire. "So, who saw this coming?" he asked his friends, referring to their sleeping bag imprisonment.

The three Marauders raised their hands.

"Who is lying about seeing this coming?"

Sirius and Peter lowered their hands.

"Who saw this coming in a Seer-visualization sort of way?"

Remus lowered his hand.

"Need to pee…_now_…"

James tried to soothe Lily with the one arm he managed to slip out from their sleeping bag captivity and petted her head. "Just hold it in," he suggested. Lily nodded but James was not comforted by her slightly streaming eyes of suffering. "Why don't we get into some sort of standing position?"

"Right," Lily nodded, trying to wriggle herself upright. "Needtopeeneedtopeeneedtopee," she chanted, "Needtopeeneedtopee-"

"Can you not keep saying that?" James asked, slightly high strung. Her repetition of needing to go to the toilet was making _him_ feel like he needed to go to the toilet, and her jerking legs kept bashing into his under the covers.

"Needtopeeneedtopeeneedtopee-"

"Lily-" James started again.

"Needtopeeneedtopee, need to _peeeeeee_…"

With a mischievous grin on his face, Sirius waved his wand and conjured up a glass of water. Lily raised an eyebrow, as if to say 'you wouldn't dare…'

Sirius magnified his innocent expression across his features, letting the water pour from the glass with an exaggerated "WOOPSIE DAISY" on to the forest floor.

Lily whimpered even more.

"Stop that, Padfoot!" James told him off. "Come on, Lily. Try and stand up."

The two wriggled like flobberworms but eventually managed to stand in the sleeping bag. Both Remus and Peter held either side of them as they threatened to fall. People didn't stand in sleeping bags; they laid in them, for goodness sake. If the sleeping bag manufactures expected people to do sack races in them then they would have created them for standing people such as James and Lily.

"Do you know what you two look like?" Sirius observed the couple in their bright pink cocoon. The two shook their heads, expressionless. "One giant penis."

His joke was not appreciated.

"Do you get it? Because the sleeping bag's pink…" Sirius received no feedback. "C'mon! Someone laugh!" Peter was about to erupt into fake giggles but James was not amused, and because Peter was copying everything he did, Peter also did nothing. "I don't have to entertain you people, you know!" Sirius pointed out. "I can just be a boring sod and blend into the background like Peter!"

"Hey!"

"Sorry!" Sirius quickly apologized. "Geez, I keep forgetting you're there…"

"Seriously, if I don't get out of this sleeping bag within the next five minutes, I will relieve myself," Lily clarified. James looked even more washed out than before. "But, hey," she noticed James' pale face, "if my pee gets on you, you shouldn't mind because you love me."

James found himself nodding in agreement. "Well, better your pee than Sirius'."

"And what exactly is wrong with my pee?" he snapped. "Mine is of natural colour and odour."

"It isn't supposed to have much of a strong odour," Remus pointed out.

"Really?" Sirius knotted his brow, looking tense. "I think I should go see Madam Pomfrey once we get back-"

"Four minutes!" Lily announced her peeing timer, as though she knew the exact moment in time she would urinate, where a buzzer would ring and a banner would fling up, along with confetti, saying 'PIDDLE TIME.'

Sirius quirked an eyebrow as he scratched his chin, what you could describe as a look of inspiration. "I have a plan," he revealed.

James didn't let himself get too excited. "What implements does it involve?"

"A knife-"

"_For-get it,"_ Lily rejected with emphasis.

Sirius looked outraged. "You can't just dismiss my idea like that! It's _degrading_!"

Lily looked at him suspiciously. "Where did you learn that word?"

"It's my Moony Word of the Day." Sirius brushed his chest.

Much gazing was focused on Remus. He did not like the attention. He did not like _any_ attention.

"I give him a new word every day," Remus explained briefly. "Yesterday was 'unscrupulous'. Today is 'degrading'."

Peter looked upset on not having a word of the day by Remus. "What's the word for tomorrow?" he asked curiously.

"Now, now. That would be telling," Remus said with a mysterious nose tap.

"Alright, Sirius!" Lily's voice cut in a whine of desperation. "Go with the knife idea!" she gave in, still jerking.

"Wait a second here," James started. Panicking, he wondered how exactly a _knife_, a potential murder weaponwas going to be involved in their escape from the sleeping bag. "Hold on-"

Sirius whipped out his famous pocket knife and strode towards the couple.

"PADFOOT!"

Sirius stopped abruptly, looking startled at James' scream and Lily's accompanied one. "Wha…?" He paused and took in his appearance. "_Oh_…I can see how this could come across as psychotic," he realised, waving his knife in hand gesturing. Remus had to duck a few times to avoid his eye sockets being stabbed and avoid a similar swipe of the ear like Vincent Van Gogh.

"Can you please explain stuff before you just go and do it?" James pleaded. "Striding towards us with a pocket knife, raised _highly_, might I add-" Sirius lowered the knife with a cringe "-is not considered as normal."

"Two minutes!" Lily reminded the boys her pee timer.

Sirius pushed up his arm sleeves. "So, I was thinking," he ran a finger up and down the pocket knife's blade quite outrageously, "Just slice open the sleeping bag and hope for the best? Possibly?"

"_Hope for the best?"_

"Just do it," Lily pressed him. James looked at her as if she had gone mad - needing the toilet clearly made people insane. "When you slash open, aim for James' side, please-"

"_Lily!"_

"Do you want a _pretty_ girlfriend, Potter? Girls aren't so attractive with scars."

James contemplated her theory. "Full steam ahead," he said at long last.

Sirius stuck out his thumb as though he were painting a canvas, and twirled the pocket knife around, unsure where to cut.

"Let me make it easier for you, Sirius," Remus helped. He swished his wand and a cross appeared on the sleeping bag.

"Ah, thanks, Moony. My eye dexterity is much more reliable with crosses."

"Good to know," James muttered.

"Thirty seconds!"

"Just think of it as knifing Snape in his sleep…" Sirius told himself, making a cut into the sleeping bag. James made a cry of agony, clutching his arm. Everyone gasped.

"Oh, God! James, are you okay?" Lily asked him, looking for his injury and galleons of blood.

"PRONGSIE!" Sirius looked on the verge of tears, ridden with guilt. "I'm so sorry! I just KNIFED my best friend! I'm DEGRADING!"

Instantly, James' face of anguish turned into a grin. "Har, fooled you," he said, slipping out his arm that was normal and in perfect health.

For that wicked trick, Sirius decided to prod the pocket knife into James' finger, not too deep that it was considered as near attempted massacre but enough to cause James pain.

"Baboon," said Sirius simply.

"You stabbed me!" James said in disbelief. _"You actually stabbed me!" _He showed the prick of blood to Lily but she didn't look at all interested, already climbing out of the sleeping bag thanks to Sirius' slice through it.

"Where are you going?" James called after her, who by now had sprinted off in an odd run of crossed legs.

"El pisso!" she yelled back, disappearing behind a bush.

"Ah," Sirius tapped his nose; picking up on her use of the bush he had titled as the opposite of 'El Crapper'. "I have taught her well."

---------------

"Wos' a matter with you?"

The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and finally the teens were departing from the forest and getting back to Hogwarts. There was just a certain problem with a certain werewolf about going on a broom with a certain person after a certain dream.

"Hurry up already!" James shouted from above. He and Lily had already perched on their own broom, this time with Lily in front to avoid any more unexpected fallings, and were now waiting for Sirius and Remus to set flight. Of course, they could take as long as they want because James was quite enjoying nuzzling Lily's neck whilst she giggled and pretended to slap him away.

"Nothing is the matter," Remus responded shrilly to Sirius' question. "Air holes, Sirius! Air holes!" he referred to Sirius' pocket which he had just zipped up with Peter in rat form inside. Sirius had thought -with some mild common sense at the time- to secure the pocket so Peter would not accidentally fall from fifty feet. However, he had forgotten that rats needed to breathe.

Remus flicked his wand and Sirius' jacket pocket was instantly scattered with small air holes. Sirius was not best pleased.

"This jacket is _designer_, you know," he huffed. "Six galleons, Moony. Six gall-_bloody_-eons."

"Don't incorporate cursing into words, Sirius. You know I hate it when you do that."

Sirius was still dazed to why Remus hadn't got on the broom yet. "Get on the broom, Moony!"

"I don't want to," Remus mumbled, like a stubborn child.

"You were fine getting on yesterday," Sirius countered. "What's the problem now?"

"I had a dream, alright!" Remus finally publicized, plonking down on a boulder.

"Well, dreams are quite common," Sirius teased, then his smile widened. "You had a dirty dream didn't you?" He pointed an accusing finger. "I knew it!" he bounced on his toes excitedly. "Who's the lucky gal then, eh?"

Remus' deadpan face answered Sirius' question.

"Oh…it wasn't a she-man was it?"

Remus threw his head in his hands.

"Will you explain the dream already?" Sirius pressed. "You're being very vague."

Lifting his head up slowly, Remus blew a deep breath in and out and secured his fidgeting fingers in between his legs. "You were…in the dream."

Sirius did not look fazed by this information. "So? You've been in plenty of my dreams." Remus choked at this revelation. "One time we flew to Disneyland on giant elephants-" Remus breathed a sigh of relief "-And another time we were at this hotel-" Remus choked again- "and we ordered room service for the entire night until we ate so much we filled up the room and exploded the hotel-" Remus calmed for the second time in thirty seconds "-and they still billed after we died, so our children had to pay for it."

"_Our_ children?" Remus spurted.

Sirius did not catch on. "You know, the children you had with your woman, and the children I had with my bird."

"_Yes_," Remus said with wide eyes. "_Separate children_."

"_Yes_." Sirius blinked. "So. How I was involved in your dream?"

"You were…" Remus paused hesitantly and Sirius waved a hand to continue. "You were my…_housewife_," he stressed the word to show how disturbed he exactly was. At this, Sirius erupted into laughter; Remus didn't know quite how to react to this.

"You're a hoot!" Sirius bowled over, clutching his stomach. "What a mad dream! INSANE!" Tensely, Remus laughed along. "Really, you should send it in to one of those magazines who give money for 'cringe-worthy' stories."

"There's more."

Sirius instantly stopped laughing as if he'd been flicked on the 'off' switch. "More…?"

Remus jerked his legs in agitation. "It seemed quite apparent that we were…" He gulped noticeably. "Er…you know…" Sirius did not know. "Uh, how can you say…'sexually involved'?"

"Sexually involved with who?" Sirius said confusedly.

Remus did not like spelling it out.

He pointed a finger at himself, a finger at Sirius, then with both his forefingers pressed them together quite subtly.

Sirius paled. "OH…"

"OH," Remus reiterated.

Sirius finally remembered Remus' sleeping murmurings from that morning. "Shag territory?" he said with a wince.

Remus shook his head grimly. "Don't ask," he begged.

Sirius pondered to do a 'James Potter' and lynch himself from a tree, but instead tried to remain wacky and hyperactive, for Remus' sake at least.

"Don't worry," Sirius reassured him. Remus didn't know how not to worry at a situation like this. "We'll get back to Hogwarts and check one of those dream dictionaries from the library!" Sirius suddenly concocted. "I'm sure dreaming of your friend being your housewife and shag partner _really_ means something normal, like a fear of being embarrassed or making a fool of yourself in some specific situation. You know, like in those dreams where you're naked."

Remus whitened. "You've had dreams about me unclothed?"

"No! _Hell, no!_ I meant _in general!_ How people have dreams about being naked in public, _in general_."

Remus' breathed another sigh of relief. "Right."

Sirius gave him two manly thumps on the back in what he thought was a straight and heterosexual manner. "I bet its nothing, Moony. We'll sort it out when we get back to school, and it'll probably be nothing! Just a silly dream." It seemed as if he was trying to convince himself.

"Yes. I'm sure you're right," Remus agreed with a strained smile.

"So…separate brooms it is, then?" Sirius presumed.

"Yes," Remus nodded, transfiguring a stick on the ground into a Quidditch broom.

They both flashed each other bogus smiles before kicking off the ground and soaring into the air.

--------------

"_Finally."_

It had taken most of the day of never ending flying, bathroom breaks, and getting lost a total of twenty three times because apparently following a railway track to Hogwarts was rather unreliable.

James couldn't help but feel liberation once Hogwarts castle was in view. _Yes_, he very much liked sitting on a broom with Lily, stealing kisses when Sirius and Remus weren't looking because any snogging in front of them made them erupt into grumbles of 'Oh, go make babies elsewhere, will you? Or just fly up higher and I'll cross my fingers that you get both rammed by an airplane,' or 'Would you mind not displaying such graphic canoodling in front of my bookworm eyes?'

It was easy to tell which boy had made which complaint.

"Home sweet home, eh?" said James.

"Wond-_bloody_-erful!" cheered Sirius, flying upside down in celebration. Remus ducked on his broom to avoid the incoming of an upside down Sirius head.

Flying above the Hogsmeade station pillars below, Lily suddenly grabbed control of James' broomstick and pointed the handle downwards.

"What are you doing?" James screeched, whilst Sirius and Remus followed in confusion.

"We can't just sneak into school by the Astronomy Tower again! We're-"

"Head Boy and Girl," James finished Lily's sentence with a groan and roll of his eyes.

"It's better if we go in this way, James. We'll look less guilty." Giving in to his girlfriend, James stopped trying to force Lily's fingers off the broom handle and sat on the broom in a mood. "Besides, someone's waiting there with a lantern." She pointed in the distance to a person's figure standing behind the usual winged boar pillars.

"God, if it's The Slug I will die," James stressed.

"OH HO!"

James groaned without delay. "Oh _joy_…"

Nearing the gate, Professor Slughorn's appearance was more distinguishable if they hadn't already guessed from his familiar calling of 'OH HO.' The group jumped off their brooms with hesitance, afraid to get too close to the professor. Slughorn looked quite menacing holding a lantern in his face, standing behind the bars of the gate as though in a cell of a prison.

"How did you know we'd arrived, professor?" Remus asked, quite frightened.

"Professor Dumbledore," he said simply, fluttering his moustache. Tapping the padlock with his wand, the chains twisted and the gate opened with a delightful creak to add to the creepy atmosphere. The second the gate opened, Slughorn had taken Lily's hand and began shaking it with much eagerness.

"Wonderful to hear you're Head Girl, my dear! I was one of the many teachers who thought you were perfect for the position!"

"Thank you, sir," Lily smiled as sweetly as she could manage. James made an audible Umbridge-like 'AHEM,' hooking an arm around her waist. Inwardly she laughed at his perceptible jealousy that was not needed, and his added annoyance at any close contact she had with people, objects, anything besides James Potter himself.

"And Potter, m'boy!" Slughorn began shaking both their hands at once, causing much twitching from the two. "You as Head Boy! That was rather lucky, wasn't it?"

Sirius sniggered at Slughorn's choice of words. James knew not to take offence. Slughorn was just painfully honest.

"Perhaps we should be getting back to the castle, professor?" Remus reminded him on the task at hand.

"Oho! Right you are!" Slughorn ushered them to follow him and the gate shut with a clang. With their broomsticks held over their shoulders, they followed Slughorn back to Hogwarts oak doors. Luckily, the professor had yet noticed that a fourth Marauder was missing, more interested reciting the apparently exhilarating Potions lesson they had missed that day as he lead the group.

As the professor clambered ahead, Sirius quickly slipped out Peter from his pocket and dropped him to the ground. In some pretty impressive transfiguring for Peter, he quickly transformed back into his human self. As Slughorn was in the middle of describing his impressive speech on the introduction of a potion that caused temporary blindness, he glanced back to check if the group were still following. He looked startled at Peter's sudden appearance.

"Timothy, my'boy?"

"It's Peter," the boy sighed.

"How did you get here?" Slughorn questioned. The group whitened as they waited for Peter to answer.

"Er…Magic?"

Remus slapped his forehead.

Oddly enough, Slughorn burst into laughter at Peter's poor joke, clutching his stomach as it jiggled in his chortling. "Oho, you are funny, Timothy, my boy." Peter decided this time not to correct him on his name. "Very humourous. Do you know any famous people? Famous relatives, perhaps?" he asked suddenly, but of course with expectedness.

"Well, my mother always said I would be famous when I was a big boy."

Peter's answer had not been what Slughorn had hoped for.

"Anyone relatively well known?" the professor asked again as though he hadn't heard him.

"Professor, the castle?" Remus reminded him again with slight impatience.

"Oho! Right you are!"

After a few minutes of walking, the group finally made it to the castle and stepped into the empty Entrance Hall.

"I must be off. The Headmaster and Professor McGonagall said they'd be here to meet you," Slughorn mentioned belatedly.

"What?" Sirius spoke with dread at the mention of the teachers. He wanted more detail, but the Potions professor had scurried off in the direction of the Kitchens.

"Well, we're screwed," Sirius voiced the thought the others were thinking. They stood uncomfortably in the entrance hall, eyes darting around for the arrival of the professors. "I say we _don't_ stay here and wait for unavoidable death and make a run for it-"

"I'm afraid running in Hogwarts is not permitted unless for emergencies such as bathroom quandaries."

"Geez, Professor!" Sirius tried to retrieve the skin which he just jumped out of due to the Headmaster's odd arrival out of the blue, the usual long grey beard gracing his chin and the usual twinkle in his eye.

"I'm sorry if I startled you, Mr. Black," Dumbledore apologized, a slight smile on his face. "My steps have been described as rather mouse-like. You could even say like a rat's."

His use of the word 'rat' when that was Peter's Animagus form was purely a coincidence.

"Nice get-up, Professor D," Sirius admired, noticing the pin-striped collar sticking from his dressing grown. The professor replied with a slight chuckle.

Remus straightened, looking awake and proper for the headmaster. "Did you get the letter I sent you, headmaster?"

Dumbledore nodded. "Yes, Mr. Lupin," he seemed to be forcing his mouth not to curve to one side; "it was very well documented and had good use of terminology and grammar."

Remus gushed, thoughts of 'Oh Merlin, Professor Dumbledore just complimented me on my writing skills! Squee!'

"I trust you are all in good health," Dumbledore observed each of them in turn, his eyes landing on James and Lily, hand in hand. They blushed, and his eyes made the familiar twinkle which was quite hypnotic. "Of course, our Head Boy and Girl," he titled them. "Some seemed hesitant to my choice of choosing you both, but let's prove them wrong, shall we?" They nodded and blushed again. "If any of you are unwell, please see Madam Pomfrey as usual." Dumbledore turned his head at the sound of footsteps echoing nearby. "That must be your Head of House."

The teens made grim expressions as they watched Professor McGonagall stride towards them, her dressing gown belt in the process of being tied tightly around her waist as she rushed towards them grumbling to herself.

"Ah, Minerva," Dumbledore greeted her, "I trust you can take it from here and organize a suitable punishment?"

Sirius' smile fell. Dumbledore's chirpy mood had misled him into thinking they wouldn't be punished for missing the train and their first day back at Hogwarts. He muttered a miffed, 'Bugger…'

"I'm sorry to leave you, but I have rather an important meeting with a certain Minister of Magic," Dumbledore informed them.

"Of course, professor," McGonagall nodded. The two teachers exchanged an understanding and somewhat lingering exchanged look before Professor Dumbledore walked back to his office, humming an upbeat tune to himself.

With the headmaster not present, Sirius placed a hand onto his hip and shot McGonagall a peeved stare which said, '_Oh_, you _didn't!_' He pointed an accusing finger at her, wagging it in front of her face. "I saw that look, missy!"

McGonagall was always so confused by the boy who acted so ridiculously, forgetting the teacher-student formalities. "I beg your pardon?"

"_That_ look! The Sex Look," Sirius explained. His friends gasped at mentioning such a word in front of a teacher. Sex was not discussed with anyone who had the power to give you homework and detention. Sex and teachers were most definitely words that didn't belong together, on so many levels. "The 'I'll-Shag-You-Later' look," Sirius carried on. "I know that look. I _created_ that look!"

Remus finally saw sense to clamp his open mouth of shock and embarrassment and also clamp Sirius' with the palm of his hand. Shooting Sirius a look that said 'Zip it, babbler,' he looked to the professor with a strained smile and said, "I do apologize. The air from the flying has affected his brain."

McGonagall looked keen to release some stress and anger in a deafeningly loud lecture, but instead observed the students from head to toe. Each of them she had known since the age of eleven, watching them grow, thin out, and in Peter's case, become chubbier. She had guided them through their 'academic lives', like one happy 'school family.' McGonagall was feeling oddly emotional all of a sudden.

"Thank Merlin you're all okay!" She brought the five into a hug with outstretched arms, where Sirius felt oddly reminded of the 'Madam Pom Pom's episode' last year as he was pressed rather horrifically into McGonagall's chest. They were flabbergasted by her actions.

The professor finally realized her out-of-character manner and released the teens quickly. The five -all red- began rearranging their hair and brushing their clothes.

"I…er…" McGonagall appeared quite comically flustered. "Do you have any idea how much trouble you have caused?" she spurted loudly, getting back to her normal behavior. She was the one now wagging the finger and Sirius did not like it. "Do you realize how many Muggles saw you?"

Lily rapidly remembered they had forgotten to use Remus' disillusionment charm. Buggering flobberworms. Bloody James and his distraction of heavenly snoggable lips.

"Is this the number guessing game?" Sirius asked. "Right," he pressed a hand to his forehead, getting into the mind of number guessing, "I'm thinking…Two Muggles? Three? Four, possibly?"

"Try forty, Mr. Black."

In unison, the five made the same expressive wince and intake of breath.

"Oh dear…" Sirius acknowledged.

"Oh dear, indeed, Black." McGonagall sighed and massaged her forehead. "I'm afraid _many_ detentions will be your punishment." James remained hopeful. "_For all of you_," she added.

"What? But I'm Head Boy!" said James, as if this was a reasonable excuse. Lily stomped on his foot at such a cheeky excuse.

"Being Head Boy will not excuse you," McGonagall spoke in a dangerous tone.

"Really?" said James. "But I was sure being Head Boy gave you a free pass out of detention." Again, Lily stomped on his foot.

"Then you were informed wrong, Potter." One of her eyebrows was already twitching, any second now she would snap.

"That's poor," James huffed. "I mean, are there _any_ good stuff being a Head?"

Sirius patted a hand to his shoulder in sympathy. "What a bum deal, mate."

McGonagall looked somewhat livid.

"What?" Sirius eyed the professor, cowering. "Aren't I allowed to say bum?" McGonagall did not answer and kept the usual grim face. "I'm sorry; I won't say it again… _Bum!_" He tried to shut his mouth from the weird outbursts but found his mouth couldn't be restrained. "_Bum!_" he yelled again. To be fair, Sirius did look apologetic and quite shocked by what he was doing. "Sorry, my mouth can't be controlled…" He clamped a hand on his mouth as Remus had done before. "…BUM, BUM, BUM!" his voice managed to speak out in between his fingers.

Sirius shot the professor a desperate look. "Can I please be excused?"

McGonagall nodded. "You can _all_ be excused. But first, Potter, Evans, about your Head Tower…"

----------

"No sodding way."

Though the Head Tower was the sleeping arrangements for James and Lily, the rest of the Marauders couldn't help but sneak a peek at their private headquarters. Lily had said the password to the Portrait of the Fat Man (whether he was any relation or in a relationship with the Portrait of the Fat Lady was unknown) and the five had stepped into the wondrously furnished tower, all sharing the same expression of awe.

"_No sodding way_," Sirius repeated for effect. Peter stuck his hands into his pocket and made an impressed whistle.

"Kind of looks like a cozier Gryffindor common room," Remus said, admiring the furniture, lit fireplace, and decorative wall tapestry.

"Except more _private_," Sirius said with an eyebrow raise. "Wonder what you two will get up two, eh?"

"Nothing that is formed from your dirty little mind," Lily retorted. She ran a finger over the shelves of books they owned and admired the study area. "Well, it's got everything."

"I bet you two won't get up to schoolwork though, will you, eh?"

Lily gave up.

Sirius made an almighty jump onto the couch in front of the fire, and put his hands behind his head as he leant on an arm rest. "So, where are us lot gonna sleep?" he referred to him, Remus and Peter.

Lily exchanged a worried look with James. Remus and Peter also looked confused, knowing they would be sleeping in the usual Gryffindor Tower. Clearly someone had failed to mention that Sirius would be too.

"You'll be sleeping in the seventh year dormitory in the Gryffindor Tower, Padfoot," James spoke carefully.

"You what?" said Sirius, upset. "But we always sleep in the same dormitory! How will you live without seeing this dashing face in the morning?" He pointed a finger to his face with a cheesy expression.

"I think I'll sleep better knowing I won't wake up to that," teased James.

Sirius gasped. "Bumface," he said simply.

Lily yawned, massaging her shoulders. "I think I'm going to bed…"

"I think this is our cue to leave," Remus assumed, walking towards the portrait hole with Peter in shadow. "Follow, Sirius."

With much annoyance being ushered from his comfy spot on the couch, now claimed Sirius' Spot, he skipped to the exit.

"Are you guys going to breed?" he asked with a cheeky expression.

"_Good night!"_ James shoved him through the doorway and dusted his hands once the portrait shut with a click.

"So…" James followed Lily as they stepped into the hallway leading to the Head Girl and Head Boy bedrooms. They both stopped outside the doors which had funnily enough been placed opposite each other. "What do you wanna do now?" he asked with a grin.

"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm going to bed." Lily flashed him a smile. "Good night." She stepped into her dormitory and James watched her red hair disappear behind the door.

After at least a minute of James standing frozen in the hallway, he muttered a disappointed 'Bugger,' and stepped into his dorm.

--------------

Lily giggled as she pressed her ear to the door, hearing James' disappointed grumble. When would that boy learn?

Making yet another yawn from such a long day, she ignored the fact that her bedroom was made for a princess, large in size and large in decoration, and collapsed onto her bed.

She made a mumble of complaint as something had bounced on the bed from her impact of her collapse, knocking her on the head. Straightening up, she found a small letter with her name addressed on the front, along with a small oblong box wrapped in a bow also on the bedspread.

She instantly guessed who it was from: James. Though he'd never thought to do something so romantic, but there was a first time for everything.

Restraining herself from opening the oblong present with a childish glee of 'YAY!' as though it were Christmas, she first opened the letter and unfolded the small piece of parchment.

_Dearest Lily,_

_You give me heart palpitations._

_Yours,_

_The Half Blood Prince_

Her eyes scanned over the last line. 'The Half Blood Prince?' That wasn't right. James wasn't a Half Blood. She was most _definitely sure_ James was pure blood. _Surely_ James hadn't _forgotten_ he was of pure wizarding blood and wrote 'Half Blood' by accident? No, it couldn't be from James. James had never claimed himself as royalty. Never as a 'prince.'

Hesitantly, she undid the bow of the box and opened the additional present. She instantly furrowed her brow. A knife? Some 'Half Blood Prince' had given her a knife as a _present? _What kind of insane wacko hands out knives as gifts?

On closer inspection, she realized the knife was silver, made for cutting potions ingredients. As she examined the blade in her hand, she found herself being less freaked out and found the Potions tool quite beautiful. Her eyes wandered over her initial of 'L' engraved on the handle, intertwined with lily flowers and plant tendrils.

This knife had either been cleverly chosen or made especially.

Now she was just the teensiest bit freaked out.

She jumped when she heard a light knock at the door.

"Lily?"

It was James of course. With her mind racing, she didn't think to share her odd letter and gift with James for a various number of clear reasons, quickly stuffing it into her desk drawer out of sight. Tidying her hair and clothes first with a quick look at her reflection in the mirror, she opened her dormitory door with an inquisitive look.

James leant on one side of the doorway of his bedroom, adequately attired in just boxers with the usual handsome Marauder grin. Yes, Lily thought her boyfriend was trying to kill her. James and nakedness went together like chocolate and peanut butter - marvelously.

"Yes?" Lily inquired, oddly stretching the neck of her shirt.

"You know what's good about sharing a tower with you?" asked James.

"No," Lily again made another twang of her shirt, blushing. "For the opportunity of potential midnight snogging?" she assumed.

"No," James shrugged nonchalantly. "Knowing you're just a door away and that you're safe. And that I can protect you."

Lily forced herself not to melt. James was most definitely in her good books.

He stepped forward and slid a hand down her back, dipping her backwards in a deep kiss that made her go weak at the knees. Breaking away, James straightened Lily upright again who looked mighty flustered and unsteady.

"G'night," he said impishly. He sent her a look the essence of charm.

Lily nodded coyly and James waved and shut the door for her. She collapsed on her bed with a content and sappy smile on her face.

She then cursed to herself.

He had just gotten one over her; she had been completely wrapped around his finger.

"Bugger…"


	5. You know who you know who is, right?

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing

**Chapter 5**

"_And I need you now tonight, and I need you more than ever! And we'll only be making it right, 'cause we'll never be wrong together!"_

No. _No_. NO. _This was not happening_. This was her first night in the Head Tower and Lily needed her beauty sleep for tomorrow –or, in fact, today, as it was 2am in the morning- as her first day as Head Girl, and Sirius-bloody-Black's voice was not coming from her Head personal common room, disrupting her sleep and making the walls of her dormitory vibrate.

"_We can take it to the end of the line! Your love is like a shadow on me aaaall of the time! I don't know…the rest of the words! Dah nah nah nah na! Doo doo doo doo!"_

It was happening. It was _actually_ happening.

"Murder will happen tonight," Lily announced to the walls, her voice chipper and jolly. In a swift motion, she thrust off her bed cover and grabbed for her wand. As she searched around for her nightgown and slippers, her ears perked up at the sound of voices coming from outside. Many, _many_ voices. Much cheering. Much _drunken_ merry cheering.

"They're not having a party," Lily dismissed at once with a forced laugh, trying to convince herself. She found her orange Garfield slippers and shoved them on her feet, storming towards the exit. "_They are not having a party_," she hissed, flinging open the door.

They were having a party.

The word 'KILL' flashed up in Lily's wrathful, fiery eyes. It was especially suspicious that James was not in sight. Hiding from her, eh? Murder. _Tonight_.

People were lounging around her Head Tower as if it were new years, for Merlin's sake. Chatting, drinking, dancing, you know, acting like there was nothing to worry about and they weren't doing anything wrong. They only had classes in a few hours and Lily might just kill every one of them in their sleep tonight.

Well well, the permanently open Portrait of the Fat Man may be one of the contributing factors to why Hogwarts students seem to be just filing in and out without a care in the world.

Lily immediately stormed up to the portrait with her hands on her hips.

"What do you think you're doing, keeping open?" she asked the Fat Man hysterically. "You're just letting people come in and out - _without_ a password, might I add! Your job is to ask for the password, for Christ's sake! That's what portraits do!"

The Fat Man looked affronted. "I'd have thought keeping open would be a privilege for you to see my lovely face!" He cupped his hands around his flabby chin. Lily replied with a deadpan expression. "And that bloke over there told me to stay open," he pointed over to Sirius Black.

Lily groaned and put her head in her hands. "Some _stupid_ idiot told you what to do and you obeyed him? You're supposed to obey the Head Boy and Girl!"

"Look here, missy," the Fat Man said, "I don't answer to no one, me. I don't obey anyone…except for the Fat Lady, but that's a different matter altogether!"

Lily gave him a look which said 'Spare me the details' on the topic of the portrait affairs, and how that was even possible. Turning on her heel, she flounced her way through the mass of partiers towards Sirius.

"_Forever's gonna start tonight!"_ Sirius sang. His hands were clutched around a microphone he'd somehow conjured up for this joyous occasion; he had somehow managed to clear an area of the Head Tower's common room to use as some sort of karaoke area.

"_Forever's gonna start tonight!"_ Sirius crooned. _"Tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight!"_

He tried to impersonate the echoing on a professional record, but didn't get the same effect and only an odd look to why he had just repeated the last word of 'tonight' four times. He made a bow and the small crowd formed around him applauded with added wolf whistles.

"You've been Sirius Black," he pointed a finger to the crowd, shaking the microphone which made an ear-piercing crackle, "and I've been a great audience! Drive safely and God speed British Isles! G'night-y night…" He stumbled into the crowd in search for the spiked punch bowl and a bathroom to hibernate in afterwards.

"Sirius!" Lily ran up to him, where she was instantly used as a post for him to lean on as he wobbled, looking quite smashed. "God, you smell of cheesy socks," she remarked, his whiff quite over powerful. "I can't tell you off because you'd be too hammered to remember, so where's James to take the blame on?" she asked Sirius, tapping her foot impatiently.

"Went for coasters with Pete," he mumbled vaguely. "Sleep time now…" He nodded off, legs giving away.

"Not 'sleep time' when you're holding on to me!" Lily said, pulling him up again. "Where's Remus? Why isn't he looking after you?"

"Dic…" Sirius mumbled, again with much ambiguity.

Lily quirked an eyebrow, forcing herself not to be amused when she was supposed to be thoroughly annoyed about what was going on. "Remus went for 'dick'?" she queried, pursing her lips.

"Dic…" Sirius tried again. "Dic…_tionary_…"

Lily looked a little disappointed as his answer became more logical. "Dictionary? Right…don't tell me Remus is looking up words in the dictionary at this time in the morning?" She sighed. "That boy and his love for vocabulary…"

"Dream…" Sirius garbled.

Lily had enough of being babysitter. "I'm putting you down on the couch, Sirius. On your front so you don't die by choking on your own vomit."

"Righto. Thanks very much, redhead." He petted her hair.

Sirius suddenly found himself head-first into the cushions of a chair. Lily hadn't thought of him possibly dying due to suffocation, but someone would probably take notice of him sooner or later.

The reason why Sirius had been left unoccupied without his parent was because his guardian, Remus Lupin, had gone on a mad dash to the library. No, he had not gone to look up any word definitions as Lily had presumed, but was flicking desperately through the pages of The Dream Oracle.

The news was not good. For once he felt like book-burning. He felt like Sirius, throwing books into the common room fire with raging thoughts! Never had he thought such treacherous feelings about literature!

Remus kept his head down and eyes glued to the page of the Dream Oracle, whilst impressively walking the corridor to the Head Tower. He nearly slammed into a few castle walls because of his lack of awareness, but finding out what that dream with Sirius meant was much more important.

_To dream that you are homosexual means that you are not comfortable with homosexuality and suggests some fears/anxieties about your masculinity (if you are male) and femininity (if you are female). You may be experiencing some insecurity in your relations with the opposite sex._

"What?" Remus murmured to himself, scratching his head in confusion as he re-read the passage in the book. Grudgingly, he carried on reading.

_If you are homosexual in your waking life, then the dream is simply a reflection of your own self._

"No," Remus quickly dismissed, almost laughing. "Most definitely ruling that one out." His fingers threatened to rip the book to shreds or pelt it at a corridor portrait, but heaving a sigh, he read on.

_On a side note, it is common for expectant fathers to have dreams of homosexual encounters._

On this informative 'side note', Remus slammed the book shut. Unless he was having babies he did not know about, this stupid Divination book was a load of rubbish. What did books know anyway? Honestly, the only thing they were really useful for was to make good door stoppers.

Remus immediately took that thought back.

Following the sound of party music, he made it to the Head Tower and walked through the portrait of the Fat Man. Making a determined 'I'll show you!' look at the Dream Oracle, he scanned the many partygoers and walked up to a pretty girl, tapping her on the shoulder.

The short-haired girl whipped around with an inquisitive look.

"Hello," Remus greeted her politely. He vaguely remembered she was a Hufflepuff but that was about it - his usual exquisite memory was poor lately due to bad dreams. "I…er…um…" He was very aware that he felt like he had a frog in his throat and this was harder than it looked in the films. Nonetheless, the girl smiled at his fumbling. "Would you like to, er, osculate?"

The girl didn't quite understand and mouthed the word 'osculate' whilst looking up, as though she were checking it were in the vocabulary of her brain. "Do you mean snog?" she queried.

Remus nodded timidly. "Yes. That."

"Sure." The girl shrugged her shoulders, grabbed Remus by the collar and dragged him to a dark corner.

Five minutes later after much tongue waggling, Remus reappeared with disheveled hair where strands stuck out in a very James Potter-like fashion, a crimson face, and many bold lipstick marks smeared across his mouth and cheek.

"See you later alligator," the girl smiled and returned back to her friends.

Remus waved the girl off, watching her back, unaware of the phrase she'd used. "The same to you…large…reptile?" he said uncertainly.

Remus stuck the Dream Oracle in front of him, a mighty self-righteous expression on his features, and said, rather childishly, "In your literary face, Dream Oracle!" He pointed a defiant finger at the book, and then suddenly screamed as a pair of hands landed on his hips from behind him. "WAAAH!"

"_Muh-hoony!"_

"Your hands are on my waist," Remus pointed out the obvious. He observed Sirius in front of him and breathed a quick sigh of relief. "You're drunk! Oh, thank God!" He made a mental prayer to the ceiling for the logical explanation to Sirius' touchy-feely manner.

Sirius appeared to be up from the couch and was now on a walkabout. "What did your dic…" he mumbled drowsily.

"What?"

Sirius tried again by leaning on Remus' shoulder and speaking close in ear, making his voice more audible.

"_Diiiiiic!"_ Sirius shouted. _"What did your…dic say…?"_

Remus reddened as a few partygoers picked up on their odd conversation. "I beg your pardon?"

"What did your dream dictionary say?" Sirius asked finally, this time more specific.

"Oh! Oh. Er," Remus slid the Dream Oracle to the floor and kicked it with his foot under a common room chair. "The dream wasn't in there!" he fibbed.

Sirius made an ugly face as he collapsed back on the couch with his cheek pressed up on a bent elbow. "That _fucking_ sucks," Sirius stressed. He never had control of his cursing after he consumed too much alcohol and swore continuously without realizing. "Fucking fuckity fuck fuck fuck… What were we talking about again?"

Remus tried to keep on track. "Don't worry, Padfoot. About the dream, I mean. I'm mighty certain my dream did not reveal any secret homophobic feelings because I just conversed with a girl!" he revealed. "_Without_ knowing her name! Quite publicly, might I affix! And I enjoyed it!" He bounced on his feet, quite uncharacteristically. "Right there!" He pointed to the corner. _"In the vicinity!"_

Sirius didn't seem to show the same zest. "When you say 'converse', you do mean snog, right? Because having sex in the corner in front of around thirty people at a party is not only wrong but a little male whore-ish."

"Of course I didn't!" Remus said. "I'm not you."

"Ooo!" Sirius pinched together his forefinger and thumb to indicate how close Remus was to suffering his drunken verbal abuse. "I'll let that one slide, Moony…"

"Do you want to vomit on my trousers now?" Remus asked. "I'm wearing the ones with many pockets."

Sirius looked at his clothing. "And so you are," he confirmed, promptly emptying his insides.

Meanwhile, Lily was pushing herself past a line up of jolly Gryffindors doing the conga and a crowd gathering round a Hufflepuff doing a human beatbox. She quickly spotted James with his hands full of drink coasters, running around in panic, along with Peter who had been told to place coasters around, which he was doing as he threw the coasters like Frisbees and watched them collide with many people's heads.

"Can you please use a coaster?" James pleaded quite on edge to a Ravenclaw. The boy continued his full attention to the girl he was chatting up and slapped down his mug of Butterbeer. The drink instantly sloshed at the impact and a made a ring on the wooden table.

"Damn it!" James cursed, and quickly tried to get rid of the mark by rubbing it with his elbow. "Lily's going to kill me…Mate, what did I just say?" he asked the Ravenclaw, who continued to ignore him and completely knocked over the Butterbeer as he perched the girl on the table, who he promptly started kissing.

Lily crept up behind James with an infuriated expression on her features.

"Knock, knock," she said in a menacing tone. She tapped him on the shoulder with her long nails which threatened to pierce his skin, a hint of how much trouble he was in.

"Who's there?" James answered cheerfully, not turning around or realizing who the voice belonged to. Peter, who stood in front of James, quickly shook his head and mouthed 'Run!'

Rolling her eyes, Lily spun him around and James exclaimed a mighty, "Bugger!" He dropped his coasters to the floor and tried to ignore the deafening noise from everyone around him.

"Well, I'll carry on placing coasters, shall I?" Peter took the hint and skipped off merrily, throwing his coaster Frisbees.

James ran a hand through his hair in agitation. "Fancy seeing you here, love?"

"I sleep here, remember?" Lily reminded him. James cowered, prepared for the lecturing of a lifetime. "What the _hell_ is going on here? A _party?_ Are you completely off that messy, adorable head of yours—do not one side curve smile at me, James Potter!" she cut off, glaring.

James cursed, his plan of physical attraction not winning her round. "It was Sirius' idea," he snitched, "All his idea." He pointed a finger ready to blame his friend but couldn't find him as he was currently missing, hunched over toilet in the bathroom yet still being sick on Remus' many-pockets-trousers. "I can see how Sirius' absence could make him un-blameworthy, but I swear, it was all Sirius' idea," he stressed, friends loyalty at this point clearly not that important.

Lily leaned in dangerously and if James wasn't corrected, her hair was glowing with ferocity. "I want these people," she gestured to the partygoers, "out of here in five minutes."

And with that, she stomped off to her dormitory and shut the door with a slam.

Minutes later there was a knock heard at Lily's door. She flung the door open, expecting the hallway to be empty and quiet with no partiers. She got neither and only an embarrassed James Potter.

"Erm…I don't have a watch," he mentioned too late.

Lily could not believe her ears. "For goodness sake!" She stepped out of the doorway, with her hands on her hips. "Let me get on your back."

Her invitation could easily be incorporated as a sexual one, and James –of course- took it as this. "Your sudden horny moods really, really confuse me, you know."

"I want to get on your back so I will be on higher ground and everyone will listen to me," Lily clarified in a dangerous tone.

"Oh," James said, her explanation not any more understandable, "Um…what exactly do you-"

Before he knew it, Lily climbed on to his back and held on to his hair to avoid any possible falling. "Ow ow ow!" he complained.

Lily clapped her hands and received no attention. Pointing her wand to her mouth, she magnified her voice and addressed the students who quickly froze in silence, wondering why the Head Girl was using the Head Boy as a donkey.

"Everyone out of my tower!" Lily ordered. When there was no movement, she repeated her fiery glare and added, "_Now_. Don't think that I won't snitch you to McGonagall if you don't move this second-" she wagged a finger "-I am a goody two shoes and have a prudish attitude!" she divulged.

"You heard the lady!" James helped. "Party's over people! Skedaddle! _Skedaddle, I say!"_

The students made a disappointed 'Aaaaw' in chorus, before filing out of the Head Tower.

"And shut the door this time, Fat Man!" Lily heaved a sigh once the last partier had exited. The Fat Man made an upset 'Hmph!' in response and closed the entrance.

"I swear," Lily climbed off James' back and groaned at the destructive mess the students had made, "If I have black panda eyes tomorrow you're in for it."

"You can just use that make up stuff to cover them up," James suggested and pulled her forward to plant a kiss on her forehead. "Nice pussies…"

"I BEG YOUR PARDON?"

"Your slippers!" James quickly elucidated. He watched Lily break away from him his embrace with an enraged look. "I was talking about your cat slippers!"

Lily quickly went into her dorm and shut the door with a slam for the hundredth time that night.

"Love you?" James called hopefully through the door. He received no response. "Night, then!"

Lily dreamt of mysterious letters and knives…

----------

The next morning, James chewed openly on his bagel with a morose appearance. Clearly he was not used to the early mornings of Hogwarts school days again, and looking at the lesson timetable McGonagall had given him only dampened his crappy mood.

"Potions with Slughorn," Peter spoke dejectedly. He became slightly chipper as he found fun in dunking his toast into his orange juice, watching the sides of the glass splash.

"Doesn't McGonagall know seeing The Slug so early in the morning does nothing good for my bowel movements?" James grumbled. "Is Lily looking at me?" he asked suddenly, secretly side-glancing down the far end of the table where Lily sat with her friends eating breakfast. He stopped himself from standing up and looking over because _that_ would be too obvious, as if peeking out your head in the middle of the table was not noticeable enough.

Remus glanced over the usual Daily Prophet and saw Lily paying no attention to what James was doing, more engrossed in chatting with her friend and sipping her coffee.

"No," Remus informed his friend. James slumped more in his seat and glared pointedly at the fourth Marauder sitting across him.

"It's all your fault, you tosser," James blamed.

Sirius purposely dropped his spoon into the bowl of his porridge and crossed his arms indignantly, by accident flicking Remus with white spots which made the boy stand up with a groan.

"What are you moping about now, arseface?" Sirius complained. He finally caught on to James' gaze down the table where Lily appeared to be sitting the farthest away place from her boyfriend. "Why isn't redhead sitting with you?"

James huffed, "We're not attached by the hip, you know! We don't have to sit next to each other at breakfast and dinner like an old married couple! _Jesus!"_

Peter winced at James' slight outburst. "She's in a mood with you because of the whole party last night, isn't she?" he accurately guessed for once.

James was about to lie but found his face smacking on to the wooden table in defeat.

"She didn't even wait for me so we could eat breakfast together," he spoke in a quiet, saddened voice. "I even got the house elves to make pancakes in the shape of lily flowers…"

Peter's eyes widened, "You what?"

James slid down the table a plate of lily flower shaped pancakes sprinkled with sugar, honey and melted chocolate.

Peter drooled. "Erm…I don't think Lily's going to eat them now, really, is she? So can I…?"

"Knock your self out, Wormtail," James mumbled to the wood.

Peter greedily began to gobble down Lily's specially made breakfast whilst Sirius dug in his fork and spiked four pancakes, chewing on them with his mouth wide open.

"I highly doubt the factor of a party last night got Lily into a mood," Remus said.

James tilted his head up, remaining huffy. "How was I supposed to bloody know that she would take my complimenting of her pussy slippers the wrong way?"

Sirius choked on pancakes. "Back up a second, mate!" He put his hands up, eyes incomprehensible. "Pussy slippers?" he murmured.

"I dunno," James shrugged. "They were these slippers with an orange striped cat on them."

"Garfield," Remus tried to say in his most intellectual voice. "The cat's name is Garfield."

Sirius found himself nodding and picturing the slippers in his mind, "Hmm, pussy slippers, eh?" He licked his sugar-covered upper lip. "Kinda cute."

"I hope you're only picturing her slippers, Padfoot," James growled.

Sirius winked, "Of course," then directed his attention to the ladies to the right of him. "Hello there, fair maidens." He nodded handsomely. The girls didn't know how to react so nodded back to be courteous, yet unmistakably bemused.

"I bet you were all wondering about my absence of our first day back at Hogwarts, eh?" Sirius presumed.

"You were missing yesterday?" asked a passing seventh year, Georgina, who passed the Marauders on her way out of the Great Hall. James nodded in acknowledgement to her; her warnings of Derrick being the spawn of the devil last year quite helpful to him. "I thought it was much quieter than usual, Sirius!" she laughed.

Sirius stuck out his tongue at her which she replied with more laughter. "Ignore that Ravenclaw fruitcake," he told the girls, watching Georgina's retreating back out of the corner of her eye. "Anyway, gather round to hear the exciting tale of how I never made it on the Hogwarts train!"

The girls did not assemble and their backs remained straight, continuing to eat their breakfast.

"I said, _gather, papooses!"_

Grudgingly, the girls hunched their backs to listen closely.

"Well, there I was, walking to the platform of nine and three quarters for the last time, as a seventh year!" Sirius began his formidable tale. "Unfortunately I was late because I'd just cured some lepers and fed some starving children…"

James tried not to snort whilst Remus looked on the verge of smacking him with his newspaper.

"When suddenly-" Sirius signaled to Peter and he made a smack on the table for a 'sudden' noise effect "-I was attacked by _Death Eaters! Twenty of them!"_ The girls gasped, clutching each other's hands in terror. "Of course, you know they were sent by…" Sirius whipped his head around in all directions to make sure it was 'safe.' "You-know-who…You do know who you-know-who is, right?"

"We know who you-know-who is," one of the girls clarified smugly.

"Wait," one of the curly-haired girls cut in. "I'm not so sure. When you say you-know-who, are you talking about you-know-who, or are you talking about _you-know-who_, who is a complete utter prick and cheated on me last year."

"No! C'mon, you've got to know who you-know-who is! How many you-know-who's are there in the wizarding world?"

"Well, there's a list of ten that aren't supposed to be mentioned in our girly conversations but they're mostly crushes or ex-boyfriends," a brunette explained.

"You-know-who is gorgeous, isn't he," her blonde companion giggled.

"You know you-know-who's _so_ gorgeous!"

"I'm talking about Lord Voldermort!" Sirius said finally, which was quickly followed by a gasp and 'Sssssh' by everyone in the Great Hall.

"Uuurgh! _That_ you-know-who _isn't _gorgeous," the blonde rectified.

"How do you know?" the dark haired girl laughed. "You've never seen you-know-who!"

"I know, but anyone who kills people isn't good-looking-"

"Can we _puh-lease_ get back to the subject of me?" Sirius interjected, pointing a thumb at himself. "Moi?"

The girls heaved a sigh before leaning in closely again.

"Well, there I was, surrounded! I had no means of escape and my friends had abandoned me. Prongs was off shagging Evans-"

"_Padfoot!"_

"And the other two were doing stuff," Sirius revealed his poor story-telling skills. "So -in a crafty manner- I grabbed for my wand, placed in my jacket pocket because everyone knows that there is a risk of your buttocks blowing up if you put your wand in the back pocket of your jeans like some stupid git I know-"

"How many _sodding_ times do you feel the need to take the piss out of me for that?" James cut in, tempted to fling his breakfast plate at Sirius' head. "I've put my wand there for over six years and my arse is still in place, so screw you!"

"Then," Sirius carried on, as the girls were on their edges of their seats, "I managed to stupefy five of the Death Eaters with my, er, quick spell-casting. Then, I managed to fully body-bind another five of the Death Eaters. But then, unexpectedly, one of the evil blokes kicked my wand out of my hand!" An intake of breath was made by the girls. "Of course, now I had no protection! So dodging in between the pillars, I managed to avoid the odd killing and torturing spell," he spoke nonchalantly. "Ooo, and the Muggles! They were also at risk so I saved them too! Even the ugly ones-"

"Good grief. I'm going to Potions," Remus announced, getting up from his seat.

"But we've got like ten minutes," Peter pointed out.

Remus grumbled, being early plainly not a dilemma, as he grabbed the Daily Prophet and made his way to the exit.

"C'mon, Moony! I was just about to mention the part where you smashed a pillar by throwing a Death Eater into it, saving my life!"

"That never happened!" Remus yelled. "And those girls would be stupid to believe that!" He stormed out of the hall, his newspaper under his arm.

"They're not stupid, they're just open-minded!" Sirius yelled as he stood in flare-up. "Mork!" he said lamely once Remus was out of earshot. He sat back down, shrugged, and then went back to eating the lily-shaped pancakes.

James frowned in confusion. "What's up with Moony?" he asked. He eventually gave in to helping himself to Lily's pancakes. "Just the teensiest bit high strung, isn't he? It's ages until _that_ time of the month."

"I saw him reading the Dream Oracle in the dorm this morning," Peter mentioned.

James remained frowning. "But he doesn't even take Divination!"

Sirius had remained in silent pondering until he become conscious that he had women to adore. "Anyway, back to what I was saying, ladies…" He frowned when realized the girls had disappeared and was left with an empty space next to him. "Bugger," he cursed disappointedly.

"Sirius," Peter poked his hand.

"Ow. What was that for, rat boy?"

"Your hand," Peter poked it again. "Look."

Pulling a face at Peter, Sirius eventually tilted his head down to look at the back of his hand; a girl's phone number had been written scruffily across it with added kisses of 'xxxxx.'

Sirius punched the air. He then realized he didn't know what the numbers actually signified. "What's it mean?" He goggled at the numbers. "Some sort of girl code? Like Latin…but with numbers? You're good at Latin, Wormtail," he thrust his hand at Peter, "What's it say? Does it say I'm sexy? I bet it does, doesn't it, Wormtail?"

"I think you're mistaking the boy who is good at Latin for Remus, not me. And that's a telephone number," Peter said, poking his hand again. Sirius gave him a look which said 'Stop with the poking, already!'

"Moony's explained a billion times what a Muggle telephone is," James said exasperatedly. "It's the same thing you yelled down in that Muggle telephone box where a fire engine turned up after you prank called about a fire."

Sirius scoffed. "How am I supposed to know what a telly-phone is? I'm full wizarding blood! I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE MUGGLE WAYS!"

James wiped the pancake bits that flew out of Sirius' mouth and onto his face. "For the love of Merlin, if you've got something to say and you're mouth is full, don't effing say it. And I also feel I have to say this because Moony isn't here: really, what kind of stupid girl writes her phone number when we're in Hogwarts?" he pointed out.

Sirius' smile fell. "Bugger. You're right, Prongs," he said dismally.

"Who cares if she's pretty, eh?" Peter spoke with a mouth full of chew up food.

"Technically yes, Wormtail, but Padfoot won't know which girl wrote it since she didn't even write her name. And he'd have to wait for the school year to end to get in contact with her, not to mention get hold of a telephone."

"Yeah…but who cares if she's pretty, eh?"

James gave up. "You two are pathetic when it comes to women," he said. "You just let them walk all over you. It's _embarrassing_. I mean, you should learn from me—Oh, Lily, darling!" He spotted her go by from where he was sitting at the table and he instantly stood up, following her. Sirius and Peter watched as James managed to catch up with the redhead and began walking backwards in front of her as she walked forwards.

"Morning, Lily!" he said cheerfully. She looked expressionless and carried on walking. "Didn't see you this morning. Did you forget to wait for me? Going to Potions early, are you? I was thinking of too. Good minds think alike, eh?" He continued to ask questions that were not answered as Lily stepped around his figure. "Want me to walk you to class? No? Okay! I'll carry your books if you want? Lily?" He watched her back as she flounced away. "Save a seat next you in potions, will you? Lily? Okay! See you in class later, then! Love you!"

James sat back down at the table in front of Sirius and Peter. "Well…I think that went rather well, don't you?"

--------------

"You're in my seat."

Lily upturned her head from searching for her Potions book in her bag to see James in front of her desk, who for some reason was glaring pointedly at her friend Nicole sitting next to her. Nicole remained mute and began chewing the end of her quill in perplexity.

"You are in my seat," James said more slowly, his hands leaning on the desk with what you could call intimidation.

Lily whipped her head back and forth between the two before asking James, "Have you been inhaling cake mix again?"

James stomped his feet and pointed at Nicole quite rudely, which the girl reacted to by slapping the finger away with an amused laugh. "She's in my seat!" he told Lily.

"But you never sit next to me in Potions!" Lily reminded him. "In fact, you never sit next to me in any classes because you always sit with your bum boys." The three remaining Marauders sitting at the back of the class made an exclamation of, 'Hey! Its marauders! It's not that hard to learn!' "Always at the back row of the class, messing about!" she added.

James couldn't help but agree with her. "Yeah, but! And there is a _big_ massive 'but' here! That was last year, and we're going out now." He grabbed onto Nicole's arms, where she made an outcry of 'What are you doing? Aaaaah!' as James picked her up and planted her on his former seat next to Peter.

"Hi," Peter greeted her.

"No way," Nicole rejected quickly before he could say no more.

James grinned at Lily as he sat next to her and nudged her with his knee. "I think it'll be fun sitting next to you all year!"

She tried to hide the fact that she was bothered. "James, one," she began the list of reasons why they could not sit next to each other, "it's not how it works. Two, if we see too much of each other –and we are already sharing a tower together- we will get sick of each other. And I don't want to get sick of you. And three, I'm in mood with you still." She shoved James off his stool with a boot of her foot. "Nicole, you can come back now!"

"Thank God!" Nicole said, very much relieved. She put a hand to Peter's shoulder. "Bye, Pettigrew. I'll miss this," she pointed a finger between them, referring to their one minute conversation of silence.

Once Professor Slughorn got the class started and assigned the potion to be made, the students instantly got to work, grabbing ingredients and setting up cauldrons.

Despite the task at hand that could potentially sidetrack Lily, she felt foolish when she thought of the Half Blood Prince. Ashamed, even. Like she was betraying James.

Slipping her hand around the handle of the silver knife, Lily made a cut into the root which easily sliced because of the amazingly sharp blade. It cut so quickly she made an intake of breath. She again looked at the detail of the handle, the twisting of tendrils and lily flowers. Her eyes glazed over as her eyes locked on her initial of 'L' in what looked to be diamonds. _Who_ was this 'Half Blood Prince'?

Nicole glanced over from stirring her potion and nudged her side. "Are you alright?"

"Uh…yeah!" Lily answered her, flustered. She decided she probably had enough of cutting ingredients and put the knife down.

"Woah, posh knife!"

Lily jumped as James appeared at her desk once again and swiped the knife off her desk, avoiding her frantic hands to hide it.

"You shouldn't be wandering from your desk, James! Your potion!" she reminded him, pointing to his desk where James' potion appeared to be bubbling over its rim.

"Oh, the guys will deal with it," he said casually.

The sound of a spitting potion, the overwhelming smell of petrol, added with a couple of shrieks of "Prongsie! You added too much bubotuber pus!" and "AAAAAARGH!" was heard.

"Right…" said Lily.

James span the knife in the air and caught it, not making Lily swoon but instead making her shriek, "Do you want your hands cut off, nutter?" He moved the knife between his fingers and asked, "Where'd you get it from?"

His question ruled out any thoughts of Lily thinking James gave her knife for a joke.

"Diagon alley," she lied. "Now give it back."

James seemed satisfied with her answer and swung the knife between his forefinger and thumb. Smiling quite charmingly, he stretched out his hand to give the knife back but at the last minute tugged it away, leaning on her desk closely to her.

"Do you forgive me yet?" he asked with a solemn look.

"What?" Lily said absentmindedly, her eyes locked on the knife. James waved a hand in front of her face because of her glassy expression and she apologized, looking guilty.

"Do you forgive me?" he asked again. He played with the fingers of her hand following the instructions of her potions book.

Did he have to keep swinging the knife like that? It swung like a pendulum. Or a clock counting the seconds of her guilt while she tensely tried to respire normal breaths.

"Lily?"

James was looking at her with concern.

"'Course I do…" Lily answered eventually, and gave him a quick kiss on the mouth to satisfy him. The peck was instantly followed by wolf whistles by the class and a firm look from Slughorn.

With a smile, James stabbed the knife into the desk and skipped back to his desk, whistling. He didn't see Lily's guilt-ridden look watching his back.

Nicole raised an eyebrow, suggesting the question, 'What's going on, Lily?'

She merely looked away and carried on stirring her potion.


	6. Libido and crazy Divination teachers

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

**A/N:** The last quote is by 'Chre'tien de Troyes' I think.

**Chapter 6**

James discovered that being Head Boy involved holding meetings with the prefects of the school; he also discovered that these meetings were mind-numbingly boring. Of course, he'd known this all along but actually partaking in one somehow overthrew his expectations of it being just 'plain boring' to '_incredibly_ boring' and 'for the love of Merlin, please, someone wet them selves to amuse me.'

"…and we both apologize," Lily told the prefects sitting before them in the empty classroom. She nudged James with her elbow, making him awake from his absent-mindedness and nod in agreement, though really he had no idea what she was on about. "I know we should have had this meeting yesterday but, er, there were certain, shall we say, _complications_, and we only just arrived last night-"

"'Cause you were doing _it_?" a Hufflepuff cut in.

Lily's fake smile of friendliness fell into a straight line. "Er… haha!" She laughed with gusto, thinking she had misheard. "I beg your pardon?" she asked politely.

"Because you were doing _it_," another prefect helped out. Lily remained blank until the boy did a handful of pelvic thrusts to elaborate, which she instantly stopped by putting up her hand. She couldn't understand why the professors had picked such students as prefects with such obsessions with libido!

"If you're referring to sex," she gritted through her teeth, "then no. We were unlucky to miss the train-"

"'Cause you were doing _it_-"

"There was no fornication involved!" shrieked Lily, making the prefects wince at what they thought was an impossible pitch to reach. Some had even scraped back their chairs because of the noise that had come out of the Head Girl's mouth. "And if you make one more pelvic thrust you'll lose a lower necessity that is needed for libido!" she glared at the boy who was half way in between the thrust, wondering why she kept oddly referring to intercourse as 'libido'.

"Tell them we weren't doing 'it'," Lily hissed to James.

He awoke from his daydreaming and quickly straightened in his chair under Lily's glower. "I, er…agree?" he spoke uncertainly, not hearing the enquiry.

Gasps and much cocky speaking of, "I told you so!" were made by the prefects.

A tired shake of the head made by Lily accompanied by a look which said 'you _stupid prat_' made James suppose that his answer did not best please her. "Can you repeat the question?" he asked.

"Drifting _away_ from the subject of relations," Lily tried to steer everyone's minds, "Professor McGonagall said it would be best to discuss your duties and what we,-as Head Girl and Boy, promise to do this year…"

James instantly switched off again. Did the prefects really need reminding of how much they could boss around the younger students and—woop-de-bloody-do; they had access to the prefect bathrooms.

Wait a second, James thought. As he was now Head Boy, he also has access of the prefects' bathroom! He would now be able to experience those football-sized pink and blue bubbles and the purple clouded ones he had heard so much about from Remus!

"YES!" James stood up and punched the air. He instantly froze, realizing he had just interrupted whatever Lily was talking about and now everyone was staring at him in silence.

"Is there something you would like to discuss?" Lily asked in a sort of annoyed growl.

"No dear."

"Then sit down and hush," she ordered, with an added finger to her lips.

"Yes dear."

A few prefects snickered and James instantly felt his Gryffindor pride losing him. "I mean, you can't tell me what to do… _woman!_" He pointed a somewhat threatening finger at her and the prefects watched for a reaction.

Lily merely tapped her foot, as if she were waiting for something.

Losing his vigour, James mumbled a, "Sorry, dear" and sat down.

"As I was saying," Lily continued back to her perfectly eloquent speech.

And James was back to daydreaming. After all, he was good at that, and he was just there to look like the handsome sidekick to the redhead.

He had achieved quite a pattern when it came to daydreaming.

Look a bit at the ceiling tiles. Possibly count them. Give up after the number twelve (though he could count further than that but simply could not be bothered). Look outside the window. Compare clouds to actual people (the fat cloud with demented arms and a huge butt is Sirius). Look at the floor tiles. Possibly count them. Give up after the number twelve. Look and scrutinize the prefects (there is a girl with an impressive moustache and that boy should really trim his nose hair). Clean the dirt underneath his fingernails. Gaze at Lily's boobies. Drum hands against the knees. Stop knee drumming after receiving glare off beautiful girlfriend. Tap foot. Stop foot tapping after receiving glaring off beautiful girlfriend. Put left leg over right leg. Put both legs together. Put right leg over left leg. Put both legs together. Put left leg over right leg again. Decide letting a leg hang over another leg comes across as womanly and feminine. Gaze at Lily's boobies. Hum. Stop humming after receiving glare off beautiful girlfriend. Try and lick nose with tongue. Discover tongue is not long enough to do nose licking. Gaze at Lily's boobies. Gaze at Lily's boobies. Continue to gaze at Lily's boobies-

"Right, James?"

The boy redirected his gaze off Lily's chest and looked up into her green eyes with a guilty expression. "Uh, I didn't hear the qu-"

"_Right, James?"_

"Yes, dear," he nodded obediently.

Another prefect-snicker was heard.

James tried to find the source of the snicker but whoever the culprit was appeared to be hiding or looked tremendously innocent. "They might snicker," he scoffed, "but I don't see _them_ getting any-"

"James, your mutterings aren't quiet enough," Lily whispered shrilly.

He murmured an apology and tried to look more alert, for Lily's sake, and continued back to his techniques of staying awake. He tried the Muggle method he'd heard Remus talk about which involved counting sheep… or was it goats? Whatever white creature it was (and James had got to the point of counting Father Christmas because he had a white beard), he had tried to count it jumping over fences, but for some odd reason only felt considerably sleepier. Somehow he thought he'd misunderstood the procedure…

Speaking of Remus, where the bloody hell was his werewolf companion? James thought he would have at least attended so could he could preoccupy himself by miming his grumbling to Remus, but the light haired boy was nowhere to be seen. If he'd known Remus was skiving then he would have joined him.

Examining the other students, James' eyes widened at the sight of the familiar top of a boys hair. _Blonde spiked hair_.

"_Derrick_," James' voice cut through the air.

The room instantly went into tense silence and heads turned back and forth between the two boys.

"_James_, I was in the middle of talking-" Lily began to hiss, but was talked over.

"I didn't know you were a prefect," James said, crossing his arms. In fact, James barely knew the boy was still alive. Last he heard the spawn of Satan was recovering in St. Mungo's because of a certain traumatic experience involving bleached hedgehogs. "What teacher did you have to bribe?"

Derrick didn't answer, and if James wasn't corrected, the boy was looking down at his feet in a Peter Pettigrew sort of manner, looking somewhat ashamed of who he was.

James had expected a rather witty retort, not such a pitiful response without words.

"Well-" Lily stood up "-I think we've discussed everything we needed to discuss in this meeting!" She laughed to lighten up the atmosphere but her nervous breaths in between were highly noticeable. "This meeting is adjourned! Back to your common rooms now!" She ushered the prefects out of the classroom and stopped James with a firm grip to the arm who was about to follow Derrick out the door. Shutting the door after pushing the last prefect out, she hissed, "What do you think you were doing?"

James glared pointedly at the door, imagining it was Derrick's face. "I cannot believe he's a prefect!" He perched on top of a classroom desk. "I'm talking this much disbelief!" he clarified by separating his arms apart as wide as possible. "Did you know he was a prefect? Don't I have the authority as Head Boy to maim him or something?"

"Authority never stopped you before," Lily pointed out, sighing.

James couldn't help but agree. "But--don't I have the power to un-prefect him? And yes, I do know 'un-prefect' isn't a word but I'm adorable enough to make up my own words and-"

He was hushed by Lily who walked up to the desk he was sitting on and began rubbing his kneecaps. "Don't make a big deal about this," she murmured.

"A big deal? That _prick_ is an authority figure! After what he bloody did to you…"

"So you _are_ going to make a big deal out of this," Lily muttered. James continued his speech on how much he loathed Derrick until he eventually began to calm down thanks to Lily's soothing kneecap rubbing. "Just… _don't_ spend this last year of Hogwarts high strung and wanting revenge on Derrick," she pleaded. "Just forget about him… _please_?" She rounded her eyes and James eventually gave in to her with a nod. "Don't make this year sucky…"

"Sucky?" James repeated, a smile forming.

"You're not the only one who is adorable enough to make up words." Lily stuck out her tongue and James smiled, tucking an out of place strand of hair behind her ear.

Tugging the boy off the desk, Lily said, "Walk me home?"

"Uh…you are referring to our tower, right?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Yes, James."

"Monkey say, monkey do, eh?" James reached for her hand and opened the classroom door for her.

"The phrase is 'Monkey _see_', but never mind."

Lily made a curtsey and stepped through the doorway. Walking down the corridor whilst playing with James' fingers in her hands, she spotted the watch on his wrist. She tugged his wrist forward to meet her eyes, making James shriek an almighty 'Ow!' because of his arm nearly being pulled out of its socket.

"You do realise this watch isn't working, don't you?" She observed the clock face and tapped it with her fingernail.

"Yeah…" James ran a hand through his hair in embarrassment. "I don't think it agreed with the Great Lake water last year."

"Then why do you still wear it?" Lily asked with a bemused expression.

James shrugged. "Force of habit, I suppose?"

"You're very odd, you know."

"I call it 'being quirky'," James retorted with an added kiss. "Now, do you have any idea where that Remus Lupin could be?"

--------------

"Moony? Can I talk to you for a sec?"

"Reading."

"Yes, I'm quite aware of that but-"

"Reading."

"But if you could just put the book down for a sec-"

"_Read-ing_," cut in Remus slowly, pointing to the book in his lap.

Sighing, Sirius took the opposite common room chair to him and put his hands together, looking forlorn. "Mate, I'm worried about you."

Remus decided not to ask the question of 'why?' and instead said, "I find this rather anomalous. I said that I was reading yet you are talking to me ask if I'm going to have a 'natter' with you."

Sirius got annoyed and kicked the book out of his lap. It was rather an impressive move, it involved an extraordinary boot of his leg somehow sliding the book of Remus' knees.

"Why don't you go pester Peter?" Remus whined.

"Because I'm talking to _you_," said Sirius. "Wormtail said he saw you reading that Dream Oracle again." Remus turned abruptly pale and tapped his fingers agitatedly on one of the chair arm rests. "I thought you were over that dream thing."

"Of course I'm over it-" Remus' finger-tapping gradually got faster "-I was never bothered about it in the first place."

Sirius sat back, remaining unconvinced.

"Remus," Peter walked through the portrait of the Fat Lady, looking surprised at his friend's presence. "Aren't you supposed to be in the prefects meeting?"

With widened eyes, Remus jumped from his seat, his arms flailing in quite a comical fashion. "Bugger!" He checked his watch and saw that he could probably still catch the end of it.

"See, this is exactly what I'm talking about!" Sirius followed Remus who ran up the stairs to the seventh year boy's dormitory. "You never forget about prefects meetings! Your memory is exceptionally perfect to the point of it being abnormal! That dream has messed you up in the head." He twirled a finger to his noggin. "And—are you putting on a scarf?" he asked oddly.

"It's cold in the corridors," Remus insisted, whipping the piece of the scarf that was hanging in front, over his shoulder. His eyes searched around the dorm until he spotted his school robe spread across his bed. He ran across the room with Sirius trailing him. Whipping his robe off the bed, there was a sound of a thud as a book fell from beneath it.

The Dream Oracle lay on the floor.

It took exactly three seconds until both boys dived to the ground and seized for the book. They both stood up, their fingers mutually gripping either side.

Remus could see the page of the book in his mind. The lines, '_If you are homosexual in your waking life, then the dream is simply a reflection of your own self' _and _'…suggests some fears/anxieties about your masculinity' _especially stood out to him. He could just imagine Sirius having a field day after reading that.

"Let go, Padfoot." Remus tugged the book towards him.

"But I want to read what it says about your dream." Sirius pulled the book his way.

"But it's not in there." Remus tugged again.

"Liar, liar, trousers on fire," Sirius replied immaturely, pulling the book his way once more.

It took exactly another three seconds before each boy began violently wrenching at the book, each with a determined face on winning the paperback.

"Let go, Sirius!" Remus resorted to stomping on the boy's toe to get his own way.

"_Ow_! But I want to read it!"

"_Oh_, so now you take a sudden curiosity in reading but when I try to get you into Shakespeare you aren't the slightest bit interested!"

With a hard tug, Sirius pulled on Remus' scarf and he fell to the floor. Sirius smiled a triumphant grin at his dirty tactics, holding the Dream Oracle in his hand. Immediately opening the book, Remus tackled Sirius to the ground and both boys began scrambling to snatch for the book underneath the hair yanking and scarf pulling.

"_Ow! Sodding hell!"_

Together the boys stood up again, heaving for breath. Almost instantaneously, they began pulling at each side again.

"Stop it, Sirius! You'll rip it!"

"Books can't rip! They have literature fibre!"

Unbeknownst to Sirius, books can rip and the Dream Oracle had no said 'literature fibre'. With a final pull, the book ripped in half with a painful sound to Remus' ears.

Remus gaped at the ripped side of his book he was holding. "Look what you've done!" He wagged his half of the book at Sirius where pages began to drop to the floor. He was on the verge of weeping. "You'll get sent to hell for this!" he pointed a finger at Sirius. "Along with the people with library fines!"

Sirius forced himself not to laugh. "It'll be good for the fireplace now, eh?"

Remus could not control his jaw dropping to the floor. "I don't think you've realised the _full magnitude_ of what you've done!"

Sirius dropped his side of the ripped book to the floor, clearly not bothered about the possibility of being sent to Hades. "Well, the ripped book decides it, then."

"_Magnitude!"_ Remus wagged the dilapidated book at him. _"Hades!"_

"We're going to see the Divination professor," Sirius announced.

"_Condemned_, that's what you'll be—_what_? What do you mean '_we', _and who now?"

"We're going to see the Divination professor about your dream," Sirius explained. "Professor Cockett—aharharhar-"

"Don't be so childish. Yes, her surname 'Cockett' has the word 'cock' in it." Remus rolled his eyes. "How side-splitting. And I _don't_ want to go see her."

"But she'll know more than anyone what your dream means!" Sirius protested.

"The woman's barmy. Not to mention Divination is complete rubbish-"

"Just because you failed the class…"

"I _do not_ fail classes!" Remus cried. He finally remembered again the prefects meeting he was missing; Sirius was undoubtedly right about his poor memory lately. "Great, you've made me even later now! I bid you good day!" He put on his school robe and ran down the stairs to the common room, two at a time.

"Where are you off?" Peter asked Remus, getting up from his chair.

"Prefects meeting," Remus said hurriedly, crossing the room.

"No he's not!" Sirius smirked.

The portrait of the Fat Lady opened and Remus stepped through with Sirius quickly following him. As the portrait began to shut, Peter watched as Remus began to go left but was instantly tugged right by Sirius by the scarf with an accompanying wail of 'AAAARGH!'

------------------

Scarf pulling should be disallowed.

"Wipe that scowl off your face or Professor _Cock_ett won't help us."

Remus grudgingly manifested his scowl into a straight line.

Sirius always got his way.

"That's better."

The two boys finally reached the ladder leading to the trap door to the Divination classroom.

"You go first," Remus said, gesturing to the ladder.

Sirius stroked his chin. "Nuh-uh-" he shook his head "-one step on that ladder and you'll run off."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Don't be ridiculous. Of course I won't. I'm being courteous. Accept the courtesy, for Merlin's sake-"

"Alright, alright!" Sirius gave in. He stepped one foot on the ladder and straight away Remus tried to scurry to his escape - Sirius stopped this with a hard jerk of his scarf pulled his way. "You're so predictable, Moony." He pushed him towards the ladder. "Up you go now."

Remus took one step on the ladder but didn't go any further, looking hesitant.

"Jesus! I'm not gonna look at your arse when you go up! I only did that in third year with the girls wearing skirts!" Sirius looked him up and down. "And from what I can see, you don't fit the narrative."

Heaving a sigh, Remus finally climbed the ladder whilst Sirius followed.

"Nice butt cheeks, Moony!"

Remus booted him in the face.

"Bloody hell! I was kidding!"

They continued to climb.

"Uuuurgh, did you let one off?"

"Oh, for goodness sake!" Remus complained.

Sirius merely laughed. "You're _so _easy to wind up…"

Banging his head on the trap door, Remus realised they had arrived at the classroom. Pushing the door open, they climbed through the hole. They instantly waved their hands from the odd mist filling up the room, and the overwhelming smell coming from the copper kettle.

"Professor?" yelled Sirius, waving a hand in front of his face. "Professor _Cock_ett? Aharharhar…"

"_So juvenile_," muttered Remus.

Suddenly a figure appeared out of the haze and they both jumped as the professor appeared in her brightly vibrant tie-dyed robes.

"Professor Cockett!" Sirius greeted her. Her afro appeared larger than normal and Sirius could not keep his eyes off of it or direct his gaze away. "Cockett, Cockett, _Cockett_,-"

"Yes, that is my surname, Black," the professor sighed. "I really don't know why you have such an obsession with reiterating it." She waved her wand and three pouffes appeared. "Take a seat," she told them, sitting down.

Sirius did not like pouffes. They confused him. He was never sure which way of the pouffe was the front or the back.

"It doesn't matter, Sirius," Remus muttered, as his friend had been turning the pouffe for four consecutive minutes now.

Finally settling for a particular side of the pouffe, Sirius sat down, legs elegantly spread apart for all to see.

The professor swished her wand and a tea set zoomed from the other side of the room and hovered beside her. "Five sugars, Mr. Black?" she asked, as spoons stirred and sugar cubes floated.

"I think six should do it, Professor."

"You and your sugar consumption," muttered Remus.

"So," Cockett leaned forward and crossed a leg over her knee. "What's troubling you boys?"

"We need your help," Sirius began.

"Oh," Cockett leaned backwards, looking a little miffed. "Everyone needs my help lately. 'Oh, Professor Cockett, tell my future!' 'Oh, Professor Cockett, what will the sex of my baby be?' 'Oh, Professor Cockett, how can I make Lily Evans fall in love with me?'" Sirius snickered into the cup of his tea; he would have to have a chat with James about that later. "'Oh, Professor Cockett, what do you mean what we are doing is against the law? We've been at it for six months now and I've thoroughly enjoyed it-'"

Remus spilled the entire contents of his tea onto his lap, leaving a wet patch around his crotch. "What, professor?" he squeaked, referring to her last statement.

"Er, forget that last one," Cockett batted a hand.

"So will you help us, Professor?" Sirius asked, fluttering his eyelashes.

Cockett crossed her arms, not softened by his charm quite yet. "Hmmm…"

"You're not still in a mood with us because we didn't take your subject, are you?"

The professor made a huff of indignation, slamming her cup of tea on the table. "What do you mean 'in a mood', Mr. Black! I am not a sulking teenager! Most certainly not!" She quieted her tone, realising she had been spit-shouting. "I am merely disappointed with boys with such remarkable skills in divination… well, maybe not so much with you, Mr. Lupin." She patted his hand comfortingly. "You seem to think too much; you cannot broaden your mind enough. Mr. Black, however!" Sirius smirked, puffing out his chest. "I was very impressed with you! I believe you posses the," she paused dramatically, "the inner eye!"

Sirius slightly frowned at the mention of the 'inner eye'. "Inner eye?" he said in puzzlement. He grabbed the spoon from his cup of tea and began examining his pupils in the reflection. "I have an eye _in_ my eye?"

Cockett laughed sadly. "Astuteness isn't everything, Black." She patted his arm.

Remus had clearly had enough and sat up from his pouffe, but Sirius forced him back down again.

"Anyway, my friend here-" Sirius pinched Remus' cheek and the boy scowled and smacked him "-had a dream."

"Dreams are quite common, Black," Cockett retorted with a sip of her tea.

"Well, we were wondering if you knew what it meant," Sirius explained.

"I am a seer, not a dream analyst. Don't tell me you've been thinking that for the past six years? Good grief…"

"Please, Professor Cockett?" Sirius pleaded and said her name just for the sake of fun and all that is silly.

Cockett eventually gave in. "Fine. Describe your dream, Mr. Lupin."

Remus was not keen to go into detail so explained very vaguely, "Well, we were married…"

"I beg your pardon?" The professor leaned forward, a little confused. "Who were?"

"Sirius and I," Remus said quietly.

"_Oh_… ahahaha! That is rather humorous!"

"_Professor!"_

"Sorry," Cockett apologized, realizing she was not being very sympathetic. "Do carry on."

"Well, er, it seemed quite, um, apparent they we were, er, sexually active-"

"Ahahahaha!"

"_Professor!"_

"I mean, very interesting…" Cockett tried to keep a straight face. "Anything else?" she asked.

"No-" Sirius began to say.

"Actually, yes," Remus revealed, his head now in between his knees.

Sirius furrowed his brow. "You what?"

"I had another dream last night," Remus mumbled to the floor.

"_What!_" Sirius hissed. "You never said!"

"You never asked," Remus gritted through her teeth.

"Yes I bloody did!"

_FLASHBACK_

"Hey, Moony. Have any more weird dreams last night?"

"No, Padfoot."

_END OF FLASHBACK_

"Reciting that short conversation was pointless, Sirius."

"Maybe," he agreed, "but it proves I did ask you!"

Cockett looked at the two with amusement. "Someone could easily mistake you two as a married couple…"

"I beg your pardon, professor?" Remus turned on Cockett with his arms placed on his hips. The professor gave him a look which said 'do not speak in that tone with me or do such a gesture' and Remus instantly dropped his hands to his side.

"What happened in this second dream, Mr. Lupin?" Cockett urged him on.

Remus downed the remainder of his tea and looked at the tea leave remains at the bottom of it. "Oh, for Merlin's sake!" He smacked the cup on the table after discovering what looked to be an outline that looked very similar to his friend's Animgaus form next to him- it was either the Grim or Padfoot, and Remus hoped it was the latter, even though he didn't believe in the Grim anyway.

"I don't think Sirius should be present to hear about the second dream."

"_I think_ I bloody well should be!"

"Be quiet, Mr. Black. And stop fiddling with your pouffe."

"My what?"

"Your seat!" Professor Cockett pointed to what his arse was currently resting on.

"_Oh_, so _that's_ what it's called! I thought you were talking about my-"

"_Hush_," Cockett shut him up from going no further.

Remus secured his fidgeting fingers in his lap, he was flushing a billion shades of red and he hadn't even begun explaining the dream. "It didn't last long from what I can remember. It was barely seconds. _Seconds_," he stressed. The professor inclined him to go on. "Erm, you see, the first dream involved _talking_ about being, er, sexually active. The second dream however…"

"Oh God!" Sirius jumped up from his pouffe –which he now knew the name of- his face distorting in horror.

"Yes," Remus squeaked, hiding behind his hands.

"We were actually-"

"_Yes."_

"_Oh God!"_

"Ahahahaha!"

"_Professor!"_

Cockett tried to speak in between her hullabaloo of laughter. "Sorry! It's just you two make quite the pair, really." She noticed the glaring. "In a heterosexual way, of course."

Sirius circled his pouffe in confusion until he stopped, facing Remus. He debated asking a question as he opened and closed his mouth.

"Just ask me, Sirius."

"Did we, er… come across as, um, you know, _enjoying_ it?"

"There were…noises," Remus told him carefully.

"N-noises?" Sirius fumbled. "Noises of pain-? Actually, don't answer that! _Oh Go_d" He ran up to the professor who jumped back, startled, nearly dropping her cup of tea. He kneeled before her and asked desperately, "What does it mean, professor? What does the dream mean?"

There was a dramatic pause as both Sirius and Remus waited for Cockett's eventual answer of, "I don't know."

"I told you she wouldn't know!" Remus said crossly. "I told you she was baa…" he trailed off, realising he was about to call the professor 'barmy' right in front of her. "Baaa-eautiful!" he finished, looking nervous under Cockett's suspicious gaze.

"You can't _not_ know!" Sirius snapped.

"Do not bark at me, Bl-" Cockett cut off suddenly and Sirius wondered if she had just had a heart attack. Pushing Sirius aside, she ran forward to one of the small tables in the classroom, putting her hands on a crystal ball. "I see a premonition!" she revealed spectacularly.

"Oh, lord," Remus muttered, massaging the bridge of his nose. "Here we go." He wondered whose death would be revealed by the Professor today – him or the copper kettle?

"I think you're getting a bit distracted, professor," Sirius pointed out, but was silenced by her.

The professor's face looked graver by the passing seconds of stillness. Her eyes became rounder and more startled as she focused on the crystal balls mist. Curiosity getting the better of them, Sirius stepped forward and Remus reluctantly followed, peeking at the crystal ball.

"What do you see, professor?"

Noticeably gulping, Cockett faced Sirius with a saddened expression. "You…" She pointed a shaking finger at him and he frowned. "You will die…"

_So it was Sirius' turn to die today_, Remus thought. _Wonderful_. He sincerely hoped Sirius wouldn't take his death sentence too seriously. She was nutty, after all.

"Let's go," Remus said, walking to the trap door. When Sirius showed no signs of movement, Remus walked back over to him. "Come on," he pressed.

Somewhat dazed, Sirius took a step to exit but the professor suddenly reached out and grabbed his sleeve with desperation.

"You will die-" Cockett repeated.

"Yeah, yeah. You said already." Sirius looked down at her shaking hand, unsure what to do. "It happens to everyone, doesn't it," he laughed tensely, "Death, I mean."

Cockett shook her head. "No, you misunderstand, boy. You will die… a_lone_."

Never had Remus heard the professor say such a death threat with so much overpowering emotion. 'You will die' was regular, but the added 'alone'? That was too strange…

"I think that's rather inappropriate of you to say, Professor," Remus said brusquely.

At his comment, Cockett pointed a trembling finger at him and Remus instantly groaned. He had to speak, didn't he? It had to be his turn eventually.

"You will mourn for him," the professor murmured, anguish across her face. "But you will find someone-" she nodded "-yes. A wild spirit also, but it will not be the same-"

"I think we'll be leaving now," Remus cut off the professor rudely. He turned to Sirius but discovered he was not by his side. "Sirius?" he called. He turned to the trapdoor and discovered the boy already disappearing through the hole in a flash.

"Padfoot, wait up!"

He ran up to the trap door and watched Sirius jump to the ground instead of using the ladder.

"For goodness sake! You could have busted your kneecaps!"

He quickly began climbing down the ladder to catch his friend up but slowly halted as he watched Sirius hurry down the corridor.

"Where are you going, Sirius?" yelled Remus. He watched his figure become smaller in the distance. "_Sirius_!"

----------------

James loved snogging Lily. He also loved saying the word 'snogging', but he loved _actual_ snogging with Lily more. It wasn't just the snogging but the slow short kisses he loved too, any excuse to getting in contact with her. He was becoming more obsessed with her than before they were dating. It was _infatuation_.

"We have homework," she reminded James who was currently spread across the couch of the Head Tower with her.

"Homework should be completed at _home_," James said, kissing her neck.

"Then we have schoolwork."

"Schoolwork should be completed in _class_."

"Stop twisting my words!"

"It's very hard to kiss you when you're talking, you know. That's why it's very much focused on the neck at the moment."

"But-" Lily was cut off by James nibbling at her lips. "James, you're not a rabbit and my lips are certainly not carrot sticks."

"Sorry," he apologized, kissing her properly.

"Your hands are wandering, James," Lily said suspiciously, although with a not very hidden smile, feeling his hands tickle the skin of her back under her shirt.

"Might as well let them mooch, then."

The sound of the portrait of the Fat Man creak opened and James broke apart from Lily with a huffy expression. "Piss off!" he yelled to the unknown intruder.

Sirius tumbled in, hands covering his eyes. "I'm shielding my _pure_ eyes in case you're both naked," he explained.

"We're not naked, Sirius," Lily informed, hitching up on her elbows.

"Whatever!" He pointed an unconvinced finger in the completely wrong direction to where Lily was standing because of his temporary blindness. "That's what Longbottom said too! But was he attired? _I think not! _Prongs, I'm gonna mope in your room for a bit. Don't mind me. Continue _mounting_ one another. I won't listen through the walls. Just try and keep it down, kids. And don't disturb me. I'm angsty." He finished his speech and walked across the room, bumping into a chair and table on the way because of the shielding of his eyes. He entered James' dorm, shutting the door behind with a firm slam.

"Don't have a wank on my bed sheets, Padfoot!" James yelled after him. "Now, where were we?" He was about to launch a gigantic smooch on Lily but she moved her head away at the last second, making him lip attack the chair armrest.

"You told him the password _again_?"

"I told _Remus_ the password. He must have blabbed to him."

"You shouldn't be telling _any_ of your _bum boys_ the password."

"Its _Marauders_," he corrected her for the hundredth time with a smile. "What can I say? They won't leave me alone, and they idolize me too much."

Lily rolled her eyes and ignored such an egotistical comment; she hoped he was just teasing. "The Head Tower is supposed to be private for us."

"Want me all for yourself, eh, eh?" James stroked her back.

"You're so arrogant… which is annoyingly rather attractive," Lily admitted. "Don't you think you should check on Sirius? He looked a little upset," she said, glancing at the bedroom door.

"Nah. He'll be fine," he reassured her. "The only thing he's ever got upset about was the house elves running out of marshmallows."

"Marshmallows? The pink ones or the white ones?"

"You're ruining the mood, Lils..."

"Sorry."

They continued kissing and James let off a satisfied moan as she gripped a hand to his hair.

For the second time, the portrait creaked open and an unwanted visitor stepped in. James reluctantly pulled away from Lily's lips and rested his forehead on hers. "Piss off, please!" he yelled again.

"Er, sorry!" Remus stepped into the common room with a definite cringe on his face, reddening. "I'm shielding my eyes in case either of you are unclothed!" he echoed Sirius' words with both hands covering his eyeballs.

"We're not naked, Remus," Lily informed the second Marauder for the second time.

"Thank heavens," Remus dropped the hands from his eyes but almost instantaneously covered them again. "You might as well be though!" he said, seeing James straddle Lily on the couch in the flash of that second his eyes were exposed.

"If you're looking for Sirius, he's in my room," James said with imploring eyes, hoping his friend would take the hint and leave the room

"Right!" Remus nodded and began his difficult way to James' bedroom, still blind. "You two, er, have fun?" He finally came into contact with the door handle of the bedroom and quickly slipped inside.

"He went into your bedroom, didn't he," James said knowingly.

"Yes," Lily confirmed.

Barely seconds later, Remus appeared out of Lily's bedroom looking an extreme beetroot colour in the face. "You really shouldn't keep your underwear draw so open, Lily," he cringed.

Lily narrowed her eyes. "I didn't leave my underwear draw open…" She spotted James' guilty look. "You!"

"I like the ones with the teddies the best…"

"If I wasn't so into kissing you right now, I'd kick you in the balls."

"So you're into me? So when do you think you'll be into me, then out of me, then back into me again-"

"_James!"_

"I was kidding!" He put his hands up in defence. "That was my sex joke of the day."

"Erm, I'll be going now," Remus informed, slipping into James' bedroom.

"Hey, Fat Man!" James addressed the portrait and it swung backwards into the room to face him.

"You rang?" the Fat Man drawled.

"Don't let anyone else in here, alright? Even if they've got the password, we want some privacy."

The Fat Man nodded. "_Right_. I get it."

"Good." James went back to kissing Lily but after a few seconds, realised someone was watching them. Breaking away from her, he spotted the portrait of the Fat Man still open, watching them with a smirk.

"You can close now."

"_Right_."

"…Anytime today, please."

"You're lucky I didn't get the camera out yet," the Fat Man muttered, shutting the door.

------------------

Peter stood before the Head Tower's portrait, looking unaided and wanting company. He had hardly seen his friends all day besides in class and wanted to play Pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey with Sirius, Sirius being the donkey.

"The password is sugar quills," Peter recited eloquently what Sirius had told him –from Remus- and stepped forward, expecting the portrait to swing open. Unfortunately the portrait remained still and he banged his nose on the hard surface.

"Sugar quills," Peter repeated, holding his bruised nose.

"Does this look like a face that cares?" The Fat Man pointed to his flabby chin and sported an ugly expression.

"Erm… aren't you suppose to be letting me in right about now-"

"I said, does this look like a face that scares?" He pointed again.

"I'm quite certain the password is Sugar qui-"

"Answer the question, boy.

Peter bobbed open his mouth before answering confusedly, "No. It doesn't…"

"Exactly," agreed the Fat Man. "Now bugger off."

Peter grinded his jaw in quite a scary manner, "But I've just told you the password!" He huffed. "Why won't you just let me in?"

"Because the Head Boy ordered no visitors, so boo-sodding-hoo for you," the portrait teased unsympathetically.

"But I know the Head Boy! I'm friends with him!" insisted Peter. "He told me the password himself. He'll be expecting my company!"

The Fat Man sighed, annoyed by the boy's presence. "Fine, I'll go ask Four Eyes," he gave in. He swung open a fraction, enough for his voice to be heard in the Tower. Just as the portrait opened, Peter quickly tried to push past him but failed unsuccessfully. "Sneaky bugger!" the Fat Man pointed at Peter. "Oi, Four Eyes!" he addressed the Head Boy.

"Fat Man," James parted with Lily again, on the verge of looking wrathful if one more person disturbed them, "What did I say about opening?"

The portrait looked livid. "But there's some bloody chubby kid outside who's pestering me to come in!"

"Then tell them to go away!" James yelled.

"But he says he knows you," the Fat Man explained. Peter began to shout a, "James! It's me!" but was hushed by the Portrait's, "Shut it, chubby." Peter was a little insulted by this nickname when the portrait himself looked like he had one too many fourth helpings in the Great hall.

"I actually don't give a rat's arse!" James enlightened the portrait in a sarcastically cheerful tone. "Close the door now, if you will."

Mimicking James' order childishly with ugly expressions, the Fat Man shut the door once more, forbidding entry for poor Peter.

-----------------

Remus stepped into James' bedroom and was instantly overwhelmed by the bitter aroma of burning socks. Coughing from the smell and waving his hand energetically to shoo away the greenish clouds of smoke, he spotted Sirius lying on James' bed, gazing up at the ceiling.

"You're _smoking_?" Remus spat with disbelief.

Sirius suddenly sat up, looking miffed. "I'm going to die _alone_. I think I have the right to, Moony." He sat back down and took a deep pull of the pipe, billowing clouds rising to the ceiling.

Rubbing his forehead, Remus sat on the edge of the bed. "You're actually going to take that _woman_ seriously?"

"I think I've gone past taking it seriously, Moony." Sirius wagged the pipe at him. "I'm pretty freaked out. Can't you tell?" He showed his hand to Remus. "I'm shaking!" he declared.

Remus observed his fingers. "You're moving your hand deliberately," he scoffed.

Sirius cursed under his breath and carried on blowing puffs from his pipe.

Remus was partly glad Professor Cockett had predicted Sirius' death because now the boy was completely focused on that and not on the disturbing dream he had revealed. "So smoking _Merlin knows_ what illegal and poisonous substance that's emitting those green fumes, thus, damaging your lungs, is helping the situation."

"Oh, shut up," Sirius snapped. "You're not my mother." Remus refrained himself from answered 'I'm good as' and watched him puff clouds. "I really wish my mother would die already."

"_Sirius! _Don't say that!" Remus scolded him.

"I'm not kidding! That woman is a _witch_… in an insulting way. I wouldn't be surprised if she ate babies for breakfast."

"How did we get onto the subject of your mother?"

"I dunno," Sirius shrugged. "You brought her up."

Remus was about to snap with 'You did' but saw Sirius looking quite vulnerable and lost, deciding against it.

"I can't die alone," Sirius told the ceiling. "I mean, the birds love me! I'm always with people!"

"You can be surrounded by as many people as possible," Remus spoke in a hollow tone, "but still feel alone."

Sirius arched an eyebrow. "You just got awfully philosophical all of a sudden."

Remus reddened but it wasn't noticeable because of the smoke clouding up the room. "Must be the fumes," he excused. "Just ignore what the professor said, Padfoot."

Sirius ignored him. "But everyone dies alone, don't they?" He contradicted himself. "I mean, couples rarely die together. There's always one that goes before the other." Remus remained silent, just listening. "It's just the way she said it. _Alone_," he mimicked the professor's voice. "She said it as if I'm never gonna find someone."

"Not everyone finds someone," Remus said sombrely.

"You're not fucking helping, Moony!"

"Sorry." Remus winced. "I mean, of course you'll find someone." He clearly looked uncomfortable, not an expert on matters of finding partners. "Just ignore Cockett." He realised Sirius did not laugh at the surname this time. "_Cock_ett," he tried again. Sirius did not laugh; Remus was worried by this but eventually gave up trying to cheer him up.

"I'm going to the library," he announced, standing up.

"What?" Sirius hitched up on his elbows, trying not to look bothered. "Why?"

"I've got Arithmancy homework to finish."

"Can't you just stay here and listen to me angst?"

"I want to pass my NEWT's, Sirius."

"Fine," he said in a tone which clearly stated he was not. "Fuck off, then." He glowered at the ceiling.

Remus reached for the door handle but stopped himself, whipping around with an annoyed expression. "You're _mad_ at me because I'm leaving you to do my homework?" he spoke in incredulity.

"_No_, you're just so incredibly studious sometimes that it pisses me off."

"Not everyone can charm their teacher into believing that their pet Niffler ate their homework," Remus answered sharply.

For a second it looked like Sirius was going to fling his pipe at him, but then he realised who he was talking to and relaxed his irritated features.

"I'm not mad," he told the ceiling, looking expressionless. "Just go already."

Remus looked hesitant. "Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Sighing and taking one last look at Sirius sulking on James' bed, Remus exited the bedroom. Again, he shielded his eyes.

"Go away!" an automatic shout was heard from James as he heard a door open.

"I'm going to the library," Remus informed the couple on the couch. He crossed the common room, bumping into various objects on the way.

"Wait, what's up with Sirius?" James asked him.

"You talk to him," Remus said, looking defeated. He stepped through the portrait, muttering, "I give up..."

Just as James was about to resume kissing Lily, she stopped him by touching his chest and pushing him away slightly with a reprimanding look.

"What?" He was confused to why he receiving such a glare. "He didn't say to talk to him _now_." Lily remained silent, ordering him what to do with his eyes. "Oh, bloody hell! _Fine_!" he gave in moodily, standing up.

Lily stood up and rubbed his shoulders. "You're such a good friend," she cooed in his ear.

"Sometimes I wish I was hermit," James admitted. He gave Lily a departing kiss and found it very hard to let go of her. With a bashful grin, he said, "God, you give me _heart palpitations_…"

Those words hit her like a smack in the face and she instantly recoiled. "W-what?" she quivered.

James didn't register her panic stricken face and only laughed embarrassingly at his own words. "Ignore that last comment. _So cheesy_." He reached for the door handle of his bedroom and gave her a smile. "This better not be about bloody marshmallows," he warned about Sirius' bad mood. "Night, Lily."

"Night," she whispered, forcing a smile.

She rubbed her goose-bumped arms as she stepped into her dormitory. Crossing the room, her eyes locked on an object on her bed.

_Another letter._

With trembling hands, she picked up the envelope and slipped out the parchment.

There was no address to her, nor any occupant. Only the words:

_Through their kisses and caresses they experienced a joy and wonder the equal of which has never been known or heard of,  
But I shall be silent, for the rarest and most delectable pleasures are those which are hinted at, but never told._


	7. Manky old tortoise partners

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing

**Chapter 7**

James stepped into his bedroom and nearly gagged on the green fumes with the familiar smell of blazing socks. "Jesus." He pinched his nose to block his nostrils, making his voice sound comically squeaky. "It smells like a bonfire and sweaty arse in here." He spotted Sirius sitting on his bed, staring at the ceiling, and the pipe in his mouth, the culprit of the bitter smell.

"Alright, Padfoot," James sat on the edge of his book, his arms crossed with a moody expression. "I just turned down fooling around with Lily for you, so you better secretly be a redhead with bosoms under that Padfoot appearance," he looked his friend up and down and decided he was probably not, "or _dying_ or something-"

Clearly mentioning death was not any comforting for Sirius, and James was instantly met with a dramatic down-turned face of despair.

"Er." James frowned. "Was it something I said?"

Sirius quickly erupted into an odd high-pitched never ending wail, only stopping for breath every ten seconds.

Instinctively James covered his ears. "Shut up! I hate it when you do that-that _thing_!" He didn't know how to describe Sirius' bawling. "It's like a bloody siren in my ears! _Shut up_!"

"_Uuuuuuuugh_," sobbed Sirius. He made two rather exaggerated sniffs before starting up again. "UUUUU-"

"Like a siren!" James continued, pressing his fingers harder to ears. "Your howling is like the devil calling out to his spawn-" He was suddenly aware of Sirius hurdling into him and now bawling into his stomach. "Nobhead! You've got fluorescent snot on me!" he cried, trying to push his friend off him.

"_Uuuuuuuugh_-" sniff, sniff "-_aaaaaaauuuugh_-"

"Seriously, your snot is bright yellow. That can't be normal."

Sirius finally broke away from sobbing into his chest. "Stop looking at my snot, you weirdo."

James tried not to focus too much on the insult of 'weirdo' coming from The _Cry-baby_. "I'll stop looking at it when your nose stops extracting it onto my Fooling-around-with-Lily shirt."

Sirius decided not to ask James if he had a special shirt for every occasion with Lily. He wiped his dribbling snotty nose on the back of his sleeve, making James squirm considerably. Lying back down on the bed, Sirius mumbled in between snuffles, "She said I was gonna die…"

Focusing on Sirius' words, James looked deeply regretful. "Oh," he whispered, lying back down on the bed with him, "I'm really sorry, mate." He gazed up at the ceiling. "I told Lily to stop with the death threats already-"

"_Not Evans_, you stupid git."

"Oh." James scratched his head, looking clueless to who he was talking about. "Who, then?" he asked touchily.

"Professor Cockett."

"_Cock_ett! Harharhar…" James trailed off into silence; realising Sirius was not also finding the professor's rude surname as humorous. This thoroughly bothered him; they always had a good chortle about the teacher's name. It was just as funny as the Charms professor's name: Mr. Balls.

"Wait a sec." James backtracked to what Sirius had mentioned Cockett saying. "That woman always makes death threats. Why've you got so worked up about it?"

"Because she said I was going to die _alone_," Sirius stressed, taking a deep puff on his pipe.

James couldn't keep his eyes off Sirius' smoking instrument. "What are you, a seventy year old crippled pensioner?" He quickly realised he'd just passed on quite valuable information. "Alone?" he repeated.

Sirius nodded. "Alone," he confirmed.

James scratched his head again. "_Alone_?" he echoed to the ceiling.

Sirius nodded once more. "_Alone_."

James stuck his tongue out to one side in thought. "…Alo-"

"God, it's like talking down a bloody canyon!" Sirius complained. "Yes, _alone_!"

James didn't know what to say and turned his head to look at his friend, trying to appear sympathetic. "I've… I've never heard Cockett say that before."

"Well, don't I feel _special_ to be the only one she's said it to!" Sirius barked.

James lost his patience and sat up in annoyance. "No wonder Moony walked out of here when you're snapping so much!"

"I think I have the right to, don't you?" Sirius wagged his pipe at him and James slightly coughed at the smoke. "Since I'm going to-"

"Die alone," James finished for him. He slapped his forehead and groaned. "Please don't tell me you're going to use this as an excuse for everything now. 'Sirius, you ate the last piece of cake!' 'I think I have the right to when I'm going to _die alone_!' 'Sirius, you had sex with my girlfriend!' 'I think have the right to when I'm going to _die alone_!' 'Sirius, you saw my mother naked!' 'I think I have the right to when I'm going to," he paused dramatically with an added clap, "_die alone_."

"One, you're not funny," Sirius said, "And two, stop with the hand gestures."

James dropped his hands from pressing together to mimic someone nagging, and realised he had been a little harsh. "Padfoot," he sighed, "To tell you the truth, I've never really believed in Divination."

"Cockett said you asked her how Divination could help you to get Evans."

James quickly turned red and pulled on the collar of his shirt, looking uneasy. "Er… that was in fifth year," he clarified, "And I was _stupid_ back then."

"Nothing's changed, then…"

"What did you just say, booger?"

Sirius faked a smile. "Nothing Prongsie."

"Sirius," James began with weary eyes, "I'm going to say what Moony's probably _already_ said and which you probably ignored in the process." Sirius reddened embarrassingly at the truth and tried to hide beneath the green fumes. "You're _not_ going to die alone."

"But how do you know?" Sirius answered sharply. He sat up with his knees to his chest, distress on his features as he awaited an answer.

James rolled his eyes and lay back down on the bed, putting his hands behind his head. "Because I won't let that happen, you berk."

Sirius did nothing to disguise the confusion on his face. "Er… what?" he said lamely.

"If there was ever a situation where you were in danger of being, er, you know," using the 'D' word seemed inappropriate at that moment, "then I'd step in." James noticed the slightly stunned look on Sirius' face and scoffed. "Don't just think it only applies to you, dung brain. I'd do the same for Moony, Wormtail-"

"And Evans."

James looked suddenly solemn. "Most definitely Lily," he stressed, staring at the ceiling.

Sirius was bemused. "But that's crazy," he stated, twirling both fingers energetically to his head to prove the point, "I'm talking Lovegood-crazy here. You'd… you'd just be willing to sacrifice yourself like that?"

James almost laughed. "Of course," he said with a grace of valance. "I'm just that kind of person," he spoke highly of himself to lighten the mood, brushing his chest. Sirius laughed but was also moved by his friend's words.

"If you were a girl, I'd probably snog you right now," Sirius admitted.

"Thank God for my penis, then," James said mercifully, casting Sirius a disturbed look. He patted his crotch to underline his point.

Sirius somehow found himself drifting back to the subject of the Head Girl. "You're gonna marry her, aren't you?" he asked the ceiling, not able to look at James and ask the same question without a cheesy expression.

"WHAT?" James abruptly turned red and had to fan his face because of the heat radiating off his cheeks. "I DUNNO WHAT YOU'RE ON ABOUT, MATE."

Sirius gave him an unconvinced look. "You're shouting, Prongs."

"Oh, am I? Sorry." James continued to fan his face, speaking quieter. He breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed when he thought Sirius had passed on the question of marriage… until he brought it up again five seconds later.

"So you _are_ going to marry her, then?"

James put up his hands, either in defence or in panic. "Look here Padfoot, I have no idea what you're talking about!"

There was an uncomfortable silence until Sirius broke it with the presumption of, "You're going to marry her the second we get out of Hogwarts, aren't you?"

"Yeah, I've even got the image of the ring in my mind."

"WHAT?" Sirius latched his hands onto James' shoulder, looking horrified. "I was kidding!" he clarified.

James tittered. "Er… so was I?"

"Actually, I wasn't," Sirius said, breaking his fake charade of horror. "I'm a great actor, aren't I? Bask in my amazing performer abilities."

"I'm sorry, I seem to be basking in second hand smoke at the moment," James retorted.

Sirius observed his friend in the cloudy room. "I could tell you wanted to marry her," he carried on. James was a little confused to how they'd quickly got back on to the subject of Lily again. "I could see it in your eyes," he pointed.

James frowned and tried to look at his own pupils, which is impossible without a mirror but he still tried unsuccessfully. "How can you tell by looking at my eyes?" He crossed them in confusion.

Sirius poked the skin next to James' eye and he made a mutter of, 'Ow'. "Bachelor-ness has left them," he explained. He observed James' pupils a little longer before confirming it with a nod. "No longer can I call you a spinster or a stag. Your Animagus form will have to be changed into a manky old tortoise. And Evans will be your manky tortoise partner and you shall live in the Galapagos Islands."

James looked a little disgruntled at his fate. "But I don't want to be a manky old tortoise," he moped.

Sirius poked him in the chest with his pipe. "Then you shouldn't have fallen in love, then."

James looked sulky but eventually shrugged it off, focusing on the subject of tortoise reproduction. "How do you think they have sex? Do they have to take their shells off first? Are they just wrinkly prunes underneath with reproductive organs?"

It seemed as if Sirius was not as keen to stay on the subject of tortoises, though he found himself pondering the answers to the odd questions. He shook himself mentally before any disturbing images cropped up - tortoise sex was not what he needed right now. "Promise me something, Prongs."

James' noticed his solemn tone. "What?

"When you marry that bird, you won't drop us. _Us Marauders_, I mean." Sirius was talking about Moony and Wormtail too but his tone suggested his self more importantly.

"Padfoot, you already live in my house!" James pointed out. "And my mother states you are 'the son she never had' as if she never gave birth to me."

Sirius chuckled. "I do have the tendency to steal people's mothers from their young," he bragged. "Moony's mother loves me. She said she finds my hyperactivity adorable and if Moony ever had a teenage life crisis and ended up being gay, she'd be happy for me to be his partner."

James nearly choked on the surrounding smoke. "That's a rather worrying thing for a mother to say," he stated.

"I thought so too," Sirius agreed, scratching his chin. As he'd mentioned the word 'hyperactivity' it seemed as if this had triggered his usually energetic self. "Let's make a blood brothers promise!" he said, bouncing on the bed.

James was used to Sirius' sudden wired moods. "A blood brothers what?" he asked.

"I read it in a book," Sirius explained. James stopped himself from scoffing 'You can read?' and listened on. "These two best friends cut each others hand and then do a bloody handclasp. It's really gory," he spoke like a first year.

James found himself quite disturbed by such a handshake. "Isn't that really dangerous to your health?"

"Nah," Sirius said, but not too surely. He revealed his famous handy pocket knife from his trousers and raised it high; James was reminded of the sleeping bag incident.

"Wait a second, you lunatic," James stopped him. "I don't want to cut my hand," he put his hands protectively against his chest, "And I most definitely don't want it cut by _you_ and ending up with it being amputated."

Sirius gasped at such a response. "But it'll bind our friendship," he insisted, annoyed by James' refusal.

"Can't you, er, just take my word for it that we'll be mates forever?"

"No, because there is such a thing called _lying_. And you're quite the _mendacious_ one at times." James didn't like how Sirius had used his Moony-word-of-the-day against him. He grabbed for James' hand but he tugged it away. "Fine, I'll go first!"

James had a bad feeling about where this was going_. "No, Padfoot!"_

There was the sound of slicing into skin with an accompanied, "AAAAAAAAAAARGH!"

"_Oh my God_, you are _insane!_" James yelled. He watched Sirius fall from the bed, wailing and clutching his hand. "You know when you were in your mothers uterus, did your brain actually develop because I swear it's the size of a pea!"

Evidently insulting Sirius' mental power did not help the situation. He used his clean hand to try and stop the bleeding of the one cut and carried on howling non-stop. "Prongs, there's a hole," Sirius shook his wounded hand towards James and he tried not to be showered in blood, "in my hand!"

"Well, whose bloody fault is that?" James shouted, trying not to look at such a gruesome sight.

"It feels like," Sirius went back to snuffling, "Someone stabbed me…"

James pointed at him outrageously. "You stabbed yourself, you airy fairy!"

"I misjudged… the depth…"

James nodded, gawking. "I figured so!"

"Help… me…" Sirius whimpered, turning white at the sight of so much red.

"Oh, for goodness sake!" James quickly got out his wand and made the blood disappear with a spell. "There, the bloods gone now."

The grimace on Sirius' face told him that all was not well yet. "It's still painful," he said, opening and closing his fist.

James decided to fix everything with… a sock.

"You put a sock on my hand," Sirius stated slowly, examining his hand which was now covered by the smelly blue foot clothing.

James nodded. "Yes. Yes, I did."

"_You put a sock_…" Sirius said slowly, trying to find the logic. "_On my hand_," he repeated in disbelief, as though he were not seeing right. "Don't you have one of the Muggle first aid kits?"

"I'm sorry," James spoke in a dry tone, putting a hand to his chest. "If I'd have known you were going to randomly stab yourself, I would have _prepared_ one!"

"Nyeh neh neh neh…" Sirius mimicked him quietly, making the same hand yapping hand gestures he'd told off James for doing moments before. "Thanks for stopping the bleeding, though. The sock I could probably do without."

James patted him on the back. "What are friends for, eh?" He grabbed Sirius by the collar and began pushing him to the door. "I don't want to ruin the brotherly moment, but piss off. I want to sleep."

Sirius made a noise of disappointment. "But can't I stay here tonight?" He bounced on his feet. "It'll be just like a sleepover!"

There was uncomfortable silence.

"And I'll be leaving now," Sirius clarified, registering what he had just said.

"That was the general idea." James opened the door for him.

"Oh," Sirius stopped on his exit and James tapped his foot impatiently. "Can I borrow your cloak?"

James arched an eyebrow. "Why?"

"I want take a trip to the kitchens," Sirius rubbed his hands together.

James was boggled by Sirius' stomach but nonetheless walked over to his wooden chest and began to search for the Invisibility cloak.

"Oh, wait! Never mind!" Sirius discovered the cloak was in his pocket all along and displayed it to a miffed James. "Har har! It was in my pocket! Well, ta-ta!" He skipped away.

James had enough time to run up and lean on the door frame to shout, "Thief!" as Sirius crossed the common room.

"Night, Sirius," Lily said tonelessly, from in front of the fire. She didn't even comment on his sock hand.

"Later, redhead." Sirius whipped the cloak on himself -in quite an impressive fashion- and disappeared through the portrait hole.

"Lily?" James perked at the sound of her voice and walked into the common room. She abruptly stood up at the sound of her name. "What are you doing still up?" He noted her tuck strands of hair nervously behind her ears, and he frowned. "You alright?" he asked her in concern.

"Yeah!" Lily answered too fast. She scrunched up the Half Blood Prince's small note in her fist and tried to hide the crumpled up parchment into her pyjama shorts. Unfortunately, the pyjama shorts were too baggy and the note fell straight through to the floor…

Having quick reflexes from Quidditch, James quickly bent down and picked up the parchment as the nosey parker her was. With widened eyes, Lily snatched the parchment from James with a slap.

"Ow," he mumbled, rubbing his sore hand. "What is that?" he gestured to the letter.

"A… um… memo to myself?" fibbed Lily.

James made a mental note that the woman he may marry was a little insane. "And what's today's memo?" he asked.

"To wear tighter pyjama shorts," she grumbled.

"I second that!" James agreed with a wink. "You have an exceptional bottom." He slapped said buttocks which Lily replied with a surprised outcry, and tugged her forward to wrap his arms around her waist.

Tilting his head down, James breathed into her neck, "Are you sure you're okay?"

"_Yes_," Lily gave him a reassuring squeeze, "Stop fussing. That's _my_ job." She gave him a slow kiss before saying, "I think I'll call it a night."

"Uuh…" James ran a hand through his hair, partly because he thought it made him look handsomely young and partly because he was nervous about the question he was going to ask. Lily, looking mildly suspicious, inclined him to go on. "Can I, er, sleep in your room tonight?"

She had not expected that question out of all the enquiries in the wizarding world. She tried not to react in a rage and calmly asked, "And why do you feel the need to sleep in my room?" while hoping she would not receive a perverted answer.

"Because my room smells of burning socks."

She also didn't expect that reply out of all the responses in the wizarding world. She laughed for a short moment and demanded, "No seriously, why?"

"I'm not kidding. My room smells of burning socks and it's foul," he complained.

Lily laughed once again and quickly halted. "Out of all the ridiculous ideas of getting into my bed…" She stalked off to James' bedroom and opened the door so she could shove the boy inside. "Oh dear God," she slammed the door shut and covered her face with her hands, using her fingers as a gas mask.

James shone a triumphant look, being in the right for once. "So… can I?" he asked hopefully.

Lily shook her head in disbelief. "James, you can't just sleep in my room!" she resorted to a whisper as if people were listening in. "It's against the Hogwarts Sleeping Arrangement Rules! H.S.A.R for short."

James had never heard of such regulations. He did however notice something about the name. "Hey, H.S.A.R spelt backwards spells 'rash'!" he giggled.

Lily giggled along until she realised what exactly she was doing. "Don't be so childish," she told him off.

"I'm not the childish one _making up_ rules when deep down you _really_ want me in your bedroom."

"So what if I made the rules up!" Lily crossed her arms in a huff.

James made a secret smile to himself on how she hadn't denied the latter. "Look, if it makes you happy, we'll ask Dumbledore."

"WHAT?" Lily choked. She could imagine how the conversation with the Headmaster would play out in her head and involved a lot of heating in the face and sexual innuendos. "D-don't you even think about going to ask him!" She latched on to his arm so he wouldn't escape. James took this as undying affection and with a kiss unpeeled her fingers off his sleeve.

"I'll go get him!" He grinned.

"No, no, no, no, no!" Lily chanted in a whisper as he fled. "James, get back here!" she ordered. As she watched him escape, she expected him to run to the portrait. But instead, the boy ran behind the couch, hidden from view.

Lily was very confused. She was quite certain Dumbledore hadn't moved his office to behind the couch of their Head Tower.

"Um…what are you-" she began, but was hushed by James behind the furniture. She wondered if James was playing Hide and Seek, but he had not informed her they were playing the game. Maybe she should start counting to a hundred?

Just as she was about to ask again what was going on; James appeared from behind the couch wearing a long grey beard stuck to his chin, a pointy wizard hat, and his glasses pushed to the end of his nose, giving him an intellectual look.

Now Lily knew what was going on.

"TWINKLE TWINKLE EYE TWINKLE," James said.

That didn't mean she wasn't confused by it all.

"Miss Evans!" James spoke in a Dumbledore-like voice. "Welcome to my office!" He leaned on top of the couch.

Lily gawked before saying, "You've been hanging around Sirius too long."

"What can I do you for, Miss Evans?" James smiled, still remaining in character.

Lily tried to take her eyes off his long grey beard and put her hands together, pressing them to her mouth. "James-"

"Miss Evans, why are you calling me after Mr. Potter? Please address me as 'Professor' or 'Headmaster'. Or," he leaned in closer, licking his lips, "_your_ master."

Lily would never be able to look Dumbledore in the eye again. "James! This is ridiculous-"

"Miss Evans," he interrupted with a wave of his hand. He lowered his glasses on his nose, so much they threatened to slip off. "Please," he tilted his head down in a mesmerising way.

Lily gave in with a sigh. "Alright," she gritted through her teeth, "_Professor_."

James had hoped she would have gone with the third title option but didn't voice his complaints. "TWINKLE TWINKLE EYE TWINKLE," he said again, widening his eyeballs. Lily found herself quite frightened by this. "Miss Evans, is there something you would like to ask me?"

Lily decided to play along. "Professor," she sat on the couch and began running her hands through his beard. James instantly found his breath more ragged and forced a cough to clear his throat. "Do we really need a Head Boy because I'm contemplating using an unforgivable curse on the current one we have." She made a swift tug to his beard and James made an outcry of 'Ow! Lily!'

She smiled, putting a finger to her chin. "I don't quite remember Dumbledore addressing me by his first name."

James pouted. "You're ruining the game."

Heaving a sigh, she gave in yet again. "_Fine_! Get on with it," she pressed.

For a second time, James got back into character. "I think there was something you wanted to ask me," he said huskily. "TWINKLE TWINKLE EYE TWINKLE."

Lily was getting a little annoyed by that action he was voicing instead of actually acting out. "Professor, can James—I mean, _Mr. Potter_," she corrected herself, "sleep in my room tonight?"

"Certainly!" James said in too much of a delighted voice for it to belong to the Headmaster. "In fact, I instruct you to obey any tasks Mr. Potter asks you, sexual or not need not matter, and make your bedroom permanent sleeping arrangements for him!"

James was quite delighted with the surprising sweet smile he received in response from the redhead.

"Come here," Lily said, gesturing for him to come forwards with her finger.

"Why? Do you want detention?" Eagerly, James jumped over the top of the couch to sit next to her. "Have you been a naughty, _naughty_ girl?" He patted his lap, thinking she would jump on to it.

"_No_," Lily gritted through her teeth, "I just wanted to _hit_ you." She began punching his shoulder multiple times with quite amazing strength.

"Ow-ow-OW!" James complained. He quickly tugged off his beard and hat, and pushed up his glasses normally. "Stop hitting me!" He put up his hands in defence. "It's me! James! Not Dumbledore!"

Figuring he had received enough punching, Lily got to her feet and pointed to her room. "Get in there before I change my mind," she said tiredly.

"You know," James played with the long, grey beard in his hand, "Some people may consider this dressing up thing as foreplay-"

"_Now_."

"As you wish, my little pumpkin pastry."

Lily ignored the fact that her boyfriend had just named her after a snack.

She followed behind him into the bedroom and automatically rolled her eyes as James began tugging off his shirt. Unfortunately it got stuck as he tried to push it off his head and was now caught up on his arms, hindering his vision.

"Bloody Fooling-around-with-Lily shirt," he cursed, his arms wailing overhead. "Where'd you want me?" he asked Lily nonetheless, as if the shirt was not currently trying to eat his face.

"Preferably alive and—wall, James! There's a wall right in front of you!" she cried out. A thump followed after.

"They should really make the walls cushioned," he said painfully.

"Just stay still and I'll pull it off—James! Dresser! Watch for the dresser!"

"Ow! _Bugger_!"

Quickly running to his side before James collided with anything else; Lily pulled the shirt over his head with a parent-scolding look.

"Thanks," he said gratefully. With no shame, he unzipped his trousers which quickly fell to the floor, revealing his bright blue boxers, and shuffled his way across to the bed with his trousers dragging along by the ankles. "Where'd you want me?" he asked again, positioning himself on the bed in what he thought was a seductive way. In his positioning, he realised his shoes were still on, along with his trousers by the ankles, and tried kicking off his shoes. This proved to be unsuccessful and nearly ended up with him dislocating his ankles.

"Sodding shoes!" he cursed again.

Lily was quite embarrassed by his shameless attitude. "You know, you could just sleep on the couch," she suggested.

James gasped at such a proposal. "But I'd get a bad back," he said, rubbing his spine at that precise moment. "You don't want me to get a bad back, do you?" He pouted with big puppy dog eyes.

"Alright!" Lily said, feeling guilty. With the Half Blood Prince's note letter scrunched up in her hand, she put the letter in the drawer along with the previous letter she had received.

"More memo's to yourself?" James asked, watching her shut the drawer with a slam.

"Uh…yes?" she answered uncertainly. She nudged James aside who was positioned on top of the bed spread and slipped under it. "So, are we agreed that the right side of the bed is mine, and the left side is yours, and we should both stick to our sides?"

James blinked. _Twice_. "Hmm?"

"Good," she took his answer for a yes. "I'll see you in the morning." She kissed him goodnight on the cheek and nestled her head into her pillow, turning away from him.

James was still laying on top of his half of the bed spread, perplexed, shoes on, and trousers by the ankles.

---------------

Sirius loved to tickle the fruit.

To tell you the truth, it was probably the best part of voyaging to the kitchen. It was just the fact that you had to _tickle fruit_. Of course, the major factor of eating whatever and however much food the house elves created was a great aspect of the kitchen event. And trust Mr. Padfoot himself, he found it impossible that the house elves could just conjure up anything he demanded out of the blink of the eye. He even tested his theory and ordered a milkshake containing around fifty fruits. Some including mangoes, kiwis, pineapples, lychee, sapodillas, papayas, and avocados. Naturally, his jaw dropped to the floor when his milkshake arrived at the table. Naturally, the milkshake tasted like complete cack.

He pulled the invisibility cloak off of himself and reached out his hand to tickle the fruit. Once the tickling ended -which Sirius very much enjoyed doing- the portrait swung open. He stepped into kitchens and was quickly greeted by the masses of house elves. A recognizable house elf stood out to him and bowed as she stepped forward.

"No need for bowing, Poppet," Sirius told the elf.

"_Yaas_, Sir."

Sirius chortled into his hand. That house elf's foreign accent always made him laugh.

"Poppet, I've always wanted to ask you something," Sirius carried on talking as he was ushered across the kitchen by the elves to sit on one of the empty great hall-like tables. "You've got a foreign accent," he stated to the elf.

"_Yaas_, Sir," the elf recurred.

"Yaas- I mean, _yes_," Sirius corrected himself, accidentally adopting the elf's brogue. "_I mean_, where exactly are you from?"

"_Yaas_, Sir."

Sirius bent his elbow and leaned his head on the palm of his hand. "You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?"

"_Yaas_, Sir."

Sirius tried to keep a straight face. "Thanks, Poppet."

"What would you like, Mr. Black, Sir, Mr. Black, Sir, Mr. Black, Sir, Mr. Black?" a house elf asked, his head bent so down it touched the floor.

Sirius was boggled by so many Mr. Black's and Sir's. He propped the elf into a standing position. "Can I have two jam tarts," he scratched his chin, "three fig rolls. And some of those pink strawberry wafer things, please." The house elf nodded and scurried away.

Sirius shut his eyes to yawn, and the instant he opened them again, discovered his order of food in front of him.

"Chocolate gateau?" an elf offered. A generous plate of the chocolate cake was shoved before Sirius' eyes.

"Go on, then!" he gave in, accepting the plate.

As he began chomping his way through his fattening snacks, the portrait opened. With his mouth noticeably showing pink mush from his strawberry wafers, he spotted fellow seventh year, Georgina -otherwise titled as 'Hot Georgina'- crossing the kitchens.

"Two jam tarts, three fig rolls, some chocolate gateau and a couple of those pink strawberry wafers," she listed to a house elf. She noticed Sirius sitting on one of the tables and took the seat across him.

"Manners, Georgina," Sirius sang.

"What?"

He leaned towards her, unaware that his mouth was covered in jam. "You forgot to say please." He inclined a head to the house elf. "Go on. It's only polite."

"Fine," Georgina groaned in exaggeration. Grabbing the nearest house elf by the lion cloth, she smiled a sarcastically happy, "Please!" and the elf hurried off in fear.

"_See_, now the elves won't spit in your food."

Georgina goggled at his jam covered mouth. Sirius smirked silently to himself; she was obviously checking him out.

"Sirius," Georgina pointed to her mouth, indicating he should wipe his own, "There's a little jam there."

"Oh!" Sirius rubbed to a great extent at his chin, completely missing the jam that was around his lips. "Has it gone?"

Georgina leered. "Yep."

Sirius observed her whilst starting on his fig rolls. "Nice bed hair," he scoffed, looking at her blonde hair sticking out in all directions whilst scruffily tied up in a bun. It was an obvious change from her normally immaculate self in daylight.

"Shut your face," Georgina cheerfully answered. Her eyes fell on Sirius' unhealthy meal and she frowned. "You took my food," she stated.

Sirius stuffed another fig roll in his gob. "You what?"

"I just ordered that," Georgina said, trying to snatch a jam tart.

"Bugger off!" Sirius shouted, crumbs flying at her face. "I ordered it first, you Ravenclaw fruitcake!"

A house elf quickly arrived at Georgina's side with a plate of the food she ordered. "Sorry for the delay, miss!" he apologized, bowing.

Sirius shot Georgina a look which said 'don't you owe me an apology?' but she made a defiant laugh and took a spoon full of her chocolate gateau. "Shouldn't you be watching your figure?" she asked, looking at his stomach.

"_Excuse me_?" Sirius choked. "I'll have you know that I have fabulous abs!" He lifted up his shirt, revealing his bare skin and the 'wonderful abs' he had declared. He let out a scream. "_Where did my abs go_?" He ran his hands down across his chest, as if the abs would suddenly sprout because of his touch.

"I think the question isn't 'where did my abs go?'" She took a generous spoonful of her gateau. "But 'were they ever there in the first place?'" She snorted.

"Have I told you how unflattering you are when you snort?"

"Are you aware there is sock on your hand?"

It appeared that the Ravenclaw had one this round.

"Touché," Sirius grumbled.

Georgina leered again. "What's it covering?" she asked, observing the smelly sock, "Warts? Fungal infections?"

Sirius was tempted to hurl his last jam tart in her face. "A wound, _actually_."

"A battle wound?" she queried with raised eyebrows.

"No, I, er, stabbed myself in the hand," he mumbled quietly.

"Self harming is not a wise path to take-"

"I did not self harm, you Ravenclaw know-it-all!" Sirius spat. "It was for a friendship bloody handclasp! It was impressive and gory!"

Georgina snorted again. "What are you, six years old?"

"What are you, a pig?" he retorted on her snorting.

"Go play with your sock hand."

Sirius made a 'UUUH' sound of indignation, about to snap back, but Georgina silenced him with the palm of her hand, ending the conversation. He chewed openly on his strawberry wafers in front of her face to spite her. "Do you like sea food?" He gave her no time to answer and played the pink mush on his tongue. "Har! See food!" he pointed to his tongue.

"Oh _good God_. One, that joke is _lame_. And two, Peter Pettigrew told me that joke a _year ago_, and it was still mind-numbingly unfunny back then."

Sirius didn't know what to say. "Shut up…" he mumbled, far too late for it too matter or be considered in the conversation. "Shouldn't you be off, like, snogging or something?"

Georgina glared. "Are you trying to say I'm some kind of tart, Sirius?"

He leaned back, unperturbed. "I do believe I am."

Georgina looked as if she was about to slap him, but folded her arms. "I'm starting a new leaf," she explained. "Its my last year at Hogwarts so I've decided to be less, er, shall we say, _easy_, and concentrate more on my studies."

"That's very mature of you," Sirius commented. Georgina frowned at such a response. "So, you're going to stop infecting the male -or even possibly female- students of Hogwarts with cold sores?"

Georgina finished her meal and dropped her spoon to the plate with a clang. "I'm going to break both of your legs," she threatened, cracking her knuckles.

"Doing what, exactly?" Sirius said, with an added pelvic thrust. "That's what you're familiar with, right?" he referred to the action.

"Are you, _again_, trying to say that I am a tart?"

"I do believe I am," Sirius recurred coolly.

Georgina laughed and leaned forwards. "You're only bitter with me because you fancy me," she crooned.

Sirius broke his gaze off her. "I _do not_ fancy you," he stressed. He decided not to mention that he and the boys titled her as 'Hot Georgina' occasionally.

"Fine," Georgina said. She sat up with an expectant look. "Well, walk me back to my common room, then."

Sirius was about to stand but half way in rising he sat down again and shoved himself closer towards the table. "Give me five minutes," he said, looking pointedly at his crotch.

"Would you like anything else, sir?" a house elf asked Sirius.

"Order him a cold shower," Georgina suggested, laughing on her exit through the portrait. Once she'd gone, Sirius slammed his head against the table.

"What I wouldn't give for a piece of that arse…"

---------------

James had been watching Lily sleep for exactly five minutes and forty two seconds. It took him this amount of time to realise that staring at a girl when they're sleeping was exceedingly bizarre.

"Padfoot was right," he realised.

He hated it when Sirius was right. He wasn't supposed to be right. He was supposed to be wrong. Erroneous! Why wasn't he being erroneous?

James had to admit it; he was indeed going to marry her one day. They would be sitting in the tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first comes love, then comes marriage…

"_Then comes the baby in the baby_-"

"James, why are you singing that annoying children's rhyme?"

"WAAAH!" In shock of her actually being awake, James did an odd sort of backwards roll off the bed.

Hurrying to the edge of the bed, Lily peeked over the side and asked, "Did you ever do Gymnastics in primary school? You're tucking of that roll was quite impressive."

James quickly sat up, looking flustered. "So you weren't asleep? Oh, thank Merlin!" He put his hands together and looked upwards. "That means I wasn't watching you sleeping!"

"No, I just woke up now," she frowned, "You were watching me sleep?"

"Er... maybe?" James ran a hand through his hair. "I dunno. It's just... when you sleep, you look so... _quiet_," he described oddly.

Lily grinded her jaw. "WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY, THAT I'M _LOUD_?"

"You shouted that."

Lily reduced her voice to a whisper. "What are you trying to say, that I'm loud?"

James didn't answer that particular question. "Oh, hell!" he wailed. "Sirius was right!"

"About what?"

"We're going to be manky old tortoises and live in the Galapagos Islands," he went on.

Lily looked quite upset. "But I don't want to be a manky old tortoise."

James sat back on the bed and thrust his head into Lily's bosoms as a spot of appease to comfort him. "Then we shouldn't have fallen in love, then," he told the breasts down her pyjama top.

She knew exactly where he was looking and pushed his head away with a roll of the eyes. "Why do I have to be a tortoise?" she asked. "Can't I be a dolphin? Or a… walrus?"

James was confused to why she wanted to be such a, frankly, ugly creature. "Why the hell would you want to be a walrus?" A dolphin he could understand, not so much of the latter.

"Because I find your seal impression funny when you stick straws up your nose," Lily blushed.

James put his fingers by his nostrils and she laughed coyly.

Smiling at her laughter, James realised something. "I wouldn't mind being a manky old tortoise if I was _your_ manky old tortoise," he told her, stroking her hand.

James expected her response as what he said but in return to him.

"This is the most peculiar conversation I have ever experienced," Lily stated.

James gawked, looking a little hurt. "Lily!"

"I'm kidding! The feeling's mutual, you big mummy's boy," she reassured him, kissing him. "Honestly, you act like such a woman sometimes…"

She rolled over to her side of the bed and nuzzled her head into her pillow again. "Don't watch me sleep," she told him softly. James reddened. "You're not my husband and I'm not dying in hospital."

"_Yet_."

Lily furrowed her brow. "You're expecting me to die in hospital soon?"

"No, er, 'yet' to the, er, first one," he said bashfully.

"God, you embarrass me in a good way," Lily chuckled. "Sleep time, James. Stick to your side of the bed, remember."

James gradually moved to her side and snuggled against her.

Lily didn't push him away.

----------------

"Where have you been?"

Sirius turned to the direction of the voice in the common room with his sock hand positioned along side his head. On his journey back to Gryffindor tower, he'd attached two googly eyes to his sock so it was now considered a sock puppet hand.

"What's a sock doing on your hand?" Remus asked from the armchair, closing the book in his lap.

"Kitchens," Sirius said.

"What?" Remus answered confusedly.

"Kitchens is where I've been," Sirius explained. "And James put it on there," he pointed to his hand.

Remus made a slow nod. "_Right_."

Sirius crossed the common room and took the first step to the stairs leading to the boys' dormitory. He halted with a frown when he discovered Remus had not followed him. "Aren't you coming?" Sirius asked, gesturing a hand to upstairs.

"I'll be right up."

Sirius fixed him with an odd look but Remus broke it by looking into the common room fire.

Shrugging, Sirius skipped up the stairs to his dormitory in a pretty cheerful mood.

The mood deteriorated.

The second Sirius had entered his dorm; he sat on his bed and waited.

He waited a minute.

He waited ten minutes.

He waited an hour.

Remus had still not come up.

"Padfoot."

Sirius turned to the sound of the name and was disappointed to hear it whispered from Peter's lips. He had hoped it had been a certain werewolf returning to the dorm. "Hasn't Remus come up yet?"

"No," Sirius grumbled.

"Maybe you should go ta-"

Sirius had already shot through the door and was tiptoeing down the stairs to avoid waking up the rest of the house. Entering the common room, Remus titled his head up and merely watched Sirius cross the room and take the opposite arm chair across him.

"Alright, butt much," Sirius addressed him, "What's going on?"

Remus didn't answer and stared into the common room fire.

Sirius exhaled noisily with a scowl. "Oh, I see. Not in the mood for talking, eh?" Remus' silence confirmed it. "Why don't we play a game?" he suggested. Remus was not in the mood for games but could not argue. "It's called the sharing game. I share some information, and you share some information. I'll go first. I was in the kitchens talking to Hot Georgina. Your turn."

"Must you be so vulgar by calling her that?"

"_Your turn_," Sirius reminded him.

Remus gave in with a sigh. "I didn't finish my Arithmancy homework," he said. Sirius gasped obnoxiously at such a statement. "Your turn."

"Hot Georgina's quite a nice girl once you get past her easy demeanour and didn't even try to snog me once," Sirius spoke with a fair amount of awe. His tone even suggested a tinge of disappointment. "Your turn."

"My mind was distracted in the library. Your turn."

"I'm not afraid of dying alone anymore."

Remus -who up until now thought the mood was light humoured and fun- suddenly looked ill.

"I was talking to Prongs-" Sirius moved his legs to rest on the arm chair and tried to a more comfortable position "-and he got me thinking. He was saying how he'd step in if I was ever close to, er, _you know_. Bloody heroic show off." Remus chuckled sadly. "So, you know, if I ever died trying to save and protect a loved one, I wouldn't die unhappy, I think," he gazed at the ceiling and even appeared to be smiling, "Even if I was alone, it wouldn't matter. Dying alone is the gallant way, eh?" He was quickly aware he'd been babbling and spent too much time on his 'turn'. "Your turn, Moony."

"I don't want to go to sleep," Remus said, looking at the fire. "Your turn."

Sirius found his revelation quite odd but shrugged it off. He lifted up his sock hand. "I stabbed myself with my pocket knife." Remus rolled his eyes and Sirius responded by making his sock hand puppet nod. "Your turn."

"I'm, er, _afraid_ to go to sleep. Your turn."

Sirius eyed him with a grim expression. He said his turn quickly so he could hear Remus' explanation to why he was fearful of sleeping. "Georgina has nice breasts. Your turn."

"My feet are cold." Remus moved his toes around on his socks. "Your turn."

"Why are you afraid of going to sleep?"

"_Your turn_."

"I'm bored of the game now," Sirius declared, taking his feet of the arm rest. "Why are you afraid of going to sleep?" he asked again, his tone one of concern.

Remus looked reluctant to talk but Sirius always got his way. "I don't want to have any more… _odd_ dreams," he stressed, hoping Sirius would take the hint.

With slow realisation, Sirius cringed. "Oh," he scratched his head, "But how'd you know you'll have any more?"

"I don't," Remus said. Sirius shook his head in amusement at how ridiculous he was being. "But I'm not taking any chances," he clarified.

"What, so you're going to stop sleeping?" Sirius laughed.

Remus shrugged, "Perhaps," and opened up his book again.

Sirius had to force himself not to erupt into hilarity. "Why are you being dumb?" he asked.

Remus' right eye bulged. "_I beg your pardon_?"

Sirius got more comfy on the arm chair again, showing no respect for the furniture. "You're normally such a brain box, but here you are saying it's _possible_ to go _without sleep _for the rest of your life!" He had to turn away from Remus not to laugh. He looked back at him again, chortled, and looked away. This repeated many times. The studious werewolf was not pleased.

"Why don't I help you?" Sirius asked eventually.

Remus was baffled by such a question. "Help me?" he queried.

"You go to sleep, and I'll watch you," Sirius explained the terms, "and if it looks like you're having one of those odd dreams, I'll wake you up."

It was Remus' turn to laugh. "I've never heard a plan so outlandish!" he affirmed. "Just go back to the dorm."

"I think not," Sirius argued. He opened and closed his sock puppet hand to make it look as if it were speaking. "I think I'll just wait until you fall asleep and carry out my plan."

Remus was annoyed by his stubbornness. "I'm not going to fall asleep," he gritted through his teeth. He found himself talking to the sock puppet hand, reddened, and focused on Sirius again.

"Fine. We'll just stay awake here all night." Sirius folded his arms. "You forget Moony, that I have managed to stay awake for at least forty eight hours!" he bragged.

"Don't you mean forty eight minutes?"

Sirius looked upwards, looking unsure, before answering, "Er, of course I mean forty eight hours, you mork!"

"Do whatever you want, Sirius. But I'm not going to fall asleep," Remus told him determinedly. With a mighty smirk, he returned to his reading.

It had only been five minutes until Remus' head was threatening to drop.

Sirius was his usual energetic and awake self and appeared to be having a ball playing wizard chess against his sock hand. "Sleepy yet, Moony?"

"No," Remus snapped. Though the truth was he was so drowsy that the words of the pages in his book had formed into sheep and were now jumping over an imaginary fence hovering above the common room fire. He shook his head.

"I'm so glad I had that coffee before I left the kitchens!" Sirius boasted.

Remus could distinctly see his eyelashes lowering. "Hmm?"

"I said, I'm so glad I had that coffee before I left the kitchens!" Sirius repeated just as lively as the first time.

Remus nodded slothfully. "Mmhmm."

"Didn't quite catch that, Moony," Sirius put a hand to his ear.

Remus slowly nodded off and dropped his book to the floor.

"Stupid werewolf," Sirius murmured.

He crossed the room and picked up the book, holding the page it had landed on. He took the bookmark out of Remus' hand and saved the page to avoid any manic hyperventilating panic attacks because the boy had lost his page (August of fifth year). Figuring his friend might be cold; he grabbed his duvet from the boys' dormitory and laid it on top of him.

Yawning, Sirius took the opposite arm chair across Remus and began his Moony Watch.

Unfortunately, Sirius fell asleep two minutes later. But really, it's the thought that counts, isn't it?


	8. Penis shaped balloons

**A/N: **The Half Blood Prince's poem is by _William Blake_.

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing

**Chapter 8**

Silence is virtue. Of course, Lily was receiving none in Potions.

"Wahey! Nice Potions knife!"

"For the love of Merlin, I got it in Hogsmeade! I bought it myself! No secret admirer gave it to me! What is the big deal? Huh? HUH? A teenage girl buying herself a knife is completely normal! Mundane! MUNDANE, I TELL YOU!"

All Sirius had heard was a sort of piercing "eeeeeeeeeee!" coming from Lily's mouth. Really, it was quite extraordinary how high in voice pitch the redhead could reach in her raging monologues.

"Putting the knife down now," Sirius clarified slowly, putting down the cutting instrument which he had been dangerously juggling in his hands. "You," he pointed at Lily but lowered his finger when she looked so alarming she might chomp it off. "You… Sedation, that's what you need. _Sedation_."

Lily reached out to strangle Sirius but only managed to claw at his neck as the boy hurried back to his desk for safety.

Lily had a bad feeling about today. Yes, she had experienced a good night's sleep by James' side, but something just felt…off.

She was waiting for another letter.

She had to admit it; she was _expecting _another letter from the Half Blood Prince. Not that she wanted another one…did she?

"Of course not," Lily told herself.

"What?"

She followed the direction of the voice and discovered it was from her friend, Nicole, looking at her with concern.

"Nothing, I was just, er, talking to myself," Lily said, fiddling with her shirt collar nervously.

Nicole remained dubious and stepped forward, examining her friend. "Are you and James okay?"

Lily was startled by such an out of the blue question. "James?" she echoed. "We're-"

"Is he being a wanker again?" Nicole jumped to conclusions. "He is, isn't he? James-wanker-Potter, you are on my list!" she shouted to the back of the class, audible enough for James to hear. The boy scratched his head in confusion and mumbled a, "Wha…?"

Whirling Nicole around to face James on the other side of the classroom, Lily mouthed the words 'CUCKOO CUCKOO' twirling a finger to her cranium, and then whipped her round to face her again.

"Everything is fine," Lily lied. "Top-notch. Splendid. Neato."

"But you don't look well."

Lily did not appreciate her brutal honesty. "It must be the Head duties," she insisted, wishing her companion didn't care so much for her well-being. Attempting to ignore her friend's penetrating gaze on her, she tried to keep her attention on stirring her potion. However, her eyes kept wandering back to the Half Blood Prince's knife lying on the desk.

She needed to get rid of it.

"Do you want a knife, Nicole?"

The girl currently chopping roots nearly took off her finger. "Er…did you just ask me -sounding extremely like a mad woman- if I wanted a possibly killing weapon?"

Lily slid the knife down the desk in front of her friend. "My potions knife," she said, "You can have it."

Nicole raised an eyebrow suspiciously. "What have you done to it?"

Lily laughed at her lack of trust. "Nothing. There's no catch."

Nicole spun the knife on the table and it rotated in such an alluring way. Together the girls watched it twirl until Nicole suddenly put her finger down, luckily the tip landing on the handle. "Didn't you say you bought this from Hogsmeade? Why do you want to give it away?"

Lily tried to act casual in response. "I don't like it," she fibbed. Nicole found this hard to believe; the knife was beautiful in decoration. "It's too fancy!" she said, reading Nicole's thoughts.

"It looks really expensive."

"Yeah…" Lily agreed, admiring the knife from afar.

"I can't have it," Nicole decided, sliding the knife down the desk in front of Lily again. "If you hadn't noticed already, your initial 'L' is on the handle." She tapped it. "Mine's 'N', remember?"

Lily was desperate by now. "So? There's an 'L' in your name!" she said lamely. Holding out the knife for Nicole to receive, she said, "Take it."

Her eyes wandered uneasily from the potions knife to Lily's face. "I don't think-"

"_Just take it_," Lily pleaded.

Nicole was a little apprehensive, but if taking the knife would calm her friend down then she would do it. She grasped the end of the knife, expecting Lily to let go of it.

She didn't.

"Lily?" Nicole gave a tug on her side of the knife, watching her friend's eyes gaze on the instrument while her grip was unusually tight around her end of it. "If you're going to give it to me, you're going to have to let go."

It was a few seconds until Lily got out of her trance by shaking her head, and released the knife quickly, stumbling back. "Sorry," she apologized, reddening. Her actions made it seem as if she had wanted to keep the Prince's present…

"You'd tell me if something was, you know, going on?" Nicole asked, after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence.

On the rules of friendship, it was only compulsory for Lily to answer with a yes.

Somehow she found herself answering, "It depends what it was."

Nicole looked a little hurt but accepted her answer. "You'd at least tell James wouldn't you?" she asked hopefully.

Lily decided a yes was expected here, enough to calm her friend's worry. "Of course," she said, feigning a smile.

"My orange peel!"

Lily rolled her eyes at such a pet name. James was extremely cheerful after sharing a bed with her last night and had now adopted a new phase of nicknaming Lily after any being or object that was red or orange. She was a little annoyed at the fact that the colour red or orange would always be associated with herself because of her vibrant hair.

At first she thought it was cute. The occasional 'Strawberry' or 'Carrot top' she had tolerated. But after running out of cute objects to be named after, Lily had crossed the line at being described after menstrual blood.

"I'm not going to snog you in the middle of class, James," Lily told him from the other side of the classroom.

"I did not call you for a snogging invitation," he said, though a rather disappointed look was shone upon his face. "Can I borrow your Potions book?"

"What's wrong with your own?" Lily asked.

Using his wand, James made his Potions book float in front of his face - you could still see him because of the large hole through the book with scorned edges which was presently emitting smoke. He tried to shoo away the black clouds. "Sirius burnt a hole through mine," he accused.

Sirius shrieked, "Mendacious, that's what you are! Mendacious!"

"Wasn't that _yesterday's _Moony's-word-of-the-day," Peter pointed out thoughtfully.

"Oh yeah," Sirius scratched his head in realisation, "What's today's, Moony?"

"Taciturn," Remus revealed, not even stopping to think.

"Tacky what? What does that mean?"

"Habitually untalkative. Something you are not."

"…Is that the actual word of the day, or are you just making fun of me?"

"Both!" Peter said, raising his hand in addition.

"Yes, Peter," Remus said, "Five points to Gryffin—oh no, I'm doing that teacher thing again…"

"But that would have been the first time I ever got house points…"

"God, those boys could ramble for England," Lily muttered. Picking up her Potions book, she ambled her way to James' desk. Crossing the aisle of writing tables, she bumped shoulders accidentally into someone who was on their way to the Potions cupboard.

"Watch where you're going, Evans."

"Sorry," she snapped, retaliating against their rude tone. Rubbing her sore shoulder, she looked up to watch the moving back of Severus Snape. He hadn't even looked at her to make the cold comment.

She was glad James hadn't seen that particular moment with Snape as he greeted her with a grin when she arrived at his desk.

"Love you," James said, taking the book from her hand with an accompanied kiss.

Sirius shook his head at such nauseatingly lovey-dovey behaviour of a Marauder. "Nancy. What is he, Wormtail?"

"A nancy?"

"Exactly, papoose. _Exactly_."

"Shut up, Sirius," Lily said, hitting him lightly in the stomach. "I know you want to do ungodly things with 'Hot Georgina'."

It took a few registering seconds before Sirius turned on James with a fuming look. "You told her!" he pointed the finger.

"She got it out of me?" James poorly excused himself.

"Oh I bet she got _something _out of you, alright."

"Poor double entendre, Sirius," Remus commented, eyes glued to his cauldron.

"Oh… well, _still_! You shouldn't have told her Hot Georgina stuff! It's Marauder confidentiality! _Guy _stuff!" Sirius said with emphasis. "She's not a man, is she." he pointed at Lily. "She has a vagina. A VAGINA," he said, with no shame in shouting it out publically.

"I'm quite aware of that, Sirius," Lily conveyed him with the usual I-find-you-extremely-odd look. "Try not to get my Potions book in the same condition as yours, James," she gestured to his book sporting a hole. She managed to depart after James demanded more kisses on the grounds of 'needing them like air!' followed by extended shouting from Sirius of "Vagina! VAGINA!"

"Hey, there's a letter in here."

If Lily hadn't gone to the toilet this morning, she would have cacked her knickers. Turning around, she spotted James with her open Potions book, staring at the envelope laid between the pages.

"Hey, Lily, it's got your name on-"

It was barely seconds before she ran to his desk, snatched the letter and slapped James' hand away.

"Ow, can you not keep doing that?" he complained.

"VAGINA! SHE HAS A VAGI-"

"Padfoot, shut up. You're giving me a headache," James grumbled. He turned to Lily with an inquisitive look. "Who's the letter from?" he asked.

"It's to my parents," Lily said, not thinking.

"But it's got your name on it."

"I like to address letters with my name on the, er, front, and the address on the, er…back."

Stepping forward, Peter said, not so discreetly, "SHE'S CRAZY" in what he thought was a whisper.

"I know," James agreed, genuinely smiling, "Doesn't it make her look really attractive?"

"Y-"

"Don't answer that, Wormtail."

"Yowza?"

"I think I hear my potion bubbling," Lily lied, holding a hand to her ear. "Bye."

James closed his eyes and pouted his lips, ready for a goodbye kiss.

"Nancy, if you think I'm going to snog you, you're thoroughly mistaken. Purse up those lips."

James opened his eyes and discovered no redhead but a black haired twit named after a mass of gas held together by its own gravity.

"Where'd the orange peel go?" he asked in disappointment.

"Up my arse picking daisies," Sirius replied. On cue, Peter laughed though Sirius had recounted that same remark on a gazillion number of occasions.

"If you're referring to the carnivorous animal with a bushy tail as Lily," Remus said, "then I can inform you she has returned to her desk."

"Bugger," James cursed, slumping on his stool.

"Surely you can manage without her lips for the rest of the lesson!" Sirius said.

"But I need them like air…" James slammed his head on his desk in defeat.

----------------

Lily sat in the common room of the Head Tower, the Half Blood Prince's recent letter sitting in her lap. She'd hurried off from Potions to escape to the tower so she could read the letter without any interruptions.

She re-read the words on the parchment:

_The modest Rose puts forth a thorn,  
The humble sheep a threatening horn,  
While the Lily white shall in love delight,  
Nor a thorn nor a threat stain her beauty bright._

Lily did not like the feeling in the pit of her stomach.

She suddenly felt guilty; guilty for giving the Prince's knife away. Maybe if she talked to Nicole she could get it back…

_No_, keeping the present would be like betraying James…as if she hadn't enough by lying to him.

Lily sighed and pushed her hair back, massaging her forehead. This all was beginning to be too much for to handle.

She was quickly reminded of the time by glancing at her watch, realising she was late to her lesson of Arithmancy. Regaining her composure and swinging her bag back onto her shoulder, she walked to the portrait of the Fat Man and stepped through, startled to see James through the entrance.

"You changed the password without telling me?"

"James, I'm late to Arithmancy," Lily said softly, but passed him with apace.

He _had _wanted to get into the Tower and fetch the school book he had left in his dormitory. This, evidently, had not happened as the Fat Man had informed him that the password had been changed, which led him to standing outside the portrait for ten minutes, listing random words and hoping it was the new altered password.

As Lily passed him, James debated whether to go into the tower but in the end found himself following her down the corridor and forgetting the book because of either: the luring Lily Evans scent, because he'd rather have a quick grope with her before lesson, or to retrieve the new password.

Or maybe all the above.

"Why'd you change the password?" he asked, walking with her in sync.

"Because your bum boys know it."

"_Marauders_," James corrected her as usual. "Who cares if they know the password?"

Lily would have stopped in her tracks if she wasn't late for class already. "I care, James. If your _Marauders _know it, then God knows who else knows it too. I don't want strangers coming into the tower and going through our stuff! Strangers sneaking into our dorms…" More importantly, the Half Blood Prince.

"You're cute when you're neurotic," James stated.

Lily rolled her eyes and began walking again, but was instantaneously grabbed by the hand and pulled forward against James' chest all too familiarly.

Lily didn't even argue and rested her head on his shoulder.

"What's the real reason you changed the password, Lily?"

"That was the reason, buffoon," she mumbled into his robes.

"Okay," James left it at that. "So what's the new password?"

"Jelly slugs."

James nodded and noticed Lily wasn't leaving his embrace any time soon. "Weren't you off being later for Arithmancy?"

"Your shoulder's too comfortable."

"I'd like to mention that I'm getting really turned on by the feeling of your boobs pressing up against my chest."

Instantly, Lily broke away from him and hit him in the stomach.

"I was joking," James rubbed his belly, "The joke was worth the pain, and I made you less late for Arithmancy."

Before Lily could comprehend what he had said, he gave a peck to her forehead, a slap to her bottom, and skipped off back to the tower.

Lily, slightly gaping in confusion, made her way to Arithmancy and tried not to wonder about the Half Blood Prince enjoying poetry…

------------

Arithmancy was passing in a blur. Lily was normally alert in the lesson because of her passion for the subject, but her mind kept drifting to that particular piece of parchment.

Glancing left, she peeked at Remus sitting beside her to see where his attention was. Luckily he was more engrossed on writing notes from the professor's lecture.

Moving her stool forward slightly so she was closer to her desk, she slipped out the Prince's letter on to her lap and read over it again. There was no need to get out the note when the poem was already imprinted in to her brain…

Her head flicked upwards when she heard the sound of something pushed in front of her on the desk.

It was a note.

Lily groaned; not another one from the Half Blood Prince? Was there some new trend of not talking and communicating by parchment now? Truly, it was getting on her nerves.

On closer inspection, she discovered it was from Remus.

Lily literally choked on the saliva in her mouth. Remus Lupin had written her a note? _In class_? Remus Lupin didn't write notes to friends, he wrote notes on what the professor was saying.

Lily blinked twice at the piece of parchment, thinking it was an illusion.

Remus elbowed her in the ribs and she nearly fell off her stool.

Lily glared at him for such a vigorous movement. She mouthed, "Are you ill?" to the boy, gesturing to the fact that he was writing notes in such a Sirius Black fashion.

Remus rolled his eyes and tapped the note impatiently.

Realizing the Prince's note was still on her lap; she hid it in her pocket and opened up Remus' note discreetly away from the professor's eyes. Whatever Remus had written, it had to be serious since he normally considered writing notes in class criminally wrong and scolded whenever the rest of the Marauders did it.

'_Who was the letter really from in Potions?_'

Uh oh.

So Lily was right about the subject not being cheery.

'_It was to my parents, like I said._' Lily scribbled back.

'_Sirius and Peter are too dim-witted to think of a logical explanation, and James is too blinded by 'manky old tortoise love' to argue with you_.'

There it was again with the tortoises.

'_Really where did all this manky old tortoise partners thing originate from?_'

'_Stop changing the subject_.'

Lily cursed. Remus wasn't going to let this go. She had to think of someone.

'_Derrick. The note was from Derrick_.'

Lily slid the note back to Remus and mentally congratulated herself on a believable excuse. Remus shot her a disturbed look.

'_What did he want?'_

Lily hadn't thought this through…

With a mental 'ER…UM…UH' in her head, Lily replied.

'_He asked me out again. I said no, of course._ _Don't tell James_. _It isn't a big deal_.'

Remus looked uncertain but eventually nodded; he wouldn't tell James if it risked more fights. School life was unusually peaceful these days.

The professor indicated that it was the end of class and the students got up from their stools and began to exit.

Lily walked out with Remus as accustomed, smiling. She had to confess that since she was going out with James she had spent a lot more time with the Marauders and found their company surprisingly enjoyable. She'd always been rather friendly with Remus, but now even Sirius was growing on her, and Peter was actually a nice boy when you got to know him and got past his fuchsia t-shirt obsession.

"How come you didn't do your Arithmancy homework?" Lily asked, as Remus had received a detention from the professor.

"I was trying to do it in the library but I couldn't concentrate," he admitted.

"Problems with Sirius?"

Remus didn't like her tone or the grin on her face. "That question sounded as if you were asking if we were having relationship problems."

"There are many definitions of the word 'relationship', Remus. The condition or fact of being related; connection or association. Connection by blood; kinship, or," she smirked, "a romantic or sexual involvement."

Remus blanched. "Has Sirius been talking about my dreams to you? I'LL ERADICATE HIM!"

Lily was surprised yet amused by such a reaction. "No, he hasn't mentioned any dreams, but I'll note to have a chat with him about it!"

"Please don't."

Lily laughed at Remus' somewhat painful mug, but as they turned a corner of the corridor, her face instantly turned downwards.

Derrick stood in her path looking uncomfortable.

"What do you want?" Lily demanded. Her tone was awkward as his expression. Derrick's head was slightly bowed as he looked down at his feet, and Lily spotted a difference in his hair. It was less spiked, as if he wasn't making much of an effort to style it any more.

Derrick's eyes flashed to Remus but stayed on Lily. "Could I, er, talk to you for a second?"

Lily frowned at his floundering. He never made fumbled in his speech, it seemed to below him. "I don't think I want to talk to you. In fact, the only time I want to see you is in prefect meetings," she stated.

"Please, Lily," Derrick pleaded, "Alone."

Remus noticed his stressing. "Whatever you can say to Lily you can say when I'm present," he commented icily.

Derrick looked like he wanted to argue but bit on his tongue. "I… I just want to apologize to you, Lily, for my behaviour last year." He could barely look her in the eye and Lily frowned more at his odd behaviour. "I know saying sorry won't take anything back-"

"Of course it won't!" she cut in furiously. "You called me a Mudblood and hit me!" Remus tensed beside her. "Did you think that I'll just erase that from my mind because you're apologizing for once in your life?"

"I know, I'm sorry." He bowed his head more, looking similar to a house elf. "I was completely out of line. The way I acted…"

"Do you know how many times I defended you when everyone bad mouthed you?" Lily shook her head, somewhat ashamed of how she had acted last year herself, "Every time I stuck up for you when they were right."

"I know, but please, you have to understand," he was looking at her now with intent, "I was…influenced by others, shall we say, into being a person I didn't want to become. I'm not asking you to forgive me; I just want to start anew. To be friends, at least."

"I can never be your friend," Lily stated in a hollow tone. "I'll accept your apology, but that doesn't mean I have to acknowledge you." She made her way to pass him.

"He's a lucky guy."

Lily halted and shot the boy a perplexed look. "Excuse me?"

"James. He's a lucky guy," Derrick said again.

Immediately, Lily closed on the boy, head to head with an intimidating expression on her face. "You stay away from him," she hissed.

"What?" Derrick looked abashed. "No, you misunderstand. I would never-"

"I don't care what you meant," Lily snapped, "Just stay away from him."

She hitched her bag higher on her shoulder and stormed down the corridor.

Remus watched her walk away and took a step toward Derrick, who was also studying her. "If I were you, I'd stop with the notes," he advised in a dangerous tone.

"Notes?"

Remus eyed him sceptically and quickly came into realisation. "You didn't send Lily a note in Potions today, did you?"

Derrick was utterly bemused. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

With an annoyed look, Remus also passed Derrick and followed Lily down the same corridor.

--------------

Dinner was predominantly tense between a particular two in the group.

"Stop eating off my plate, James," Lily said, slapping his hand that threatened to steal a chip.

James grinned, "I could just do this," he said, kissing her when she was in the middle of chewing a chip of her own.

"Oh God, _please!_ Not while I'm eating you _disgusting _spouses!" Sirius complained, glaring at the two. He pushed his plate of food away from him and crossed his arms in a huff. "Ad-bloody-nauseam!"

James broke away from the kiss, now chewing on the chip that Lily had been eating.

"That was quite sickening," she admitted, watching the food that had earlier been in her mouth now in James'.

"Gavommiting," Peter said; any excuse saying the word.

Sirius glanced at Remus who hadn't commented and made a noticeable stab with his fork into his plate. "You're quiet, Moony. Any more sex dreams last night?"

Eating consumption was stopped as the group stared at Remus.

"Sex what?" Peter asked. He hadn't even giggled at the mention of 'sex'; he was undoubtedly growing up.

Remus directed an infuriated look at Sirius and kicked him in the shin under the table. "Not at dinner!" he hissed.

Sirius rubbed his leg. "But did you have any more sex dreams?" he asked again.

Remus couldn't comprehend why he was _still speaking_. "_No_, but we are not discussing this now, simpleton!" He scooped a fork full of his Shepard's pie and stuffed it into Sirius' gob to shut him up.

"Moony's been having sex dreams?" James queried, taking another chip of Lily's plate to her irritation.

Sirius nodded with an open mouth full of food. Managing to gulp down the pie, he said, "We slept together last night."

Again, food consumption was stopped.

"You blockhead!" Remus kicked him again. "Do you even think before you speak?"

James was currently choking on his chip and Lily made some vigorous slaps to his back. "You…slept…_together_?" he managed to say once the last pieces of chip had unclogged his oesophagus.

"Ga-"

"Vomiting," Remus finished, "Yes we know, Peter. And no, we slept in the common room on _separate _arm chairs."

James breathed a sigh of relief but kept a frown on his face. "Should I be worried that I'm disappointed?" he whispered to Lily.

She nodded in return.

"Have you told James, then?"

Lily looked at Remus in annoyance. He had earlier told her of his discovery that the letter was not from Derrick and had asked who the real sender was. She obviously refused to tell him and had been shooting her exasperated looks all the way through dinner. She did not like his idea of getting the attention off of him.

"Told him what, Remus?" Lily asked, putting on a cherry façade.

"Who we bumped into earlier."

Lily panicked; she didn't think of Remus bringing Derrick up.

"Father Christmas!" Sirius joked to lighten the mood.

James looked at him strangely but focused back on Lily. "Who'd you bump into?" he asked.

Remus was about to say but Lily talked over him, slapping a hand to cover his mouth. "Frank Longbottom!" she said loudly.

"Frank?" James furrowed his brow. "Don't we see Frank everyday? He's in our house, after all." He waved down one end of the table where Frank was sitting with Alice, and the boy waved merrily back.

"Oh, right you are," Lily tittered nervously, "Remus is just being _silly_. Aren't you being _silly_, Remus?"

"It appears I am the specimen of _silliness _today."

James noticed their cold tones and dropped his knife to his plate. "Alright, what's going on?" He looked back and forth between the two. "You two have been acting weird all through dinner."

"Nothing's going on," Lily said at once.

Remus voiced nothing and carried on eating his Shepherd's pie.

Feeling she could no longer stand the discomfort anymore, Lily stood up to leave. "I'll see you later," she kissed James, "Remember we have patrolling later, alright? Don't be late."

"Me, late? Never!" James laughed and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze as she left.

"Bye, Vagina!" Sirius waved to the redhead.

Lily shot him a disturbed look and hurried quicker out of the hall, trying to ignore the odd looks directed at her.

"Why did you just call my girlfriend after her womanly bits?"

"I'm thinking the nickname could catch on," Sirius said, continuing with his food.

"Patrolling?" Peter echoed Lily's words.

James turned away from looking worriedly at Sirius. "Oh, Head boy and girl have to patrol the castle," he explained.

"Any excuse to snog after hours…" Sirius said under his breath.

"So what time do you have patrolling?" Peter asked.

With slow awareness, James realised he couldn't remember. "Shit," he said plainly.

Remus rolled his eyes. "You definitely won't be late for patrolling when you're unaware of the time…"

"I'm sure she told me this morning…" James scratched his head. "Wait…nine o'clock! Yeah…nine! I'm _pretty _sure she said nine!"

"Oh, well if you're _pretty sure_…" Remus jeered.

James eyed him with suspicion. "What was all that about earlier with Lily?"

"Er…" Remus thought of something to sidetrack his friend. "Sirius stole your last sausage!"

His distraction worked without flaw. "You bastard!" James cried, tackling Sirius to the ground.

Remus breathed a sigh of relief on such a close save.

"_So_…these sex dreams you speak of-"

"I'm not going to describe them, Peter."

The surrounding students sitting near the Marauders watched in amusement as James and Sirius rolled across the floor, foot kicking and head bashing included. Remus started to regret ever mentioning the chopped, seasoned meat thief as they'd attracted quite a crowd and spotted Professor McGonagall making her way over.

"Gimme back my sausage!"

"No!"

The two finally stopped fumbling across the floor in front of a pair of feet. Following her legs up -which Sirius did whilst drooling- they discovered Georgina the Ravenclaw above them.

"Sirius, eating fatty foods again!" She shook her head at the sausage positioned in between Sirius' mouth, looking oddly like a cigarette. Sirius noticed this and positioned the sausage in between his fingers, then blew out an invisible trail of 'sausage smoke'. "I'm sure we had a discussion about this last night in the kitchens. It's going to take you at least a hundred sit ups to work off that meal. Don't you want to find abs under that layer of adolescent chubbiness?" She dug her heel into his stomach to emphasise her point. "Say it with me: if I eat unhealthily, I will be unhealthy."

Sirius really didn't know what to say and found it difficult to think of anything when he had a perfect position of under her skirt. "Just… shut up!"

Georgina did nothing but laugh as she left the hall.

"Smooth move, Padfoot," James commented. "That was very primary school of you. I'm sure she fancies the knickers off of you now."

"This coming from the guy who tried to _sacrifice his own life _for a girl's attention."

"_Oh har har har _SHUT UP."

-------------

"Well done, men."

This comment would have sounded manly if Sirius hadn't just consumed too much helium.

"I love balloons. Do you love balloons? Because I just _love _balloons."

"I love balloons!"

"Your voice sounds the same, Wormtail, even after taking in helium! HAR HAR HAR does helium make you high? Because I feel high.

"It makes your voice _higher. _There is no evidence that helium gives you a feeling of intoxicating excitement or euphoria."

"Do you know how funny you sound correcting me in a chipmunk voice, Moony? HAR HAR HAR seriously, I feel higher than the average giraffe."

James multiplied yet another balloon with his wand that joined the hundreds of others in the corridor. "Stop sucking the helium. You're wasting the balloons." He turned the balloon the colour of orange and smiled. "Doesn't that balloon look like Lily? No that she's that shape, but her hair, I mean. And that green one over there looks like her eyes…"

"Why exactly are we multiplying balloons to fill up the corridor?" Remus asked for the hundredth time, keeping an eye on the Marauders map for any incoming people.

"Because it's fun," Sirius said simply. He grabbed the nearest balloon, rubbed it on his school robe, and then rubbed it on Remus' hair to make it stand on end. "Fucking hilarious!" he declared.

Remus was not pleased to look like James with his static hair or as if he'd stuck his finger in an electric socket. "But what exactly is the point of this?" he questioned tiredly.

"It brightens up the dull corridors!" Sirius said, skipping through the masses of balloons. He shrieked when various balloons popped.

"Yes, balloons tend to pop when you step on them, Padfoot," James teased. "You screamed like such a girl when—_AAAAAH!_" He reddened after screaming because of the balloon that had burst in front of him.

"Weeeeeeee!" Peter giggled in delight, tapping the balloons that bounced in the air.

"Do you know how childish the three of you look?" Remus asked.

"What?" James wagged the penis-shaped balloon in front of his crotch. "I dunno what you're talking about, mate."

"For goodness sake," Remus rolled his eyes, "Who would find that funny?"

"AHARHARHARHAR!" Sirius cackled.

James wagged the balloon more energetically and grabbed two more round balloons to put either side of oblong shaped one, completing the package.

Sirius pointed and doubled over, tears streaming from his eyes. "AHARHARHAR!"

"Haven't you ever wanted to walk down a corridor full of balloons, Remus?" Peter asked, currently rubbing a balloon on top of his hair in a soothing circular motion.

"No."

"Then you obviously haven't lived life!" Sirius said, skipping down the corridor once more. He let off more unexpected shrieks as more balloons popped.

"Stop stepping on them, Padfoot!" James told him off. "You're destroying my artwork!"

"I take back what I said about the Muggles being crazy. They're geniuses! Make more penis shaped balloons, Prongs."

"Okay! Heh heh…"

"Oh good grief…" Remus stood motionless as the balloons floated around him. He would not give his friends the satisfaction of looking amused. He twitched as a balloon drifted near his nose; he was trying to avoid any contact with the buoyant things.

"C'mon Moony, you know what you want to play with them."

"You seem to have forgotten we are in _seventh _year." Remus batted a balloon that got close to his face and kicked away one that seemed to be stuck to his leg. "Bugger off!" he cursed. Sirius laughed at him. "You're Head boy!" He pointed at James. "Lily is going to kill you when she finds out you did this. She told you to stop with the pranks."

"That's if she finds out," James spoke with raised eyebrows.

Sirius smirked. "And what if I tell her?"

James grabbed a balloon and shoved it next to Sirius' ear. "Then I'd do this," he said, popping the balloon next to his eardrum.

"_AAAAH!"_

"But I'd insert a thousand more balloons," James added.

Sirius winced as he stroked his ear. "I think my eardrum is bleeding…"

"This is technically not a prank, you know," James said, getting back to answering Remus' question. "We're not harming anyone, are we?" Remus grumbled as James did have a point. "I think brightening the castle with balloons is saving humanity, personally."

"Aaaah!" Peter screamed, shaking his arm. "The balloon's stuck to me! Get it off!"

Loyally, both James and Sirius tried to detach the balloon that had stuck to Peter due to static electricity, but the balloon only seemed to stick to Sirius, making him shriek, consequently getting stuck to James who helped, making him shriek, somehow getting stuck back onto Peter again.

It was a screeching cycle.

Once they managed to rid the balloon, another cry was heard.

"Help! Help, I say!" a portrait yelped.

The boys followed the sound of aid, hitting the balloons away from their course. Pushing the last balloon away from suffocating the portrait, they found Sir Cadogan heaving for breath.

"Sorry, Sir Cadogan," Remus apologized.

"Were you scared of the deadly balloons?" Sirius taunted.

Sir Cadogan huffed. "Most certainly not-" Sirius shoved a balloon near the portrait. "GET THAT BEAST AWAY FROM ME!"

Sirius chortled, but nonetheless dropped the balloon on command. "Saving your life doesn't come cheap, you know. That'll be five galleons. Pay up."

Sir Cadogan sat upon his fat grey pony and galloped into another portrait, muttering "Teenagers…"

James sniggered. "You got shunned by a fake night!"

Sirius did not like being made fun of, especially in the presence of balloons. "Fire!" he shouted, pointing his wand at a balloon beside James' shoe and making it burst. James jumped at the sound and glared at Sirius who laughed.

"Fire!" Using his wand, James pointed at a balloon near Sirius which popped, making him also leap at the noise.

It was barely seconds before the boys began bursting balloons at war.

Remus covered his ears at the deafening noise, whilst Peter cried "No! Not my babies!" as he tried to save the balloons, hugging them towards his chest; which only ended up with them popping in his face.

Remus crouched to the floor and tried to find a path through the balloons as he slid across the corridor. He heard the animal cries of James and Sirius and rolled his eyes. "Can we stop this please?"

"En guarde!" Sirius grabbed a penis shaped balloon and smacked James on the head with it.

"Ow! Wanker!" James shoved a balloon into Sirius' face which exploded on contact.

Just as Sirius chucked a balloon into the air, planning to smack it on target of his friend as if he were playing a game of tennis, he saw a face through the brightly coloured balloons.

Patting a few balloons away, he discovered it was Filch, growling his teeth.

"You lot!" Filch roared in a deadly voice.

"RUN, MARAUDERS! RUN!" Sirius said in a horrifyingly squeaky voice.

Peter grabbed for the last few penis shaped balloons.

"No, Peter! Save yourself!" Sirius dragged him by the collar as the boys sprinted to their escape.

-------------

Lily had waited a full half an hour outside the Head tower and James had still not turned up for patrolling. Using the many words that came up under 'kill' in the thesaurus, Lily was going to, asphyxiate him, she was going to butcher him, she was going to bump him off.

She didn't like the wording of the last synonym. It sounded mildly sexually related and she did not want to shout that at James and get him aroused somehow.

"When the Head Boy gets here," Lily began to the portrait of the Fat Man, and had to take a deep breath to calm her anger, "Tell him he is in big trouble. And I'm talking colossal size."

The Fat Man silently nodded and watched Lily exit down the corridor, beginning her Head patrolling alone.

She hadn't come across many problems on her rounds. She'd managed to nab some late night broom closet snoggers but the night had been quiet, until she came across two dodgy Slytherins.

Lily spotted the two heedlessly making their way down the corridor in a casual manner.

"Boys," she addressed them, and they turned around. She recognized them as second years. "Your curfew ended an hour ago. Back to your common room."

The taller one of the two stepped forward with a scowl. "Who says we have to do what you say?"

His friend elbowed him in the stomach and hissed, "Shut up! She's Head Girl!

Lily smiled. "I think you should follow your friend's advice."

The realisation of Lily being Head Girl only made the boy scoff. "My brother says we don't have to do what you say."

"Oh, does he now? And why does he say that?"

"Because you're a _Mudblood_."

The insult echoed chillingly down the hall and Lily shut her eyes and opened them again, trying not to let the name bother her. She had prepared herself for names like this.

'Why don't you tell me your brother's name so I can just, you know, MAIM HIM!'

That's what she had wanted to say, but instead, followed with, "Well, your brother isn't particularly wise, is he. And ten house points off Slytherin for addressing me so rudely."

"_What!"_ the boy said in outrage. "You can't do that!"

"I think you'll find that I can. And by all means, complain to your Head of house, or even Professor Dumbledore," Lily suggested, "but you will be disappointed."

The boy made a face at her and latched his arm on to his friend, dragging him forcefully in the direction he was heading. "Come on. Let's get back to the kitchens."

"_I said_, get back to your common room," Lily ordered once more.

"I don't follow briefing from someone with _dirty blood_-"

"_Get back to your common room_."

Lily jumped out of her skin and discovered the booming voice had come from Derrick beside her, glaring at the boys. The Slytherins cowered at the boy's presence but did not move.

"You heard what the Head Girl said, didn't you?" Derrick asked them, his expression hazardous. "Get back to your common room _now_." The boys trembled. "Are you hearing impaired? Get going!"

The Slytherins finally found their legs working again and ran off in the direction of the dungeons, their school robes flapping behind them.

Lily eyed Derrick with unease. "Two unexpected meetings in one day, eh? Aren't I lucky," she said dryly.

He instantly noticed her tenor and that his actions towards the Slytherins had aggravated her. "I was just trying to help-"

"I could have handled it myself," Lily snapped. "Do you realise what you did back there? Those Slytherins will tell everyone how _someone else _had to fight my own battles. I'll gain no respect or authority as Head Girl and everyone will just walk all over me," she threw up her hands and pointed to the imaginary sign on her chest, "I can see it now, can't you? 'I'm Lily Evans, just walk all over me'!"

"I'm sorry-"

"Stop apologizing to me!" she said irately. "It's not in your nature to, Derrick." She looked at her watch and found her patrolling should have ended a while ago. "Thank goodness," she praised.

Derrick also noticed the late time. "I'll walk you back to your tower."

Lily looked at him as though he were mad - which he clearly was by asking to walk anywhere with her. "I don't think so," she dismissed, already making her way down the corridor. To her displeasure, she found Derrick walking with her but didn't argue; today had been extremely awful and all she wanted to do was go to bed and possibly murder James beforehand.

It seemed as if Derrick had been reading her thoughts and said, "Isn't the Head Boy supposed to be patrolling with you?"

"I… I don't know where he is," Lily confessed quietly.

"Oh," was all Derrick had said.

"Oh indeed."

Walking silently through the corridors, she realised she was nearly close to the tower and stopped, which Derrick also did.

"Look," Lily began, "I appreciate the gesture and everything, just…don't make a habit of them."

Derrick nodded, assuming he should probably head back to his dormitory, "Right, er… good night, then."

Casting another strange look at Derrick because of his strange manner, she left him in the corridor and made her way back to the tower alone, frowning at the sight of balloons floating aimlessly in her path…

---------------

The Marauders turned the final corner of the corridor leading to the Head Tower, raced up to portrait of the Fat Man and stopped in front of him, each heaving for breath. Sirius had run at such a speed that he slid across the corridor floor and slammed against one of the castle walls.

Trying to muster his dignity, he hobbled back over to James, muttering, "Shitbuggerarse" as he glanced back. "Say the password already, Prongs." He nudged James in the shoulder.

"Quick, James!" Peter whispered. "I think I can hear Filch coming!"

With a mighty smirk, the Fat Man looked down at the four boys. Being a portrait rarely had its fun moment except for cracking pun jokes to do with the password, so he was going to milk this particular moment for all that it was worth.

"Jelly slugs!" James said hurriedly. He stepped forward and slammed into the hard surface that had not swung open on his command. Peter looked sympathetic; he had been there before.

"What the hell!" James clutched his now painful nose and glared at the portrait. "Jelly slugs!" he repeated. "Don't tell me Lily changed the password again?"

"Lily changed the password?" Remus queried.

"Yeah, she's been acting really paranoid lately… but anyway," he focused back on the Fat Man, "Is the password wrong?"

"Oh, no, it is right."

James looked enraged. "Then open up, already!"

"No, wait! I have to tell you something first-"

"Prongs, mate, we're kind of stressed for time here," Sirius said, looking agitatedly down the corridor.

"No, wait! I was supposed to tell you," the portrait paused and the boys watched as the overweight man raised his arms high in the air and began to wave them to side to side whilst jiggling his bottom in a mocking dance. "_You're in trouble!_" he sang, wagging his finger at James. "_You're in trouble! Yoooooou're in tro-ooo-uble!"_

"Look, pal, we asked for you to open up, not give us a lap dance," Sirius complained, horrified by such a sight. "_Please stop_."

"Jelly slugs already!" James yelled, enraged.

The Fat Man dropped his arms, looking disappointed. "But she said-"

"Don't make me re-frame you!"

The Fat man gasped at James. "You wouldn't!"

"Oh, wouldn't I?"

The portrait instantly swung open and the boys climbed in.

"What was Mr. Chunky on about?" Sirius asked, once the portrait had shut and he had taken a seat in an arm chair by the fire.

"No idea," James said, "Probably about the balloons thing."

Sirius shrugged, and grinned. "All in a days work, eh, Marauders?"

Remus did not return the smile. "Did Filch see you?" he asked, too twitchy to sit down as he paced slightly. Sticking out a foot, Sirius stopped Remus' pacing as the boy fumbled and nearly collided with the floor, managing to grab on to one of the chair arms with his gangly fingers first.

"I don't think so," Sirius said offhandedly, "Though you can kind of guess he'll inspect it was us."

"But he has no evidence."

"That never stopped him before," James reminded Remus.

Sitting in silence, there was the sound of squeaking and the boys looked at Peter who appeared to have an abnormal stomach all of a sudden.

"You're belly's all bumpy, Wormtail," Sirius mentioned.

"Oh." Peter looked down at his front, as if he never knew body parts under his chin existed. Stuffing a hand under his shirt, he shook it out and a few balloons popped out as if he had given labour.

James and Sirius rejoiced. They grabbed for the penis shaped balloons Peter had managed to save.

"Well done, Pete!" Sirius got Peter in what he thought was a 'friendly' headlock and Remus had to pull him off as Peter began choking.

James stuck his penis shaped balloon next to his crotch again and wagged it up and down whilst laughing in uproar. Again, Remus rolled his eyes.

"My ding dog is bigger than your ding dong," Sirius declared.

James looked at him oddly. "Ding…dong?"

Sirius positioned his oblong balloon in front of his pelvis to indicate what he was talking about, and James made an understanding "Oh" and snorted.

"Yeah, sure, if we're talking about balloons here," James laughed, "but when it comes to the real thing, then _no way_."

Peter posed two round balloons against his chest. "Look, I'm Madam Pom Poms!" he giggled, pushing his air breasts together.

"Look, I'm Sirius groping Madam Pom Poms!" James latched a hand to one of Peter's balloons.

"Oh har-sodding-har!" Sirius said, as James and Peter laughed, and even Remus was trying to disguise his chortling. "I'm sure I explained before that the probing was unintentional."

Lily decided to choose this exact moment to climb through the Head Tower portrait.

Regrettably, James was in the middle of swaying his ding dong shaped balloon in front of his pelvis. With slow comprehension to who had entered the room, James froze, keeping the balloon shamefully positioned. Peter slowly let his booby balloons drift to the floor.

Seeing the boys in the Tower after telling James the password was forbidden to them only seemed to make the redhead more infuriated. "_Boys_," she nodded an inclining head to the Marauders who were lounging leisurely in _her _personal Head common room. They replied with awkward waves.

As James eyed Lily to try and figure out exactly what he had done wrong; he dropped his penis shaped inflatable and winced in realisation. "Oh God, I missed patrolling!" Looking apologetic, he stepped forward, chanting "Sorrysorrysorrysorry…"

Lily looked at him, unsmiling, and stepped around his approaching figure, stalking to her dormitory.

"Lily," he started, trying to follow her.

She shut her dormitory door with a slam, preventing James entering. He made for the handle and found it was locked.

"Someone's in the dog house… In fact, you could say someone in _Padfoot's _house."

James glared at Sirius. "This is your entire fault!" he accused. "You were the one who said we should go fill up the corridors with balloons! I mean, _come on_, how random is that?"

"Jeez, lighten up, Prongs! She'll be alright in the morning."

James jumped as he'd accidentally sat on his balloon. "Why didn't you guys remind me I had patrolling?"

"I reminded you at least _five times_," Remus pointed out, looking quite miffed.

"Well, Moony, your voice is kind of monotonous sometimes so it's hard to listen to," James pointed to Sirius, "Padfoot, however. _Boy_, his voice is just up and down in pitch."

"WHAT? Nooo IT is _NOOOOT_—oh my God, and it is."

"And we'll be leaving now," Remus cut off Sirius, clamping a hand over his mouth. James made a grim nod and gazed pointedly at Lily's closed dormitory door.

Sirius stood to his feet with much pulling and stubbornness. "But the Heads tower is so much better. There's no midgets filling up the place and no permanent fart smells in the couch cushions." He pondered this statement, then picked up the nearest available cushion, sniffing its whiff. "I take back that last one…"

Peter cringed, knowing exactly what he was referring to. "Sorry. Had baked beans for dinner…"

"How many random statements do you have to declare before departing somewhere?" Remus complained. He stood at the portrait with an arm on his hip, waiting for his dawdling friends to catch up.

Slowly gathering up the last few balloons that had not been popped by James' buttocks, the three boys left the Head Tower. James made his way to Lily's room and knocked on the door.

"Lily, can you open the door?"

He received no answer.

_Knock knock._

"Lily?"

_Knock knock._

"Lily, are you listening to me?"

Sliding against the door, he dropped to the floor and made himself more comfortable.

This was going to be a long night.

_Knock knock._

"Orange peel?"


	9. Grapefruit fondling

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

**Chapter 9**

Vaguely Lily could hear the distant sounds of "Orange peel!" through the door of her dormitory, but her eyelids quickly lowered and she drifted off to sleep…

Almost instantaneously, her eyes shot open in her dream world.

"_Creamy Tortellini Chicken Primavera, Lily?"_

_Inspecting her surroundings, she discovered she was sitting at a mahogany table of a lofty, well-heeled dining room where Sirius was offering her poultry as her apparent meal. _

"_Are you wearing anything under that apron, Sirius?" Lily asked, eyeing him up and down. She could just make out his chest behind the monkey-like hair and his furry legs above the 'KISS THE COOK' apron. She sincerely hoped the temperature would not rise and lead to Sirius discarding clothing._

"_You know how hot I get when I cook, Lily! HAR HAR HAR HAR Moony, be a darling and pour the wine." _

_Remus, looking rather huffy, as if annoyed at the guests' presence and interruption of his and Sirius' personal time, made to the wine, pouring them into goblets. _

"_Your hair is rather unkempt, Remus," a voice commented amusedly. She instantly recognized it belonged to James and faced the grinning boy across her. This dream was getting odder by the second. "I wonder what you got up to before our arrival, eh?"_

"_So, poisoned wine for you, James?" Remus gritted through his teeth, sliding his drink to him._

"_Toxin away, my friend!" he replied chivalrously. _

_Lily watched as Sirius dunked something that closely resembled coal on to the golden plate in front of her. Though it was a dream, her eyes watered from the smoke of the supposed burnt chicken, and she blocked her nose from the oddly real pong. "I'd like to wake up now," she stated._

"_What, orange peel?" James asked absentmindedly, taking a sip of wine. He choked on his drink when Sirius gave him his own portion of the smoked bird. "You're the worst cook ever, Padfoot. Really, let's just order a Chinese takeaway next time."_

_Sirius gasped at such a suggestion. "I slave, and I slave, AND I SLAVE over the kitchen!" he yelled, his hands placed on his hips. "And this is what I bloody get!" He made an exaggerated sniff and waved his hands at his eyes that seemed to threaten to discharge. "I just won't BOTHER anymore!" He made to untie his apron but Remus cried out, reminding him that he was unclothed underneath. _

"_Birthday suit, Sirius."_

"_I knew that," he clarified, storming from the room. You could tell by his clenched buttocks he was not pleased._

"_Sorry," Remus apologized for Sirius' rude exit, also making his departure as he fled after him. _

_James rolled his eyes, squeezing Lily's hand from across the table. "Newlyweds," he laughed._

_Just as Lily was about to question Sirius and Remus' apparent marriage ceremony, or even possible elope; she felt a presence behind her, hearing someone's slow breathing. She didn't turn around and instead watched James frown silently in front of her, studying the unknown person as he released her hand. _

"_You give me heart palpitations," the voice said softly, and noticed James had mouthed the same words, getting up from his seat. "The modest Rose puts forth a thorn-" she knew what words were coming next "-The humble sheep a threatening horn. While the Lily white shall in love delight, nor a thorn nor a threat stain her beauty bright."_

_She took an intake of breath; James looked enraged, noticing the poem's effect on her. Feeling a need to compete, James fumbled, "Er…roses are red, violets are blue," he tried desperately to remember the rhyme, "Sugar is sweet and- oh, Lily, you've got something in between your teeth." He gestured to his mouth and tapped his front choppers._

_Lily was about to rub a finger to remove whatever had got wedged in between her teeth, until she realised James had been so annoyingly unromantic to the point that he _couldn't even _make up a simple loving rhyme, _in a dream_. She scowled at him, but almost suddenly made a sharp squeak as a pair of hands grabbed her shoulders and whipped her round. Before she could distinguish the person's face, everything turned black and she was awake, looking up at the ceiling of her dormitory. _

"I didn't even have cheese before bed!" Lily complained to her empty room, rubbing her eyelids. Cheese was the reason of all nightmares. Stupid, delicious solid food prepared from the pressed curd of milk.

Glancing at the clock, she realised though the dream felt incredibly short, it was now morning. Slipping on her usual Garfield slippers, she opened the door of her dorm. Just as she did this, James Potter suddenly fell into the room, supposedly using the door's surface from the other side as a support for his back. He fell backwards and made a painful groan as his head collided with the floor.

"Oh God," Lily knelt by her side and observed him as he yawned, massaging his eyes. "You nutcase. Don't tell me you've been sitting by my door all night?" she questioned with disbelief.

"Mmhmm," James nodded with difficulty as he moved his neck and it clicked, "I called 'orange peel' for a couple of hours."

"I didn't hear you," Lily smiled sadly.

"Must be a deep sleeper." James noticed she seemed a little more sociable this morning; he took this opportune moment to apologize. "Sorrysorrysorry," he said, not stopping for air in between the words that should have been said separately. He rubbed her left knee while hoping it would make any angry thoughts go away.

"Knee rubbing," observed Lily, enjoying the massage, "Good tactic, James."

He stopped and cringed. "Sorry I missed patrol, Lily."

She nodded. "I know you are."

"It was all Sirius' fault I missed it."

Lily rolled her eyes; he really did have no shame in blaming friends. "You can't always point the finger, you know."

"Sure I can!" James insisted. He pointed his finger and poked Lily in the stomach. "I'm pointing," he prodded her, "still pointing!" He poked her again, and she reluctantly giggled as the 'pointing' tickled her. "And I'm still pointing! Look at me, I'm unstoppable!" By now he had climbed on top of her and was now prodding, tickling, and groping her in every available place. The two rolled across the floor and though Lily was laughing, she had enough of being fondled after a few minutes and kicked him off her. At such a booting, James flew backwards extraordinarily and banged his head on a bed post.

"Sorrysorrysorry," Lily apologized, now patting James' head as he whimpered painfully into her chest. Of course, she _was _aware that he was looking down her pyjama top but she'd got used to it by now. Really, he was just being a doctor, checking if her bosoms were still there. You never know, one day they could just evaporate. And he also liked to brag to Sirius his 'Booby Action' as the only breast fondling Sirius had gotten lately was holding a couple of grapefruits.

"You need to take your Head Boy responsibilities more seriously, James."

"I know," he reluctantly removed his head from her chest to look at her in the eye, "I'll try harder, I swear." He squeezed her hand in reassurance and she felt the odd reminder of her dream where he held her hand from across the dinner table.

"I know you'll try," Lily said, "but will you actually _do _it?"

"Er… I'll definitely try my best shot."

Although it was a lame response, she laughed nonetheless. She observed his dishevelled hair and sighed, running her hands through it as she tried to flatten it down.

"Lily, I told you before, the hair wont stay down."

"But why not?" she said defiantly, patting the top of his tresses. She gave a huff as the strands bounced upwards after being temporarily flattened. "They'll sack you as Head Boy if you don't do your job, you know."

He laughed, "They've never sacked a Head Boy!"

"Exactly. You don't want to be the first, do you?"

James was confused to how she'd turned his own words against him.

"You just… you need to grow up a little, James," she said softly.

He scowled and stomped the floor. "But I don't want to grow up!"

"You're going to grow up whether you like it or not, James Potter," she stated as fact, sounded oddly like his mother.

"But I can't grow up though," he said helplessly.

"_Sirius _can't grow up," Lily corrected him. "You will grow up to a fine young gentleman. You will be polite. You will say please and thank you. You will _not _laugh at the boy's name 'Willy'-"

James snorted.

Lily gave him a derisive look.

"Oh, _come on_," he chortled, "_Willy!_ Who'd name their kid that, for Christ's sake! They're just asking for the boy to be bullied."

He noticed Lily's cross expression.

"You're looking all mad like last night," James mumbled, gesturing her to face.

Lily softened slightly. "I'm sorry I was so harsh with you," she sighed, "I was just in a bad mood after a bad Head Girl experience whilst patrolling…" Her mind flooded back to the memory of the Derrick's odd behaviour, and she shook image of his face away from her mind, feeling guilty about thinking of that horrid boy in James' company.

"What happened?" He sat closer to her, his face one of concern.

"You know, usual mouthy Slytherin brats," Lily grumbled. "'Mudblood' this-" James tensed "'-Mudblood' that." She noticed his infuriated look. "Oh, don't worry. Derrick came…" She mentally hit herself for letting those last words slip from her mouth.

James did nothing to disguise the irritation in his voice. "Derrick?" A vein in his forehead throbbed. "Derrick was with you?"

"I just bumped into him," Lily said quickly. "Or he bumped into me…I don't know. He just helped me out a bit, that's all."

James looked moody, crossing his arms in a sulk. "I could've helped you…"

"_Well_-" James did not like the sound of that 'well' and prepared himself for a scolding remark "-You weren't there, were you. I had no idea where you were," she said brusquely.

He didn't like where this conversation was heading and tried to look apologetic. "I promise I won't miss another patrol," he assured her.

"Are you just saying that because you've realised your responsibility, or because you're afraid I'll bump into Derrick again when I'm alone?"

James chose his answer carefully. "Both," he admitted.

Lily shook her head and smiled at him. "Let's just get some breakfast, Head Boy."

James stood up and pulled Lily to her feet, leaning towards her for a morning kiss.

Abruptly, Lily stopped him, covering her nose. "Brush your teeth, Mr. Halitosis," she referred to his bad morning breath.

---------

When James and Lily finally made it to the Great Hall for breakfast, they discovered the rest of the Marauders already at the table near the oak doors, and Sirius noticeably gripping a grapefruit in each hand.

"Are you planning to eat those or are they just for fondling?" Lily asked, taking the seat opposite him.

Sirius looked quite embarrassed at being caught doing such a thing with fruits by a girl, even though Georgina had earlier made a comment about him and the grapefruits 'getting a room' and a bunch of third years had been staring strangely at him for the last ten minutes.

"Are you that desperate, Padfoot?" James teased, sitting down.

He shot the couple scolding looks. "I was just preparing them for eating consumption, actually."

James and Lily watched as Sirius squeezed the fruits a little longer, and Remus tiredly shook his head from behind the _Daily Prophet_. After much grapefruit-grasping, he finally settled for the fruit being groped enough to eat and dug his teeth into one of the grapefruit, unaware that it was not wise to eat the skin.

"SOUR," he hissed, his eyes watering. The grapefruit dropped to the plate and he grabbed for breakfast pastries to make the taste go away.

"And that was Sirius Black's nonsensical moment of the hour," Remus commented, "Tune in next time where Sirius attempts farting the Latin alphabet."

"That was fifth year," Sirius said, unintentionally spitting out bits of pastry in fury, "And I don't even know the Latin alphabet."

"I know a Latin word!" Peter informed the group, but wasn't receiving the impressed look he would have liked as he was currently making a face of raisons into his porridge. "_Puga pyga_," he said cheerfully, pointing at Sirius.

Sirius frowned. "What the _hell _did he just call me?"

Remus hated being the only one at the table who knew Latin; though he guessed Lily seemed to recognize the word as she sniggered into her pumpkin juice.

Sighing, Remus said, "Buttocks."

Sirius punched Peter in the arm. "Butt munch."

"You have nice _puga pyga_," James murmured in Lily's ear. It appeared the comment was audible enough for the rest of the Marauders to hear as they made overstated moans of disgust.

"Oh really?" Lily smiled coyly, pulling him forward by the collar.

"Urgh, Urgh, URGH!" Sirius exclaimed, shielding his 'innocent' eyes. He bashed his spoon against the table, making the couple break apart at such a noise. "Did I just see _tongue_? I JUST SAW TONGUE. It's too early in the morning for me to _see tongue_!"

Reddening, the two remained clean and kept their hands off each other for the rest of the duration of breakfast, though there was noticeable secret smiles and leg nudging under the table.

Lily had to ask a question that had been on her mind ever since she had awoken that morning. Smiling at her plate of pancakes, she asked Sirius, "Do you own a 'KISS THE COOK' apron?"

At such a question, Remus missed the toast he had been directing into his mouth and landed the triangle piece of bread into his eye. He cursed as marmalade now hindered his vision and covered his eyelashes, slightly burning his cornea.

"A kiss the cook apron?" Sirius echoed, ignoring Remus' eruption.

"Yes. You were wearing one and serving '_Creamy Tortellini Chicken Primavera'," _Lily quoted, laughing. "In my dream you-"

Remus instantly cut her off with, "_Transfiguration now, student bodies!_" not liking any sentence involving the word 'dream.'

"But we've got a few more minutes-"

"I don't care. Let's just get going," Remus pressed, already standing up and gesturing them to follow him.

"Remus, you have dried marmalade crust on your eyelashes," Peter pointed to his eye, walking backwards as they strolled down the corridor to McGonagall's classroom. "Peel it off and make a wish!"

Sirius giggled, "I do that with eye gunk."

Remus outwardly shivered with disgust. "I'm sorry but that is just repugnant!"

"Hey! hey, Moony!" Sirius turned around and revealed his bottom to Remus. "Does my _puga pyga _look big in this?"

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that!"

As Lily walked further down the corridor, she frowned as she spotted one odd oblong shaped balloon randomly drifting across the floor. She let go of James' hand to rub her eyes, thinking the balloon was some sort of illusion; it was a rare occurrence to see one in Hogwarts.

"What on earth?" She rubbed her eyelids harder and found the balloon was still there. James tittered nervously by her side and held her hand again, swinging it energetically. "You do see a balloon there, right?"

James smiled his pearly whites in noticeable discomfort. "Nope."

Turning the final corner of the corridor leading to McGonagall's classroom, Lily gasped whilst the boys tried to look as stunned as her, as if they hadn't seen the same scene for the second time in twenty four hours.

"Balloons!" Lily said, truly mystified. She stood at the foot of the corridor, watching students run around wildly, each with a face of utmost glee as the bags of gas floated in the air and knocked against the walls.

There were a variety of students; the eager first years hurrying to their lesson while struggling not to let the temptation of floating balloon goodness tempt them to the _dark side_. Two make-up face pasted girls were shoving balloons up their blouses, trying to mimic breasts. A group of giggling girls shrieked as two rather cheeky boys tried to make _the hair _which they had spent at least _two hours _of the morning to make perfect and sleek, stand up with static electricity. A group of sixth years were playing volleyball…but with balloons, and a second year was currently drowning in the sea of the inflatables.

Sirius was, at present, trying to balance a balloon on his nose, looking oddly like a seal.

James was panicking. Lily was going to ask him if he anything to do with this and James was going to admit with a "yes" because he is a terrible liar when it comes to sexy, vivacious redheads who have the power to take away kissing privileges.

A kiss from Lily Evans a day keeps the doctor away, after all.

Lily turned to James with a sceptic expression, and 'CODE RED HEAD ALERT' triggered off in James' head along with a warning siren and flashing red lights of danger. James was about to admit with a guilty, "YES, I DID IT! _I DID IT ALL!_" but Sirius finally seemed to realise James was about to blab and saved him by changing the subject. Head butting the balloon away, he offered casually, "So, _the plan _worked, then?"

Apparently changing the subject succeeded as Lily was completely focused on Sirius' words. She looked back and forth between James and Sirius, looking mighty dubious still. "What plan?" she demanded.

James had no sodding idea what Sirius was on about and decided not to play along. "Yeah, what plan, Padfoot?" he asked perplexedly.

"You know," Sirius punched James' shoulder in a brotherly way and he stumbled back, still looking confused, "The plan where you woke up ten minutes before Lily woke up and sat by her door, made your breath stink worse than usual and your hair more scruffy and defying the laws of gravity to make it look as if you'd slept there all night when you hadn't and you're just a bum."

Lily thought it had to be some form of sick joke and that James was going to say very rapidly: "I have no idea what you're talking about, Sirius."

Any second now…

Lily was clenching her fists. Why hadn't James spoken yet? Right fist clench…_ Left fist clench_…

James finally spoke, but it was not the words Lily wanted to hear.

"PADFOOT, SHE'S STANDING RIGHT HERE!" He gestured to Lily by his side.

With slow comprehension, Sirius' eyes slowly fell upon Lily as if it were the first time he had seen her that morning. "Oh bugger." He cringed, "Sorry, Prongsie."

Lily was busy trying to take such new unpleasant information into her head at once. James cowered at her face of ferocity and he lowered his height a few inches in fear.

"You… YOU FAKED staying by more door all night?"

"Er-I-uh, um, no?"

Sirius, Remus and Peter stepped back so not to be involved in the conversation anymore, as it would only result in casualties. Remus shook his head at James' unintelligent response.

"_You just admitted it by reminding Sirius I was standing here!_" Lily's voice came out in such a high and angry pitch that it went off scale and James swore his glasses cracked to some extent.

"You actually listened to what Sirius was saying? Because I just switched off after the words 'you know' because when Sirius is speaking disappointment is foreseeable in whatever he says." James realised his adorable rambling was not winning her round. "You're peeved at me again, aren't you?"

"_NO_, _sure I'm not_," Lily forced a laugh and punched James' shoulder just as Sirius had done but less in a brotherly way and more in a murderous YOU-WILL-DIE approach. "_JUST DON'T TALK TO ME FOR A FEW HOURS_."

She made a last murderous glare at James before turning on a heel and entering McGonagall's classroom, screeching, "Boys give me migraines! _Migraines!_ MI-GRAINES!"

James took a dangerous step forward and Sirius took one back in unison.

"Can you murder Sirius _after _Transfiguration?" Peter asked. He peeped at the gap between the doors of the classroom they were supposed to be in. "I think class is starting..."

"_No_, I think killing him now would be highly more appropriate."

"_Personally_, _I _agree with Wormtail-"

"_Shut up, wanker_." Clearly Sirius' opinion did not matter to James. "One day, Padfoot, I'm going to spellotape your mouth shut, and then bury you in a shallow grave where people will walk on you every day in punishment for your wicked sins!"

"I think you're being a little harsh, James," Remus said, shooting him a slightly reeled look. "Sirius was only telling Lily the truth. She would have found out eventually, and I don't think lying about doing romantic gestures are the best idea in a serious relationship, do you?"

James gaped at him. "You're on his side, Moony!" he said in disbelief. "Don't be a poof!"

Remus rolled his eyes and sighed. "Forget what I just said, then! Just hurt and Sirius get it over with already."

"Will do," James noted.

"WHAT?" Sirius cried, upset by Remus' lack of help towards him and how the little help was dropped so quickly. "_Moony!_"

"Step forward, Padfoot," James ordered, "Headlock time."

Giving up quickly, Sirius moved forwards and dropped to his knees. James locked an arm around his neck in a headlock position. "So, I'm thinking, maybe snap your neck?" he suggested. Sirius tried to nod in the fixed grip. "That'll probably get you a couple of days in the Hospital wing…"

"How about a nose?" Peter offered.

"What about a nose?"

"You could break his nose," Peter spoke in too much of a cheery tone to be talking about breaking a friend's facial feature. "And then he'd have an unattractive nose," he pointed out the obvious, "and girls wouldn't find him attractive anymore." James found himself leaning towards the idea. "Then he'd have weird nicknames, like 'the boy with the demented bazoo' and 'Mr. I-have-an-inapt-honker.' And people would call down the corridors, 'Sneezer, wouldn't wanna be ya!' and 'you've got a stupid neb!'"

Remus was mildly impressed. "It really seems as if you've put a lot of thought into this 'breaking his nose' idea, Peter."

"_Yeah_, _Wormtail_. It sounds like you've got some kind of wild fantasy about breaking my nose," Sirius managed to speak as his neck was currently in unyielding hold.

Peter did not deny the fantasy, and merely said, "Why aren't women attracted to me?"

The arrival of McGonagall through the classroom doors stopped the boys from answering Peter's question - which they couldn't answer anyway.

The professor's gaze fell upon James and Sirius' position, and she hollered, "Oh, _for Merlin's sake, _what do you think you're doing, Mr. Potter?"

"Holler holler, professor," Sirius waved, looking blue in the face.

McGonagall shot James a look which said 'release him!' and he dropped Sirius painfully to the floor, dusting his hands on his trousers.

"Explanation, if you will?" she pressed.

"Well, you see, I was just, er," James fumbled, scratching his head, "teaching Sirius how to, um, defend himself, when, er…. oh, _screw it_. Yes, I'm Head Boy. Yes, I had a fellow student in a headlock. _Yes_, I will see you tomorrow night at detention for putting a fellow student in headlock."

"Potter, don't try to excuse yourself for… oh," McGonagall went over James' words in her mind, realising he had spoken the truth for once. "Er, well, I, er… get in class, the four of you!"

-----------

"Professor, there are balloons in your classroom."

"_I am quite aware of that, Black_."

McGonagall stared hard at her desk and counted to ten, trying to calm her breathing. She was aware that the class of Gryffindors and Ravenclaws were staring oddly at her, but inhalation was more important right now.

She finally lifted her head to face the class, trying extremely hard not to let her eyes wander on the balloons that floated aimlessly in the air, in _her classroom_.

She hated balloons. Completely pointless things, they were. And she wasn't just saying that because the static electricity from them had ruined her usually perfect tight bun in her hair, now causing certain strands to stick on end.

"A dim-witted student - or _students_, more believingly," she shot the Marauders at the back of the class peeved looks, "found it somehow comical to fill up the corridors and _my classroom," _she paused in annoyance_, "_with balloons, as you all can see. Irritatingly, we have no evidence who the culprit -or _culprits- _are. But I'm sure once the Hogwarts caretaker, Mr. Filch, awakes in the hospital wing, he can give us some key information to finding out their names."

"What happened to Filch, professor?" a student asked.

McGonagall looked hesitant to answer. "He…" She sighed. "He fell on balloons."

The class tried to hide back their sniggering as the professor glowered at them.

"We have discovered that the only way to make the balloons disappear is by popping them," McGonagall continued grimly. Some of the class looked delighted; popping the balloons was terrifying fun. "Unfortunately, this cannot be done at this particular moment because a student of this class does not react well to loud unexpected noises." Frank Longbottom cringed. "So, I forbid any of you popping the balloons. If one does get close to you to the point of annoyance, simply pat it away from you. _Lightly." _The professor made an unexpected smile. "And we may find that in today's lesson that we can use the balloons for Transfiguration practice! So, whoever did this 'prank'," she made air quotes with disgust, "is foolish, because the balloons are great use to me. Therefore, the joke is really on them."

"Professor, why do you look at me directly when you said that?"

McGonagall smiled at Sirius. "I do apologize, Black." She repeated again, in more of a hiss, "_Therefore, the joke is really on them_,"

"You're looking at me again, Professor-"

"_Be quiet_!"

Sirius recoiled and shrunk down on his stool.

A balloon drifted in front of the McGonagall's face and the students tried to hide their laughter as it appeared the professor had a balloon as a head. She suddenly sneezed and the balloon shot off, much to everyone's amusement. Wiping her nose, she said, "Let's get today's lesson started, shall we?"

However, the classroom doors squeaked open and Derrick tumbled inside on a very late arrival. His blonde hair was spiked today but not on purpose with its usual grace, and instead with more of a bed-hair appearance.

Uncharacteristically embarrassed that everyone's eyes were on him, he dropped his books to the floor by accident.

"This is the second time in a row you have been late to my lesson, Mr. Slade," McGonagall watched Derrick scramble on the floor for the fallen books. "Mr. Slade?" she repeated, waiting for the boy to look at him.

Finally Derrick picked up the last of his books and bundled them into his arms, looking up at the professor. "Sorry," he apologized. He slightly stumbled as he stood to his feet, trying to hitch his bag back on his shoulder. "I'm sorry I was late, professor."

"Please see me after class," McGonagall said, looking at him sorely. "Take your seat."

"Yes professor."

James had watched this spectacle with bemusement. Sirius, however, found Derrick's behaviour hilarious, hiding his sniggering behind his hand. James had found it… _unnerving_. He looked at Lily who sat somewhere in front with her friend Nicole, and noticed her gaze was on Derrick too, also portraying the same disturbed frown.

Remus had noticed James' bleak exterior. "What's wrong?" he whispered, as McGonagall had now started the lesson.

"He's up to something. I know he is." James glowered at the back of Derrick's head. "Lily said he bumped into her last night."

Sirius' picked up the conversation and leaned in. "Bumped into her, eh? He _bumped _into her?" He made a pelvic thrust for effect.

"They didn't have sex, Sirius," Remus said in a low voice.

"Oh." Sirius backed out of the conversation.

"Haven't you noticed how he's been acting lately?" James murmured.

Remus remembered back to the event with Derrick with Lily and couldn't help but agree. "His behaviour has been a little nervy, I suppose." He picked up on James' slightly jealous air. "Lily has absolutely no feelings for him. _You know that_."

Reluctantly, James nodded. "I know."

As McGonagall began reading a slightly tedious passage out of a Transfiguration textbook, a whiny noise sounding oddly like a fart erupted, forcing the room to fall into silence.

Instinctively, everyone looked at Sirius.

"What?" He noticed their gaze. "What? That wasn't me! It was the balloons squeaking!"

McGonagall continued reading until the noise interrupted her once more.

Every person looked at Sirius again.

"Alright, so _that _time it was me," he admitted, reddening.

The class exploded into complaints of disgust and the rest of the Marauders looked embarrassed to be his friend.

McGonagall held the usual unimpressed look. "_Please_ try to cease yourself, Black."

Once the class settled again, everyone silently began writing what McGonagall was dictating. Class proved to be harder than usual with floating balloons, but stronger students of the class resisted the urge to play with the inflatable bags of gas and didn't cry out in fury if the occasional balloon tapped them.

Sirius was not one of those people.

"Did you know early balloons were made of dried animal bladders?" Peter asked.

"What do you mean, 'early balloons'? Ones that were made this morning?" Sirius eyed the particular floating object that wafted across his desk.

"Balloons in the olden days," Peter said, "You know, _ye olde days_?"

"Did you just say 'old' with the letter 'e' on the end?"

"Haven't you heard of the olde English sayings? 'Getting the bum's rush?'" Peter quoted. "'Getting your goat?' 'Getting a squirrel meal?' 'Mind your own beeswax?'"

"Ah, I think I remember one about that flying insect of wickedness," Sirius referred to the bee phrase. As he carried on writing, he suddenly felt something touch his leg under the desk. He shot James a worried look.

James scowled at him in return. "It was the balloon, you poof."

"Thank God I feel glad in you saying that," Sirius commented. He looked under the desk and discovered the oblong shaped balloon prodding his leg. He lifted up the foot and was about to stamp on it when he heard the professor's 'AHEM' from in front of the class. He cursed stupid Frank and his stupid panic-attack condition forbidding him to pop the damn balloon!

"Why aren't you so edgy, Remus?" Peter asked, observing the boy writing with ease, even when one was currently stuck to his head statically.

"I've got used to them," he said. When one drifted to his shoulder and perched on him like a parrot, Remus didn't even bat it away.

Sirius was the complete opposite.

His eye twitched as a balloon hovered over his parchment, preventing him for writing. He smacked it away, making it bounce and hit the back of Lily's head and knock over his pot of ink in the process. The redhead whipped round to give Sirius a mighty glare for wrecking her tresses which were now sticking up like McGonagall's. In turning around, she caught James' eye - he was looking at her with a request for forgiveness. She made an audible huff and faced the front of the class again.

"Do you know how much sucking up I will have to do to make my orange sunset forgive me again?" James complained to Sirius, and Sirius frowned at the nickname of 'my orange sunset' greatly. "She'll take away my kissing privileges, Padfoot! _My kissing privileges!_"

"No she won't," Sirius argued. "Somehow she takes too much pleasure in snogging you to take the licence away."

James made a rather boastful smirk to himself, and quickly realised he really was an arrogant tosser sometimes.

"God, that is it!" Sirius glared at the balloon that had somehow drifted to his lap and he raised his quill high in the air, ready to stab.

"No, Sirius!" Remus stopped him, wrestling for the quill. "Don't do it! You heard McGonagall. Think about poor Frank!"

"I bet that's a load of codswallop," Sirius said. Managing to push Remus' hand away, he drew back the quill and stabbed the balloon and it burst loudly with a pop.

Promptly, gasps were made and the sound of someone collapsing to the floor was heeded.

"Someone take Longbottom to the Hospital wing, please."

-------------

"I got detention for popping a balloon."

"We know, Padfoot."

"I got _detention_ for _popping a balloon_." It was astonishing how Sirius managed to still speak with the entire contents of his mouth crammed with vegetables, forced by one Remus Lupin who insisted he needed to fill up on them in order to be healthy and considering the large amounts of meat he had consumed these days. "Doesn't the basis for my detention sound like it would happen in a parallel universe?" he asked.

"We live in a world of magic, Sirius."

"….good point."

Remus spiked a fork full of carrots and dumped them on Sirius' plate, much to his dismay. "Eat them or you'll get high cholesterol."

"But I like those cholesterols!" Sirius said happily.

"You're thinking of the _bird Kestrel_," Remus said.

"Oh, I do believe I am."

Remus checked Peter to see if he was eating his dinner, which he was like a good Marauder.

"That's right, Peter. Chew slowly to avoid choking."

He came across his last friend who hadn't even touched his mashed potatoes.

"Your dinner is getting cold, James. Those house elves did not slave over the kitchen for nothing."

"Hmm?" James was paying more attention to looking up and down the great hall, looking for the signs of his 'orange sunset'. He got over-excited when he mistook the red hair of a first year as his Lily and he slumped back down on his seat.

"So," Sirius made another groan as Remus dumped a spoonful of runner beans in front of him, "Three galleons that Filch doesn't wake up?"

"Make it two galleons and you've got a deal," Peter wagered.

Suddenly, James got up from his seat.

Sirius thought James had got up to eat his dinner elsewhere. "Merlin, if the conversation is boring you that much, all you had to do was say, Prongs."

"No, I'm going for a walk."

"You haven't finished your dinner." Remus tapped his golden plate of mashed potatoes.

"I'm not hungry."

Remus gasped at such a statement; James was always hungry.

"Wait, Prongs, where are you going?" Sirius stood up, grabbing a few chicken drumsticks in preparation as a snack on the totter. "I'll come with-"

"I don't need you to baby-sit me, Padfoot," James laughed. "I'll see you guys later." He noticed his friends' apprehensive gaze on him. "_I'm fine, _you stupid sods. Enjoy your dinner."

"Where's he going on a walk to?" Peter asked, watching James exit.

Sirius didn't even hesitate to answer.

"Beech tree."

----------

Standing in front of the Great Lake, James threw the last of his flat pebbles which skipped across the water's edge. Unfortunately in its gliding against the water, it hit one of the Giant Squid's tentacles. James winced as the squid splashed water in the air in fury.

Maybe skipping stones in a lake containing outsized seafood was not such a good idea. Really, those Muggles had it lucky. I bet they never had the same problem.

Feeling he had enough of standing, he walked over to his beech tree of sanctuary and leaned his back on the bark, feeling the cool breeze. That woody plant really was escapism for him.

He remembered again exactly what he was leaning on; the bark. He turned around and trailed his hands over the outermost layer of the tree, looking for a particular carving.

After much searching, he located the faded carving hiding in the shadow of the trunk. 'Potter for Evans' was engraved _very _illegiblyinto the wood in a surrounding messy heart - in fact, it looked more like 'Poonge fire Ethan' in the gloominess. The carving had obviously diminished with the passing years and James found it incredibly hard to write with Sirius' pocket knife back then in fifth year.

He dug his hand into his trouser pocket and picked out Sirius' pocket knife he'd recently thieved. They were practically brothers anyway; stealing was expected. And James knew for a fact Sirius had _his_ invisibility cloak.

Digging the knife into the bark, he went over the faded carving, making the letters more clear. He could have done this with magic of course, but it was always nice to do it the Muggle way, along with the fact that wizards always forget that they were indeed wizards with magic at such fitting times that needed magic.

He sat back and admired his handiwork, smiling, until a person appeared behind him and covered his eyes with a pair of soft, well manicured hands.

"Guess who."

"For the last time, Padfoot, I'm not in the mood."

The fingers were lifted and Lily stood before him, a little affronted. "Please tell me that was a joke because my voice does not sound like that baboon."

"Of course I was joking."

James' answer would have been more convincing if he hadn't inappropriately coughed before it. He watched Lily -looking oddly smiley- sit down next to him on the grass. "What'cha looking at?" she asked, peculiarly cheerful.

James figured she had used those few hours since this morning to cool off her deadly rage and gestured to the famous woody plant. "Beech tree."

Lily inspected the tree and came across the carving of their names, touching her delicate fingers to the bark. "When did you write that?" she asked, softly and quiet.

"Fifth year." He looked charmingly bashful. "After that time you threw mushy peas on my face," he clarified.

"Peas are best mushy," Lily stated.

"If peas were better mushy then they would be mushy in the first place," James pointed out. He realised they were talking about edible round green beans and quickly changed the subject. "Have you forgiven me yet?"

"Partly," Lily said, and suddenly captured him into a hug. "Thank you for the flowers."

As James' mind drifted off into the world of perversity at such close contact, he realised he had no idea what she was talking about. "Flowers?" he echoed.

"The bouquet of flowers you put in my school bag," Lily thought she was reminding him.

OH, THAT bouquet of flowers!

….wait a second, James never sent flowers. James had never bought a bouquet of flowers in his life, except for his mother. In reality, his father had actually bought them on his behalf.

"They were beautiful."

Maybe James had gotten her flowers but had simply forgotten. He replayed the things he had done that today; woke up, put left sock on left foot, put right sock on, realised that he put right sock over left sock, discarded both socks and decided to go barefoot, had multiple toilet outings after stomach disagreement with Yorkshire pudding last night, went to classes, had argument with Sirius on the hypothesis of a Filch/Madam Pince/Peeves love triangle ….

"They were my favourite," she continued on.

James played with the ends of Lily's hair and decided it was getting to point of being too late for him to deny he had sent the flowers. Lily was still hugging him and James was still feeling the usual giddiness. If he was going to deny giving that bouquet of flowers, he should have done it directly after Lily had stated the flower-giving.

Right, James. Tell her. _Tell her now_.

"It was really sweet of you, James."

"_I know_."

Or completely ignore the heeding advice from your brain and agree that it was really sweet of you. Truly, both options were similar when you _really _didn't think about.

As James continued to squeeze Lily, an explanation came to his mind: one of the Marauders probably got Lily the flowers on his behalf! That must have been it. It's not as if Lily had a secret admirer or anything…

"Wait, you said 'partly'," James remembered.

"Yes." Lily pulled out of the hug, much to his disappointment, and smiled somewhat maliciously. "I'll forgive you on one condition: you will do a test."

"I don't like exams," James mentioned quickly.

Lily laughed. "No, its nothing like that," she paused before carrying on, "I've got something for you."

Was it just James or did that that last statement sound sultry?

"Lily! _Outside and all!_" James started unbuttoning his shirt at the collar. "If we must..."

"Not_ that_, you idiot."

…so it was just James, then.

He closed his eyes, ready for the gift.

"You don't need to close your eyes, James."

"No, I want to. I have the most fuckable eyelids and I rarely get to show them off."

"Fuckable eyelids? Oh, good grief… Open your eyes, James."

He was suddenly aware of something shoved in his hands and opened his eyes to see…

"A potted plant?" he said slowly. He looked at Lily, then back at the plant, believing this was clearly a windup. Her jolly smile concluded it was not.

"Not just any plant! A _fuschia _plant," she divulged.

James smiled weakly, trying to sound interested. "Fuschia? Really?" He stretched the plant further away from him and scrutinized the shrub from afar. "Peter would like this," he stated, trying to hint that maybe she should just give the green thing to Peter instead. He examined the brightly pink flowered plant placed awkwardly in his hands and remained silent, unsure what to do with it.

"Do you want it back now?" he asked finally, supposing he was merely holding it for Lily whilst she did her makeup or whatever girls did.

"No, it's yours," she said, rather annoyed at James' reaction.

"Lily…I'm not a woman. Who have you been taking advice of on giving presents? Was it Sirius?" James groaned; it must have been Sirius. "Men who like flowers are old grand-dads who enjoy gardening."

"It's not a present!" Lily shut him up. "It's a test."

James did not like where this was going. He turned the pot on its sides, trying to find his present still. Lily stopped him before James examined the bottom of the plant and the contents of soil and shrubbery would fall to the ground.

"Try and keep it upright," she advised jadedly.

"I don't understand what's going on here," James admitted, scratching his head.

"This," Lily gestured with her hands to the pot plant in his hand, "represents our relationship."

James really, _really _didn't like where this was going.

"All you have to do is look after the plant," Lily explained. She gave James a beseeching look. "You can to that, can't you?"

James didn't have the foggiest idea about plants. If it wasn't for Herbology, he would gone along with the theory that plants simply popped out of thin air without any aid of water, sunlight or nutrients. They were just simply _there_. Merlin up above pointed his finger and plants just shot out like torpedoes.

"Sure," James tried to hide the grimace on his face that he was feeling when holding _the green thing_, "but what exactly will the results of this, er, 'test', prove?"

"Well, if the plant is still alive then or relationship is alive. If the plant is dead by the end of the duration, that means our relationship is also-"

"Dead?" James finished, looking horror-stricken.

Lily smiled. "You caught on," she said with delight, petting his head like rewarding a pet.

James tried once more to smile, again, feebly. This was clearly some sort of conspiracy from _the guy upstairs_.

"So…while this 'test' is going on, are my kissing privileges taken away?" James asked with a sense of dread.

"Of course not," Lily laughed, kissing him deeply on the lips to reassure him.

Just when James was starting to get into the snogging, Lily pulled him away too soon and began dragging him back to the castle by the hand.

James took a final look at his new friend for the next few days -the fuschia plant- and said a mental 'hello, nice to meet you, green thing' to the presently living object.

Putting back the thoughts that he was clearly insane for addressing a plant in his mind, he placed the potted plant under one arm so he could wrap the other around Lily's waist, all the while with calming thoughts that this 'test' Lily had set him wouldn't be so bad.

"What are you going to name the plant, then?"

"NAME IT?"

Barely seconds after the couple had entered the castle, had a stranger appeared from the shadows of Hogwarts grounds. Their steps rustled in the grass as they made their way over to the beech tree. They stood diametrically in front of it, studying the bark intently.

Their gaze fell upon the renewed carving.

'_James and Lily Potter.'_

The person's eyes turned dangerously cold, unmoving. Checking first to see if there was anyone watching, the person whipped out their wand, and heatedly, pointed it at the names within the messy drawn heart. With a tone of ferocity, the person said, "_Flagrate_" and two thick crossed lines burnt the tree bark, directly over the engraving.


	10. Blame Trippetta for the lunacy

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing

**Chapter 10**

"Trippetta."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Trippetta."

"The same to you mate."

Sirius gazed up at the ceiling of the boys' dormitory, watching an abnormally large fly moving upside down. "I swear to Merlin, that fly is enormous it could _take over the world_." He grabbed one of James' smelly brown socks. "It must be killed." Swinging the sock around a few times, he flung it up at the fly where it hit the ceiling and bounced back down -as foreseeable with gravity- and the sock slapped into his face. "Did I get it, Prongs?" he asked, though he was incredibly unheard as a sock was covering his mouth. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted the fly reappear as it took a saunter of the ceiling once more. "Damn that bloody insect's reflexes! _Every sodding time!_"

"_Trippetta_. That's its name: _Trippetta_."

Lazing across his bed, Sirius rolled with some impressive flobberworm-like turning to face James with the most perplexed look. "Prongs, I haven't got the foggiest idea what you're on about."

Striding across the room, James revealed with a sort of anguished grimace the fuchsia potted plant from behind his back, stretching it out in front of him so it lingered in front of Sirius' nose.

"I'm not hungry, thank you," Sirius said, crossing his eyes as he examined the plant near his nostrils, "But if I want to eat that…_green thing_, I'll let you know."

"You can't eat it," James shook his head, "It isn't edible. And it's my test. You can't eat my test."

Sirius slowly nodded. "Righto…"

Humming a jovial tune, Peter stepped into the boys' dormitory and immediately froze as his eyes landed on the potted plant in James' hand. His eyes lit up.

"That's a fuchsia plant," Peter stated. "I like fuchsia."

His announcement for the love of the colour did not surprise anyone in the room, including the very fuchsia plant.

"I told Lily you would like it, Wormtail," James mentioned. Clearly he still thought that the unsatisfactory 'gift' would be better for Peter who would appreciate it much more than him.

"Can you move that green thing away from my face now?" Sirius asked, crinkling his nose. James still made no signs of moving the pot that had started extracting soil from the holes of the bottom, now leaving trails of mess on the already dirty floor. "The leaves are tickling my nose."

The final Marauder, Remus, entered the dormitory, looking highly distressed. "I don't want to alarm you or anything," he said, though it was plain to see he was alarmed as ever, "but…I've lost a book."

"That's interesting," Sirius yawned. He shot James a furtive look which asked 'Are you going to point out our werewolf's freakish obsession for books or shall I?'

He went for the latter.

"Why don't you look for the book, say, under your bed? And while you're searching for it, maybe you should find a PAIR OF BALLS TOO. What are you even doing, you stupid poof, worrying about lost books! You shouldn't be searching for sodding literature; you should be searching for birds!" He waved his hand in the air to give Remus a mental slap to the back of his head from across the room. "I'm not talking about the feathered creatures, by the way."

Remus replied with a simple, "I'll grow a pair when you stop scratching yours," and Sirius cringed, inconspicuously moving his hand away from his crotch. "Seriously, I want you to discontinue whatever irrelevant, inane conversation you're having and panic with me—is that a potted shrub?"

"Yes," James confirmed. He shoved the pot into Sirius' hands, and he looked down at it with mistrust. "Hold it while I explain, Padfoot."

Immediately, Sirius started interrogating. "What's it doing here?" he questioned. He shoved Peter with his elbow who'd been awfully close, trying to examine the plant with a sort of longing glaze of the eyes.

"The photosynthesis and carbon fixation conducted by land plants and algae are the ultimate source of energy and organic material in-"

"No, Moony, I mean, what is it doing here," Sirius stressed, "_near me_."

"Lily gave it to me," James said, as if that would explain the barmy story.

"As a gift?" Sirius sputtered. "Hasn't she ever heard of shirts as presents? God, that woman is completely batty."

"She's not mentally ill, Sirius! She's just testing me, that's all."

"Personally, I think she's been reading one too many women's magazines…" Sirius muttered under his breath, so not to receive another hit from the 'batty one's' boyfriend.

Remus -momentarily forgetting his devastation of the loss of his book- scratched his chin as he observed the plant. "Hmm, the fuchsia plant, a genus of flowering plants, mostly shrubs. Identified by Charles Plumier in the late seventeenth century. Named after the German botanist Leonheart Fuchs."

James gawked at him. "How on earth do you know that?"

"I have extensive general knowledge."

Sirius hoisted the fuchsia plant in the air as he couldn't raise his hand at that particular moment. "I think he swallowed an encyclopaedia at the age of four," he theorised.

Remus sighed. "Sirius, you _still _refuse to believe that the world is round."

"I'm just saying, do we really have enough evidence?"

"_Yes, we do!_ Photos from space, for one!"

James groaned. "Don't get him started on that, Moony. He still thinks that's some sort of sham…"

"Did you know there's over a hundred species of fuchsia plant?" Peter divulged.

"We're taking that Rambling Road of Prolix again," Remus informed. "Please focus."

"Right," James tried to get into Lily's insane frame of mind. "This plant," he drew an imaginary circle around the shrub, "represents me and Lily's relationship."

Sirius laughed. "How do you make that out?"

"I don't know! It's what Lily said, alright! Some sort of abnormal symbolizing." James tried to lighten up his poor situation, "Better a fuchsia plant representing our relationship rather than niffler dung, eh?"

"I find it amusing how you're making jokes," Remus observed.

"Well, you know, the plant is kind of cute if--oh, who am I kidding? It's a plant, for Christ's sake! They belong in the ground. Are plants even allowed in pots? Isn't it against plant rights or something?"

Remus answered with a flat, "No."

"So you have to look after this beauty?" Peter enquired, with a hint of wanting to take up the challenge himself.

"Yes," James looked unimpressed, "I have to keep it alive for who God knows how long." He jumped and grabbed the plant from Sirius as he'd turned it on its side and it released more soil to the floor. "Lily didn't say how alive it had to be, though."

"Well, considering your relationship is apparently represented in that plant, I take it that it needs to be kept relatively healthy," Remus said, rolling his eyes. "It's quite clever of her, you know; her making you look after it to make you become more responsible."

"Oh, you don't have to call it 'it' anymore," James glanced at Sirius, "or 'green thing'," he added. "As I was telling Padfoot before, the plant's name is Trippetta."

The room fell into silence.

"I beg your pardon?" Sirius queried again.

James was feeling a mighty sense of déjà vu. "_Trippetta_," he concurred.

"The same to you, mate."

"Oh, for the love of…" James contemplated hurling his plant at Sirius' head, leaving a similar pot shaped dent above his eyebrows. "Trippetta is a _name_. Trippetta is the _plant's name_."

Peter furrowed his brow. "Trippetta? Where did you get that name from?"

"Well," James impressively juggled the fuchsia plant from one hand to the other where it wobbled on his palm, and Remus watched his dangerous actions with a squirm, "I was reading-"

"_Quidditch Weekly_?" Sirius finished.

"No, I was reading-"

"_Monthly Booty-licious Witch Babes_?"

"No, it was-"

"A leaflet!" Peter guessed, "On, on…whether you want to work in Muggle relations!"

"_No! _It was this book by….by…" James tried to remember the name and clicked his fingers in frustration. "…Poe Allan Edgar!"

Remus turned a fabulous white in horror, looking as if he was about to have a panic attack as he clutched his chest. "Oh… _my goodness_. I cannot believe you just said Edgar Allan Poe's name _backwards_… That's like _blasphemy_."

"_Edgar Allan Poe_! That's the nutter," James recalled. He handed the fuchsia plant to Peter as he began to search for a book beneath the junk on his bed; eventually the book was discovered beneath a blanket of sweet wrappers. James turned back to Peter to take the plant from him, but found the plant had disappeared from his hands.

Either Peter had suddenly become six months pregnant, or a potted fuchsia plant was hiding under his fastened school robes.

"Pete, you can't have the plant. I told you already; it's my test."

Pouting, Peter took the plant out from under his robes and sat on his bed in a mood.

James wagged the literature, "In this book-"

"Hey, that's mine!" Remus said in outburst, his eyes locked on his possession. "That's The Lost Book!"

"Oh _God_, it has a title…" Sirius muttered.

James looked apologetic, handing Remus his book back which he clutched against his chest. "Sorry, I was only borrowing it."

"Yes, well, it's nice you're taking an interest in reading all of a sudden but asking permission costs nothing," Remus said gruffly.

James blinked. "Yes, Moony…._ Anyway_, reading that short story-" he pointed to the book.

"Oh, _short _story, eh?" Sirius laughed. "Makes sense now…"

James brushed aside Sirius' comment that hinted James couldn't read anything longer than five pages.

"The story is called 'Hop-Frog'-"

"Is it about a frog?" Peter cut in, cocking his head to one side thoughtfully.

"No."

"Is it about hopping?" Sirius asked.

"No," James repeated, getting slightly annoyed.

"Then I'm not interested." Sirius turned on his side, displaying his back to James.

"Don't be so rude!" Remus rebuked him.

Grumbling, Sirius flipped over on the bed, trying to look interested in what James was babbling on about.

"As I was saying," he continued, "in the story, there is a dwarf-"

"AH HAR HAR HAR HAR…no, wait, that's not funny," Sirius realised.

"-who is crippled-"

"AH HAR HAR HAR HAR…no, wait, that's not funny either."

"-who has a dwarf friend called 'Trippetta'," James ended.

Sirius was about to make another "AH HAR HAR HAR HAR" eruption but found his attention on that large fly soaring in circles up above.

"Let me get this straight," Remus massaged his head, "You're naming your potted fuchsia plant after a character in a Poe story about a crippled dwarf?"

James nodded. "That is correct."

Remus continued to soothe his head feeling an incoming headache. "I don't think I can deal with this amount of unpredictability…"

"Honestly, Moony, you should be used to it by now." Sirius grabbed another one of James' socks and pelted it at the ceiling.

Remus had obviously missed Sirius' assertion of the evil fly. "_What are you even doing, Sirius_?" he cried, on the brink of madness because of such barmy friends.

"I'm sorry, but that thing must _die_. I'm saving humanity," Sirius said audaciously. "You're not one of those mothers who doesn't believe in killing insects and likes to chase them with cups for five hours until you scoop them into the cup and throw the insect outside the window where they land on the ground at such an impact that they die, and really, the whole capture using the cup was a complete waste of time?"

"No, because I'm not a mother." Remus frowned. "Or a woman."

"That is debatable, my friend."

"James," Remus tried to focus, somewhat pacing the dormitory, "I'm just…. I'm _trying _to find some sort of logic here. I mean, just _how _did you come to the conclusion of naming the plant after a dwarf?"

James shrugged, which was extremely unhelpful to Remus_. There just had to be a reason_; _a plausible reason._

"Wait, when you're talking about dwarfs, does this include the midget first years?" Sirius asked. "Because I swear I saw one was glaring at me in the corridor the other day."

"You flung a pea at his nose in the Great hall," Peter reminded Sirius. "It's permanently stuck so he has to forever breathe with one nostril."

"Oh _right_. That might explain the glaring…"

"But just how did you get to the outcome of naming the plant 'Trippetta'?" Remus asked again. "Please, just give me some stability that there is a fairly intelligent reason behind christening it."

James shrugged. Again.

"I cannot….deal…with so much…irregularity…in one day…" Remus watched Sirius fling another sock to the ceiling which smacked him atop the head, and Remus had to physically sit himself down before he passed out.

"So, why a girl's name, Prongs?" Peter asked curiously.

"Pinky purple flowers, obviously," James answered. "You can't give the plant a manly name with such girly coloured flowers."

"Because naming plants is _normal_," Sirius droned from his bed.

"I was going to name it Harry," James mentioned.

Sirius nodded. "Good name; Harry," he approved. "Harry. Harry Potter. Harry Pothead."

"But, you know, with the pinky purple flowers, it seemed a little inappropriate."

"Because you don't what the other bullying flowers picking on him! Oh, can you imagine their taunting? Those plants flicking their leaves and bad mouthing. Disgraceful!"

"No one finds you funny, Sirius."

"I live to amuse _myself_, my Prongs-nated friend."

"So, er," James held Trippetta the fuchsia plant in his hands, very uncomfortably, "Do any of you know how to look after plants?"

"You take Herbology," Peter said.

"Yeah, but that's all about _magical _plants. You know, plants with actual faces that can bite you," James said. "This," he gestured to the plant, "_This _is _entirely _different."

Remus sighed, gradually calming. "James, all you have to do is water it daily and keep it in an appropriate place."

"Appropriate place?" James enquired. He got out a notebook and quill and began scribbling notes.

"You can't keep it somewhere with too much sun otherwise it will just dry out," Remus said, and James wrote down, 'TOO MUCH SUN EQUALS DEATH'. "And you can't keep it somewhere too dark otherwise it won't get the sunlight it needs." James jotted, 'TOO MUCH DARK EQUALS DEATH.'

"Wait," James read back his notes and frowned, "If it doesn't fit somewhere with too much sun, or too much dark, where the hell do I put it?"

"Up your arse picking daises."

"Most definitely not up someone's arse," Remus said, shooting Sirius an annoyed look.

James scribbled out, 'PUT UP ARSE.'

"It needs to be somewhere in the middle, I suppose, with the right conditions and surroundings. Somewhere with enough sun _and _shade," Remus said.

"But that's impossible!" James cried. "How am I supposed to find somewhere with such perfect conditions?" He rubbed his head. "I'm getting stressed already. I don't know how those gardeners do it…"

"Why don't you leave it in here?" Peter suggested, referring to the boys dormitory.

"Er…" James sniffed the air. "Sure…" He jotted into the notebook: 'Put Trippetta in head tower. DO NOT put in boys dormitory- it smells like something died there. RESULT EQUALS TRIPPETTA'S DEATH.'

James finished the last of his incisive notes and said, "I better get going," making for the door.

"Where are you off?" Sirius asked, twirling socks.

"Meeting Lily."

Spinning of the socks was abruptly stopped. "I thought we were gonna hang out?" he said, noticeably irritated.

"We can _later_, Padfoot."

"Don't forget Trippetta," Remus said, gesturing to the fuchsia plant sitting on his bed.

"Oh, yeah, right," James jogged back over to Trippetta and put it under his arm. He stopped at the doorway, remembering something. "Which one of you put flowers in Lily's bags then, eh?"

The boys looked blankly at him.

"Flowers?" Peter echoed. Sirius did not say anything, remaining in a mood because of James' abandonment of Padfoot time for his 'orange sunset'.

"Didn't one of you put flowers in Lily's bag?" James asked, frowning.

"Er…I did," Remus said finally, forcing a smile.

"Thanks, Moony," James said gratefully, "I owe you one." He left, swinging Trippetta along with him.

Once James exited, the strained smile instantly left Remus' face as he sat with his face in his hands.

Remus had not been the sender of the flowers.

He had lied to James, saving Lily's skin. Remus knew those flowers undoubtedly had something to do with that mysterious letter Lily had received; the one Lily refused to say who the correspondent was.

Of course, that was because she didn't know who the correspondent was in the first place.

Sirius pelted another sock at the ceiling; this time with much force.

There had been no 'later'.

----------------------------

The week had passed quickly, where James and Lily had gone through days without arguing at least five times an hour. In fact, since Lily had set James the task of looking after the fuchsia plant, they had supposedly gotten along better, in James' eyes.

He hadn't seemed to notice Lily was constantly on edge.

She was receiving a letter from the Half Blood Prince _every day _now.

'_When love beckons to you follow him,  
Though his ways are hard and steep.  
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,  
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.  
And when he speaks to you believe in him,  
Though his voice may shatter your dreams  
As the north wind lays waste the garden.  
For even as love crowns you  
so shall he crucify you.  
Even as he is for your growth  
So is he for your pruning.'_

That had only been _one _of the disturbing letters.

Remus had not spoken a word to Lily about the flowers that had turned up in her bag. In fact, Remus had barely spoken a word to Lily since he had discovered the mysterious letter. Sitting next to one another in Arithmancy was undeniably tense. Constantly, Lily kept her head down, staring at her desk.

Meanwhile, despite the fact that James had the responsibility of looking after Trippetta the fuchsia plant, it seemed Lily's attempts of making James more dependable hadn't registered fully into his brain.

_Day one of looking after Trippetta:_

"James, have you watered the fuchsia plant yet?"

"I'll do it later, Moony."

James did not do it later.

_Day two:_

"James, have you done your watering today?"

"It's on my 'To do' list today…..along with 'Lily'."

James's 'To Do' list consisted of a blotchy quill and the back of his hand. The 'To Do' list is inevitably smudged, thus, no watering was done that day as James has the memory of a fish.

_Day three:_

"Just water it, James."

"…"

"You're going to ask me where to get a watering can, aren't you."

"Seriously, where do I get one of those cans with the long spouts?"

"_How _have you been watering for the last three days?"

"…Watering what?"

"TRIPPETTA!"

_Day three:_

"Prongs, please, for the sake of you and Lily's relationship, remember to water the sodding plant!"

"Alright, Padfoot, I'll do it after we play a quick game of Quidditch… So, first one to a hundred goals?

James is too tired to water plant because of Quidditch.

_Day four: _

"James, do you want me to water the plant for you?"

"For the last time: no, Wormtail! I'll do it after we finish this game of wizard chess….so, twenty games out of thirty, then?"

James is too tired to water plant because of wizard chess.

_Day five:_

"James, did you remember to water the fuchsia plant?"

"Er…maybe?"

After spending too much time with James, you come to realise his answers of 'maybe' is a definite no.

_Day six:_

"You look bored, James. Why don't you water Trippetta?"

"Sure…once I find it…"

"_You lost it_?"

"I haven't seen it for the past couple of days…I'm sure it's in my room though!"

"Oh, good grief…"

_Today:_

"James. Watering. Do it."

"…Oh my G-….I'll be right back!"

And, at this present time, this is where we are with our hero.

"FUCK!"

James was going to become a crippled dwarf because Lily was going to slice him in half and break every bone in his lanky body.

"FUCK!"

Because profanity was going to save him.

Maybe Trippetta was just a special plant that turned a different colour due to what mood it was in? So, now, for instance, it felt sombre because it was…black.

Very much black.

"Trippetta?" James prodded what was left of the fuchsia plant which included a stump of a stalk and a few blackened leaves which must have scorched from the sun. Apparently the window sill of his dormitory had not been the 'appropriate place' Remus had went on about.

"Oh, no…"

James watched another dead leaf fall from the fuchsia plant, leaving Trippetta with a grand total of _two leaves_. The pretty 'pinky purple flowers' had dropped off onto the window sill and James was basically left with a pot of soil.

"Thank Merlin Lily didn't make me look after a child for the test…" James joked. He realised he made yet another stupid joke at an unsuitable time with no one to hear it but his dim-witted self and slapped his forehead.

He had watered it, hadn't he?

Come to think of it, James realised he hadn't found that watering can with the long spout…

"Oh, _no_…" James cradled his head in his hands.

There was just no way getting round this. He couldn't replace the plant with a new one because Lily either had great knack at noticing things that weren't originally what they were, or she'd charmed it with a sneaky spell to tell whether it was the same plant.

"Hello?"

For a second, he thought Trippetta had spoken. On a more level-headed approach, James realised it came from outside his dormitory. Thinking it was Lily, he grabbed Trippetta and hurled the plant under his bed like a bowling ball which rolled and emptied soil across the floor.

James breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of his friends at the doorway.

"Thank God it's you lot," he relaxed.

"Were you having a wank or something?" Sirius asked, wondering why he looked so guilty.

"No, just come in, quick," James waved them to hurry inside and slammed the door shut once the Marauders were within.

"Do you ever open a window in here, James?" Remus asked, automatically crossing the room to let in some air.

James cringed; maybe fresh air would have helped Trippetta's survival…

"Watch for Lily, will you?" James asked, diving under the bed.

Peter popped his head outside the door, keeping a lookout for the redhead while trying not to look confused regarding what on earth James was doing under his bead.

"Prongs, if you're going to hide from Lily, under the bed isn't the best place," Sirius stated. James' bottom wiggled as he tried to reach for Trippetta that had scrambled far underneath, as if afraid of his hands. "Your arse is sticking out. She will find you."

"I'm not hiding; I can't reach that sodding…." James reached out with his fingertips and grabbed Trippetta, rolling out from under the bed with a triumphant face. "Got it!" The boys left off gasps at the plant's appearance and James quickly contemplated shoving the plant back under the bed again.

Peter was the first to say anything. "James…how…_how could you_?" He could not believe someone had treated something -that was so fuchsia- so unkindly. "Trippetta…Trippetta didn't deserve that." Peter shook his head, and James felt oddly shamefaced.

"Oh, James! I thought you followed my instructions!" Remus cried, rather devastated. "You did water it, didn't you?"

James ran his hand through his hair. "Er, define 'watering'…"

"To pour or sprinkle water on; to make wet."

James tittered nervously. "Well, it's kind of hard to find water these days…"

Sirius erupted into laughter.

James glared at him. "It's not funny, Padfoot!"

"Trust me, it is." Sirius prodded Trippetta and another leaf fell off, leaving the stalk that was the fuchsia plant with only one leaf remaining.

"You stupid prat! Stop making it worse!"

"You did that all by yourself, mate," Sirius laughed.

Within the seconds, the two were fighting.

Remus tried to be the mediator. "Guys, please," he said gently. He watched as James got Sirius in another headlock and left off a scream as Sirius bit his arm.

"Aaargh! Sod off!"

"You want some?"

"Guys!" Remus yelled. The boys halted, just as James was about go give Sirius a Chinese burn and Sirius was about to knee him in the groin. "This isn't helping James' situ-"

"Hello? James, are you in?"

The boys froze at the sound of the girl's voice outside the dormitory.

Sirius giggled. He said nothing except the word, "Castration," pointing to James' crotch with a knowing look.

"Bugger!" James cursed. He seized the nearest Marauder by the collar which happened to Peter. "Get rid of her for me!"

"What? What am I supposed to do?"

"I dunno! Go take her on a walk or something. Be creative."

James shoved Peter who released a "WAAAAAAH" as he stumbled out of the room into Lily's path who was about to enter James' dormitory.

Lily was greatly surprised to see a Marauder in her headquarters. "Hello, Peter," she greeted him. "What are you doing in here?" Peter stood determinedly in front of James' dorm door; Lily found this highly suspicious. "Is James in there?"

"No! Er, do you want to go on a walk?"

"He's not? Well, actually-" Lily stopped as Peter linked arms with her and swung her in the opposite direction, to the exit of the tower. "Wait, where are we going?" she asked, a little startled.

Peter stuck to James' plan. "I thought we'd go on a walk of the grounds."

Lily shot him a strained smile. "May I ask why?"

Peter's eyes widened. "Why?" he echoed, sweating. "You know, people just don't appreciate nature these days."

Lily nodded, slowly. "Right…"

"And we could, er, discuss…fuchsia plants?" Peter said hopefully. "Aren't they just the best plants ever?"

Lily was about to answer but Peter had promptly dragged her through the portrait.

"God, that was close," James left the dormitory with Sirius and Remus trailing behind.

"I was in such a mood to see her kill you too," Sirius said with disappointment.

James shot him a warning middle finger.

"What am I going to do, then?" James asked his friends. "C'mon, Moony, you must know a spell to make it…you know…"

"Un-dead?" Sirius offered.

James nodded. "Yes. That."

Remus shot him a sympathetic smile. "Plants aren't really my speciality, James…"

"That's great. Wonderful," James said dryly, throwing up his hands. He looked at Sirius, "I'm not even going to ask _you _for advice, Padfoot."

"That's completely unjust!"

"I'm sorry. Please, do tell me your spectacular advice."

Sirius looked at him vacantly. "I don't exactly have any heeding advice..." James threw up his hands. "But, still! It's only polite to ask, arse-face!"

James was not amused. "Well, you're both extremely useful. Thanks a lot."

"We don't survive in the world to aid you, I'm afraid," Remus informed him. "Though…"

"Though?" James brightened. "Though, what? Have you got an idea? Please, Moony, I beg of you! Use that mammoth brain of yours and _help meeeee_….." He fell to the floor and pulled on his trouser legs.

Remus looked down at him, a little repulsed. "Plants are not my speciality, as you well know. So find someone whose speciality _is _plants."

James shot to his feet. "That's your advice? I can't help but say I'm a little thwarted, Moony, considering I DON'T KNOW ANYONE WITH A SPECIALITY IN SODDING PLANTS." He panted after his outburst, before collapsing to the floor in whimpers.

Remus rolled his eyes at such dramatic actions. "I know someone," he informed.

Again, James shot to his feet. "Who? Who, God damn it, tell me!"

"Ow, I'm loosing the circulation in my arms, James," Remus complained. James apologized, letting go of Remus' arm he had been puncturing. "Alice has a speciality in plants."

"Who?" James never paid attention to girls in Hogwarts except for his redheaded 'orange peel.'

"Alice, eh?" Sirius scratched his chin. "She sounds familiar… I've never snogged her," he confirmed, and his friends rolled their eyes. "Wait, isn't that Frank's bird?"

"Yes, Alice is Frank's girlfriend," Remus said more appropriately.

"Where would she be?" James asked.

"With Frank in the hospital wing."

----------------

Passing a corridor window to the hospital wing, the boys spotted Lily being dragged by Peter to feed the Giant Squid mouldy bread.

"My poor orange peel," James said, taking his gaze off the grounds.

The second the three Marauders entered the Hospital wing, Sirius exploded with "FRAAAAANK! FRANK-EEEEEEE!"

There was a definite sound of scrambling for escape behind a bed curtain at the sound of Sirius' holler.

"Sssssh!" Madam Pomfrey bustled up to them, pressing a finger to her mouth and spitting as she shushed. "This is a hospital wing! Proper etiquette, please. Can you not read the sign?" She pointed to the wall.

"Um…Madam Pomfrey, there is no sign," Remus pointed out.

With slow comprehension, the witch realised the boy was right.

"Yes, but if there was one, it would say 'Be quiet at all times'," Pomfrey insisted. "Now go visit whoever you want to see and be soundless about it!"

"Madam Pom Pom's, you're shouting."

"I AM NOT SHOUTING. AND DO NOT CALL ME THAT."

Quickly, the Marauders hurried to the corner of the wing with the only bed that was curtained. Sirius made many greetings to ill people on the way.

"Hey, Mike!" Sirius waved to the boy who lifted a plastered leg in response. "Jennifer, you get well soon, eh?" The girl smiled, despite all her teeth missing due to a horrible curse. "Steve! Steevie!" Sirius gave the boy a brotherly punched who screamed tremendously in pain. "Dominic! Dom-o!" The boy tried to desperately hide under the covers of his bed, but Sirius had spotted him and gave him a vigorous rub to the top of his head as he squirmed. "Get that arm better, alright?"

"Do you know _everyone _in this castle?" Remus asked.

Sirius replied with a mysterious nose tap, "I have my connections…"

Hearing whispers, James pulled back the curtains of the bed that was hidden to reveal Frank lying on his bed while Alice sat at his bedside.

"I told you to keep quiet, Alice!" Frank hissed, holding on to her hand in terror.

"FRANK!" Sirius beamed, holding out his arms for an embrace. "FRANK-EEEE!"

Frank jumped back, clinging to the bed headboard, and Alice also had to jump back as she was pulled by the hand. "You-" he wagged his finger at Sirius "-_you _keep away from me!"

"I can understand you being a little bitter," Sirius began.

"_Bitter?_" Frank repeated. "You popped a balloon on my _head!_"

"I forgot about the panic attack thing." Sirius rolled his eyes, "Surely you can understand? I didn't do it on purpose, honestly! I pop balloons on my friend's heads all the time as a greeting. Prongs, magic a balloon for me so I can show him."

"NO!" Frank yelled.

"Must you make everything about yourself, Padfoot?" James complained, literally pushing Sirius aside with an elbow. "Frank, mate," he addressed the boy, "We only came here to see Alice."

"Me?" Alice queried, looking confused.

Frank wrapped an arm around Alice protectively who felt the blood flow cut off around her neck. "What about Alice?" he said suspiciously.

James noticed his defensive manner. "We just want to take her-" his ending of 'off your hands' was cut off by Frank's outburst.

"You want to _take _her, do you?" Frank wrapped an arm tighter around Alice who was beginning to look blue in the face. "You get away from her, you woman stealer!" He pointed the finger at James, "You and Sirius! I know your game. You good looking bachelors go around stealing girlfriends from respectable boyfriends!" His gaze came across Remus. "And you, Remus, you're the secret leader, aren't you!" Remus gawked at him. "Well, you can't have her! SHE'S MINE!"

"Frank, calm down!" James put his hands up in defence – the Longbottom boy was beginning to cause a kafuffle. "I'm going out with Lily, if you didn't already know. I'm in a steady relationship." At least, he hoped he still was.

"And don't worry about me. I fancy this tart-"

"Don't call her that, Sirius! " Remus told him off. "It's demeaning to women!"

Sirius shot Frank a knowing look. "I'd definitely worry about this one," he pulled on Remus' sleeve, "The ladies love his softness."

Frank nodded and tightened his grip on Alice.

"Frank," James said gently, "We didn't come here to steal Alice away from you."

Frank furrowed his brow. "You didn't?"

"No, we want to _talk _to her."

Frank scoffed. "_Yeah, right_!"

"No, seriously. We do. We want to discuss plants."

Frank released his grip on Alice. "You what?"

James sighed, reddening. "I have a plant problem, alright!"

"You seriously want to talk to Alice about plants?" Frank asked for a confirmation.

James nodded.

"Merlin, what am I, the plant adviser?" Alice grumbled, getting to her feet.

"You get regular enquires about plants?" Remus questioned her.

Alice nodded. "I'm 'the plant girl'," she notified, looking miffed to such an unattractive nickname.

"So can we talk to you…er, alone?" James asked.

"I do not agree that," Frank informed, raising his hand.

Alice gave him a reassuring peck on the cheek and Frank broke into a sappy smile.

"Alright," he gave in. "But I want you in that corner," he pointed to the other side of the hospital wing, "And I'm watching you!"

"Yeah, that's wonderful, Frank," James said absentmindedly, already dragging Alice to the other side of hospital wing with Sirius and Remus following obediently.

"So, what's up?" Alice asked. She heard the sound of rustling and spotted James holding a plastic carrier bag. "What's in the bag?"

James shoved his hand inside. "Oh, bugger! The soil's all come out!" He cursed as he got soil under his fingernails. "It'll take forever to clean these nails!"

"So you dragged me to a corner to talk about nails and your sudden overwhelming femininity," Alice said, and James looked highly offended. "Please, get to the point, quickly. There is a boy over there who needs me to reassure him that balloons will not haunt him in his dreams." She shot Sirius an aggravated look.

"Once again, I apologise for the balloon-popping," Sirius said.

"Yes, well, when I found out what you get panic attacks at, you will suffer, Sirius." Alice beamed.

"Oh God, I hope she doesn't find out about my clowns phobia…."

"Cmon, James," Alice clapped her hands, as if he were a puppy dog running to fetch stick, "Purpose. Quickly. Now."

Sighing, James brought Trippetta out of the plastic bag and placed it in Alice's hands.

"Alice, meet Trippetta. Trippetta, say hello to Alice," James got the formalities over with.

"I have no idea who 'Trippetta' is, but that's definitely a dead plant," she referred to the pot half filled with soil, accompanied by a barely visible dying plant stalk.

James looked utterly devastated. "That's your final diagnosis, then?"

"Diagnosis?" Alice snorted. "I'd say more of a pronouncement of death."

"_Alice_…" James whined; obviously 'pronouncement of death' at the plant morgue (which was currently the hospital wing) was something he did not want to hear.

"What do you mean '_Alice_…' in that odd whine? Surely you must have known that this shrub is dead? It's fairly evident." She observed the plant from different angles as she positioned it in the air. "Too much exposure of sun," she nodded at the one and only black leaf, "_and _dehydration of water." Remus shot James a look which said 'I told you so, ignoramus!' She dipped a finger into the spoil and licked it, making the Marauders squirm. "Just as I thought; not enough nutrients. This soil is very poor." She shook her head at James. "For the sake of humanity, I hope you do not produce."

Sirius laughed insanely in uproar.

James glared at Sirius, eventually taking his attention back to Alice. "You've made a big deal of pointing out the negatives of what I've done wrong and everything, but is there anything you can do to make it, er, you know…"

"Live?" Alice suggested.

"That was the general idea."

The girl chuckled, but sadly. "James, what if this plant was a person?"

"But it isn't," Sirius cut in confusedly.

"Yes, I know that," Alice gritted through her teeth, trying not to let her anger get the better of her, "But _what if _it was?"

James thought the question through. "Then…then I'd probably be going to Azkaban for murder."

Alice rolled her eyes; that hadn't been the response she'd hoped for. "If this plant were a person; a dead person," she tried to make clear, "then there would be nothing you could do, would there? That person would be lifeless and there would be no way to bring them back, am I correct?"

Slowly, James nodded.

"That plant is dead, James. There is no way of reviving it."

"But it's a plant!" he excused lamely.

"It's still a living thing," Alice said, looking serious. "Plants are living things too."

"I'M WATCHING YOOOOOO!"

The boys flinched at Frank's bellow from the other side of the room.

"I'm sorry, James." She patted his shoulder shoulder and returned the plant into his bag with a plop. "There's nothing I can do." James, on the verge of sobbing, watched her make her way back over to Frank, sit next to him again, and stroked his hand soothingly as she whispered reassuring words in his ear.

"Trippetta's gone, mate," Sirius patted his back. "Get over it."

James swung his plastic bag at him.

"This plant will not be the death of me!" James said determinedly. "I have a plan of fluffiness!" He swung the plastic bag containing Trippetta over his shoulder. "Follow me, Marauders!"

-----------------

"Peter, we've been hurling mouldy bread at the Giant squid for at least an hour now. I'm cold, and I want to go inside."

"No, no, no, no, no!" Peter shook his head. "You can't go inside!"

Lily raised an eyebrow. "What exactly are you keeping me away from? James has done something bad, hasn't he?" She grabbed Peter by the collar. "Tell me. I promise I won't tell James you told me." She crossed her fingers behind her back.

He managed to get out her grip. "Let's feed more bread to the Giant squid, shall we?" He threw in another ball of bread that bounced off one of the squid's tentacles. The Giant squid made another angry splash into the lake for the hundredth time that hour, wrathful because of the bread that was getting thrown at it.

"I don't think Giant squid's -or even squid's- like bread! Ducks, perhaps. Though how they find consuming soggy mush is beyond me… Peter, stop throwing bread before I confiscate it."

He nodded and popped the last of his bread into his mouth.

"That was mouldy, Peter! Good God…" She got out her wand. "Open your mouth." He opened wide and Lily tapped her wand, lifting the gone-off bread pieces that were trapped behind his choppers.

"MY ORANGE PEEL! MY ORANGE SUNSET!"

Lily knew that voice anywhere, and whipped round to face James who was smiling nervously.

"Thank Merlin you're here. You can take your friend Peter now." Lily took out the last remaining bread from his mouth and nudged him towards James. "I'm cold. Either give me your jacket or your skin."

"Skin is rather hard to unpeel," James stated, taking off his jacket and putting it round Lily's shoulders. He kissed her deeply on the lips, which Peter witness with mild curiosity.

"So, how's Trippetta?"

James didn't answer and kissed her again.

"Jam-dnfkjrdngk," Lily mumbled incoherently, trying to speak as his lips were suddenly glued to hers. "James!" She managed to unhinge him off her, flushing. "Trippetta?" she said hopefully again.

James steered her with a hand to her back, back to the castle. "Why don't we go to the tower and talk, eh?"

"Oh God," Lily stopped in her tracks, "You ate Trippetta in your Animagus form, didn't you?"

"No, har har! Of course not! Nothing like that!"

"Good." Lily carried on walking, looking relieved; James appeared the total opposite. She suddenly pointed a finger at him, "You better have not done anything to make me break up with you, James Potter."

He merely squeaked in response.

--------------

Lily sat on the couch of the head tower common room and played with the sleeves of James' coat that covered her hands. "You must have long arms, James," she stated. She watched the sleeve flop over like a bunny ear, and then turned her attention to the owner of the coat who seemed to be pacing in front of her.

"Are you sure you didn't eat Trippetta?" she asked sceptically.

"No, har har!"

Lily nodded, looking unconvinced. "You've done something that will make me break up with you," she said, pointing the finger at him.

James laughed tensely. "What makes you think that, orange peel?"

Lily waved her hand to the floor. "There is soil everywhere _and _I don't see Trippetta." James gulped. "Bring me Trippetta," she clicked her fingers like a queen, "chop chop!"

Unhurriedly, he went behind the couch and brought a brand new fuchsia plant from behind it. Smiling apprehensively, he showed off the potted shrub in his hands. "There you go," he strained a smile, "Trippetta, all nice and healthy."

"James, I can't see it closely from across the other side of the common room."

"Right." James stood closer.

"You're still on the other side of the common room!"

"Right. Sorry."

He stepped in front of her, and Lily tried to seize the fuchsia plant for a closer inspection but he pulled it high out of her reach. "James, stop that!"

"Surely you can see it from this height!" He held the plant high above his head.

"James, give me Trippetta! _Now!_"

Wincing, James plopped the plant into her hand.

With one feel of the leaves, she gasped. "This isn't Trippetta!" She gasped again in realisation. "This is _plastic!_"

"Okay, I'll just say it: I kind of killed Trippetta, and, technically, yes, that plant is plastic." He cringed; Hogsmeade sold a variety of plastic plants these days.

"_You killed our relationship plant!_" Lily shrieked.

"Wait, before you get angry-" Lily's right eye bulged "-er, _angrier_," he corrected himself, "please, hear my fluffy theory out."

"Fluffy…theory?"

"Yes," James put her hands over hers that were currently holding the plastic fake Trippetta, "You see, yes, I did kill Trippetta. Trippetta was a real plant."

"Well of course she was!"

James mind was boggled to why Lily addressed the plant as 'she'. "Er, yes," he tried to get back on track, "Trippetta never really represented our relationship though."

"Yes, it did!"

"No, it didn't," James oddly smiled, and Lily continued to glower at him, "Because Trippetta was a real plant. And with real plants, there is a possibility of death, right?" Lily nodded, though utterly confused. "This plant represents our relationship," he insisted, pointing to the plastic fuchsia shrub.

"No, it doesn't," Lily mumbled stubbornly.

"Yes, it does, because this plant is plastic-"

"ARE YOU SAYING OUR RELATIONSHIP IS _FAKE?_"

"No, no, I'm not that saying that! I'm saying: _this _plant, this plant right here, symbolises our relationship _because _it is made of plastic, _because _it will never die."

Lily remained silent.

"You do get what I just said, right? I'm saying that this plant, symbolizing our relationship, will never die because it is made of plastic and plastic never dies and-"

"I get it, James."

James breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank God. That fluffy speech took me at least half an hour to think of."

Lily opened up her arms to wrap James' large coat around them both. "God, you're so stupid, you know."

"I thought that speech was rather intelligent of me!"

"I set a simple enough task! Look after a plant. Do not let it die. You do neither of those things and somehow get appear in the end as a caring boyfriend in the right," Lily grumbled, snuggling against James' chest.

"I know. I'm amazing, aren't I?"

"Sneaky git, more like it…" Though she liked the warmth James gave off, she reluctantly pulled away from. "I can't wear this overgrown jacket anymore. It's itchy," she complained. "I'm going to get my jumper in my dorm."

"No, wait!" James shouted.

Lily opened her dormitory door and was about to step inside, when she froze. Silently, she shut the door again and faced James.

"My room is full of fuchsia plants," she declared.

"Indeed, it is."

"_Why _is it full of fuchsia plants?"

"Er…" James ran a hand embarrassing through his hair. "It was plan B if you didn't warm to the fluffy speech."

"_Filling my room with fuchsia plants?_" Lily screeched. "This has only made me more infuriated! _How _am I supposed to _sleep?_"

"Don't worry; I'll get rid of them."

"_How_?"

"I'll give them to Peter."

"_Over _a hundred fuchsia plants?"

"Sixty eight, actually. And he can make dresses out of them."


	11. Scheduled lunacy

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

**Chapter 11**

Remus knew something completely ludicrous was scheduled the second he read the invitation from James to meet at the Great Lake before dinner; the familiar P.S note of 'attire: formal and black' added at the bottom of the note.

It sounded extremely funeral related. Remus knew this couldn't be like the last occasion James - also togged up in black- had told him and the rest of the Marauders to gather at the lake for his public drowning, because James was dating Lily now. James had nothing to be suicidal about.

Heaving a sigh, Remus made his way across the Hogwarts grounds, loosening the black tie that was constricting his neck, and shuffling uncomfortably in the tattered black suit he was clearly not at ease wearing.

He spotted a small group assembled at the water's edge, prepared himself for the incoming lunacy he would undoubtedly receive, and approached the group.

"I'm sorry for your loss," Peter said, two baby fuchsia plants placed under either arm.

"Thanks for coming, mate." James patted him on the back, capturing him in a hug.

Yes, just as Remus had thought: scheduled lunacy.

Just as he was about to ask what on earth was going on, James spotted him and shook his hand vigorously, while Lily trailed behind him wearing a black hat with a peculiar patterned veil covering her face. Remus observed James' smart black suit and the odd dark glasses he was wearing. "You made it, Moony," James said, putting on a strained smile.

"Er…yes." Remus wondered why James was wearing glasses on such a gloomy day without sunlight. "What exactly is going-"

"Is everyone assembled, Mr. Potter?"

Remus followed the booming voice, discovering Sirius standing behind a podium…dressed as a priest. "No," he instantly dismissed, shaking his head. "No. Stop this. Stop this _right now_."

"Moony," James tugged on his sleeve, "Don't be so disrespectful. Now, take a seat."

Before Remus could voice his mystification, James plunked him down on the grass.

"Is everyone assembled, Mr. Potter?" Sirius asked again from behind his mighty podium. His long hair was tied in a ponytail to look more respectable, and in his mind; more priestish. Remus eyed his dog collar and held his head in his hands in despair.

"I think this is everyone," James referred to the party of four Marauders, and for some reason, Kingsley Shacklebolt who was standing to the side with his hands clasped, observing the grounds.

"Wait, Alice is coming." James spotted the girl making their way towards them. "Alice, you made it," he greeted her.

"Frank is sleeping," she said simply to explain her attendance. "If anyone asks, I'm at the dentist." She handed him a bouquet of flowers. "I'm sorry for your loss, James," she shot him a sympathetic look as she patted his shoulder, "I understand. I've been where you are now."

"I know," James replied faintly.

Alice sat down next to Peter on the grass; he was clutching his fuchsia plants to his chest whilst blubbering.

James turned to Sirius, "I think we're ready to start now."

Sirius nodded and coughed to clear his throat. He leaned on the podium, putting a most sincere look on his face. "We are gathered here today-"

"I'm sorry," Remus cut in loudly, standing to his feet. Everyone gasped at his bad-mannered interruption. "But just what is going on here exactly?" he demanded.

"Moony," James hissed, pulling on his trouser leg, "_Sit down_. You're being _rude_."

Remus eventually sat down because James was on the verge of pulling down his trousers if he tugged any harder, his mouth opening and closing every few seconds as he plainly couldn't grasp what was going on.

"As I was saying," Sirius glared at Remus for disrupting his eloquent speech, "We are gathered here today to mourn," he paused, looking upwards, "…Fanny the Eucalyptus plant-"

"_No_, _Reverend Black_," James shot him a fuming glare," We're here to mourn the death of _Trippetta_. Trippetta the _fuchsia _plant."

Sirius cringed. "Oh…right! Yes, of course. Fanny is my four o'clock," he glanced at his watch, "As I was saying," he coughed again and looked to sky, lifting his arms up to the clouds. "O Merlin, you who are the Father of, er, magic, and the deity of all comfort; look with compassion. We pray, upon all gathered here now, that our minds and hearts shall be at your command. Grant that this service of comfort, which we now hold in your name, may bring to all, a sense of heavenly nearness and great trust in you. And may the peace of Merlin, even the peace that passes all understanding, abide with us and rest upon all these dear ones."

Peter blubbered louder and Alice patted his back awkwardly.

"Trippetta was not a plant that asked for much," Sirius told them. "All she needed was some water, some light, and some good soil. James did not give her any of those, and now she is dead-"

"Padfoot!"

"-And he will go to hell," Sirius finished. "Amen." He slapped the podium, "Now, to lunch!"

"How do you know if I'm going to hell?" James asked, looking hurt.

"I'm a priest," Sirius reminded him, laughing with gusto. "I'm like God!" He noticed the funeral party was making no means to leave. "…Oh, so I take it we're not done here yet?"

"You're not even a licensed priest," James scoffed, still on the subject of whether or not he was going to a particular fiery, hot place. "You can't determine whether I'll go to Hades…and no, you're not done. You need to wrap up the ceremony."

Sirius inwardly groaned; he really was bloody hungry. "Right. Where is the dead body?" he questioned.

With much rustling in his trusty plastic bag, James brought out the pot filled with soil and the remains of Trippetta inside, handing it to Sirius.

"Bless you child," Sirius said, and promptly giggled. "I've always wanted to say that."

"Worst. Priest. Ever," James muttered.

Sirius dropped the pot into the lake and it drifted across the ripples of the water. The funeral party stood up to watch the pot float away, and James hummed the funeral march. Peter saluted the air and clutched his torso in anguish, while Alice crossed her chest before bowing her head.

"She died so young," Lily said sorrowfully, holding on to James' arm.

"I know, my orange peel," James rested his chin on the top of her head, "I know…"

Sirius called out to the sky, "Dear Merlin, as we stand beside this open, er, lake, in this silent city of the dead, we commit this body to the gro-…er, the water, and we commit the spirit, together with every sacred interest of our hearts, into your keeping, praying that you will deal graciously and mercifully with each of us, until we too shall come to our final resting place, through the riches of grace in Merlin, our Lord. Amen."

"Amen," the rest chorused.

"No, wait, fuck!" Sirius cursed. "I forgot to ask if anybody wanted to say a few words…bugger, priests aren't allowed to use profanity, are they? Fuck…BUGGER! It's like a never-ending circle of blasphemy!"

"Well, here's a silly suggestion, why don't you, you know, not swear?" Alice said, rolling her eyes.

Sirius looked at her vacantly. "…I don't understand."

"I'd like to say a few words," Peter offered.

"Oh…" Sirius had not expected that. "Well, er, take my podium." He stopped as he was just about to grant Peter leeway. "Not literally though. I mean, it's not really yours to take. It's mine," he clarified, giving the podium a last pet before he finally stepped aside.

Peter made a loud inhale of snot before speaking, making everyone squirm within a three mile radius. "Trippetta," he began reflectively, "Trippetta was a beautiful plant. She had the greenest leaves I'd ever seen, and the most beautiful flowers. They were fuchsia. I like fuchsia."

"We gathered that," the others said in unison.

"Really?" Peter said, looking genuinely shocked. "My liking for fuchsia seemed rather covert to me…" He quickly got back on track. "Trippetta…I didn't know her well, but anyone would have been lucky to have her." All of a sudden, he seemed quite teary again. "And-" sniff "-Cassie and Mo Lestor," he gestured to the baby fuchsia plants in his hands which, the others had only just discovered, he had named rather oddly, "will miss her mother deeply. We will all miss her deeply and--I'm sorry, I can't do this!" He broke down, stepping off the podium and sobbing on the grass.

Swiftly Sirius jumped back on to the podium, clutching it with his fingers possessively. "That's right. _My podium_." He coughed in embarrassment. "Anyone else want to say some last words?"

"I would like to say something!" Remus informed, with an insane look in his eye.

Sirius eyed him warily. "Hmm, I'm not so sure."

"Really, I do," Remus assured him, "I want to pay my deepest respects for _Trippetta_."

"Fine," Sirius gave in. "Two minutes," he gestured with two fingers and a scary gaze.

Remus stepped up on to the podium, looking at his fellow seventh years with expectant looks in their eyes. He held a rather insane grin. "I'd like to say…ARE YOU ALL INSANE?"

He received blank stares.

"_What in Merlin's name do you all think you're all doing_?" Remus asked them, his voice simply incomprehensible. "You're holding a FUNERAL for a PLANT. You do realize that, don't you?" Silence sustained. "You're here, by the lake, assembled in BLACK, for a PLANT. I mean, Lily, you're wearing that strange funeral hat article with the veil," he pointed at her, puzzled, "And Prongs, you're wearing dark glasses outside when it's not even sunny."

"It's to hide the tears," James murmured dramatically, bowing his head.

"Oh, good God! And Sirius, you're dressed as a bloody priest, for heaven's sake! Do you realize how bonkers you lot are?"

"Alright, alright, that's enough, ponce!" Sirius said rather boisterously for someone who appeared as a priest. "Kingsley, get him off the podium!" He snapped his fingers at the 'bodyguard' that was Kingsley Shacklebolt who'd been placed to keep unwanted guests away from the fuchsia plant memorial.

"Don't snap your fingers at me, Black," Kingsley bit back, making his way over to Remus.

"Sorry," Sirius chose his words carefully, and failed, "Shiny Headed…Man."

"Don't call me that, Black!" Kingsley seized Remus, who had now gone insane, keeping hold of the podium so he couldn't be moved, by the shoulders.

"Let me go!" Remus shouted. He kicked out his legs as Kingsley picked him up and hoisted him over his shoulder. Because of Kingsley's giant-like height, Remus felt similar to hanging off the Astronomy Tower. "Let me go, I am not the zany one here! I AM COMMONSENSICAL!" He still managed to grip the side of the podium for immobility.

"This coming from the one who is shouting and holding on to a podium…Which is _my _podium," Sirius realized. "Get off my podium, Moony!"

"No, _no_, get off me! You people are at a _plant funeral!_ I am COMMONSENSICAL! _Aaaaargh_!" Kingsley managed to detract Remus' hand off the podium and made his way across the grounds, back to the castle. "COMMON-SENS-I-CAL!" he wailed off into the distance.

"I think it's that time of the month," Sirius said, tapping the pointy teeth in his mouth to indicate werewolf fangs. "So, we done here yet?" he asked, already picking up his podium to hoist away.

"I think it would be nice to end with a closing prayer," Alice said respectfully.

"Do you?" Sirius huffed; he was really, really bloody hungry. "Can't you do a mental prayer in your head when you get back to Frank or something?"

"Prayers are best said aloud."

Sirius dropped the podium and grunted. "Fine." He loosened his dog collar that was beginning to irritate him, and leant against the podium once more. The group put their hands together, in prayer position.

"Our Father," Sirius started, "who art in heaven, hallowed be thy blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada, heaven is better than hell, daily bread is nice-- especially toast-- trespassers will be shot. The end. Amen. Anyone want to join me for lunch? I have the odd sensation for salad."

"You can't eat salad!" Peter exploded.

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "And why not, fellow partisan?"

"Because you can't eat one of Trippetta's own kind!" Peter shielded the baby fuchsia plants away from the monster that was Sirius Black. "Don't be so disrespectful!"

"Since when have salad and fuchsia plant been related?" Lily asked.

"They both have green leaves."

"Aharharharhar….oh, you're not joking, Pete," Sirius realized, judging from his friend's upset face. "Fine, I won't have salad. What am I allowed to eat, then?"

"Anything but fuchsia."

"Darn it. And I was just going to devour those fuchsia colored carrots today, as well."

An ear-splitting splash of water came from the Great Lake.

It seemed as if the squid _didn't _like pots polluting its water.

The group watched the Giant Squid scoop up the pot of Trippetta's remains with a tentacle and promptly hurl it across the air. The plant soared high and landed in the trees of the Forbidden Forest.

"Anybody see where that went exactly?" Lily questioned, rising on her tiptoes.

"Not the exact co-ordinates," Alice admitted.

"…Can we get back to the castle now? I want to scare some broom closet snogging partners with my priest costume."

-----------

Too many unlucky bad incidents had happened to Lily today. They were the minuscule little things, but when combined together created a mass explosion of misfortune.

Lily had overslept. Lily never overslept. Lily did not know the meaning of oversleeping, and if she ever did oversleep, she overslept _early_.

Lily could not find her lucky Garfield knickers, therefore failing a Transfiguration test.

They were _magic knickers_.

Lily had broken a quill in Charms. Lily had broken every consecutive quill she had owned in Charms. Absolutely no one in the class owned a spare quill and Lily had to write with the end of an earring dipped in the mud that stuck to the bottom of her shoe.

She had spilled the entire contents of her permanent blue inkwell onto her only clean blouse.

A large blue stain now engulfed her right breast.

"Hey, blue breast-"

"SHUT UP, SIRIUS."

It hadn't helped her situation that she had been comforting many students -as her apparent duty of being Head Girl and general kindness- who'd been terrorized whilst 'being intimate' with their partners, by an insane boy dressed as a pony-tailed priest who proclaimed they were going to hell for their sex-driven thoughts.

Lily was now trying to make her way across the castle without having a mental breakdown.

"Come on, school robe, fasten!" Lily spoke to her clothing. The robe seemed determined not to fasten, exhibiting her blue breast to the world. "_Come on!_"

In her focusing of closing her robe, she hadn't been looking where she was going and knocked into someone's shoulder, making her school bag fall off her shoulder and to the ground.

"Oh, for Merlin's sake…" Lily whipped round to watch the shoulder -belonging to Severus Snape- flounce away without saying a word. She watched his back and billowing black robes until he turned the corridor and was out of sight. "That's the second time he's done that. What is his problem?" she grumbled bitterly, picking up her bag and lifting it back on her shoulder.

She continued to keeping her head down, again with her focus on fastening the stubborn robe, until she tumbled into someone's chest. This time her bag fell to the floor and opened up, spilling her books and parchment everywhere.

Lily let off a loud curse, and looked up to discover it was Derrick's chest she had plummeted into.

She instinctively took a step back to distance herself from him. "You," she said unsavorily.

"I'm sorry," Derrick knelt to the ground and started picking up her books. "I'm really sorry…"

Lily watched him as he collected her things, his fingers touching her belongings. Her fists balled.

"Don't… _Don't touch my stuff!_"

Lily's piercing voice echoed down the empty corridor and the atmosphere was clearly taught. She hadn't meant to sound so harsh, but it was the only way she could get through to him.

"Right," Derrick nodded, looking crestfallen. He dropped the Charms book to the floor and stood up, taking a step backwards. At the same time, Lily dropped to her knees and began gathering her possessions, not even looking up to acknowledge the boy. She heard a few more inaudible apologies and then his footsteps as he left.

Confusedly, her head jerked upwards when she noted the speed of his walk. She rose to her feet, hitching her bag back on to her shoulder, and watched Derrick breaking into a run down the corridor until he turned right and was gone.

That boy confused her to no end.

Holding her head up high to avoid any more crashing into people, she continued her way down the corridor with much grace. Yes, she technically had a blue breast, but who didn't?

…everyone. Everyone except her had a blue breast. But Lily liked to keep optimistic.

"Evans!"

"Go away, go away, go away," she chanted, hurrying whilst ignoring the voice behind her. "Secret trap door of Hogwarts, please promptly swallow whatever person that voice belongs to…"

Something -which Lily guessed was a finger- tapped her shoulder, and she spun around to face a Hufflepuff prefect.

Lily groaned; it was a Head Girl enquiry.

"Didn't you hear me?" the girl asked, though her voice wasn't exactly ignorable as it sounded similar to a duck screeching.

"No, sorry," Lily beamed a smile that was obviously bogus. "Secret trap door of Hogwarts, I command you…" she said under her breath.

"I just wanted to ask what time the Prefects and Heads meeting is tonight."

Lily looked at her blankly. "I set a Prefects meeting tonight?" she queried.

"Yes, you did," the girl confirmed. "Seven, then?"

"Er…yes," Lily nodded. Her mind was really too distracted lately. "That's the exact time I was going tell you. Now…go off to your Prefect things now. Your may depart." She saluted the air, and slowly lowered her hand, realizing what a clearly mental action she had done.

"Keep of the rum, Head Girl."

Before Lily could decipher that statement, the girl hurried off.

"I'll have you know that I don't even like rum!" she shouted after her.

"Miss Evans!"

Lily groaned. Was she on radar today?

"Go away, go away, go away…"

"Miss Evans!" Professor McGonagall came up to her with a stack of parchment in her hand. "I'm glad I caught up with you."

"Secret trap door of Hogwarts…"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Oh." Lily realized she hadn't muttered low enough. She put on Number Two Bogus Smile of the day. "How can I help you, professor?" She redirected the conversation away from her lack of talking quietly.

"I've got a list of issues that need to come up at the Prefects meeting tonight," McGonagall informed.

"Oh, right, well I-_aaauugh_-" She cut off as she discovered the stack of parchment in McGonagall's hand was for her, as the professor dumped them into her hands. The amount of parchment stacked together was alarming, along with the heavy weight. "This seems to be a lot of issues, professor," she told McGonagall, though she couldn't see her as the parchment heap was so high it covered her face.

"I assure you, each one is important."

Lily's hands shook as she tried to keep the parchment tower steady. "Good to know, professor."

"You ought to check out the third floor too, Miss Evans. There are some distressed students who believe they've seen religious leaders."

Lily groaned inwardly. Sirius-bloody-Black.

"I trust as Head Girl you'll enquire what exactly they have seen and get to the bottom of it," McGonagall assumed.

"Of course, professor." She shone another fake smile as McGonagall departed, which instantly manifested into a frown the second the professor was out of sight.

Okay, she was a little overloaded with work lately. All she needed to do was get back to the Head Tower, have a nap, and she'd be chipper again.

"Oho! Lily, m'girl!"

Or not.

She tried to quicken her wobbly pace, still balancing that lengthy pile of parchment in her hands.

"Lily, my girl!"

Knowing she couldn't ignore the professor as he'd tapped her shoulder, she spun around as sturdy as she could, not bothering to put on a smile as her face was out of view.

"Hello, professor," she said from behind the parchment.

Slughorn moved left and right to try to view Lily's face, but eventually gave up. "I noticed you hadn't asked for your usual extra credit piece for Potions," he said.

"Oh, well, uh, you see I've been a little busy and-"

"No, worries, my dear!" Lily undoubtedly felt worried. "I took the consideration in bringing you the information for the extra credit piece." She spotted the wave of a hand of parchment from behind her pile.

"Oh, er, right, well, actually I think I might pass on that-"

"Here you go, Lily, m'dear." Slughorn dumped the sheets on her parchment stack and Lily could feel her legs wobble. "I'll see it on my desk tomorrow, then?"

"_What_?" Lily murmured. "Um, I don't think I'll be-"

"Oh, and there's another party of mine tonight. I hope to see you there, and bring James with you! There's so many people I want you to meet."

"Tonight? I'm afraid I've apparently organized a Prefects meeting tonight-"

"I'll see you tonight, then! Must dash!"

"What—wait, professor! Professor Slughorn!" She moved her pile of parchment to her right, spotting the small -yet large in the stomach- man waddle away. "Professor!" she tried again. "Damn it…"

After a couple more minutes of shaky walking down the corridor, she remembered something. She was a witch.

"You're very alert today, Lily," she told herself. Managing to grab her wand, she made the stack of parchment float beside her with a simple spell. Picking up the sheets Slughorn gave her, she opened her bag to put them inside.

A letter was popping out from within the bag, with the familiar 'Dear Lily' written on the front.

"Oh no…"

-----------

Sirius clutched his stomach as he gushed with giggling. "His face! Aharharhar! I can't…breathe…"

"Don't strain yourself, Sirius. If you really find it too hard to breathe, just stop."

Sirius contemplated this suggestion until he realized stopping of breath resulted in death.

"Shut up, Moony."

"Keep moving, Padfoot," James nudged his back, walking behind him in the corridor.

"Alright, alright!" Sirius huffed, not liking being told what to do.

"I'm just looking out for your well-being," James said.

Peter glanced behind and his eyes widened. He quickly turned back round and hissed, "He's there!"

Craning their necks, the boys peeped behind to spot the angry fellow seventh year Kingsley following them in a threatening march. Though the boys (excluding Remus) had found joining Sirius' parade of the castle scaring broom closet snoggers extremely enjoyable fun, Sirius had flung open one particular broom closet yelling "I AM PRIEST AND WHAT YOU'RE DOING IS UNSANITARY!" to the wrong person: Kingsley Shacklebolt.

"Just keep walking, Padfoot," James nudged Sirius again, signaling to his friends to keep their pace calm and normal.

Peter squeaked as he noticed Kingsley breaking into a run. "Shiny Headed Man is going to kill you," he told Sirius.

"What?" Sirius glanced behind him, loosening his dog collar. "That silly giant oaf friend of--oh my God, was he always that tall?"

"I like to believe that when he is angry he grows centimeters in height," Peter enlightened.

"Well, that's very nice, Peter, but it isn't possible," Remus pointed out shrewdly.

"BLACK!"

Sirius whimpered.

"Alright, Padfoot," James patted him on the back, motioning him to go forward, "now is the time to run."

"It's a little difficult to run in this clothing, Prongs, mate," Sirius mentioned. "It kind of constricts the balls and--oh God, I think he may be so tall right now his shiny bald head is touching the ceiling."

"And Hogwarts has pretty lofty ceilings," Peter added.

Together -because the rest of the Marauders knew Sirius would somehow blame his actions on his friends, forgetting friend fidelity- the four boys ran down the corridor; Sirius with a slight hobble because of his too tight trousers.

The boys eventually made it to a crossroad in the Hogwarts corridors. Sirius and Peter were separated from the group as they turned left while James and Remus took the right turning.

"Where are those stupid sods going?" James turned back to watch Sirius and Peter escape the other way. "Don't they know that leads to a dead end?"

Remus shook his head as he spotted Kingsley following Sirius and Peter down the same corridor. "They're doomed."

"Lily?"

Bemused, Remus turned to look at James, wondering why he'd called that particular redhead's name. James' behaviour was explained when Remus spotted Lily strangely kneeling on the floor, her bag on the ground, while a stack of parchment floated above her.

"Lily?" James almost laughed at her odd position. He frowned when she didn't answer him and speeded up his walk to reach her. "Hey you, " he kneeled beside her and touched the side of her cheek, worried why she looked ghostly pale, "what are you doing on the floor?"

Lily grabbed tightly on to his arm as though she were about to fall. "I'm going to pass out in the following five seconds due to stress," she informed slothfully. "Please carry me to the Hospital wing."

"What?" James held on to her shoulders. "Lily?"

Within seconds, the Lily's eyes rolled back and she blacked out, falling forwards onto his chest. At the same time, the stack of parchment fell from the air, and James and Remus were suddenly bombarded in a whirlwind of paper.

Remus watched the parchment encircle them and fall quite elegantly to the ground. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed an envelope on the ground with 'Dear Lily' inscribed on the front. Dashing out, he snatched the envelope before James could see it, and slipped it into his trouser pocket; all which was unnecessary as James was already hurrying to the Hospital wing with Lily in his arms.

----------------

"Is redhead all right?"

James had exited the doors of the Hospital wing, running a hand tiredly through his hair, facing his Marauder chaps.

"Yeah," he answered Sirius' question rather absent-mindedly, "Yeah, she's gonna be fine." He quickly remembered that Sirius and Peter were standing before him, _alive_. "How did you lose Kingsley?"

"Your cloak," Sirius said simply with a haughty eyebrow raise. James chuckled, somewhat sadly, and slipped his hands into his trouser pockets, looking pensive.

"What's wrong with Lily, Prongs?" Peter asked finally.

"Oh, it's nothing serious," James told him, though his expression was of the serious kind, "Madam Pom-Poms-"

"I hate how everyone stole that nickname from me, you know."

"Padfoot, be your fucking name."

Sirius looked confused. "What the hell is that supposed to…oh, _be my name!_" he laughed. "That's a rather clever pun of yours."

"Madam Pom-Poms," James continued as if Sirius had never spoken, "said Lily just needed some rest."

Sirius gasped. "I bet she's pregnant!" he concluded, clapping his hands in rather girlish delight.

"Oh God," James covered his gawking mouth, as ordered by his mother, "I never thought of that! _What if she is?_"

Remus was on the verge of a fit. "James, have you _even _had sex with her?" he questioned.

James thought for a second.

"…No."

"Well of course she's not pregnant, then!"

James knew the studious werewolf was right, and even looked mildly disappointed. "Little Harry will have to wait…"

"Oh, Prongs, you are _not _talking about bloody marriage or babies again!" Sirius shuddered, disgusted at his friend's softness and looking ahead to the future. "It's weird!"

James scratched his chin, looking thoughtful. "Do you think I give her stress?" he asked innocently.

"What are you babbling on about?" Remus asked.

"Madam Pom-Pom's said Lily needed rest because she was…stressed." James looked rather confused. "Do you think I give Lily stress?"

"YOU GIVE ME STRESS."

"Yes, that's lovely Remus, but I want to know if _I _give _Lily _stress."

"Is that even a question that needs to be asked?" Sirius snorted. "You're like one of those annoying loopy grandmothers every family hates and stuffs in a home where you nibble on furniture."

"Padfoot, please, be -insert your name- before I insert something up your arse."

"What?" Again, Sirius looked confused. "Insert my…name, oh! Harhar! Second pun of the day in five minutes, Prongs! I'd hit you one if I wasn't so proud."

"James, I don't think you give Lily stress," Peter said loyally.

James smiled at Peter and sent Sirius and Remus a look that said he was a fine example of what a real Marauder should be. "Thank you, Pete!"

"Because you've been helping her with Head duties," Peter carried on, "Right?"

James narrowed his eyes. "Duties…?"

Remus slowly shut his eyes. "Oh Merlin…"

"You know, helping Lily with her duties of being a Head student," Peter continued.

James cringed. "Well…"

_FLASHBACK_

"Excuse me, sir?"

Chewing openly on Drooble's gum, James looked both ways of the corridor for the source of the voice. Not seeing anyone, he shrugged and continued ruining his teeth.

"Down here, sir."

He jumped, feeling something tug his trouser leg, and he instinctively went to kick it away. He stopped the action when he discovered a Gryffindor first year below him.

"Hello there…" James narrowed his eyes, "small…hobbit…?"

"My name's Matthew," the boy mentioned, looking up at James who towered over him.

"Nice to meet you, George," James said politely.

"It's Matthew."

"I see you as a George."

"Er…okay," the first year decided he was not normal, "Are you Head Boy, sir?"

James shuddered. "Don't call me sir. I feel old. Call me…" He pondered for a title. "'Your Majesty'," he decided, looking rather impressed with himself.

The first year wished he'd seen the Head _Girl _instead.

"This is going to sound a little embarrassing…" The boy looked down at his feet, which wasn't far away for such a small height.

"Oh, God, you don't fancy me do you?"

"No!" the boy quickly rectified. "I have a girlfriend."

"What?" James sputtered. "But you're…a hobbit," he stated.

"I need your help, sir," Matthew tried to lead the conversation away from his love life. "I think I'm being," he paused uncomfortably "…bullied."

"Who's the bugger?" James smacked his fist into his palm. "I'll beat him up."

The first year looked quite shocked. "Um…aren't you supposed to sort it out as quietly as possible?"

"Poofs," James declared, and Matthew was predictably confused, "Poofs are the people who say that. Are you a poof, George?"

"It's Matthew. And yes."

"No, no, no, no, George!" James slapped the tiny boy on the back. "You need to stand up for yourself, little…midget…person. Now, show me this ruffian boy."

"…it's a girl."

"AHARHARHARHAR!"

_END OF FLASHBACK_

Sirius was in a fit of laughter. "You're an absolute legend, Prongs."

"A first year goes to you for help on bullying," Remus said, "and you discriminate him because of his height, offer to _attack _the bully, and then _laugh _at him!"

"It was my first time," James excused himself, slightly reddening. "I'm sure I'll do better next time," he said, as though bullied first years asking for his help would be a daily happening. "Carnage normally ends the problem quicker…"

"Oh goodness," Remus said under his breath, "I can't believe he said he wants to help bullied first years with _carnage_…You haven't been discriminating any more small people, have you?"

James cringed again. "Uh…"

_FLASHBACK_

"Shift hobbits! Budge! Be in motion! Move, small little people, I say! OH MY GOD, I THINK A GREMLIN IS EATING MY ARM!"

_END OF FLASHBACK_

"And that one time…"

_FLASHBACK_

"OH MY GOD, WILL YOU JUST MOVE YOU LITTLE PYGMY BEFORE I PUT YOU IN A JAR ON MY SHELF!"

_END OF FLASHBACK_

"And the other day…"

_FLASHBACK_

"Gaaaah! Midgets, everywhere! THEY WILL KEEP ON PRODUCING UNTIL THEY TAKE OVER THE WIZARDING WORLD! STEP ON THEM! STEP ON THEEEEEEM!"

_END OF FLASHBACK_

"Prongs, you need," Remus chose his words carefully, "…sleep. Yes, you need some sleep."

James laughed. "I thought you were going to say something else, then."

"And you need professional help."

James' smile fell.

"Come on, Prongs, lets walk you back to your tower," Sirius said, patting him on the shoulder.

"Oh… But I was going to sleep by Lily's bedside."

"No matter how endearing and disgustingly cute that would be, I'm trying to save what little masculinity you have left."

James looked hesitant to leave.

"You said it yourself, Lily will be fine. Now move your arse, mork."

Eventually James let Sirius steer him away from the Hospital wing. Remus patted his pocket to check if the envelope was still there, found it was there much to his displeasure, and followed closely behind. He would talk to Lily tomorrow…

--------------

"Lily?"

"Secret trapdoor of Hogwarts…" she mumbled.

"What? Lily?"

Opening her eyes, she adjusted her sight to the daylight illuminating the unfilled Hospital wing. She realized she was in one of the familiar beds and sat up, spotting Remus sitting in a chair next to her, holding a few books and parchment which didn't look out of place with such a scholarly boy.

"Here's the Arithmancy work you missed today," Remus told her quite aloofly, standing up and leaving the books and parchment on her bedside. "I should go."

"Wait, Remus." She sat up higher in her bed and gestured him not to leave yet. "Can we talk?"

He looked down at his feet. "We are talking," he said quietly, not looking her in the eye.

"You've barely said two words to me for the past couple of weeks," Lily stated, looking concerned. "You've only spoken to me about something that's school related."

Remus said nothing.

"That was a fine example," Lily commented. "Remus?" Still, he said nothing. She groaned in frustration. "You're being very childish, you know." An idea sprung to her. "You could say you're being very…_Sirius Black_-like."

Remus gasped at her, and his eyes even darted at the books at her bedside as if he was going to hurl one at her face. He looked on the brink of speaking, but stopped himself, only looking away.

"Will you please talk to me?" she pleaded. "I never fall out with you. I don't like this. You're the only Marauder I can hold an interesting conversation about Ancient Runes with."

"Sirius likes Ancient Runes."

"No, Sirius likes ancient _ruins_."

"Oh…yes," Remus remembered, "I vaguely recall that lengthy, misunderstanding conversation…" He went back into silence again.

"Oh, for goodness sake," Lily threw up her hands, glaring at the boy, "I don't see what I've done wrong here!"

Wordlessly, something was dropped on Lily's bed sheet.

The words 'Dear Lily' stared her boldly in the face.

"Oh dear." A hand slowly crept to her parted mouth to cover it. Lily stared at Remus, worry stricken across her face. "Did you," she gulped, "did you read it?"

Silently, Remus shook his head.

As Lily opened up the envelope, he mentioned, "I know Derrick didn't send the last letter in Potions." Lily looked even more troubled at this revelation. "Go on," he noticed she'd frozen, holding the letter in her hands, "Read it, then."

_'Do you want me to tell you something really subversive?  
Love is everything it's cracked up to be.  
That's why people are so cynical about it.  
It really is worth fighting for,  
Being brave for,  
Risking everything for.  
And the trouble is,  
If you don't risk anything,  
You risk even more.'_

Once she finished reading, she held out the letter to Remus with shaky fingers. "Do you want to read it?" she asked weakly.

Remus crossed his arms and said a simple, "No." He paused before continuing, "I want you to tell me who sent it to you - and the last letter, as well."

Lily played with her bed sheet to occupy her fidgeting fingers. "I can't tell you."

"Why not?" he demanded.

"Because I don't know!" She softened her tone before Madam Pomfrey came out of her office in a fury. "I don't know who sent me it because they signed it _anonymously_."

With slow comprehension, Remus sat down, looking surprised. "Oh," was all that he'd answered to her revelation.

Lily forced a smile, trying to sound indifferent. "Someone has a _silly _little crush on me and sent a _silly _love letter. It isn't a big deal, Remus. So don't fuss about it."

"If it isn't such a big deal, why did you lie to James about the first letter and who it was from?"

"Because you know what he's like," Lily sighed, "Probably more than I do. You know what he did to Derrick last year, and Merlin knows how many potential boyfriends he's knocked off in the past-"

"Twelve."

"_What_?"

Remus paled. "Er…nothing."

Lily suddenly looked anxious again. "You're not going to tell James about the letters, are you?"

Though Remus looked unsure, he eventually nodded. "I'm not going to be that guy who tells you that you have to tell James or I will." Lily breathed a sigh of relief. "Maybe you'll just figure it out and do it without me saying a word."

That was the perfect thing to say to make Lily feel guilty.

"You haven't received any more letters from this anonymous individual have you?" he questioned in a McGonagall-like manner.

"No," Lily said, a little too quickly. "_No-oo_," she said slower, hoping that would sound more convincing. "No, sir?" She tried again. "I swear on Trippetta's death bed."

"You can't swear on something that's dead, that makes you look even guiltier. You have to swear on something that is alive."

"Honestly, you're always so corrective…" Lily grumbled.

Remus asked, a genuine expression of utter seriousness across his features, "You swear to me this letter and the one letter you got in Potions are the only ones you've received?"

"Yes."

The second she answered, she wanted to take it back.

"Okay," Remus accepted. "I better get back," he realized, looking at the time. He got to his feet and made his way to the oak doors. "Get better soon, Lily."

Biting on her lip, she nodded in return.

"Moony!"

James tumbled into the Hospital Wing, smiling at Remus' appearance.

"What're you doing in here, mate? Visiting any secret ill pretty maidens I don't know about?"

"Just dropping off homework to Lily," Remus replied, putting on a relaxed smile in front of his friend.

"Ah, seeing _my _ill pretty maiden," James slapped his back, "Don't worry, Moony, you have Sirius."

"Har-bloody-har," Remus remarked. "Now get away from me before I unleash drawn out language on you."

Not needing telling twice, James bounded his way over to Lily's bed and sat next to her. Remus watched as James grabbed her hand and attacked it with kisses, while Lily glowed in the cheeks and chuckled.

Despite the adorable scene, Remus still felt oddly grim, exiting through the Hospital Wing doors.

Lily was definitely keeping something from them all.

-------------

The second Remus got back to the Gryffindor common room; he did what was considered as 'hitting the books.'

Of course, no actual hitting of the books was involved, nor was there any literature battering. Remus was studying, and the 'hitting the books' phrase was considered completely daft in his mind.

Studying was on the agenda, but Remus couldn't. Either he was thinking of a particular 'Dear Lily' letter, whether Lily had lied to him or not, the possibility that Peter was gay because of his fuchsia obsession, or what havoc Sirius Black was unleashing in that silly Priest costume…

Letting his eyelids droop, Remus' head fell onto his book and as he drifted into immediate slumber.

_"Oh, no," Remus groaned, awaking in the Dream World. He was vaguely aware that he was standing in a church, spotting holy, color decorated windows of an elevated room, and to more of his horror, rows upon rows of pews full of familiar people including classmates and professors. _

_He did his usual mantra. "Wake, up, wake up, wake up…" _

_"Remus, dear!"_

_He glimpsed around the room of smiling people and spotted his mother waving to him as she waved a soggy tissue in her hand, drenching the woman sitting next to her. _

_"Remus dear!" she called again, her eyes gleaming._

_"M-mum?" he stammered. _

_"I knew you'd always end up with him in the end, Remus dear!"_

_Remus took in her words. "Wha--…what? _Him?_" he repeated. _

_Feeling suddenly itchy, Remus looked down at his clothes and discovered he was wearing an ornate, shimmering white wedding dress. _

_"I should have seen this coming," he muttered, his face the essence of embarrassment, despite it being a dream. He felt something up his bottom and definitely knew it was not the 'stick up his arse' Sirius had teased about so many times._

_"Oh good God," Remus said after much groping of the buttocks, "am I wearing a _thong?"

_"They're compulsory at weddings."_

_Remus followed the voice and let off an unflattering snort - James was standing next to him wearing a rather attractive bridesmaid dress (which was also strapless, making Remus ponder the question how James conjured up a pair of melons to carry it off). Obviously the roles of men and women had been swapped in this dream. _

_"Your dress rather outdoes mine, James," Remus couldn't help but admit. _

_"Too right it does," James scoffed, pushing out his chest. "Quiet, Moony, we're starting." He pointed to behind Remus._

_Slowly turning around, Remus did not look surprised to find Sirius dressed in his priest costume while Peter played the piano and wedding march rather out of tune._

_"Pete," Sirius wiggled in his ear -along with everyone in the church- because of Peter's poor musical abilities, "You are the worst pianist ever." Sirius realized something. "Pianist! Har! Sounds a bit like penis…"_

_Remus noticed the empty spot of the groom next to him. "Alright then, mandrills, we seem to be missing someone. So, who's my groom, then?" he played along, obviously gone mad. "Come on, then. Come out; come out, wherever you are."_

_"Oh, weren't you informed?" Sirius grinned, making Remus blanch. "I'm doubling up in roles." He took the empty space next to him and Remus gasped in horror. "_I do_," he said with a mischievous wink, slipping a ring onto Remus' finger._

"AAAAAAAARGH!"

"Moony, wake up!"

Remus was suddenly aware of someone slapping his face.

"Jesus, wake up!"

"I'm up; I'm up, Sirius…" Remus mumbled, recognizing the voice.

"Moony! Wake up now!"

Remus was still aware of someone slapping his face.

"Ow! Sodding hell! I'M UP, STOP HITTING ME!"

"WAKE UP, MOONY!"

Remus sprung to life as he was drenched in water, tipped upside down from a glass by one Sirius Black…still wearing that ridiculous priest costume.

Remus looked up from the drenched pages of his book and through his wet hair.

"I. Was. Up," he growled.

"You were screaming in your sleep," Sirius said, looking alarmed. He shook his head, "Spoony Moony…"

"Stop using my Word of the Day against me!"

"Spoony is such a wonderful word…" Sirius looked upwards, as though he were daydreaming.

"Sirius." Remus tried again, "Sirius." He clicked his fingers and Sirius came out of his daze with a 'hmm?'

"We need to talk."

Sirius chuckled for a moment, finding what Remus had spoken rather similar to the beginning of a 'Break-up speech.' The smile ultimately left his face when he noticed Remus' sober expression. Sirius took the opposite seat across the table.

"Is this about melons, perchance?"

"No, we're not going to talk about melons."

"…but we are talking about melons _now_."

"Yes, but the conversation we're going to have is not about melons."

"…just to clarify, we're talking about both the fruit _and _the ones attached to women's chests-?"

"STOP TALKING ABOUT MELONS."


	12. Encyclopedia toilet roll

**Disclaimer**: Nothing is mine. Boo hoo.

**Chapter 12**

"Moony, you haven't talked for the past five minutes. You've just been sitting...playing with your thumbs... Do you want to play thumb war?"

Remus realized his thumb fidgeting was distracting Sirius and quickly stopped moving them, putting his hands in his lap.

"I'm just going to cut to the chase," Remus paused before carrying on, "I had another dream."

Sirius groaned and made an exaggerated roll of the eyes. "_Oh God_, not this again," he complained. "Haven't we been through this already? _The dreams mean nothing_. Christ, if I had a dream where I offended a hippopotamus, do you think I'd go around acting like a paranoid tit?"

"How in Merlin's name could you offend a hip—never mind." Remus got back on track. "These dreams are really starting to get serious-"

"What could be any more serious than us having a shag territory?" Sirius said, reminding him of _that _specific dream.

"I'm not talking about the seriousness of the dream, I'm referring to the seriousness of what it's doing to me," Remus rectified. "And me being in a wedding dress could compete with the shag territory one."

"_You _in a _what?_"

"James wore one too!"

"Moony, you're being extremely vague again." Sirius watched Remus sigh and position his head in his hands. "I really have no clue to where this conversation is going, but do hurry it up a bit; I want to put this priest costume to good use."

"I thought you would've learnt your lesson with Shiny He—I mean, Kingsley." Remus frowned at the nickname that had nearly rolled off his lips. "These dreams...they're starting to affect my life, Sirius. I'm not getting enough sleep; I'm behind in my school work-"

"Bollocks," Sirius scoffed.

"I handed in my Arithmancy homework a _day _late, Sirius," Remus said with wide eyes, "_A day_."

"One can only imagine the daily horrors of Remus Lupin," Sirius smiled, teasing him about his late homework woe.

_PADFOOT DAYDREAM_  
Remus Lupin sat on the loo -otherwise known as a toilet, otherwise known as the 'thing that eats up your poop' by one Sirius Black- humming the Alphabet song...in Latin.  
He reached out for his trusty encyclopedia toilet roll (the handy toilet roll of two purposes - to use and amuse) when he discovered...there was none.  
Remus pressed his hands to his face and screamed, "Nooooooo!"  
_END OF PADFOOT DAYDREAM_

"Sirius?" Remus clicked his fingers again. "_Sirius!_"

The boy snapped out of his daze on the thirteenth click with a "Hmm?"

"What happened just then?" Remus asked, observing him with an odd look. "You kind of spaced out."

"Oh, er, just thinking of the agenda for tomorrow..." Sirius stroked his chin, as though he had an invisible Dumbledore beard. "Yes, I think I will wear those red socks." He eyed Remus with sudden curiosity. "Do you wipe your bum with encyclopedia sheets?"

Remus slammed the table in outburst. "_How many times must you ask me this question?_ I _do not _use encyclopedia sheets to wipe my buttocks. I _did not _use encyclopedia sheets to wipe my buttocks the last time you asked me. I _have not _suddenly used encyclopedia sheets to wipe my bottom in the existing period. I didn't even know they were produced!"

"Oh ho," Sirius raised his brow, "Trust me, they do."

Remus noticed his expression and stopped Sirius before he asked another familiar question. "And I don't bloody sing the Alphabet song, in Latin, on the toilet!"

"Really?" Sirius looked quite disappointed.

"Do you know how hard it is to have a conversation with you?" Remus asked, trying very hard not to strangle the boy in front of him. "I try and focus on one objective but before I know it, you've brought up something completely irrelevant! We babble on about that for a while, and then something linking to that irrelevant topic sparks up another random statement of yours. We discuss that until it's out of your system; I get annoyed and rant using long words you don't understand. I have to explain them. By then, it's six in the morning, we're too tired to talk about the objective, and we're discussing loo roll again."

"Isn't 'loo' a lovely word?" Sirius sighed blissfully, leaning his chin on his hand. "Only the British could create such a lovely word..."

"You're doing it again," Remus stated, drumming his fingers on the table. "I swear, if you ask me _again _why people who aren't from England call our trousers 'pants', I will tighten that dog collar so hard-"

"I've got enough constriction on the balls with these tight trousers, thanks," Sirius butted in, patting his crotch. The threat of cutting off his air supply by gripping his dog collar reminded Sirius of his current costume. "Are we done here yet? I want to try and bump into Georgina in the kitchens again."

Remus held a slightly nauseated expression. "Please don't tell me you've been kissing Georgina in front of the house elves."

"You'd think that, wouldn't you. But we haven't." Sirius was abashed. Remus stopped him before he went on his theory on how Georgina had secretly turned into a nun.

"I want these dreams to stop." Remus' voice wavered uncomfortably.

Sirius shook his head. "Moony, the dreams will go away eventually. It's just some weird phase you're going through," he reassured, leaning on the back legs of his chair, "Too much chocolate before bed, I'd say. I tried helping you before-"

"You fell asleep, moron!"

Sirius gasped, looking highly affronted. "It's the thought that counts!"

"That was a brainless saying made up by hopeless husbands who give their wives dog excrement after forgetting their anniversary."

"That was a rather revolting example you used, Moony. Especially for you."

Remus nodded, wincing at his own description. "It's your influence," he insisted. "I think," he paused awkwardly and Sirius urged him to go on with some wild hand gestures, "I think I should...stop hanging around with you guys," he said as gently as possible, and finished with a shrug as he gazed at the floor.

"Erm..." Sirius chewed on his tongue, trying to grasp what Remus was saying, and not. "..._What_?"

"Well, not so much as the guys as in James and Peter," Remus carried on, not looking him in the eye," Just...you know, mainly..."

"Me?" Sirius finished for him, his tone hollow.

"Yeah," Remus said quietly, making a small nod. He'd expected some means of laughter, and was not at all surprised when he watched Sirius let off a few exuberant ones as he slapped his knees.

"What, you're _breaking up _with me?" Sirius teased, putting on a girly voice.

"Don't," Remus shook his head, narrowing his eyes, "I'm not kidding around." Sirius, up until now, thought Remus had been.

"Moony, mate, what the _hell _are you talking about?"

"I'm saying, maybe I'm having these very, _very wrong_ and _peculiar _dreams," Remus stressed with wide eyes, "because I'm spending too much time with, well...with you. You and James have always been close, but he's spent less time with you ever since he's been dating Lily." At this statement, Sirius looked considerably annoyed at its truth and began grumbling obscurities under his breath. "And no offence to Peter, but I've been the next person for you to cling on as a friend. I think...I think the dreams will go away if I see less of you."

Sirius couldn't believe his ears. "What, so you're just gonna stop hanging around with me?"

"I think that would be for the best."

"No, it wouldn't be you stupid _nob!_" Sirius exploded, jumping up from his seat. "_What the hell are you thinking_? You're breaking the Marauders up!" His uproar made Remus shrink back in his seat. "We're already bloody falling apart! Prongs has already buggered off with his tortoise partner Evans!" Remus mouthed the word 'tortoise partner' confusedly. "Peter goes off with those sodding fuchsia plants he probably masturbates to! And _now you!_" His breathing was heavy from bellowing and he tried to calm himself down. "Our seventh year isn't supposed to be like this, Moony. We're supposed to stick together. We're the Marauders-"

"Maybe we're too old for gang names now," Remus said solemnly, but regretted the comment after witnessing Sirius' stare.

"I cannot..." Sirius had to physically turn away, and ran a hand through his hair. "I _cannot believe _you just _fucking _said that."

"It hadn't meant to come out that way. Look, Sirius, my absence probably won't be for long. I just need it to clear my head, and hopefully these dreams will stop and-"

"You know what?" Sirius cut in bitterly, "Why don't you just say away _forever_? I mean, a true friend wouldn't abandon another if their friendship actually meant something, right? Right, so why don't just you piss off forever, leave me with Pete, and I'll just sit back and watch Professor Cockett's prediction take its course."

Remus looked surprised. "I thought you were over that 'dying alone' incident," he said concernedly.

"Well, looks like you just opened up some new wounds." Sirius ripped off his dog collar and slapped it on the table. "Bye, Remus."

Sirius stalked off through the portrait, and Remus, knowing he'd truly struck a nerve as Sirius had called him by his first name, merely watched him exit.

------------

Despite the fact that Lily enjoyed the warmth she was receiving from James holding her hand by her bedside at the Hospital wing, not even letting go of her grasped fingers when he went to scratch his head or a particularly itchy spot on his nose, she couldn't bear him sitting uncomfortably on the chair any longer.

"Go to back to the tower and go to bed." Lily nudged their clasped hands into his cheek which was resting on the bed, and he blinked awake from his slight doziness. "I mean it, James."

"Madam Pomfrey said you're allowed out tomorrow though, right?" he asked hopefully, though was pouting because of Lily's urge to send him away.

"Yes," she reassured.

James looked happy at Lily's answer, and let off a chuckle at a particular memory. "Hey, remember the last time you were in here because Sirius pushed you in the Great Lake, and you, er...nearly drowned?" He realized this wasn't such a cheerful memory after all, regretting bringing it up.

"Oh, of course I do! And then after, I had a conversation with you, where you lied about being Remus and completely disobeyed my trust! That was bloody hilarious!"

James cringed, shrinking in his seat. "I'd be stupid _not _to notice the Sarcasm Monster completely devoured those sentences, right?"

"I am the Sarcasm Monster," Lily informed, a smile tugging at her lips.

"Well, you can devour me any time, dear."

"You did _not _just say that."

"_Oh God_, I'm sorry," James covered his open mouth in hope to shut himself up, "That was just an automatic answer. I've been spending too much time with Sirius," he excused himself.

Lily cooed nonetheless. "You're so adorable when you're afraid of me ripping the hair off your scalp and using it to cover Kingsley's head." She bent down to kiss his cheek which made him much more alert.

"Trust me, I am afraid of you _all the time_," he stressed, hoping to receive more pecks. "And I imagine Kingsley's head would be thankful for something to keep it warm at night, but you know my hair is my asset." He shoved his head on front of Lily's face, displaying his tresses. "You know you love it when run your nails through this. Come on."

"No, _you _love it when I run my nails through it," Lily corrected him.

"...Oh yeah."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Come on, Madam Pomfrey is guaranteed to catch you," she nudged him in the cheek again, "Bed. Now."

Pouting still, James stood up. "Yes, mother," he joked, and paused, frowning, "...actually, I don't want to be saying that after thoughts of doing ungodly things to you in that bed."

"James," she put up her hand to signal him to stop, "you are treading on very thin ice."

He nodded, and with a devious look on is face, leant forward to sneak a soft kiss on the lips. After finishing the kiss, he still leant over her, gazing at her face.

"James, why are you looking at me like that?"

"Like what?" he asked her innocently, still holding her hand, and in such close proximities to her face, blew her fringe upwards.

"Like you just ran over my dog and plan to replace it with a koala, hoping I don't notice."

"I really look like that?" James queried, alarmed.

"No," Lily said, "but don't you think I was being amazingly creative?"

James touched noses with hers. "You're amazing," he murmured.

Lily gave him a look which said, 'Of course', eyeing his perfectly shaped nostrils. "How about the creative part?" she asked.

"That's just you being loopy." When he noticed Lily's serious expression, he sighed and sat back down on the seat, looking solemn. "I feel like a prick," he revealed.

Lily furrowed her brow, not expecting that particular statement. "Why?"

"Because I basically caused you enough stress to put you in the Hospital wing." He clearly looked worried. "I made you _so _stressed to the point of putting you in a _critical condition_, Lily. God knows what will happen in the future!" He threw up his hands. "Next I'll be putting you into therapy, giving you cancer..."

"James, you're _not _a seer," Lily pointed out plainly, "and not every disturbing thing that happens in your dreams will come true. Stop acting like Remus." James chuckled at that remark, and Lily gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. "You weren't the cause of putting me under stress."

James brightened. "Really?"

"You weren't the _main _one."

"Oh." He slumped back in his seat.

Lily debated whether to carry on. "It was...er, other stuff too," she said vaguely.

"Other stuff?" James echoed, furrowing his brow. "Other stuff like what?"

Lily shrugged lamely. "Stuff."

"Stuff I don't need to know about?" James guessed, secretly concerned inside.

"Stuff you don't need to know about," Lily confirmed. She put on an unperturbed smile to calm his nerves. "See you in the morning."

Taking this as a suggestion to leave, James gave her a final kiss and peck on the nose. "You know I love you right?" he said.

Lily smiled. "Exceedingly," she replied. She sneaked her foot out from under the bed covers and lightly booted his backside on the way of his departure, making him look back with an eyebrow raise. "Go on. Get to bed."

Just when James was about to leave, he hesitated at the doors. "I'll try harder, you know," he told her.

"...I'm vaguely wondering if that was a perverted assertion, but you do that."

"I'll try harder as Head Boy," James clarified. "I know I said I would last time and I didn't. But I promise I will. No more pissing about and being a twat…"

"No more pranks?" Lily said, with a glint in her eye.

James coughed on his own phlegm. "Er, I wasn't actually going to propose that..." He cowered at Lily narrowed her eyes. "But, um, I'm sure I can do that!" He nodded reassuringly to himself. "No more pranks," he repeated, with newfound vigor.

"I'll hold you to that," Lily smirked, and turned on her side, feigning sleep.

The second James left the Hospital Wing and returned to the Head Tower, he realized the full magnitude of what he had just agreed to.

Earlier that day he'd planned tomorrow on blackening the telescope eye pieces in the Astronomy tower so everyone who looked through the telescope would have a permanent black circle around their eye.

Earlier that day he'd planned tomorrow on charming the bowls of Alphabet spaghetti soup in the great hall at lunch to spell out the Chinese proverb: 'man who go to bed with itchy bottom wake up with smelly finger.'

Earlier that day he'd planned tomorrow on gluing a galleon to the corridor floor and witnessing people try to unpeel the coin for an hour.

Earlier that day he'd planned tomorrow on sewing the legs of all the underwear in the Slytherin boys' dormitory.

All plans had been made with Sirius.

Sirius was going to murder him.

"Oh bloody effing _shite_."

-------------

Meanwhile, Sirius had decided to cool off after his upset with Remus and bother the house elves in the kitchens. With the usual fruit portrait tickling, Sirius had entered the kitchens, bombarded by the small creatures, and had summoned meringue pie. He'd been on quite a strict diet of salad to regain his abs which he'd apparently lost, according to Hot Georgina, but the diet plan was completely brushed aside in his mood of angst and depression. Besides, what was good about having abs when you couldn't boast about them to a studious werewolf?

Sirius now sat at one of the empty long tables, a spoon clutched in hand, as he stared at the pie in front of him. A crowd of house elves surrounding him watched as Sirius hadn't hungrily devoured it yet, something which the house elves normally witnessed in a matter of seconds, splashed with food crumbs flying from the boy's mouth.

Expressionless, he used his spoon and drew an unhappy face in the fluffy cream of meringue pie topping.

"Do you not like the pie, Mr. Black, sir?" Poppet the house elf asked, peering at him.

"Moony liked pie," Sirius mumbled dejectedly. Poppet nodded, pretending to know who he was on about. "If you squint really, really hard," Sirius did the action to demonstrate, "the pie kind of looks like...Moony. You can see the Remus Lupin Frown Wrinkles and everything." Poppet nodded again, and Sirius discarded his spoon to the table with a clang, suddenly not hungry.

He stood up, making the house elves who'd been crowding round him shuffle away. He took one look at the meringue pie, balanced it on the palm of his hand, and hurled at the nearest kitchen wall. With a look of satisfaction, he watched the creamy lemon pie slowly slide down the wall, along with the house elves who were looking at Sirius as though he would hurl one of them at the wall next.

"Flinging pies _is _an anger relief," Sirius acknowledged, with a pleased nod. He heard the sound of the kitchen portrait open, but didn't turn around to acknowledge the person who'd entered.

"Hey, Priest Boy, you've taken the whole concept of flinging pies into peoples faces to a new level."

Sirius didn't have to turn around to learn whose comment that belonged to.

"Hey Georgie," he said, still examining the creamy wall. He heard her footsteps echo down the kitchen as she neared him.

"What in Merlin's name did you just call me?" Georgina demanded.

"Georgie," Sirius said again. "Short for Georgina. I think it's rather cute." He strained a smile at her as she stood by his side, struggling to put on a happy appearance in his disheartened mood. "It's either that pet name or the other one."

"And what's that exactly?" she asked with dread.

"Hot Georgina," he revealed, obviously too depressed to be ashamed. "The boys and I like to call you it when we're alone."

"Please don't tell me the four of you are naked together while doing it."

"We're not."

Georgina was glad, yet not so joyful about her title. "Is the word 'hot' compulsory?"

"'Fraid so."

She sighed. "Georgie it shall be, then. And I suppose I shall call you Priest Boy in return," she examined his black, religious get-up with a nod. "You're missing a dog collar," she stated.

"I know," Sirius replied. "This is the third night this week we've bumped into each other here," he said suspiciously, "Does that sound remotely fishy to you?"

"Well, it _is _Wednesday."

"Well now it certainly smells of tuna."

Georgina placed her hand on her hip and stroked her chin. "Care to explain why you just afflicted cream onto that wall?"

"Anger relief," Sirius explained in simple terms. "Haven't you ever wanted to fling a pie?"

Georgina blinked, holding back from teasing him. "Can't say I have. Is that considered odd?"

"Yes."

"May I try?"

"Please do."

Georgina took a meringue pie from a passing house elf, tested the weight of the pie on the palm of her hand, and then hurled it at the wall. The two of them observed the two trails of creamy pie slowly slide down the surface.

"Either I'm feeling a sense of stress relief," Georgina said, trying to decipher her inner feelings, "...or it's wind."

"Let's hope it's not the latter, suffocating the house elves and starving the entire population of Hogwarts."

Georgina covered her mouth in fake admiration. "My, you are on the ball with jokes, Mr. Black!" she said in a professor-like voice.

He responded with a despondent stare.

Georgina scowled at such a response. "What bit you on the buttocks?"

"Remus," Sirius answered speedily, and Georgina raised a brow. "Not literally, of course," he laughed tensely, "Feels like he did though."

"Do you want me to check the bite marks to see if they're not infected?" Georgina asked, rolling up the sleeves of her robe. "My dad is a muggle doctor. I know all the signs and everything. Trousers down and bend over."

"I wonder how many times you've used _that line _on a guy—OW, WOMAN!" Sirius rubbed his recently injured shoulder that was quickly developing a bruise.

"Can't wait to write home and tell my dad I hit a priest," Georgina grinned, shaking her powerful knuckles.

Sirius grunted, continuing to rub his arm. "I'm not sure if I prefer this new you."

"How so?" Georgina asked.

"I liked tart you," Sirius said, quite daringly. "This new you is rather funny and likes to hold normal conversations. The old you would be humping my leg or sticking your tongue down my throat by now."

Georgina grinded her teeth, holding back from a definite anger outburst. "I would certainly not be humping your leg."

Sirius laughed, slightly cheering up. "Funny how you didn't correct the snogging," he snickered.

"There was no need to point that out." She crossed her arms in a huff.

Sirius took a seat on one of the long empty tables and Georgina followed in sync, taking the opposite seat, crossing her legs and positioning them on the table with ease.

"What's on your mind, Priest Boy?"

Sirius debated whether to answer, fiddling with his thumbs and looking oddly like Remus an hour earlier. "What I'm about to say is going to make me sound a bit like a poof," he warned her.

"So my earlier speculation of you won't change, Mr. Black," Georgina smiled, leaning in closer, "Do go on. Tell your agony cousin all about it."

Sirius furrowed his brow. "Isn't it the term 'agony aunt'?"

"That makes me sound old," Georgina complained, leaning back again more comfortably, "and whenever I think of an aunt, I think of my aunt Muriel who likes to steal cans of tuna and suffocates my head in her breasts when she hugs me."

"Wow, I only know about one of your family members and already know that I don't want to be a part of that messed up family," Sirius quipped. He eyed Georgina warily before going on. "Remus...dropped me."

"On your head?"

"No, you know, like, broke up with me-"

"I was never aware you were dating, but carry on."

"_No_," Sirius was getting embarrassingly frustrated on how this conversation was going, "I mean, broke up with me as in dropped me as a friend."

Georgina frowned, forming the surprised word of, "Oh," while she examined Sirius who was across from her. Judging by his dejected mood, she decided to keep the conversation light-hearted. "The mighty Black and Lupin separated! How will the both of you cope?" She paused. "Actually, I can imagine Lupin coping just fine. You're probably very annoying to spend a day with-"

"_Hey!_"

She noticed Sirius' hurt expression.

"Oh, sorry," she patted his arm, "it's just...you _are _likable, but should only be handled in small doses, like...gravy."

"I killed Remus' owl once by ingesting too much gravy," Sirius revealed wistfully, resting his head on the table with a sigh.

"Well then, I'm not surprised he dropped your friendship, you owl murderer."

"Oh, no, that was a long time ago. He forgives me for that. Trust me, I've done worst things to him," Sirius laughed, and Georgina didn't join in, more worried than finding it humorous, "Remus doesn't want to hang around with me because of these...erm...dreams involving yours truly."

Georgina suddenly looked more interested, but disguised it by fiddling with the blonde strands of hair tied in a bun. "We're talking intimate dreams, are we?" Sirius nodded. "They're just _dreams _though."

"That's what I said!"

"I have dreams about my mother getting eaten by sharks, but I'm not going round acting like a paranoid tit."

"_I know_, what's what I said as well! But I said offending a hippo instead of a shark." Sirius was a little worried how she had echoed his words so similarly. "Remus is completely freaked out by the dreams though. I mean, _come on_. I haven't offended a hippo and your mum was eaten by sharks--"

"No, it was a whale," Georgina cut in.

Sirius froze, turning pale. "Oh my God, _are you serious_?"

"No."

Sirius breathed a deep sigh of relief, the color returning back to his cheeks. "Thank Merlin! You have no idea how awkward the conversation would've gotten if that were true--"

"She is dead though."

Sirius coughed on his own phlegm. "_Geez_, are you trying to kill me here?" He pushed his hair out of his eyes, looking purely horrified. "I'm really, _really _sorry-" he began to apologize.

"Don't worry about it," Georgina butted in. Sirius remained panic stricken, indeed worrying about it. "Honestly, I'm fine. She died when I was toddler. I dealt with it a long time ago."

The two sat in silence for a bit, except for the sounds of house elves eyeing them whilst scurrying around the kitchen.

"It's wonderful how awkward this conversation has gotten, eh?" Sirius fiddled nervously with the collar of his shirt "I have a talent of buggering conversations up."

Georgina laughed, and Sirius gave her an outrageous look. "Sorry, for a second I thought you said 'I have a talent of buggery'."

Sirius chuckled. "Dirty bint," he remarked. "It was the Hippo's fault."

"Come again?"

Sirius realized he'd been unclear. "The Hippo. I brought up the hippo and suddenly the conversation turned uncomfortable. Coincidence? _I think not_. The Hippo is unlucky."

"You mean unlucky like putting your elbows on the table?"

Sirius removed his elbows from the table.

"Your friend is silly, you know," Georgina referred to Remus, and narrowed her eyes as Sirius snorted. "What's so funny, Priest Boy?"

Sirius tried to compose himself. "It's hard to take people seriously when they say 'silly'..." he giggled.

"Fine, I will say it in more simple, vulgar words that you will understand," Georgina said, and Sirius quickly stopped giggling. "He is being a nob-head." Sadly, Sirius couldn't help but nod. "He's obviously just confused, the poor rabbit. Just give him the space he needs." She felt oddly like a guidance counselor; an _old _guidance counselor, and shuddered. "He's awfully mysterious, that friend of yours."

"Moony?" Sirius queried.

"I'd rather not right now. But back to talking about your friend; he seems very...closed off." Sirius nodded again in agreement. "You know, angsty, bottles up his feelings, holds secrets..." She smiled. "They're probably not secret to you though, right?"

"No," Sirius breathed, staring at the table.

Georgina guessed the exchange was going down hill again, and swiftly changed the subject, focusing on Sirius' chest. "How're those abs coming along, then?" she asked amusedly, reaching out.

"Wait, what the--" Sirius shrieked as the girl lifted up his shirt, examining his chest with a magnifying glass while patting his stomach. "What are you doing? You can't just lift up peoples shirts, woman!"

Georgina smirked. "You insist on making the girls on the Quidditch team lift their shirts in the victory laps of the pitch," she scoffed, "Funny how they decline."

"Honestly, they wouldn't be naked underneath. They wear those funny sport bras."

"And you'd know all about bras, wouldn't you."

"I am quite the achiever."

"At wearing bras?"

"At taking them off!"

"Yeah, _whatever_. I'd like to see you try."

"Go on, then."

"Pardon?"

"I'm quite sure that was bra invitation."

The banter was stopped as they stared each other heatedly, heads close together. Sirius' eyes slowly traveled down to Georgina's hands which were still holding up his shirt, though she wasn't searching for abs anymore, more intent on quirking an eyebrow dangerously.

"Lifting up boys' shirts, Georgie? Maybe you haven't changed at all."

Suddenly she looked embarrassed, blushing in the face. "Maybe you're right." She released his shirt and clasped her hands.

"You didn't have to stop," Sirius said disappointedly. "The devil claws you call hands felt oddly soothing against my chest."

Georgina shook her head, chuckling. "I should go." She stood up and made her way toward the portrait.

"Hey," Sirius also stood up, "Hey, wait! Don't leave me."

Georgina whipped round, crossing her arms with a staggered expression. "Oh God, are you comparing me to Remus abandoning you?" She shook her head. "Pathetic doesn't suit you, Sirius."

"I know," he agreed. "I look highly unattractive. See, look at me frown?" He pointed to his face. "I'll get Remus Lupin frown wrinkles."

"He'll come back eventually, you know." Georgina froze at the portrait and shot him a smile. "They always do."

"What'll come back? Cardigans in fashion?"

"_True friends_."

"Wow," Sirius said with surprise, physically taking a step back, "a nice comment by the she-devil...Own up, Polyjuice potion impostor."

"_Goodnight_, Priest Boy." Georgina waved.

"Ta-ta, Georgie."

-------------------

Lily literally gripped her bed sheets and let off a silent scream when she opened her eyes the next morning to the Hospital wing surroundings, and more importantly, to a new Half Blood Prince letter on her bed sheet.

"Madam Pomfrey," she sat up further in her bed, addressing the witch across the room that was tidying beds, "Did you see who put this here?" She wagged the letter in her hand.

"No, I'm sorry, Miss Evans," the woman smiled weakly, before continuing her job.

Lily cursed inwardly and rubbed her eyelids as a way to soothe herself. Breathing out a ragged breath, she opened the letter as she did with all the others, and began to read.

_The magic of first love  
Is our ignorance  
That it can never end._

She reread over the words again until a headache started to form on the tip of her temple. The letter was so short, yet what was it so strongly implying? That her and James' love was ignorant? That it was doomed to end? Was this Half Blood Prince going to sweep her off her feet and steal her away from James? _Who _was the Half Blood Prince, for heavens sake?

There was so many questions left unanswered and she gripped the bed sheet again in frustration. She scrunched up the small piece of parchment and slipped it into her pocket. She sighed, rubbing traces of Goosebumps on her arms.

"Anything wrong?" Madam Pomfrey raised her brow, standing at her bedside.

_Everything was wrong._

"No, no, everything's fine," Lily reassured her.

Madam Pomfrey noticed her disgruntled face. "Cheer up, Miss Evans. You're allowed to leave today."

Somehow this wasn't happy news to Lily. She rather liked the Hospital wing; staying there had been a method of getting away from problems of life.

Unfortunately, the problem had still reached her, evidence shown from the parchment in her pocket. It was unbelievable to her how simple words on parchment could cause so much difficulty for her.

As Madam Pomfrey looked satisfied at her answer, she resumed folding bed sheets with her wand.

Lily looked up when she heard the opening of the oak doors, expecting James. At the unwanted guest, she pulled her bed sheets further up and shot the person a glare. "What are you doing here?"

It was Derrick.

She eyed the flowers in his hand he was gesturing to with odd shyness. "I heard you were in here, and I just came to see how you are and drop these off-"

"I don't want your flowers, and I don't want you here," Lily snapped, all frustration from the Half Blood Prince's taken out on him. Madam Pomfrey stopped folding the sheets, watching at the sidelines with a probing look.

Derrick stepped forward, putting the flowers on her bedside. "I'll just leave them here, then." He eyed her with concern. "Are you o-"

"Get out."

Derrick's mouth opened a little in injury. "But, Lily-"

"I said, get out!" Lily shouted. She looked at Madam Pomfrey for help. "Madam Pomfrey, I don't want him here."

"Boy, I suggest you leave," the witch more than ordered.

Derrick stood his stance.

The three looked to sound of the oak doors opening once more, where James walked through looking obliviously happy, but not for long. Pleasure was instantly wiped away and replaced with fume as he came across Derrick and the upset look upon Lily's face. Storming across the room, Lily let out a, "No, James!" as he pinned Derrick against a wall with a loud slam.

"Get. Out," he hissed, tightening his grip around Derrick's neck.

"Mr. Potter!" Madam Pomfrey hurried forward, while Lily also whipped the bed sheet off herself and rushed toward the boys.

"I can't...exactly leave...when you're strangling me..." Derrick managed to say in between breaths, turning red in the face.

"Mr. Potter, release him!" Madam Pomfrey commanded, pointing her wand threateningly. "_Now_!"

"_James!_"

Grudgingly, he let go of Derrick and the boy heaved for breath, feeling at his neck that had turned a violent purple. Worried, Madam Pomfrey stepped forwards to see if he was alright, but Derrick had automatically recoiled and left the room in urgency.

---------------------

"You're mad at me."

"No I'm not."

James rolled his eyes as he followed Lily down the corridor, trying to keep up with her fast pace. Since Lily had just been released from the Hospital wing after the strangling occurrence, she had been shooting him a displeased stare all the way back to Head Tower, while muttering, "_Un-believe-able..._"

Grabbing her by the waist, he stopped Lily from walking any further and steered her to face him. "If you're not angry, then kiss me," he said, closing his eyes.

Lily turned away from him. "Don't feel like it," she said childishly, crossing her arms.

"Please tell me why you're angry at me so we can make up again and snog."

Clearly that was the wrong thing to say.

"Is that all I am to you?" Lily exploded, putting her hands onto her hips. "Some sort of _FLOOZY_?"

James chuckled at the word usage, partly because 'floozy' sounded funny and because Lily has used such a peculiar word. "Orange peel, your vocabulary is so cute sometimes-"

Lily hit him in the arm.

"Ow! What was that for! I was complimenting you!"

"Only for _canoodling!_"

James tried to keep a straight face but erupted into chortles again. "I'm sorry," he put up his hands, struggling not to laugh, "Give me a second..."

Lily hit him again.

"Ow! Merlin, please file your nails..." James rubbed the scram marks on his arm.

"I'm sorry, alright," she apologized with great difficulty, "it's just you didn't exactly handle the situation very well back there."

"I admit that maybe I overreacted a little-"

"You nearly killed him!" Lily butted in.

James couldn't understand her irritation. "Why are you sticking up for him, Lily?"

"I'm not!" she insisted. "It's just...when I see you like that, you know, Potential Death Eater mode," she said with a frightened look, "it kind of...scares me."

"Lily..."

"No, don't 'Lily' me."

"C'mere," he said softly.

Not needing telling twice, she stepped into his embrace.

"You don't seriously think I'd ever strangle you, do you?" he asked her, almost laughing. "You know how much I hate Derrick, and you know how much I love...your _lovely _bottom."

"That's...that's charming, James," Lily rolled her eyes at him for ruining such a moment, but nonetheless hungrily kissed him on the lips. "You know," she pulled away with a mischievous smile, "After all this arguing and me staying in the Hospital Wing for so long, I'm feeling oddly..." she paused, raising her eyebrows. "You know?"

"Eh?"

She raised her brow again, winking. "You know."

"Eh?"

"_Excited_," Lily tried again, hoping he'd get the message.

"...Eh?"

"Libido, James."

He blinked. Blinked again. And blinked once more. "_Oh_! Oh...wait, _here?_"

"Thin. Ice," she warned.

"Empty Head Tower?" James guessed correctly for once.

"Love to."

After some fast walking -or to some extent, jogging- the couple were nearing the Head Tower when suddenly Lily stopped in her tracks, making James stop in addition looking exceedingly confused.

"What?" he queried.

Lily pointed to the wall where a portrait was currently suffocated by the sign bearing the words, "REMUS LUPIN REPLACEMENT AUDTIONS, THIS WAY," followed by an arrow.

"That's Sirius' writing, isn't it?"

Lily nodded.

James massaged his head, shutting his eyes. "Where is it pointing to, Lily?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

"The Head Tower."

"_You have got to be kidding me_," James groaned.

"Excuse me," a passing boy in the corridor accidentally bumped into James' back, "Sorry, I'm in a hurry."

The two examined the light haired boy, wearing a sweater vest, carrying a bar of chocolate and a dictionary in his hand.

"I'm on my way to the auditions," the boy smiled. "Wish me good luck!" He put his thumbs up before disappearing down the corridor.

"That was Frank Longbottom, wasn't it?"

"Yes."

"_Fantastic_."

----------------

"Wormtail," Sirius sighed, resting his elbows on the table that had been positioned in the Head Tower for The Remus Lupin Marauder Replacement auditions, and basically because Sirius couldn't survive without leaning on some kind of surface. Peter, sitting beside him, raised an eyebrow at the call of his name. "We've been seeing guys all morning and we haven't found one good replacement for Moony!" Sirius flicked through the pages of his clipboard, glancing at a few headshots of the applicants, before groaning and slapping the clipboard back on the table. "I need coffee," he publicized. "Fetch me some coffee, Wormtail."

"Fetch it yourself."

Sirius gawked at his friend. "When did you grow a pair of balls?"

Peter shrugged, chewing on the end of his quill as he wrote a few notes on his own clipboard.

Eventually giving in to his thirsty throat, Sirius swished his wand and made a mug of coffee appear, with the saying, "Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support" printed across it.

"Ready for the next one?" Sirius asked Peter, sipping his hot drink. Peter nodded in return. "Fat man," Sirius addressed the Head Tower portrait, and the portrait opened in slightly to listen to what Sirius had to say, albeit with a scowl. "Send the next one in!"

"You know, I'm only supposed to follow orders of the Head Boy or Girl-" the Fat Man started.

"Don't make me come over there!"

"For the love of Merlin..." The Fat Man flicked Sirius off before addressing the long queue lined up outside. "Next!"

"I hope he's better than the last one," Sirius grumbled, rubbing a coffee stain on his notes. "Did you see the size of that mole, Wormtail? He can't have a mole. Moony didn't have a mole." The portrait swung open and a boy stepped inside, standing in front of Sirius and Peter who hadn't looked up to acknowledge him yet. It became quite apparent that he was not going to stand around all day, and he coughed a rude, "AHEM."

Sirius hadn't looked up yet, doodling butterflies on his parchment. "Please state your name, age and—KINGSLEY?" He stared, wide-eyed.

The tall Kingsley Shacklebolt stood with his chin held high, looking at the boys with a blank expression. "Carry on, Black," he urged.

"Er..." Sirius was rather fazed by Kingsley's appearance, shuffling parchment nervously. "Er, please state your, er, name, age and...whether or not you're here to kill me."

Kingsley barked a laugh, and Sirius and Peter exchanged edgy looks.

"I'm completely over that incident where you imposed on my privacy," Kingsley insisted, recalling the broom closet interruption. "But when we get out of Hogwarts, _I will follow you_, and I _will be watching you_." He pointed to his eyes with his forefingers, and then pointed them at Sirius.

Sirius gulped. "Right... Lets get this audition started then, shall we?" he pushed on. "As you can see, only two Marauders are present this morning," he gestured to himself and Peter, "James not being here obviously because...he doesn't really know we're doing this...let's not tell him, shall we? Harharharhar, ANYWAY, moving on...Wormtail, please continue."

"I'd like to begin with some questions." Peter peeked at his notes. "We want you to answer in the mind of Remus Lupin."

Kingsley nodded.

"What is your favourite word?" Sirius asked the first inquiry.

Kingsley scratched his chin. "Ooo, that's a tricky one," he commented. "Is it...logical? Rational?"

"Close, but no banana, I'm afraid. The correct answer was: _grammatical_," Sirius answered like a game show host.

"What's your favourite food?" Peter asked.

"Chocolate."

"The answer we were looking for is Shepherd's pie, as a meal. We'll give you half a point as he does have a chocolate fetish." Sirius went on to question three, "If you won the lottery, what would you spend the money on?"

"I'd probably save all of it, or buy a giant library with a chocolate fountain."

Sirius looked impressed. "Very good, Kingsley! Ticks for truth and originality!" He jotted down on his parchment.

"What being do you think you were in a past life?" Peter questioned.

"I don't believe in past lives. That's a ludicrous theory that cannot be scientifically proved. However, if I were forced to chose, I would be a book."

"_Good _answer. Now, what is your secret weapon?"

"Er..." Kingsley fumbled. "Giving people dead legs?"

"Incorrect! The right answer is: nipple crippling."

Kingsley muttered, "Damn, I should've known that one!"

"If you had six months to live, what would you spend it doing?" Peter asked.

"Reading any important books I haven't already read -which isn't many- and writing directions to Sirius on post-its on how to live and use a Muggle microwave, and sticking them to his fridge."

"Correct," Sirius nodded, sipping his coffee. "Some great answers there, Kingsley. Now for a few general knowledge questions about Remus. What is his middle name?"

"...Joanne?"

"Incorrect. Who is Remus' role model?"

"Albert Einstein."

"Correct. What is Remus' favourite beverage?"

"Tea."

"Correct. Who's more attractive, me or Peter?"

Kingsley blinked. "What kind of question is that? What has that got anything to do with-"

Sirius slammed his mug down on the table. "Answer the question, dammit!"

"Pettigrew."

Sirius was floored by such an answer. "Bollocks," he said low under his breath, writing down definite crosses under Kingsley's name. The candidate saw this and panicked.

"I take that last answer back."

"Too late," Sirius said snootily, moving onto the next question. "What is Remus' dream job?"

"Teacher or librarian."

"Correct. Now, finish these song lyrics: _cause baby there ain_'_t no mountain_..."

Kingsley blinked again, thoroughly confused and again wondering how on earth this was relating to the subject of Remus Lupin. He hadn't known Remus as a singer. "...High enough?" he finished uncertainly.

"_Ain't no valley_...?"

"...Low enough."

"_Ain't no river_...?" Sirius sang with much enthusiasm, most probably the coffee kicking in.

"...Wide enough."

"_To keep me from getting you, babe! NO WIND, NO RAI_-"

"Padfoot, I think that's enough of the song lyrics question," Peter butted in, looking embarrassed for Sirius' actions in front of Kingsley, the scary boy he was.

"Oh alright, then," Sirius said disappointedly, sitting back down as he'd been currently been doing the 'walk like an Egyptian dance' on the table.

"Well, Mr. Shacklebolt, I think this audition has come to an end. We'll mail you by owl if we're interested in you," Peter informed him.

Kingsley stepped forward to shake their hands, more strongly with Sirius who let out a whimper at his manly handshake.

"I quite liked him," Peter said once Kingsley had disappeared through the portrait.

"Definite no-no." Sirius scoffed, drawing a giant cross on Kingsley's headshot and scrunching up his profile on parchment, tossing it to the other side of the room.

Peter looked confused. "What was wrong with him?"

"Too tall," Sirius said dismissively.

"You're much too fussy, Padfoot."

"Moony is a hard person to replace," Sirius mumbled, continuing to doodle butterflies.

"I know, and I don't even fully understand why Remus has left us," Peter said in sad tone.

"Neither do I, to be honest," Sirius admitted. He sighed, took a final sip of his coffee, and summoned the portrait of the Fat Man again. "Next!"

"Next!" the Fat Man echoed outside.

Immediately, Sirius started grinning at the person who entered. "Frankie, mate!" he greeted Frank Longbottom.

"Hullo," he said, quite nervously.

"There's no need to be nervous, Mr. Longbottom," Peter reassured him. "We're all professionals here."

Sirius didn't quite understand what Peter had said, but instead took in Frank's appearance. "You dressed in character too, Frank! Definite bonus points for you," Sirius said, scribbling some ticks on to parchment. "I see you're wearing a knitted sweater vest?" Frank nodded. "And I can also spot some chocolate in your hand. Bribing is permitted here." He gestured to hand over the chocolate and Frank distributed it obediently. "And you're carrying a dictionary too!" Sirius said, in between munching on chocolate he shared with Peter. "Very Remus Lupin."

"You really like it?" Frank said excitedly. "My mum makes me these knitted sweater vests every season." He turned round, displaying the back of his jumper. "I'm wearing Autumn, see?" He pointed to the knitted leaves.

"That's lovely," Peter commented. "Now, tell me Mr. Longbottom," he clasped his hands together in front of him, "why do _you _want to be the replacement Remus Lupin?"

Frank thought for a second, looking upwards. "Well, I've always wanted to be a m-...moo..." He reddened embarrassingly. "Er, what are you guys called again?"

"The Marauders," Sirius prompted with an eye roll. "Honestly, how can you forget a name like that? We're _famous _in Hogwarts. Our names are practically plastered across the walls."

"No they're not."

"Mentally," Sirius added.

There were sounds of a commotion going on outside as furious shouts were directed at the Fat Man.

"Let us in, you flabby man!"

"I'm not allowed, stupid girl with...vagina blood hair! It's a private audition only--OI, don't prod me with that wand!"

"Let us in! We're Head Boy and Girl! This is our tower!"

"I'm under strict orders by Mr. Black to only let applicants come in one at a time and—ow, OW! Alright!"

The portrait swung open and James and Lily stormed in, both with furious faces. Sirius was oblivious to their anger, despite their teeth gnashing.

"Glad you're here, Prongsie mate. I was just gonna ask Frank to finish some Diana Ross lyrics-"

"_Padfoot, what the hell are you doing_?"

Sirius was rather shocked by his shrill and angry voice. "Do you not know? Didn't you read the signs? I put up quite a few around the castle-"

"I'm not going to ask right now why exactly you're replacing Moony, I'm going to ask why you're holding these stupid auditions _here_," James said furiously.

"It's roomy."

"R-...ro...ROOMY?" James exploded. "I WAS GOING TO HAVE SEX, PADFOOT. SEX. WITH A GIRL!"

"_James!_" Lily punched him in the arm and James actually stumbled embarrassedly at such a hit. "Don't broadcast it to the whole wizarding world, you bloody idiot!"

She heated thoroughly in the face as Sirius cocked an eyebrow, smirking cheekily, "Oh ruh-heally?"

Peter also attempted the same facial expressions. "Oh really?" he repeated to the couple, accompanied by a wink.

Frank also joined in on the act. "Oh-"

"FRANK LONGBOTTOM!"

"-Poo," he finished, grimacing at the sound of Alice's voice as she stepped through the portrait.

"Sorry, mate," the Fat Man apologized, "I couldn't stop her."

Though Frank tried to shuffle away, Alice quickly grabbed him by the back of the sweater vest, and he whimpered.

"What are you doing here, Frank? I cannot believe you came to these stupid auditions after I specifically told you not to!"

Frank pouted. "But I want to be a Marauder, Al..."

"There's nothing good about being a Marauder, Frank," Alice insisted. "The four of them bum each other-"

"HEY!" the three boys shouted.

"-And there's no way I'm going to marry a Marauder either-"

"Hey," Lily said, looking affronted as she held James' arm.

"Sorry, Lily," Alice apologized, forgetting she was present. "Come on, Frank. We're leaving." She gave no option for the boy as she grasped his arm and dragged him towards the portrait hole.

"Owl me!" Frank mouthed to Sirius and Peter on his exit.


	13. My knife, your throat

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing

**Chapter 13**

"You're using the mug I got you," James said, gesturing to the cup on the table. He chuckled at the phrase printed across it: 'friends are like bras, close to your heart and there for support'. Anything mentioning the word 'bra' was funny to him. He had momentarily forgot the fact that Sirius had stopped any chances of he and Lily 'getting intimate' due to the ridiculous Remus Lupin replacement Marauder auditions, more focused on grinning because his Christmas present had been put to good use. Lily, however, had not forgotten, but was busy recovering from the image of Frank Longbottom seconds ago being pulled out by his girlfriend Alice, claiming he had wanted to be a Marauder. She was also trying to decipher Alice's statement that marrying a Marauder would be a bad thing...

"Yes," Sirius rubbed the mug clean with his sleeve, "You're a big fat bra, Prongs."

"Harharharharhar, _bra!_ Wait, I'm supposed to be mad at you!" James realized, punching him in the shoulder.

"Ow!" Sirius growled, punching his arm in return. "You punch like a girl, Prongs! Your girlfriend can hit harder than you!" He stuck out his tongue, and his teeth nearly clamped down on it when James knocked the wind out of him, wrestling him to the ground.

Lily watched the exchange between the boys with her nose scrunched. She just couldn't understand the play-fighting of boys. It didn't look like much fun, judging from the wrathful expressions of James and Sirius as they attacked one another, kneeing, elbowing, and whatever possible action to do with a limb that didn't come across as sexual.

"GERROFF!" Sirius cried out, his stomach currently crushed by the buttocks that was James Potter's arse. "Aaargh, you mork!" He kicked out his legs. "You dare let off your bloody _derrière _gas and I shall make you eat cat pubes!"

"That is grotesque," Lily commented on that particular threat, watching the spectacle with her arms crossed. "James, for the sake of our relationship, remove your bottom off Sirius before I start to question your heterosexuality."

"Just a sec, Lils," James promised. Sirius let off a wail, slamming his fits to the ground like a child in a tantrum.

Peter scooted up to Lily, trying to make conversation. "Isn't it funny how this same scene involving two girls, rolling in mud, would come across as erotic to men, yet this image seems plain idiotic to you?"

Lily arched a brow at such a question. "I don't know about that exactly...I'm kind of getting turned on right now."

At Lily's statement, James and Sirius froze in horror. They took one look at each other and jumped to their feet, brushing their clothes and keeping a fair distance away from one another. James noticeably shuddered, looked at Sirius, and then shuddered once more.

"You'd so French me if you were gay, Prongs. Don't give me that look."

"Mental images, mental images, mental images," James chanted, rubbing the temples of his head. "Make them go away, Lily," he begged. She gave him a sloppy kiss on the cheek and he brightened in an instant.

"You know, if Moony was here, I'd probably make the joke of him kissing me to make it all better," Sirius frowned.

"Which leads me to the question of why you are replacing him," James said.

Sirius narrowed his eyes at him, which made James inwardly groan at what inane thing he was going to get told off for doing now. "You'd have known if you'd BEEN HERE," he blew a raspberry at him.

"I _have _been here," James said firmly.

"No you haven't. You weren't here last night."

"Padfoot," James sighed. "I was with Lily in the hospital wing last night, and I got back late and went straight to bed, here in the Head Tower. You know, the apparent free lodging for your auditions," he ended dryly.

Sirius gave him a look which clearly said that no excuses would save him. "Pete was here." Sirius slung an arm around Peter's neck and tugged him to his side, where the boy squeaked and gasped for air.

"Is that supposed to make me feel guilty?" James enquired. "Pete is everywhere...not to imply you're fat and fill a lot of space, Wormtail. I just mean you pop out of places very quickly."

Peter jabbed a finger to his chest and grinned, "Stealth."

"You should've been here, Prongs," Sirius repeated, shooting him a dark look.

James grinded his teeth in return, "I was with Lily because she was _ill_, you berk!"

"I'd like to mention that I feel very uncomfortable right now..." Lily muttered awkwardly, holding onto James' arm as she eyed the boys. "Maybe, I should, you know, leave..."

"No, don't leave, Lily. There's no need to feel uncomfortable. Sirius is just being a TWAT."

"Oh, that is it!" Sirius pointed at James. "I am _so _kidnapping Mrs. Norris and I am going to pluck every hair on that cat and sprinkle it on your Yorkshire pudding!"

"Oh _stop_ with the cat pubes," Lily put up her hand, squirming. "Please, just tell us why you're replacing Remus?"

Sirius looked neither of them in the eye when he answered, "He left us," in a rather quiet mumble.

Lily groaned, placing her hands on her hips. "What did you do wrong now?" she demanded.

"_AUGH!_" Sirius made the sound of indignation at being pointed the blame. "Why must you papooses always assume that it is always _my _fault?"

"Because it more than always is."

"Oh, and you're always so perfect, Miss I'm-going-to-run-off-with-a-blonde-spikey-hedgehog-for-attention!"

Lily's eyes bulged. "He's getting on my tits, James," she rolled up the sleeves of her robes, threatening to seize her wand, "Getting. On. My. Tits."

"Maybe I should explain," Peter suggested, interrupting Lily's thoughts of murder, "It's about The Sex—"

"I beg your-bloody-pardon?" Sirius cut in, looking horrified. "Wormtail, I think you're very much incorrect—"

"—dreams," Peter continued. "I hadn't finished, Padfoot. It's about Remus and The Sex _Dreams_."

"_Oh_," James nodded, making a sound of understanding as a smile tugged at his lips, "The Sex Dreams about Sirius."

"Why did you just capitalize that?" Sirius asked.

James looked at him peculiarly. "How can you even tell I capitalized in speech?"

"Only people with The Inner Eye can tell," Sirius quoted Professor Cockett and her Divination gibberish, "And plus, your eyes do a little spasm thing." James' start of 'My eyes do _what _now?' was ignored as Sirius carried on, "Why did you say Sex Dreams as a plural? From what I'm aware, there was only _one _sex dream, and I don't even know the full details of that... There were noises apparently, and I'm not completely sure how explicit it was or the exact destination...you know, whether it was a bedroom or a bus shelter—but we should probably discuss this at another time..."

"Or never," James added.

"Yes, I'd prefer 'never' also," Sirius agreed, looking embarrassed.

"So, basically, Remus left because he thought spending less time with Sirius would make the nightmares go away," Peter carried on to explain, and Sirius glared at him for using the appropriate word of 'nightmares' instead of 'dreams'.

"I'd think having sex dreams about myself would be rather pleasurable, you know?" Sirius grinned.

"What, dreams about having sex with yourself?" Lily misunderstood. "_Oh_, _you _are a _disgusting _little pervert, Sirius Black."

Sirius looked as though he was about to argue, but eventually sighed. "I'm just going to save five minutes of my time arguing with you, redhead, and just agree," he said, and Lily nodded in satisfaction.

"I don't blame Moony for being scared about those nightmares," James snorted.

"I prefer to call them Flight of Fancies." Sirius glared at James this time for using the 'N' word.

"I imagine seeing Sirius naked would make niffler crap magnetize to my eyeballs, therefore blinding me," James smirked at his own vulgarity.

"But you've already seen me in the nude."

Much staring was aimed at Sirius and James, including the portrait of the Fat Man who opened, shouting, "_WHO _IN THE _WHAT _NOW?"

"Sirius," James tittered and stopped almost suddenly. "Shutupshutup_shutup_," he hissed at him with imploring eyes.

"_O-kay_," Lily stared back and forth between the two boys, not finding the situation humorous, "I seriously want an explanation to why, James, you have seen Sirius unclothed, now."

"It was for _fun_," Sirius said, quickly realizing that could easily be misinterpreted the wrong way. "For a bet, I mean. Summer of fifth year, we stripped naked in the Great Lake at midnight...though I swear someone touched my genitals—"

"Before you accuse me, it was the Giant Squid," Peter clarified. "You got sexually abused by a squid, man!"

Looking greatly puzzled, James asked Peter plainly, "Are you high?"

"Frank gave me chocolate." Peter ended it on that.

"Sirius, I can't believe you did all this," Lily referred to the auditions with an awed expression, which Sirius misunderstood for one of delight. "You're just-" Sirius prepared himself for welcomed praise "-a fool."

Sirius had definitely not expected that. He sulked, sticking out his bottom lip. "I wish someone would give me a compliment once in a while."

Giggling, Peter whispered in his ear, "You smell like fresh pine cones on an autumn day..."

Sirius blinked, "Geez, I don't know how much chocolate I have to consume to get to your high state, Pete, but give me some and I shall find out." He made a grab for the last pieces of chocolate in Peter's hand, but the boy shrieked, "No! Mine!" as he stuffed the last chunks into his gob.

"Git!" Sirius stared at Peter's chocolate covered mouth.

"Padfoot, the way you're looking at Wormtail right now makes me think you're contemplating stuffing your hand in his gob to grab the chocolate. _Don't do it_," James warned. "His mouth isn't like a cookie jar where you pick out a double chocolate chip surprise. You'll get a surprise definitely, of phlegm-y chocolate mush."

Sirius' gaze looked hard with determination, but he eventually gave up. "...Fine."

Chewing happily on his chocolate, Peter stepped out of the conversation, looking over the Remus Lupin applicants forms on his clipboard.

"He doesn't know the rules!" Sirius shook his head at Peter, behind his back, "Stepping in and out of the conversation, not knowing whether he's coming or going. Its plain rude! He can't just go in and out whenever he pleases, like, say—"

"Sex," James finished, looking bored.

"How did you know I was going to say that?"

James shrugged. "I don't know. Simple guess, I suppose. It seemed like an obvious crack, and sex seems to be major topic of the conversation. Speaking of libido," he remembered, "Thanks to you, Padfoot, Lily and I will not be having sex. Insert automatic slap in the forehead by lovely girlfriend-" Lily slapped him on cue "-Thank you Lily, love."

She smiled, flexing her fingers, "My pleasure, darling."

"Oh, are we doing Posh Talk?" Sirius asked excitedly. "Scrumptious! Jolly well done! And tally ho, now!"

"...Yeah, we stopped now, Padfoot."

"Everyone stops once I join in..." Sirius looked in what could be described as 'a funk'. "I hate it when that happens..."

The portrait of the Fat Man interrupted their somewhat digressing conversation. "The applicants are getting kind of boisterous outside here!" he shouted over some impatient voices in the corridor. "Do you want me to send the next one in?" he asked Sirius. Sirius was about to answer with a "yes" and a royal wave of the hand, but James clamped a hand over his mouth.

"Tell them the auditions are cancelled and to get back to their common rooms, Fat Man," James answered instead.

"Oh." The Fat Man looked surprisingly disappointed. "Alright, then." The portrait shut and the group could distinctly hear a polite yell from the Fat Man of "GET LOST!"

"What are you doing?" Sirius asked, once he'd managed to unclamp James' hand of his mouth. "We haven't finished seeing all of them yet!"

James now understood what it felt like to be Remus, trying to handle Sirius' insanity. In any normal occasion, if Sirius' psychosis got a little too much too handle, he would dump the potential St. Mungo's patient on the poor lad Remus and go play some Quidditch. Unfortunately, their werewolf pal was gone, and James had the distinct feeling he was going to play babysitter for a while.

"Lily," James massaged his forehead in a Remus Lupin fashion, "Do you think you can leave me and Sirius alone for a bit? I want to talk to him in private...guy talk, you understand?"

She eyed him suspiciously. "You're going to murder him, aren't you?" Sirius was quite offended to find slight glee behind her suggestion. "I just want to make sure so I won't be surprised to see your Azkaban picture in the Daily Prophet tomorrow morning. Don't worry though; I can give you an alibi and everything. If they ask, we were baking together."

James chuckled, finding her automatically cynical thoughts of assassination rather cute. "I'm not going to murder him, Lily. I love him like a brother," he said, though unsavorily, and saying the 'unfortunately' part in his head afterwards.

"Aw, shucks, Prongsie!" Sirius wiped a fake tear and stepped forward to hug him.

"Touch me and I will tell my parents."

Sirius backed off.

"_I know_," an idea sprung to Lily and she nodded to herself, "You're going to discuss penis sizes, aren't you."

"We're not going to discuss our manhood."

To say Lily was stunned was an understatement. "Bu…that's all you ever talk about," she stated.

James kissed her forehead. "I'll see you later."

"Alright..." Lily looked a little worried, but made her way to the portrait. Noticing Peter out of the corner of her eye, she asked kindly, "Do you want to come, Peter? We can go feed the Giant squid mouldy bread if you want?"

Peter looked up from his clipboard and smiled. "No thank you, Lily. I have applications to look over." He tapped the parchment.

Lily was quite sure she heard James dismiss the auditions as over, but shrugged, stepping through the portrait hole.

"I suppose we're going to have to pick a Moony from the people we've seen this morning," Sirius told Peter, while James looked at him with an incompressible expression. "Which means we'd have to pick from...well, Frank, really. Personally, I think Frank's the best since he's less scary than the others—"

James halted him with the palm of his hand. "_Are you even listening to yourself?_"

"Yes, that's what _ears _are for, Prongs."

James glared at him. "This isn't the time to be a smart arse, Padfoot. Are you taking note of what you're saying? This is the most idiotic, not to mention _selfish_, thing you've ever done!"

"_Selfish?_" Sirius spat indignantly. "I'm not the one who buggered off! Blame Moony!"

"You're hardly making the situation any better, Padfoot!" James threw up his hands. "Bleedin' hell, one of our best friends of six years, a _Marauder_, has left us to go on a break to sort out his head for a while, and you're setting up auditions to _replace _him! How do you think he's going to feel once he hears of this? It's just going to drive him more away!"

"I'm just facing up to the reality that maybe he won't come back."

James furrowed his brow. "Of course he's coming back," he said firmly.

"Oh really?" Sirius replied, aloof. "How do you know for sure?"

James faltered a bit. "He just will, alright."

"Maybe I don't want him to come back," Sirius continued with a scowl. "Maybe if he's so prepared to drop us all of a sudden, he should just stay away for good."

"How can you say that? We're the only friends he's got!"

Sirius crossed his arms, growling, "_Were_."

James parted his mouth in confusion. "Were?" he repeated. Instead of asking Sirius what he meant, he asked Peter instead, "Wormtail, explanation to Sirius' folly please?"

Peter looked up from his clipboard. "Sirius is now talking in past tense whenever he mentions any means of friendship with Remus."

James smacked his forehead, on the brink of laughter. "You have got to be kidding me," he muttered low under his breath. He looked suddenly stern when he talked next, remembering Frank Longbottom. "You think slapping some props and accessories on a stranger will replace a friend of nearly your whole Hogwarts life?"

The question lingered in the stillness of the room. Sirius looked intently at James, before looking elsewhere.

"Yeah," he answered eventually.

"So you'd easily replace me with a visually impaired guy with messy hair?" James wondered, unsmiling.

"Well we might actually have to do that with the amount of time you spend with the redhead lately—"

James shook his head in frustration, knowing exactly where this conversation was going. "She's my _girlfriend_, Padfoot."

"Yeah, I know," Sirius understood. "But you should save time for your friends too."

"I do, and we're not having this same discussion again." James turned defensive. "What is your problem with Lily? Do you not like her?"

"No, no, she's a lovely bird and everything," Sirius trailed off quietly, and James urged him to say what was in his mind. Sirius sighed, giving in. "Well, come on, you have to admit, she isn't exactly nice to me is she?"

"I find her slight animosity towards you understandable somehow."

"Slight?" Sirius scoffed. "First day back, she impales the heel of her shoe into my forehead," he pointed to the small, fading scar on his fetching forehead, "Coincidence, I think not."

James laughed, "That was an accident and you know it!"

"Well..._maybe_," Sirius admitted. "But what about her constant insulting of 'wanker' directed at me?"

James laughed again. "You find that name affectionate. You told me! Not to mention you went through a brief period of calling her, rather loudly, 'VAGINA'."

Sirius made rather shifty eyes. "I just don't like it when she calls me 'wanker' in public places, you know," he murmured. "It implies to the other ladies that I masturbate on a regular basis or something—"

"And?"

Sirius pinched his finger to his thumb. "You are this close to not having green eyed, messy haired children, Prongsie." James took the threat extremely seriously.

"I'll talk to her, if you want," James shrugged, trying to appear sympathetic. "I'll tell Lily to make more of an effort to be nice with you." Sirius nodded eagerly, as though he was never in the wrong. "And you likewise, Padfoot," James added sternly. "Don't think you're not to blame here; associating her by the colour of her hair and nothing else does not do wonders for our relationship, to be frank. If she's not in the snogging frame of mind it's probably because you've somehow put her in a mood by annoying her."

"Or maybe the idea of snogging you makes her want to vomit." Sirius winced the second he blurted out the comment.

"There you go again: not thinking before you speak. Its remarks like that which gets on her nerves."

"Yeah, I'm sorry, its years of automatic retorts against Slytherins. Can't stop the almighty lips."

Peter eyed his two friends exchanging discomfited glances. "I think it's time for a Marauder group hug!" he said, spreading his arms out wide. As he stepped forward to embrace his two friends, they simultaneously took two steps back.

"You did _not _just say what I think you just said." James eyed Peter's outspread hands with a judder.

"I have lost all respect for you, Wormtail," Sirius informed.

"No, really, hugging makes all hostility go away," Peter said, gesturing them to come forward. "Come on, let's try it. It's always good to try new things—"

James immediately scowled at that phrase. "_Yes, _but we are _not _a couple of thirty years marriage, lacking fun in the bedroom," he remarked.

"Last time I was hugged, the hugger stuck a sign to my back saying 'Kick me if you think I'm a poof...or just plain kick me for the fun of it'," Sirius retold the memory, wearing a frown. Silently, James giggled, and Sirius glared at him in return; James had been the hugger.

"You'd think after the second kick, you'd be suspicious," Peter said thoughtfully.

"Yeah, but I thought it was some kind of new tradition, like pinching and punching people on the first day of the month! You know," Sirius punched Peter in the shoulder and he fell ungracefully on the couch, onto his stomach, like a rag doll, "Pinch, punch, first of the month!"

"There was no need to demonstrate it," James rolled his eyes as he helped Peter to his feet; "We did know what you were talking about. If we don't automatically comment on something you say within two seconds, it doesn't mean we don't understand." James suddenly thought of something, "Was it even the first of the month that day?"

Sirius shook his head, unsavorily, "Nope, the twelfth. I admit, I was debating the idea of a new ritual of: 'kick in the backside and laugh at Sirius Black, it's the twelfth of the month'." He eyed Peter who was especially pouty after the batter, and had outspread his arms hopefully again, thinking they'd change their minds. "No Wormtail."

Peter huffed. "I think the males who refuse to hug other males are the ones who are unsure on their masculinity."

Sirius immediately looked wide eyed, while James pointed and laughed at him.

"Merlin damn it, you bloody women. Give me a damn hug," Sirius ordered. "But a _manly _bear hug. A heterosexual hug. With masculine thumps on the back."

Awkwardly, the boys did the customary actions involved in bear hugs and dusted themselves off after.

"Not a word to Lily about this," James told his friends, looking sheepish. "She already questions our close friendship."

Sirius sighed, laughing inwardly at how he, James, and Peter were positioned in a corny triangle of friendship all of a sudden. "So...and then there were three, eh?" he said sadly. "I don't like the Marauders being a trio. It's not right; the Marauders are supposed to be a foursome..." He looked upwards, analyzing that sentence, and backtracked. "Let me rephrase that: the Marauders are supposed to have four members. This isn't right."

James silently agreed. "I have to admit, trios normally consume of two boys and a girl."

"It's decided, then. Pete, you will have to be a girl," Sirius proposed.

Peter looked horrified. "But...I don't want a vagina!"

"Nor did Eve in the Garden of Eden, but you didn't hear her complaining, did you?" Sirius retorted.

"No," James disagreed, knotting his brow. "I'm pretty sure she nagged to Adam. Girls like to nag, and all."

"...I'm so glad you said that when Lily wasn't present," Peter commented.

"Hell, me too," James agreed. "I think...I think I can physically feel her kicking me in the balls right about now, from the other side of the castle, telepathically, at that sexist comment."

Sirius was still headset on the idea of the Marauders not being a foursome. "We can't be a trio, damn it. It's not how it works. Everyone knows-" James mentally prepared himself for Sirius revealing something he did not know "-there's a trio with a girl, and one of them ends up banging her brains out." He looked at Peter, and he squeaked in return. "Oh, _hell no_," Sirius said.

"As much as I'd like to ramble all day about crude subjects of banging, one of us needs to leave," James said simply. "Seriously, my brain can only handle so much babbling. It's on mental overload."

"Oh." Sirius grabbed his bra mug. "I was going to leave anyway," he mentioned, gesturing to the portrait exit. "I'm gonna go to the kitchens and top up my drink with some tea."

James eyed him skeptically. "...You're going to fill up that mug with water and fling it in Slytherins' faces, aren't you?"

Sirius gawked. "Am I _that _predictable?"

"No, I just know you too well," James grinned. "See you later." James and Peter waved off Sirius as he climbed through the portrait hole. James' gaze lingered on the portrait for a few seconds, before he turned to Peter. "I'm not sure if he's really okay about the Remus thing, Wormtail. Follow him, will you?"

"No."

James nearly coughed on his own phlegm. "What do you mean no?" Although he was used to Lily Evans telling him 'no' on a numerous number of occasions, hearing it from Peter was a different matter.

"No, I have to look over applicants," Peter tapped his clipboard.

"Jesus, Womrtail, Moony is not getting replaced! The auditions are off. Now go follow Padfoot!

"...Kingsley auditioned."

There was a brief pause before James' eyes lit up amusedly, "Tell me all the details."

------------

Standing alone in the corridor –something Remus would have to get used to from now on, since leaving the Marauders— he stared at sign on the wall, his face falling. He hadn't spoken to either one of the boys since yesterday. He'd retired to the dormitory late last night, and found Sirius and Peter asleep, though Sirius' laboured breathing appeared awfully suspicious. When he had awoken in the morning, the dormitory was empty, no Sirius or Peter to be found. He told himself to be thankful that they were keeping out of his way, yet instead he felt a little...hurt.

"The Remus Lupin replacement auditions," he read aloud, following the arrow with his eyes. It leaded to the Head Tower, from what he guessed. Somehow, he assumed James and Lily would not be too pleased about that...

"How does it feel?"

Edgy –something Remus was a lot lately, due to the loss of his companions— he peeked behind his shoulder, spotting Georgina eyeing him with benevolence on her features, while she clasped her hands behind her back. Rather startled, Remus was at a loss of words on what to say, both confused about the actual question and why she was talking to him. He and Georgina didn't normally converse; in fact, they had never talked once in Hogwarts. It hadn't been out of rudeness, just the fact that they had never gotten an opportunity, being in separate houses and with opposite personas.

"Uh...I, um," he scratched his head, "er, hello Hot Georgina—" His eyes widened, realizing in horror what he had just called her. "Oh God, I mean, Georgie...I mean, Guh...Geor...hello," he ended awkwardly, made a small wave, and hid his face in his hands.

"Wow..." She nodded, impressed, but at the same time slightly gaping. "I don't think I've _ever _made anyone more uncomfortable."

"Trust me; it's not you. I'm a very awkward person."

Georgina strained a smile, before stepping in line with him, examining the sign on the wall. "So...how does it feel?" she tried the question again.

Remus held shifty eyes, still uncomfortable about the whole situation. "Erm...how does _what _feel?" he questioned.

Georgina tilted her head to the sign, looking sympathetic. "Being replaced," she said.

"You've been talking to Sirius, haven't you?"

She chose her next words carefully. "You could say that."

Remus sighed; dejectedly, Georgina noticed. "Well...I can't say I'm not surprised that they're substituting me...It was probably Sirius' idea...he always does mad stuff like that..." His gaze came across someone passing in the corridor; a boy in a sweater vest, holding a dictionary, a bar of chocolate, and reading glasses. Frowning, Remus put two and two together, watching the boy retreat down the corridor. "I really come across as that kind of person?" he said in disbelief, not addressing Georgina, but more himself. "I'm the bloke with the _dictionary _who likes _chocolate?_"

"I don't know you well enough to say you are that bloke," Georgina admitted. "You're a very mysterious person." Remus didn't know whether to take this as a compliment or not. "I don't think anyone knows anything about you beside the Marauders."

Remus was about to voice something, but held back, biting on his lip.

"You were about to say something but you held back," Georgina pointed out knowingly. "I think you do that a lot. Hold back from what's on your mind, I mean."

"I think it's all for the best, really," he blurted out with newfound assurance, "Me being out of the Marauders. I don't think...I don't think I really ever fitted in properly."

"You're speaking in past tense already?" Georgina enquired, looking sad.

"Sometimes I just felt like I was holding them back." Remus stared at the sign, as though it held all the answers. "You know, the guys would always be up for everything - Sirius and James more, of course. But Peter would always power off their energy. They'd always be up for pranks with such enthusiasm I just couldn't grasp. From time to time I'd get into the prank, secretly enjoying the feeling of being, well, alive; rebellious. But other times...I'd just feel like I was holding them back. Like I was the one always nagging them with the dangers, the faults of the prank, telling them not to do it or they'd get into trouble..." Remus heaved a sigh. "I hated myself for being like that, the spoilsport."

"I'm sure you weren't," Georgina sympathized.

"Sirius always tried to loosen me up." A smile crept on Remus' lips. He hadn't realized how much he had said and the way his words were being spilled so easily - in Georgina's company, of all people. "Much emphasis on the word 'tried'. My association with him, James and Peter, always confused me to no end. I just wasn't used to such male boding, to be honest. It probably has something to do with the way I was brought up. I'd gotten into the routine of being alone. I don't understand why they ever chose me to join the Marauders in the first place."

Georgina couldn't stand basking in his low self esteem any longer. "Probably because you're a _good person_," she stressed, gripping a hand softly to his shoulder. Remus instantly flinched away from her. He noted Georgina's slightly upset face, and he quickly apologized. "Sorry." He reddened.

She shook her head. "Don't worry about it," she said understandingly. "Do you," she paused, trying to find the right words, "Do you want to hang around with me for a bit?"

"What?" Remus stared at her blankly.

"Well, you're not hanging around with anyone else now, right?" She cringed, trying not to sound rude. "I can tell the boys were all you had for friends—"

"I have other friends!" Remus insisted, flustered.

"Oh, sorry," Georgina looked genuinely apologetic, "Um...who out of curiosity?"

Remus swallowed. Silently, he searched his brain for a random name. "M-...Ma...Martha!" he answered finally.

"Martha?" Georgina repeated. By now, she had seen through the act. "What house is she in?"

"Ra-gry-lytherin..."

Remus mentally smacked himself.

"Ragrylytherin?" Georgina nodded. "I was unaware that house even existed."

"Har har." Remus shot her a scathing look, though in jest.

"So how about it?" Georgina questioned, hope evident on her face. "You can hang out with me, only if you want, though. Just for a bit, I mean, until all this mess is over."

Out of the corner of his eye, Remus studied the girl. She was quite something else. He had to admit, her unmistakable beauty intimidated her. He was used to hanging around with beautiful people though; Sirius and James were prime examples. This girl, however, was something quite different. He watched her as she tucked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear, looking at him strangely with the most profound hazel eyes. Then, he remembered: Sirius –as much as he wouldn't like to admit— was rather _fond_ of her. When Sirius was fond of things you had to stay away.

"I...I don't think I can," Remus answered uneasily, making a lame shrug of the shoulders.

"Oh..." Georgina hadn't expected that answer, her shoulders slumping. "I know!" All of a sudden, she became animated again. Remus smiled inwardly at her behavior; it came across as though she didn't like being unhappy for long. "I'll be your substitute Sirius!" She linked arms with him, where he squeaked, startled by such contact. "Please?"

Though Remus really wanted to say no, he felt powerless to his sensible thoughts, and answered with a hoarse and unsure, "Yes?" Before he could unpeel her off him, she had dragged him down the corridor, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

------------

Another day, another lesson of Potions, except today, Lily's seating plan had been changed due to a peculiar conversation with James yesterday:

"You want me to what?" Lily had said, looking rather flushed from 'studying' which, surprisingly, involved less of the reading and more of the canoodling kind.

James messed up his hair when he replied, "Well, I was talking to Sirius earlier and—"

"You were _talking _to Sirius?" Lily repeated slowly. Much to James' disappointment, she placed her hands on her hips. "I thought you were supposed to be murdering him for practically taking over our Head Tower for this entire morning?"

"Yeah...not much of the murdering happened, more of the hugging sort."

"That's lovely you're rekindling your friendship with Sirius!" Lily said dryly, rolling her eyes. "_Honestly, my boyfriend has bum chums_..."

"Your muttering isn't low enough, orange peel."

Lily cringed and mumbled an apology.

James played with his hands in his lap. "Lily, just hear me out, alright?" She nodded. "It's become quite evident lately that you and Sirius don't really get along."

"_Give the boy a medal_..."

"Again, orange peel, though my eyesight might be a little deficient, I can hear your mutterings."

Again, Lily cringed, and squeezed his hand in apology.

"I think –and this is just a silly theory— the reason you and Sirius don't get along is because—"

"He's an arse?"

"Er..._no_. _Because—_-"

"He has man boobs?"

"Uh, not that I'm aware of...But, er, no, I think it's because—"

"He one day _thinks _he will become Muggle Prime minister?"

"Well, er, _yes_, he did mention that certain ambition to me when he was sloshed once, _but_—"

"Because he _believes _the world will be taken over by apes in the next eight years?"

"Again, _another _true belief of Sirius Black, but I'm not interested in discussing his values," James said gently, and held her hands in his, "I think you don't get along because, basically, you don't know a lot about one another. Come to think of it, I don't think either of you would speak to one another in your life if it wasn't for...well..._me_." He ended on a grin, a rather haughty one. Lily didn't look very amused.

"People who get to know each other better spend more time in each other's company, right?" James continued.

Slowly, Lily nodded. "Mmhmm," she confirmed apprehensively.

"So, you and Sirius should hang out more!"

Lily tried to hide the panicked look behind her eyes. "But I do enough of that when I hang around with you and the boys," she said, forcing laughter and nudging him in an attempted playful manner.

"Only because you have to," James pointed out. "I think you two should spend quality time alone."

Lily didn't understand. "But...we're not a pair of rare pandas that need to mate in an enclosed area," she started, but James had merely laughed, thinking she had cracked a joke.

"I was thinking, tomorrow you and Sirius could spend a day together—"

"A DAY?"

James flinched at such a reaction, and wiggled a finger in his ear because of such a high shrilled shriek. "Um, did I say a day? I mean, _a few hours—_"

"A FEW HOURS?"

Again, James jumped at her response. "Okay, then...an hour?" he suggested instead. "And then we'll see how it goes!" he said, rather enthusiastically.

Lily smiled weakly, in her head going through the options of getting out of this 'quality time with Sirius' idea James had conjured. Unfortunately, Lily could think of no escape, and was rather distracted by James kissing her neck. She wobbled at the knees, and mumbled a childlike, "Do I have to?"

"Lily, I'm giving up pranks for you for a week. The least you can do is do this for me."

An even more miserable look graced Lily's features. The feeling of guilt wasn't something she liked on her conscience, and she was getting a lot of lately, due to her lying about the Half Blood Prince's letters...

Heaving a sigh, she agreed, "Alright..."

And here she was now; sitting uncomfortably on her stool, drumming her fingers uneasily on the desk, next to one Sirius Black.

One of them wasn't going to survive this, and Lily had the distinct feeling it was going to be herself, because Sirius proved to be quite immune to many things; diseases, illnesses, heavy collisions, hay fever, sexual tension, fear, danger, that rather masculine but female Slytherin fourth year, embarrassment...

"I think this is going to be fun!" James slung an arm around Lily and Sirius' shoulders, pushing their two heads together.

"Define 'fun' for me," Sirius said, elbowing James' arm off him. "If by 'fun', you mean: SCREAMING INSIDE YOUR HEAD, then, yes," He jabbed his finger into the desk, and nodded, "This is the pinnacle of fun."

"You'll be fine," James reassured them, noticing their anxious gaze. "Honestly, you will. I order you to have fun, chat, get to know each other, and be the best of friends!"

"You can't expect us to do that in one class!" Lily said in disbelief.

"Bloody hell, James, you can't just set multiple goals; that'll just confuse us."

"_Fine_, then just chat," James proposed as an alternative.

Sirius nodded, brightening. "Now _that _I can do!" he said, putting his thumbs up. Lily did not like the look of this gesture and kept silent.

Just as James was about to take his seat next to Peter (James had discovered Remus sitting on the opposite side of the classroom, and decided had needed a _definite _chat with him after class, especially with a full moon approaching that night), he halted, flinging his arms around Sirius and Lily's shoulders once more.

"No arguing, or insulting names," he warned the two. "Remember: I'm sitting right behind you." The unenthusiastic stares of Lily and Sirius made him sigh. "Come on guys, I'm doing this for everyone's benefit here. I _really _need you both to get along. You two are both important people in my life…Along with the person who invented chocolate spread. He spotted Professor Slughorn enter the classroom, making a few cheery "hello there's" to certain favourite Slughorn members. James gave a quick kiss to the top of Lily's head and ruffled Sirius' hair. "Have fun, kids!" He shot behind his desk.

After a brief introduction and a few anecdotes of famous wizards Slughorn had met, the lesson started, and the class got to work with setting up their equipment and getting started on the rejuvenating potion. Until then, Lily and Sirius had said nothing to one another, but luckily Lily had her friend Nicole sitting the other side of her as some means of company.

"So..." The sound of Sirius' cuts into his roots broke the tense atmosphere.

"So," Lily followed in sync, staring at him with an inquisitive look; she would not be the first to spring up a topic.

"So..." Sirius repeated. "Breasts, eh?"

Lily could definitely hear a smack of the forehead from behind her, and she stared at Sirius with the blankest expression, along with Nicole who eyed him up and down with a dirty look. "I beg your pardon?"

"Terribly sorry," Sirius reddened, looking rather awkward. "It's just...I don't normally talk to girls...well, I talk to girls...no, wait, that's flirting," he remembered. "You see, I'm not normally just friends with the female species."

"That's not surprising," Lily said low under her breath.

"Let's start again, shall we?" Sirius suggested.

"Yes," Lily agreed. She stared at him again, waiting for him to bring up a more sensible topic.

"So..." Sirius repeated, "Tits, eh?"

"_Oh_, _my God_..."

"Oh, sorry! Bollocks! Sorry, bollocks!" Sirius slammed his knife on the desk, genuinely shameful, and nearly resulting in a chopped off finger. Lily felt slightly sorry for him; obviously, in her eyes, he did not have a brain, so couldn't be blamed for his stupid behaviour.

"Why don't I just talk for the moment?" she put forward.

"Oh please God yes," Sirius answered quickly. "If I unintentionally flirt with you at some point of this conversation, it's not because I fancy you. It's natural instinct."

Lily looked rather offended at that comment, as though she was unfanciable, yet didn't elaborate. Looking for something to talk about, her sight landed on her friend Nicole, silently stirring her potion. Lily quickly linked arms with her, positioning her in front of Sirius.

"Well, since I'm getting to know James' friends better, why don't you get to know one of mine?" Lily gestured to her friend. "This is Nicole."

Sirius suddenly felt very shy. "Hullo."

Nicole looked just as timid. "Hi."

Standing in silence, Lily realized the conversation was no better bringing in her friend, who just looked ill at ease, fiddling with the sleeves of her robe.

"Er...I..." Sirius struggled for something to talk about, and came across Nicole's glasses. "So, visually impaired, eh?"

"Yes."

Sirius got excited for a second on that revelation. "I have a friend who's visually impaired too!"

"Really?"

"Yeah!"

Silence prolonged.

"You and him would probably have a lot more to talk about," Sirius realized.

"Yes," Nicole nodded, before returning back to her potion. Lily followed suit, minding her attention to measuring ingredients. Sirius, not wanting to give up, and a person who felt in physical pain if attempting to work in Potions in such silence, searched for something to chat about. His eyes landed on the elaborate knife Nicole was using to cut up roots.

"Hey, isn't that Lily's?" Sirius asked curiously. Lily followed his gaze and visibly paled.

"I gave it to her," Lily said, not looking him in the eye.

"Why?" Sirius furrowed his brow. "That makes no sense. Her name begins with a 'N' so why give her a knife which is engraved with the letter 'L'?"

"Because her middle name is Louise and I call her 'Loo' for short, alright!" Lily snapped, appearing high-strung.

"God, why would you nickname a friend after a toilet? That's just effing weird."

Lily knew her endurance was being tested, and she didn't dignify Sirius with an answer. Calmly flicking through the pages of her Potions book, she stopped when a piece of parchment fell out of the pages. Automatically thinking it was another letter from the Half Blood Prince, she seized to hide it from Sirius' or Nicole's prying eyes, until she realized something odd: there was no envelope for this letter. On closer examination, it was hardly a letter at all, just a small piece of parchment bearing only a few words. It took her only a second to read it, and she took in a breath, shivering. The note read:

_My knife, your throat._


	14. Remus' furry little problem named Fanny

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing. Poop.

**Chapter 14**

It's funny how four little words can fill someone up with so much terror that they _can't move_.

Lily felt like she was in an out-of-body experience, because things like _this_ just didn't happen to her. Her life had always been normal and uneventful; at least, it had been until the acceptance letter to Hogwarts dropped on her doormat at the mere of age of eleven.

At that moment, receiving such death threats on parchment was the sort of outlandish ideas she'd read in novels. It's surreal, but it's definitely happening, because her shaking hands are gripping the parchment so tightly that they've turned white, along with her deathly pale face. And no matter how long she keeps staring, it doesn't go away. Unlike a horrible nightmare, she can't blink and reawaken to a sense of wellbeing.

There's no doubt about who sent it; it had to be the Half Blood Prince. Who else would send such letters? And then, an impulsive thought hits her: could the Half Blood Prince be in the room right now?

Her eyes widen in alarm, feeling even more on edge than before. All of a sudden, she can distinctly feel her heart beat faster and her sense of hearing picks up on minute, pointless sounds; the scrape of a knife against the cutting board, a whisper, the rustling of a robe, a boy's laugh. Is it the Prince? Is he here? Is he watching her this second?

"Oh God," she can't help but mutter.

Sirius shimmied up to her with a familiar delighted grin on his face, as though he owned a special radar that picked up the utter of a curse (one of his many abilities). "What're you blaspheming about?" he asked curiously.

Lily remembered she needed to keep extremely on guard, trying to crunch the parchment into the palm of her hand. However, it was too late, as Sirius' beady eyes spotted it.

"What's that?"

"None of your business," she snapped, a little harshly, which Sirius didn't appreciate.

"Redhead, how are we supposed to 'voluntarily' be the best of friends like your bloody boyfriend wants if all you do is snap at me all the time, huh? If you're not going to make an effort, we might as well give up now." He received no response as Lily ignored him, still studying the note between her fingers. "Are you even listening to me?"

"I'm a little preoccupied at the moment, Sirius."

He narrowed his eyes at such a response, as though she were speaking to a child. "What is that?" he pressed again, peeking over her shoulder.

"Bugger off!"

"Christ!" Sirius put his hands up as he backed away from Lily, who he guessed was irritable, not noticing her shiny eyes at the moment. His eyes widened at a thought. "I know what that note is," he spoke in a tone of haughtiness.

"W-what?" Lily quavered, feeling her heart stop.

"You're writing stuff about me. You're writing stuff to your friend Nicole about me in notes." The more Sirius repeated it out loud, the more convinced he was. "How bloody childish is that? And besides, Nicole likes me," he hooked his arms with the girl currently stirring her potion, "Don't you Nicole?"

"Of course I do…" Nicole fiddled with the glasses on the bridge of her nose, whilst trying to remember his name. "Sombre?"

"It's Sirius."

Nicole clicked her fingers in remembrance. "Well, I knew it was one word with the definition of not light heartening."

Sirius didn't look too pleased that she'd forgotten his name. "Sombre? What kind of a name is _Sombre_?"

"What kind of a name is Sirius?"

"I'm named after a star." Sirius grinned, "The brightest one."

"Don't you think that's inappropriate for someone like you?"

Sirius decided that some girls were the source of evil.

"What kind of a name is Nicole?" he countered gruffly.

"A perfectly normal one. It's Greek for 'people's victory'."

"Are you saying I'm not normal?"

"Well, you are rather bizarre to hook arms with a complete stranger."

"But we've been through the formalities, so you're not a stranger to me anymore," Sirius tried to excuse himself. "Wait, I see. Can't handle a real man's touch, eh?" He arched an eyebrow.

"If you're referring to those bingo wing flabby arms, then yes; I cannot handle the touch."

Sirius couldn't believe his ears. He turned to Lily with a look of affront, "Redhead, I don't like your mate. She is _plainly rude_."

"Lily, I don't like your boyfriend's friend," Nicole said, shooting him a glare, "He _smells_ like _urine_."

"Oi, Redhead?"

"Lily? Hey Lily, are you listening?"

"Can you please tell your friend off?"

"Lily?"

"Redhead?"

"_Li-ly_?"

"Miss Evans, how's your potion coming along?"

"_For God's sake_," Lily shrieked in defeat, "_will everyone just leave me alone_?"

The room was forced into silence as everyone stared at her on account of her sudden outburst.

"Oho, Lily, are you well?" Professor Slughorn asked his favourite pupil, with a look of concern.

"Sorry professor," she apologized, "I—" She stopped, not knowing what to say. All of a sudden, she felt drained all over again. Just when she thought life was going back to normalcy, the Half Blood Prince had to spring this up on her. She wanted to go back to the Hospital wing and feel safe.

"Hey, what's all the shouting about?" James appeared by her side, touching her arm. "Lily?" He bent down a little to study her face, while she stared at the floor. "Lily, you've got shiny eyes and that look you get when you're about to cry. What's wrong?" He turned to Sirius. "What did you do to her, Padfoot?"

"Nothing, I was just being my usual charming self and she snapped at me!" Sirius folded his arms in a mood. "She must be temperamental because I found her out."

"Found her out?" James repeated, not liking the sound of that.

"Yeah, she's writing notes about me to her friend Nicole," Sirius explained. With great velocity, he snatched the note out of Lily's hand as she shouted a horrified, "No Sirius!"

Lily didn't want it to come out like this. The problem with the Half Blood Prince was _her_ problem, not anyone else's. She didn't like troubling others with her inconveniences. She'd find out a way to sort out this Prince herself.

But it was too late, as Sirius' eyes fell upon the four words he read the parchment.

"Well, that's charming, that is!" Sirius said wryly, waving the parchment in his hands. "You went too far, redhead. I'd never wish death upon you, but sending me death threats with knife business? That's just sick. I hope you get burnt at the stake—"

"Padfoot," James cut him off with a glower.

Sirius gaped at him in return. "But look what she wrote!" he said, showing him the piece of parchment. Once James had read the note, he looked at Lily with a look of disbelief.

"Lily, how could you write something like that?"

She was still trying to grasp what had happened so quickly, and mumbled back a quietly confused, "I'm sorry…"

Though James looked extremely cross, his cold expression quickly softened at her worrying behaviour. "S'alright," he told her softly.

Sirius was far from happy. "You're just going to forgive her just like that?" He gawked at James. "She just threatened to put a knife to my throat, Prongsie—"

"I'm sure she didn't mean it, Sirius," James said.

"I didn't, honestly I didn't," Lily rectified quickly. She hated herself for going along with the whole charade –of writing Sirius the threatening note- but she couldn't think of another way to get around this predicament. Overwhelmed with guilt, her eyes became even shinier, on the verge of tears. Alarmed, Sirius wailed his arms in the air in panic.

"Oh God, don't do the crying thing. Crying women make me enormously uncomfortable."

Lily pulled a weak smile. "I'm not going to cry Sirius—"

"That's the first thing they say before they do it!" Sirius pointed the finger. "So help my uneasy self, do not make your eyes leak. Look, I forgive you, alright? I'm sure you didn't really want to kill me…"

"That's debatable."

Sirius glared at Nicole. "I have a feeling we don't see eye to eye," he told her.

"I'm visually impaired, remember?"

"Nicole, bite your tongue," Lily told her carefully. With a momentous look, Nicole nodded, pushed her glasses further up her nose, and continued slicing up more roots.

"Redhe—I mean, _Lily_," Sirius corrected himself, after James shot him a firm look, "I forgive you. So…you know…let's hug and be, er, friends again, yeah?" He shot her a hopeful look.

"You…you want me to hug you?" Lily said uncertainly.

"Yes. Peter introduced me to whole mad craze of friends hugging and I found it rather satisfying." Lily looked unconvinced. "Seriously, I'm not taking the piss," Sirius clarified. He put his arms out wide and flashed all his teeth in a grin.

James noticed Lily's uncertainty and he prodded her softly in her back. "Go on," he motioned her to go forward. Lily kept her heels dug into the ground, clinging to his arm.

"I don't want to, James—"

He laughed, "He's not going to eat you!"

"Sirius nibbled me once," Peter mentioned from the desk behind him, stirring his potion with a blank stare. "He mistook me for pumpkin pie." The others stared blankly at him, and he added, "In an inebriated state, of course."

Sirius stomped the floor impatiently. "Lily, give me a damn hug before I punch you in the bosom."

Raising an eyebrow at such a peculiar threat, Lily stepped cautiously forward and embraced the boy. In exactly two seconds, they patted each other squarely in the back before pulling away, with Lily looking particularly surprised.

"You didn't try to grope me once," she said startlingly.

"I know," Sirius held an impressed look himself, "I think this might be a start of a beautiful friendship, no?"

"Don't push it, Sirius."

"Oho!" Slughorn bundled up to their desk, his moustache fluttering in his steps. "I hate to break up the orgy—"

"_Professor!_"

"Oh, right. Don't mention sex in the classroom," the professor remembered. "But anyway; I'd prefer if you get back to potion-making. I want to end the lesson early and interrogate every one of you by making you feel tongue-tied and discomfited by asking about your family as means of unearthing any signs of fame behind yourself or your relations."

"Looking forward to it professor!" Sirius saluted the air. Taking the hint, the others also got back to their potions - however, one student in particular couldn't concentrate. Evidently, the threatening note was still on her mind. If her assumption was correct, the Half Blood Prince was obviously not happy about Lily passing on his gifts to others.

"Nicole," Lily started, staring intensely at the Half Blood Prince's knife in her hand.

"Yeah?" Nicole sent her a probing look. Lily realized she was staring too noticeably at the knife and let her eyes travel upwards to look at her friend's slightly concerned face.

"I'm sorry to be a pain, it's just…I need the knife back."

"Oh," Nicole looked startled, but shrugged, handing her over the knife. "Okay."

Once the Half Blood Prince's knife was back in Lily's grasp, she breathed a sigh of relief - to some extent. Perhaps the Prince would be happy now…

------------

"Moony!" James winded his way past his classmates exiting Slughorn's classroom, trying to catch up with his werewolf friend. On his meandering, he spotted a flicker of red hair rush past him, instinctively knowing it was Lily's. Quickening his pace, he managed to catch up her with, settling his hands on her waist from behind.

"Hey, where are you hurrying off to?" he murmured smoothly in her ear.

"Toilet," she answered quickly. "I'll see you later." She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before hurrying off once more, and James watched her retreating back down the corridor with a slight frown at her nippy response. Remembering the original person he had been following, he spotted Remus' recognizable gangly figure and light hair from a distance, rushing down the corridor after him.

"Moony," James landed a hand on his shoulder and he spun round, pulling an awkward smile.

"Hey," he said, a little uncomfortably.

James started, "I just wanted to talk about your furry little problem—"

"Remus!"

The boys spun round at the sound of the call - Georgina was approaching. Once the blonde was in front of then, she wore a particular grin directed at Remus, an affable smile that quickly confused James. Her eyes eventually fell upon James and a look of startle spread across her features, which the boy equally shared, cocking his head to one side in wary perplexity. There was much staring directed at one another, Remus looking the most ill at ease, perhaps even guilty, until Georgina broke the silence.

"I'm sorry for interrupting." She squeezed Remus' arm before saying low and only to him, "I'll see you at dinner, yeah?" And she scampered down the corridor. Once she turned the corner out of sight, James arched an eyebrow at Remus.

"Don't give me that look, James."

He put up his hands in defence. "I'm not giving you any look, Moony," he protested innocently.

"Yes you are," Remus said, reading James like a book.

"Alright," James gave in, owning up to the sceptical gaze, "Let me just ask you one question: who are you and what have you done to the real Remus Lupin, Polyjuice Impostor?"

"What have I done exactly to deserve the entitlement of Polyjuice Impostor?" Remus asked at once, hitching his school bag higher on his shoulder as he continued down the corridor, with James following in curious steps.

"That was a rather pointless question, Moony. The answer is blatantly obvious; you were just exchanging dialogue with a girl—"

"I'll have you know that I have exchanged dialogue with the female species before; Lily being a prime example. I find them rather interesting company."

"Yes, but this is Hot Georgina we're talking about—"

"Can you not call her that?" Remus asked, looking a little annoyed. James shot him a knowing look.

"That was a rather protective boyfriend comment, don't you think?"

"She's offering me friendship, James, that's all."

"It's _never_ friendship with her."

Remus halted in the corridor to stare at James. That had been a rather outlandish comment. James ran a hand through his hair, making it familiarly stand on end. "Just trust me alright, Moony? I know her a lot more than you do—"

"That's something you've never really explained," Remus mentioned, a little brusquely. "What exactly is your history with her?"

"There is no history with her," James said quickly, a little cold. He debated whether to carry on. "It's quite common knowledge that she used to fancy me years ago, and, well, I rejected her, no matter how many times she persisted because my eyes were only for Lily." He shrugged as offhandedly as possible. "I'm just saying _maybe_ she's getting closer to you to get to me—"

"Oh, and it couldn't have been on account of me being a likable person?" Remus' voice raised a little. James knew he'd touched a nerve.

"I'm not saying that."

"And I suppose she got to know Sirius further to get nearer to you as well?" Remus presumed.

James shrugged offhandedly again, "Maybe." He shot Remus an apologetic look. "Don't get me wrong, Georgina's a nice girl, she means well, it's just…she says she's changed but some people never really do, do they?" The question lingered in the uncomfortable silence. "Just be on your guard."

"Why am I being warned and not Sirius?" Remus questioned, a little touchily.

James gave a half-laugh. "You know Padfoot. He has his little crushes and flings and he gets over them. He doesn't really like Georgina like I love Lily," he compared. "Nothing serious is ever going to happen between them."

"You don't know that."

"Maybe I don't," James agreed. "But I know Padfoot."

"And I suppose I'm much more likely to fall for a girl unbreakably?" Remus again presumed, and James gave a weak nod. "I'd never even consider Georgina in any way other than friendship, especially when Sirius likes her."

"And how do you think he's going to react when he sees you with her all chummy?" James answered his own question, "Irrationally, of course." He almost laughed at Remus. "Your friendship with her is doomed from the start Moony, just come back and hang around with us—"

"I'm not ready," Remus' slightly severe tone cut James off, and he instantly looked apologetic. "The dreams haven't stopped," he said, calmer.

"Sod the dreams!" James threw up his hands. "That's all they are: _dreams_." Stubbornly, Remus shook his head. "Fine, Moony," he sighed. "I've completely gone off the point of this conversation."

"Which is?" Remus queried.

"Your furry little problem." The second James said this, he erupted into chuckles.

"I really can't grasp the amusement you find in calling it that," Remus said, rolling his eyes. "Do you know how many people have asked if I need any advice on my badly behaved rabbit?"

"Twenty four and counting," James grinned, but the smile quickly disappeared. "Moony, you know tonight is—"

"The night my furry little problem occurs – yes, I know."

James ran a hand through his hair again when he spoke. "Well, after all this business with Sirius—"

"I think it would be best if I went it alone tonight," Remus said as steadily as possible. James gawked at him.

"You're kidding, right?" James sincerely hoped he was kidding. "Moony, I know how tough the transformation is for you."

"I managed perfectly fine without you before you became animagi," Remus said stoutly.

"Maybe so," James agreed, laughing to the point of absurdity, "But it's tradition we're there by your side. It's like a ritual!"

Remus wouldn't back down. "Don't come to the Shrieking Shack, James," he said tightly, hoping James would get the message. "Tell Sirius and Peter, too."

James held back from starting another argument. "Alright," he gave in eventually, knowing Remus' decision couldn't be budged. A particular thought hit him, "I won't come, but…I can't speak for Sirius."

"Then _force_ him not to," Remus told him, and all James could do was simply nod. "I better go meet Georgina…" He left James to stand in the corridor alone, rather sad after their exchange.

"Be ready to come back to the Marauders soon, Moony, alright?"

With a momentary glance back, Remus nodded, "I will."

----------

Lily stared into the inside of the toilet bowl she was kneeled over, barely distinguishing the pulp of her breakfast she'd just thrown up. All the while, she thought of the Half Blood Prince. He had driven her to this, to making her feel terrified and her insides squirm. Quickly wiping her mouth, she stood up shakily using the cubicle walls to steady herself, flushed the toilet, and exited the cubicle. She gasped when she discovered what she previously thought was the empty Moaning Myrtle's bathroom, not so empty, with a girl brushing her hair in front of one of the wall mirrors: Georgina.

"Hot Georgina—" Lily's eyes widened, realising what name she'd just called her. She heated a little in the face, rolling her eyes to herself. "Sorry, I've spent too much time with the boys..." All of a sudden, she was worried by the girl's presence in the bathroom and what she could have just listened to.

"Yes, I did hear you vomiting," Georgina answered the question that came across Lily's thoughts. Georgina stopped brushing her hair to arch an eyebrow at Lily. "Is there something I should be telling James?"

"I'm ill, that's all," Lily answered her uncomfortably, washing her hands in the sink. There was a brief pause of silence, only the sounds of water gushing from the taps and Moaning Myrtle wailing melodramatically in the corner, until Georgina spoke.

"You know, you can talk to me. People say I'm a good listener."

Lily stared at the light haired girl, a little confused. "I don't mean to sound rude, but I don't even know you. And I don't think it's any of your business."

Georgina looked a little startled at first, but accepted her answer with a small nod.

"I saw you rather cosy with Remus earlier," Lily said, studying Georgina out of the corner of her eye, while checking her pale face in the reflection of the mirror. "What exactly is your business with him?"

Georgina laughed slightly, "Business?"

"He's my friend; I'm just worried about him," Lily admitted. "Come on Georgina, everyone in this castle knows you're famous for breaking boys' hearts."

"I've _changed_," Georgina asserted, tightly. "I'm offering Remus nothing more than friendship. I'm just trying to help him."

"Why don't you _help him_ by not getting his hopes up?"

"Why don't you help _yourself_ by _asking for help_," bit back Georgina, "because something is obviously troubling you."

There was so much truth behind her words it unsettled Lily. "You wouldn't know the half of it," she admitted to her, darting out of the bathroom.

-------------

Yet again, Sirius Black was stumped.

"Pete," the shortened version of his name attempted to roll casually off Sirius' lips, but at this particular moment, all he could do was stare at his friend, while stirring his soup in a rhythmic circular motion.

"Pete, what are you," he paused, trying to the find the appropriate word and settled with, "dressed…as?"

Sirius continued to stir his soup as Peter parked himself opposite him in the Great Hall at dinner. He recognized Peter to be wearing one of Remus' sweater vests, a pair of reading glasses and a bar of chocolate creeping out of his pocket, along with a dictionary and thesaurus placed in either hand.

"Well, you know how the Remus Lupin Marauder…Replace…the man…Remus Lupin—"

"The Remus Lupin Marauder Replacement Auditions?" Sirius said, most eloquently.

"Yes, that," Peter nodded, "Well, it didn't seem to go to plan as we didn't particularly find the right Moony replacement."

Sirius put up a finger. "Actually—" he started.

"So I've decided," Peter continued, and Sirius shut his slightly parted mouth, "_I_ will be the replacement!"

Sirius blinked, "You what now?"

"It makes perfect sense," Peter said, happily masticating a chicken leg as he spoke, "I know Remus relatively well from the years of friendship, so I know all his traits!"

Sirius loosened his collar a bit, appearing a little nervous. "Erm, I dunno," he said uncertainly.

"Oh please let me be the replacement, Padfoot!" Sirius was suddenly tugged forward, landing him with his elbows in his soup, as Peter pulled him by the shirt collar with odd desperation in his eyes. "I'd be so good at it!"

Sirius grimaced, sniffing his robes that now smelled like tomatoes. "Well…"

"I'm adequately dressed for the part!" Peter modelled his clothes; spinning in a circle, which others noticed while eating their dinner and promptly snorted pumpkin juice out of their nostrils. "And I can speak like Remus too!" Sirius showed a pitying expression as he watched Peter slam the dictionary to the table and flick through it quickly.

"Wormtail, I think you should stop—"

"Salutations!" Peter said, pointing the word on the page. He flicked through the dictionary again, coming under the letter 'H'. "Hamadryas!" he read the word aloud. He grabbed Sirius' hand and shook it vigorously. "Salutations Hamadryas!" he repeated.

Sirius couldn't disguise the bewildered expression on his face. "What does that even mean?" he questioned.

Returning back to the dictionary, Peter looked for the definitions and cringed, "Greetings sacred baboon of ancient Egypt?" That had not been good news to Sirius' ears…

"_Ancient baboon?_" Sirius cried, rising from his seat.

"Er," Peter panicked, flipping through the dictionary for a word to bail him out. He came under the letter 'B' and said an unsure, "Buttermilk?"

"That doesn't even make any sense!"

"I'll work on the Remus Lupin Dialogue, Padfoot," Peter said desperately, and Sirius laughed at the idea of Remus having his own secret channel of communication, "I promise!"

"Pete," Sirius started gently, "It's not that I don't want you to be the replacement but, you see, I've kind of already owl-ed Frank—"

However, Sirius was cut off by a pigeon (James' beloved pet 'Herpes') entering the Great Hall, flying rather unsteadily with a letter tied to his foot. Circling the Great Hall ceiling a few times, Herpes finally made it to the recipient of the letter, dropping rather violently on to the dinner table like a bomb - not forgetting to plop some excrement rather skilfully on to an unfortunate first year's shoulder.

"That's the seventh time this week," the first year remarked, wiping his robe with a piece of lettuce close at hand. Once the mopping was done, he replaced the lettuce back onto his neighbour's plate, which the boy happily slurped unaware of where it'd been.

"There's a pigeon swimming in your soup."

Frank Longbottom was quite conscious of this, but had found it quite funny observing Herpes swim round in a never-ending circle of chicken juice, making the occasional furious hoot. Frank gave Kingsley Shacklebolt, sitting across him, a courteous nod for telling him about the pigeon (because it was only polite, and Kingsley scared him considerably) and picked the pigeon up, plonking him on the table. Herpes shook her feathers out and stuck out its leg as Frank untied the letter and began to read.

_Dear Mr. Longbottom (HARHARHAR…have you ever realised you have the words 'long' and 'bottom' in your name? That's bloody hilarious! I wish my name was as pun-ridden…wait, it already is. Does anyone ever ask you if you have a long bottom?)_

_Right, where was I? Oh yes! After much consideration, we've decided after looking at THOUSANDS of applicants, you will be the replacement Remus Lupin. Congratulations. Please do not take this job for granted; there were many people better than you. We just found you the least scary and approachable._

_Your job as replacement Remus Lupin starts right away! We look forward to Marauder-ing with you._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Sirius Black_

_(Otherwise known as Leader of Marauders and lover of Muggle motorbikes.)_

_P.S – This is not a prank._

_P.P.S – This letter will explode in exactly ten seconds._

"WHAT?" Frank screamed, and then read the final note at the bottom.

_P.P.P.S – Not really, but I bet you shit your knickers! HARHARHAR...God, I crack myself up sometimes…_

This was an important moment in Frank Longbottom's life. He just had to celebrate. But first of all: was Alice nearby?

Why was he wondering why Alice was nearby? Because, if loyal girlfriend Alice found out he'd been accepted as a Marauder, or was even socializing with them to begin with (she had a theory that those four boys were mental and it spread easily on to individuals like some Marauder Plague) she would steal his pet frog.

"Alice isn't here, Longbottom," Kingsley said tonelessly, as though he could read his mind.

Frank grinned; he would rejoice in the quietest way possible.

"OH YEAH, I NAILED IT!" Frank rose from his seat and pointed a finger at Kingsley in a rebellious manner, "IN YOUR FACE, KINGSLEY!"

He replied with a frightening glare.

"Oh Merlin, please don't kill me," Frank spluttered.

Truthfully, Kingsley was contemplating it, but was more inclined to eating his Brussels sprouts. "I suppose…the best man won," he said half-heartedly. On that note, Frank rushed off to where Sirius and Peter were sitting with his letter raised high in the air. Sirius immediately spotted him and cringed.

"Frankie mate—"

"I just read the letter," Frank cut him off, and Sirius again closed his open mouth yet again at being interrupted when he was trying to voice important things, "You've made the right decision!"

Sirius really didn't know how to break the bad news. Scratching his head, he said carefully, "There's been a change of plans…" Frank stared at him, and then frowned at Peter's rather smug expression, and also at his Remus Lupin Attire. "You see, Peter's going to replace Remus instead."

The words hit Frank like a slap to his face. His _life_ long dream of _two days_ had been shattered by Peter Pettigrew. "But you picked me first!" Frank yelled in outburst. He tugged Sirius forward, who again landed his elbows in his soup, just when they'd been beginning to dry off.

"Well, yes," Sirius agreed weakly, picking Frank's fingers off his collar, "but it's more convenient having Peter."

At this assertion, Frank burst into rather painful, despondent whimpers. Two crying women –well, Frank wasn't technically a lady but Sirius accounted him as one on this occasion— in one day would kill Sirius Black. As the seconds passed on, and Peter and Sirius continued to stare at the snivelling boy, an idea came to Sirius. At such an ingenious idea, Sirius couldn't help but mutter "I'm a genius" to reinforce the fact.

Flicking through his dictionary and thesaurus, Peter added, "You might articulate that you are a whiz kid with debonair hair and droll verbal communication."

"Indeed Pete," Sirius agreed. "Frank, there might be another position open for you."

Frank's hopes raised a little, noted in his more alert stance. "Another position?" he repeated excitedly. Realising his he'd put too much zeal in his words, he added, "Actually, I don't think I could fulfil any other position than Remus Lupin. It's rather hard for someone of my calibre—"

"And you could say: _aptitude_," Peter cut in, clutching his thesaurus.

"Possibly," Frank said, shooting Peter a strange look, and continued, "For someone of my calibre to suddenly switch roles from individual to individual like some _amateur_."

Sirius shrugged casually, "Not even being the replacement of, say," a mischievous smile crept on his lips, "a messy haired prat with glasses?"

Frank sucked in a breath. "You mean…_James Potter_?" he whispered, his eyes amplifying. Naturally, Peter hadn't been informed James needed to be replaced lately and elbowed Sirius in the ribs.

"Have you discussed this with Prongs?" he whispered, looking a little panic-stricken.

"He'll be too loved up with Evans to notice," Sirius replied leisurely. "Frank," he addressed the boy, "Here's the brief; James has been neglecting his Marauder duties—"

"You could say: his _obligation_," Peter added, pointing to the word in the thesaurus.

"Yes," Sirius was getting a little annoyed by Peter doing that, "He's been too loved up with his lady Evans recently, so you could be the Replacement James Potter," he proposed.

"You could say: a _surrogate—_"

"Stop that, Wormtail," Sirius warned him with a deadly look. "So Frankie," he put out his hand, ready for Frank to shake, "what do you say?"

Frank had to admit, being a surrogate James Potter was a good offer. Pushing aside any sane thoughts, he confirmed "I'll do it," shaking Sirius' hand with much oomph. "I shall do it and I shall be the best surrogate James Potter this castle has ever seen!" He ended his declaration with a heroic pose and thoughtful gaze to the Great Hall ceiling.

"What's he looking at?" Peter asked at Sirius, following Frank's stare upwards.

"I don't know," Sirius admitted, answering in a low whisper, "But just nod and smile." As Frank took his gaze off the ceiling to focus on Sirius and Peter, they quickly pulled strained smiles, before Frank plonked his bottom opposite them. Rubbing his hands together as he stared at the food in front of him, Frank asked, "So what does James Potter like to eat?"

Sirius searched the table for the most peculiar food. He came across a plate of faggots and pointed to it. "James likes those."

Frank rose a little in his seat to study the grub. "What are those?" he questioned, a little distastefully.

"Faggots are a kind of pork meatball, a traditional dish in parts of the United Kingdom, especially Wales and the Black Country," Peter said, rather fluently in a Remus Lupin approach. "A faggot is traditionally made from pig heart, liver and fatty belly meat—"

"Fatty belly!" Sirius snorted, slapping the table in amusement. "Har har har…"

"—or bacon minced together, with herbs added for flavouring and sometimes breadcrumbs. The mixture is shaped in the hand into balls, and wrapped round with 'caul' –the lining from the pig's stomach— and baked," Peter finished.

"Anything else?" Frank queried, looking a little unwell after Peter's too-much-information.

"It's served with peas and gravy."

Frank nodded, "Right," pulling a plate of faggots towards him. Unenthusiastically, he started to munch on his unappealing meal, while Sirius grinned wickedly.

"Did you know," Peter started, pointing to a page of the dictionary, and Sirius let off an obnoxious 'OH GOD, I don't bloody know but you're going to tell me anyway, aren't you?', "that an 'imp' is a 'young or little devil'?" Peter looked genuinely alarmed. "I mean, did you know that? Because I really didn't know that— did you know that Sirius?"

"No, I did not Wormtail."

"Did you know that, surrogate James?"

Frank continued chewing on his faggots with a definite squirm on his face, not looking too pleased at the moment. "Would James Potter know that?"

"No," Sirius replied.

"Then I do not know that."

"I'm a little concerned—or even," Peter flicked through the thesaurus for the hundredth time that hour, "_fretful_, that there is-" another flick through the thesaurus "-infinitesimal-" and another "-critter-" and again "-at this juncture."

"Tail-worm," Frank addressed Peter, "put the books away. They are putting me off my faggots," he used his most haughty James Potter voice and added quietly to Sirius, "Did I sound like James then? Did that sound like something James Potter would say?"

"Pretty much," Sirius said. "But it's 'Wormtail' not 'Tail-worm'."

"Did you know-" Sirius let off another 'Oh for eff's sake' at Peter's commence "-that the word 'crapulous' means 'sickness caused by excessive eating or drinking' or 'excessive indulgence; intemperance'?"

"Padfoot is crapulous all the time then," the real James Potter had arrived in the Great Hall, sticking his tongue out at Sirius as he sat down across the boys. Sirius looked a little apprehensive with Frank –surrogate James Potter- present.

"Er, where've you been?" Sirius attempted at breeziness.

"I was talking to—" James stopped, holding back from saying Remus' name, "Er, I was talking to…God." The boys stared blankly at him. "Erm," he searched for something to get the attention off himself, and spotted Frank, "Hey Frankie mate! You don't normally sit with us Marauders!"

"I'd like to be addressed as 'James' from now on."

To say James was confused would be an understatement. "_Righto_," he answered uncertainly. He shot Sirius a questioning look but Sirius merely shrugged his shoulders, shooting him a look which implied Frank was just being insane.

"Faggots?" Sirius pushed a golden plate of pork meatballs in front of James, hoping that would distract him.

"Ugh, I'd rather eat niffler pubes, thank you very much." James shuddered and pushed the plate away from him. "I bloody hate faggots." Frank froze from eating his faggots, dropped his fork to his plate, and glowered at Sirius.

"Sirius," James began, and Sirius noticed James was looking Frank out of the corner of his eye, as though he found his presence uncomfortable while bringing a certain subject up, "I wanted to talk to you about—" He noticed Frank was giving him a probing look and he grabbed a chicken leg, nibbling on it in a cavalier fashion, "Remus' er...furry little problem."

Sirius knew exactly what James talking about and made a small "Oh…" sound.

"_I didn't know Remus owned a rabbit_!"

The boys stared at Frank who looked absolutely dumbfounded.

"Yes," James said tentatively, "Yes, Remus owns a rabbit. _Anyway_—"

"Is it a boy or girl?"

Frank resembled a cow chewing on grass as he chewed slowly on his food, awaiting James' answer.

"It's a girl, but as I was saying—"

"Ooo, what's its name?"

James and Sirius exchanged an apprehensive look, before James answered, unthinking, "Fanny." Naturally, Sirius exploded into laughter.

"Fanny's not a name!" he argued, on the grounds of it just being too ridiculously pun-worthy.

"It is," Peter insisted. "Fanny is a given name; a pet form of Frances, which in turn is the female form of Francis—"

"Stop talking about the name Fanny," James interjected with a sigh. Trying to get back to the subject of Remus, he carried on, "You know, Padfoot, tonight we, er, normally join Remus and his, er, furry little problem, yeah?"

"You join Remus…and his rabbit…Fanny?" Frank said, trying to keep track.

"Yes Frank," James answered him absentmindedly. "Padfoot, he wants to….er….be alone with his, er, furry little problem tonight." The second James said this, he took it back.

"He wants to be _alone_ with his rabbit?" Frank couldn't control the frown across his features. "That's called bestiality in some countries, you know."

"He's going at it alone?" Sirius ignored Frank, looking startled. Frank looked startled _beyond words_ at what he said. "But he can't go at it alone," he shook his head feverishly, "I know we're having problems at the moment, but I thought we were still doing it tonight – together, you know."

Frank was still trying to get his head around the conversation. "What exactly do you do with Remus and his rabbit?"

"Did you talk to Remus to try and change his mind?" Peter asked, chewing openly on his bar of Moony chocolate.

"Yeah," James answered him. He took a moment to stare at Peter's somewhat Remus Lupin attire, but decided to ask later, the subject of Remus Lupin more important right now. "He won't back down though," James continued, rubbing his forehead tiredly. "He's definitely doing his furry little problem—"

"_WHAT_?" Frank spluttered.

"—alone tonight, for definite. He told me to specifically tell you guys not to come," James turned to Sirius, "I told him you'd go anyway, and he said to force you not to."

"I don't care if you break all my limbs Prongs, _I'm going_," Sirius said resolutely.

"I knew you'd say that," James grinned. Since James' grins seemed to be contagious, Sirius pulled his own haughty one.

"Aren't you supposed to be saying something to make me not go, Prongs?"

"Someone's got to be there with his…furry little problem, Padfoot." Though it was said in a good-humoured tone, James held a sombre gaze, which Sirius replied with a silent, understanding nod.

"But…" Frank looked purely confounded. "Why exactly is Fanny such a problem?"

An image of Remus' in full transformation of a werewolf sprang to Sirius' mind, most specifically his werewolf fangs. "He has a generous nibble," Sirius answered Frank.

Thoughtfully, Frank gazed at his faggots. "I'll have to have a chat with that Remus. I'm pretty sure what he's doing with that rabbit is illegal."

------------

After talking to Sirius, James didn't stay long for dinner, instead mooching his way to the Head Tower. Lily hadn't turned up for dinner, and unsurprisingly that had made him a little concerned. Climbing through the portrait of the Fat Man, he desperately hoped Lily was inside – and to his relief, she was, lying on one of the common room couches as she gazed up at the ceiling.

"Hey you," he refrained from using her nickname of 'orange peel' as he pointedly knew that bugged her. Lily smiled faintly in response, and as he approached her, she moved up slightly on the sofa so he could lie down next to her. Obviously it wasn't made as a bed for two people to individually lie on, but they somehow managed it snugly with limbs entangling.

"You missed dinner," James said. Although there was no need to whisper it, he somehow how felt inclined to in the hush of the room.

"I know," Lily said, equally as quiet. "I wasn't that hungry."

James rustled in his pocket and brought out a rather ghastly chicken leg covered in fluff from his trousers. "Saved something for you," he cringed. Lily couldn't help but laugh, but suddenly looked forlorn as she stared at him.

"I don't deserve you." It came out in such a shallow whisper James had to strain to hear.

"What are you talking about?" he laughed in disbelief. "_I_ don't deserve _you_," he twisted her words, nudging her knee with his own.

"No, James," Lily stubbornly shook her head, brushing her nose against his shoulder, "You're too good for me."

James kissed her forehead and she shut her eyes. "You're cute when you're insecure," he chuckled.

"James," Lily could feel herself get distracted as he played with the ends of her hair, "James, I have to tell you something—"

"Oh, you'll never guess who I saw Remus with earlier!" he cut her off in a dismayed voice.

It was too late. Lily had lost her chance.

"Who?"

"Georgina."

"I saw her with him too."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Has Sirius seen them together?"

"Not yet."

"Does Sirius know you're not allowed to do pranks?"

"Same answer."

"He'll be a bundle of teen angst when he finds all that out."

James laughed at Lily's remark, and she smiled, liking his warm breath hitting her skin.

"I was planning to set some bonding time between you and Sirius tonight, but it'll have to be postponed," James said.

"How come?" Lily asked, though was secretly happy the 'bonding time' could not occur.

"Remus' furry little problem tonight."

"Oh I completely forgot," Lily covered her mouth shamefully. "Be careful, will you? You know how worried I get when you transform."

"I'm not going. Remus has forbidden us to go."

Lily paused thoughtfully. "So Sirius is going to the Shack anyway, right?" she guessed.

James could do nothing but shake his head in amusement. Tugging her closer to him, he asked, "Why do I feel like you've known me all my life?"

"I will not justify that naff line with an equally naff response, Mr. Potter."

James pouted affectionately but said nothing further on it. "I was mad at him first," he realised how unclear he sounded and added, "Remus, I mean. I was angry that he'd left us to sort out his head, but it makes sense now. He's brave for doing it, straying from the group to sort out his problem alone, don't you think?"

'Sorting out his problem alone', Lily repeated the words in her mind. That's what she had to do with the Half Blood Prince; sort it out by herself and not get James to jump her rescue and almost certainly get hurt in the process.

"I just remembered," she untangled away from James and he showed much displeasure at her actions, "I have to go do this thing…."

"What thing?" James said, tugging her arm so she collapsed back on the cushions of the sofa with an 'oof!' sound.

"A thing with McGonagall, a Head duty thing," she said vaguely. She patted away his hands that had seemed to affectionately glue to her waist as she climbed off the sofa.

"Do you need me to be there?" James asked, picking up on that 'Head' part of her sentence.

"No, it's just a Head Girl thing."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

As Lily made her way to the portrait hole, she picked up on his slightly hurt look and made her way back over to him.

"Miss you," she said, kissing him tenderly on the lips.

"Yeah, you too," he mumbled back. He wanted to seem unresponsive when he kissed her, to show her he wasn't happy with her sudden getaway, but, as always, the idea was quickly brushed aside the second her lips touched his.

James reluctantly let her pull away from him before darting out of the Head Tower, with her red hair bouncing over her shoulders. The second she was gone, his eyes locked onto the invisibility cloak on the table.

"Don't follow her," James told himself aloud. He went to his dormitory and shut the door harder than necessary.

He hated that small part of himself which didn't trust her.

------------

"Derrick."

It had been pure luck that Lily had managed to find Derrick on his way to his Ravenclaw Tower, or maybe the boy had been lingering in the particular corridor expecting her to seek him out.

Spinning round, a dazed look came across Derrick's features. "Lily?" he said breathlessly. She spent no time in studying his strange nature.

"I need to talk to you."

Derrick bent his head down a little, his loose blond hair falling in front of his eyes. "Does this have something to do with your outburst in Potions today?"

Lily had somewhat expected that answer, and silently nodded.

"Let's talk in here," Derrick opened the door of an empty classroom and motioned her to go inside first. With an unwavering stare, Lily stepped inside, and Derrick shut the door after.

Further down the corridor, James pulled the invisibility cloak off his shoulders with an angry tug, wondering what the hell he'd just witnessed.


	15. James angry, James throw things

**Disclaimer**: Nothing is mine.

**Chapter 15**

Lily pondered the idea of suggesting to Derrick they sit down in the still empty classroom, but then she remembered the topic of their following conversation—not one of pleasantries—and realized that would be inappropriate.

Much to her puzzlement, Derrick seemed to be finding difficulty in standing still. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see his legs twitching, and the pupils of his eyes were darting wildly out of control. Taken as a whole, Derrick looked twitchy—he always appeared twitchy these days—and she almost felt sorry for him. _Almost_.

Not wanting any more incoming thoughts of potential sympathy for someone who certainly deserved none in her eyes, Lily quickly cut to the chase with a question. "Derrick, are you a Half Blood?"

As she waited impatiently on edge, his answer came as a steady, "No."

She couldn't help but feel stunned at his words. Part of her was surprised; even devastated by his answer, but the other part had expected it. "_Don't lie to me_," she said, trying to control her anger as her fists balled.

Derrick shook his head resolutely, "I'm not lying—"

"How could you be so hypocritical last year and call me a Mudblood when you're not even of full wizarding blood yourself?" Lily yelled, refusing to believe Derrick's words. At the mention of last year, flickers of memories flashed before her mind and she could feel her voice quaver - but she refused to let wavering take over her voice, making her appear as though what he had done to her had made her weak.

"I assure you, Lily, I'm not a Half Blood," Derrick repeated, "I'm from a wizarding family of full, pure blood—"

"And I suppose I'm impure, aren't I?" Lily snapped. Truthfully, she just wanted to get something out of him—anything out of him—any sort of vicious remark to familiarize the person who was standing here before her as the same obnoxious creep who loved his spiky hair – a hairstyle she hadn't seen on him in ages. Frustratingly Derrick said nothing, merely looking down at his feet, which was a new habit he had adopted lately; one that Lily despised to no end.

"What happened to you?" she asked him faintly. "I mean….something must have happened to make you like…this. It's like you've lost all sense of-" she studied his expression and didn't find the usual conceit behind it "-self importance."

"I think I'm going down the right path to more self-importance, actually," Derrick said acutely, "It's just….proving harder than I originally thought."

Lily was confused. "Path to what?" she asked. Derrick didn't answer her question.

"Why is the knowledge of my wizarding blood so important to you?" he answered her question with a new one.

"I was giving you the opportunity to _own up_," Lily said in a harsh tone, "Though obviously there's still a bit of pomposity left in you that makes you think you're too admirable to confess—"

"Confess to what?"

"_That you're the Half Blood Prince!_"

Yet again, Lily waited impatiently for him to respond. In her mind, he was going to come clean just as she imagined; burst into tears, or with a flurry of anger or despair - something dramatic. Except he didn't.

"I'm not the Half Blood Prince."

Lily blinked several times, trying to take in his words. The conversation was going nothing like she had imagined; it was all wrong. Derrick was supposed to confess, they were supposed to come to agreement, and this whole sodding mess was supposed to have been sorted out so she wouldn't feel endlessly guilty in front of James. Everything was supposedto be back to normal. How could she have guessed so wrongly?

"W-what do you mean you're not the Half Blood Prince? It has to be you!" Lily's voice rose deafeningly, bouncing off the bare walls. "There's no one else it could be!"

"I'm not him," was Derrick's stony answer again.

"But….but you know who it is, don't you? You know who the Half Blood Prince is," Lily said feverishly. "Your reply to my question was too quick to be oblivious to what I'm talking about, Derrick, who is it?" His muteness sustained as he didn't answer, instead, gazing out the window with faraway eyes. She let out a groan of frustration. "For Merlin's sake, Derrick, tell me who he bloody is!" she ordered him, and found herself contradicting herself, "Unless you're lying to me….you're lying and you're actually the Half Blood Prince and this is some sort of cover up?" She got increasingly more annoyed as he didn't comment on anything she was saying. "Come on Derrick," she started sardonically, "You used to love talking just to hear the sound of your own voice. Why so speechless now?" She strode towards him and grabbed him by the shoulders. At such threatening behavior, she expected him to hit her, or at least push her off, yet he did nothing but stand limply.

"Tell me who he is!" She shook him roughly. "Do you get some kind of pleasure from this? Do you find it funny that I'm scared about loosing my life because of four words on a piece of parchment?" Her hands turned white as they clutched Derrick's robes.

"Don't worry, Lily," he finally responded, with a piercing gaze, "You'll find out who the Prince is soon enough. Secrets always come out in the end."

Lily didn't know whether to feel relieved or horrified by this comment. On one hand, the Half Blood Prince would finally be revealed, whether it was Derrick or not. On the other hand, when he was exposed, all hell would break lose. She dreaded to imagine how James would react to the news, especially after being kept in the dark for so long.

"Thanks for nothing," Lily grunted, releasing Derrick with a thrust. He stumbled back a little into one of the classroom desks. With no backward glance, Lily left the classroom, slamming the door shut behind her. Alone in the corridor, she felt the eerie feeling of being watched. She didn't dwell on the sense any longer as she made her way back to the Head Tower.

-----------

Remus realized befriending 'Hot Georgina' was a big mistake.

"So, do you want to play a game?"

A very big mistake.

He chewed slowly on his ham sandwich (he had a particular craving for meat at that moment, especially nearing the full moon), whilst sitting in the Kitchens. Not wanting to speak with his mouth full, he shrugged in response.

"You know what game I've missed playing since I was little?" Georgina asked. She was eating a peculiar mixture of jam tarts, fig rolls, chocolate gateau and strawberry wafers. Remus didn't like her eating those because Sirius always ate those; it was _Sirius_ _food_. "_Wolf's dinner time_," she said.

At once, Remus choked on his ham sandwich and started violently coughing. Not looking at all troubled, Georgina slapped him on the back as a means of a Heimlich maneuver. She continued, "I loved that game. You're Muggle-born, right? You know it? That game where someone is the 'wolf'-" Remus immediately looked uncomfortable "-And everyone calls out 'What's the time Mr. Wolf?'. He says a time and everyone moves a step depending on the time, and then eventually he shouts 'It's dinner time!' and he chases you and—"

"Yes, yes, I'm aware of the game," Remus finally cut in, picking off imaginary dust from his sandwich. "I didn't like it particularly when I was younger…"

"How could you not like the game? It was brilliant!" Georgina got excited just talking about it. Again, her easily energized self reminded Remus of Sirius. "We should play it."

"How?" Remus asked. He was bewildered to how her mind worked. "You need more than two people," he pointed out.

"The house elves can join in," Georgina suggested, grabbing a passing one by the loin cloth. "You'll play, won't you, Poppet?"

"'Play,' miss? What is this 'play' you speak of?"

Georgina released the house elf with a sigh. "Never mind," she grunted. She turned back to Remus, "We can play; just the two of us," she proposed.

"Who would be the wolf, though?" Remus swallowed.

"I see you as one," Georgina grinned. Yet again, Remus choked on the little sandwich that was left. "Merlin, Remus," she looked startled, "I think you need to chew more."

"Sorry, it's just…can we please stop talking about wolves?" Remus, to some extent, pleaded.

Georgina looked suspicious, but merely shrugged, "Alright." She tapped her fingers across the table, looking bored, until her eyes suddenly lit up as she thought of an idea. She grabbed Remus' hand, which had been holding his half-eaten ham sandwich that he was forced to drop back on his golden plate, and said, "Let me read your palm."

"You believe in that palm-reading hogwash?" Remus said. Any thoughts of her hands feeling sort of velvety didn't come across his mind at that particular moment.

"It's not hogwash," Georgina said, tracing her fingers over his palm. "Did you know you can find about a person by the shape of their hand?"

Remus looked mighty confused, "The shape of their hand? Aren't all hands, well, hand-shaped?" he said, quite lamely.

"No," Georgina scoffed at his so-called ignorance, "There's pointed hands—"

"Good grief, you mean like a _claw?_"

"No, that's called a bird, Remus," Georgina rolled her eyes. "I think ham sandwiches weaken your knowledge."

Remus paused, before agreeing, "I think so, too."

"There are cone-shaped hands, as well," Georgina continued to list, prodding Remus' fingers, "Square shaped hands, spade-shaped hands—"

"Now you're just pulling my leg," Remus said, refusing to believe someone had a hand that resembled a gardening tool.

"I'm not kidding."

"Well…what form is my hand?" Remus asked, peering at it.

"Hmmm," Georgina peered at it too, "Mixed shape," she concluded.

"Oh…that's rather boring, isn't it? I'm so boring I don't even have a defined hand shape, I have a _mixed_ one-"

"You're not boring, you stupid sod," Georgina slapped him lightly in the arm, again for his 'ignorance', "A mixed shape hand means you're practical." She stretched his fingers a bit for good measure. "You'd make a good professor." She smiled.

Remus couldn't help but grin at the thought. "Actually, I've always wanted to _want_ to be a professor."

Georgina blinked, "Wanted to want? Remus, that sentence held no sagacity."

"Oh." Remus tried again, "I've always wanted to admit that being a professor is something I've consider as a future career, but, well, I was afraid the guys would tease me…"

"Mainly Sirius," Georgina guessed accurately. Remus nodded. "Did you ever think he might just support you in wanting to be a professor?"

"No, because this is _Sirius Black_ we're talking about."

Georgina laughed absurdly. "He wouldn't be so ignorant to mock to you for wanting to be a teacher, surely."

"Trust me; you don't know him like I do." Remus eyed her as she continued to examine his hand in hers, poking and prodding it in places. "Georgina, tell me if it's none of my business or anything, but do you still fancy James?" He was surprised by his bluntness.

"That was a rather out-of-the-blue question," Georgina acknowledged. Remus arched an eyebrow. "No, I don't," she seemed quite embarrassed, "Why?"

Remus chose his words carefully, a little startled to see Georgina embarrassed - something he'd never seen before, though he hadn't known her long, "James told me you used to like him—"

"Wow, he's still got that enormous head that blocks out the sun, hasn't he?" Georgina snorted.

"And I'm just wondering here…that _maybe_ the only reason you're befriending me is to get closer to him," Remus said, "or maybe to Sirius," he shrugged, "I really don't know."

"People really do think the worst of me, don't they?" Georgina spoke in a hollow tone, and Remus couldn't help but feel ashamed for asking such a question; a question that had been put in his brain by James, no doubt. "I just wanted to give you some company, that's all."

"I'm sorry," Remus suddenly apologized, "Let's forget I brought it up." He noticed she was still holding his hand, long after the palm-reading examination had supposedly ended, "er, what do my hand lines say, then? When will my death be?" he joked. "Are you going to do a Professor Cockett on me and tell me I'll die next Tuesday?"

Georgina laughed, relaxing. "We all know that woman got dropped—or shall I say _pushed_—off her broomstick when she was little."

"She told Sirius he was going to die recently," Remus said, quite pensively.

Georgina laughed again, "What did he say to that? 'Up yours'?"

"Actually…no. He ran off."

Georgina knotted her brow. "He ran off?" she echoed, looking troubled by the revelation.

"Yes…she said he was going to 'die alone' specifically. He was quite upset about it."

All of a sudden, Georgina looked sad. "He never told me," she said softly.

"Because you would've taken the piss," a voice called out from the portrait hole.

Remus and Georgina spun round to find Sirius had entered the Kitchens, looking a little crestfallen. His eyes slowly fell upon Remus' hand still in Georgina's, and Georgina quickly released it, as though burnt by fire. Sirius seemed to be particularly staring at Georgina, as if blocking Remus out of his system.

Sirius laughed through his nostrils. "I thought I was your Kitchen Buddy, Georgie?" He used her nickname, but it didn't have its normal affection in such an unfriendly tone.

"Sirius," Georgina started.

"Can I talk to you for a sec?" he asked her suddenly. "Alone."

Georgina looked at Remus but he'd already gotten up from his seat and was making his way out. "I've got to get going anyway," he excused himself, remembering it wasn't long until the full moon returned in the sky, and he felt increasingly more ill, "I'll see you tomorrow."

"I thought we were hanging out later? You were going to show me the forbidden section of the library, remember?" Georgina joked. Sirius somehow became more terrifyingly annoyed, and the smile quickly fell from Georgina's lips as she noticed Sirius' reaction.

"You probably won't see me for a day," Remus mentioned lately.

"What?" Georgina looked confused, "How come?"

Remus and Sirius exchanged a look. "My mother…my mother's ill and I have to go visit her," he mumbled.

"Oh," Georgina said. Remus shrugged his shoulders, helplessly and apologetically, before escaping out the portrait hole in the blink of an eye, while Georgina stared on. Immediately, Sirius turned on her.

"What's going on here?" he questioned fiercely. Georgina looked a little staggered by the way he was speaking to her. "Since when have you two been hand-holding buddies?"

"I was reading his palm."

"Bollocks," Sirius dismissed her excuse. "Why are you so sociable with him all of a sudden?"

"I thought he needed the company."

"Or maybe _you_ do," Sirius turned her words against her. "Come to think of it, I don't actually think I've seen you with any friends this year."

Georgina looked suddenly touchy. "Well, that's what I have to live when I'm trying to change from being an annoying tart," she said boldly, and Sirius hated the way she spoke so little of herself. "The friends I had didn't want me to change."

"But it's so much simpler to be that person from before, isn't it?" Sirius said, softening. Silently, Georgina nodded. "I used to be a right obnoxious twat when I first came here to Hogwarts, especially at age eleven. The sun shone out my arse, I believed. Then I got sorted into Gryffindor." Georgina didn't understand why he was telling her this. "The point is: people can change for the better."

"But you still think the sun shines out of your arse," Georgina pointed out plainly.

"Yes," Sirius partially agreed, "but I no longer think Muggleborns will give me rabies."

Georgina snorted. "You _really_ thought that?"

"My family was messed up in the head. They warped my mind telling me a whole bunch of rubbish." Sirius' tone turned oddly gentle, "Georgie," she stared at him, "I don't like you hanging around with Remus."

She laughed at his strange behavior. "I don't know why you're so bothered."

"Because he can easily fall in love with you," Sirius tried to use a cheerful tone but it was laced with resentment, "and then never come back to the Marauders. Or you could easily fall in love with him…"

Georgina swallowed, "And then…?"

"And then I'd hate you. You wouldn't be allowed to fling pies at walls with me anymore."

"God forbid we stop that, Sirius." A warmish smile tugged at Georgina's lips. "It'd be less work for the house elves, mind you, cleaning up all that cream—"

"Georgina, why are you doing this?" Sirius asked, and she gazed confusedly at him. "Hanging out with Remus, I mean. Who're you doing it for? Me?"

"Oh you do think very highly of yourself, don't you, Mr Black?"

Sirius saw the situation in another light. "Or is it for James?"

"Oh, for Christ's sake," Georgina cursed in a rage, "I don't still fancy him!"

"Then why are you doing this?" Sirius pressed, "How are you benefiting in any way?"

"I just thought it'd be nice to get to know Remus better; see what's so great about him that makes you two such good pals," Georgina turned pensive, "Besides, there's something oddly mysterious about him…"

Predictably, Sirius looked worried. "There's _nothing_ else to him," he stressed, "Nothing at all."

On that note, he left the Kitchens in a hurry and made his way to the Shrieking Shack, while Georgina pondered whatever mysterious secret about Remus there was, Sirius undoubtedly knew, too.

----------

Peter was worried; he'd never seen James like this before. Of course, he'd seen James angry before, plenty of times. That time Padfoot jumped on him for an unexpected piggyback and James ended up in the Hospital wing with a broken spine. And that time Sirius left dog excrement on his pillow. And that other time Padfoot chewed James' slippers while they were still on his feet and he ended up with masticated toes. Oh, and that one time Padfoot told Lily he hadn't really been sleeping outside her door after their brief argument and he had tricked her.

Sirius really pissed off James sometimes.

When James' anger was directed at a person, it was normally at Snape, or Sirius (in jest, of course). But James had never been terrifyingly angry at Lily, and as Peter watched James squeeze the life out of a spongy stress ball, Peter concluded James was terrifyingly angry at Lily right about now – though he had no idea what for.

"Merlin's mangoes, I need to throw something…" James muttered, with shut eyes. His hand continuously pumped as he squeezed the stress ball, so much it didn't resemble a ball anymore, more of a pancake.

"What's happened?" Peter asked loyally in good-friend-enquiry mode, taking a seat on the armchair of the Head Tower common room. As James leant by the fireplace, he continued to keep his eyes closed when he answered, as though that was a mechanism to control anger, however much the stress ball was becoming less circular.

"Need. To fucking. Throw something," James muttered again, his familiar habit of rage-release by criminal damage trying to take over. The more he thought about Lily and Derrick in that classroom, the more the want for breaking things greatened, and the harder he squeezed on the stress ball until it deflated with a "poof!" sound.

"Buggerbuggerbugger," James cursed, now squeezing the air. "Pete, give me something that's relatively soft and won't cause a mess if I throw it," he commanded. At once, Peter handed him a cushion and James hurled it at the wall. He felt a bit of satisfaction - nevertheless, there was no breakage or a sound of a crash, and this left him dissatisfied.

"What happened, Prongs?" Peter asked again.

James made a deflated sigh, massaging the bridge of his nose. "I saw…I saw Lily and Derrick go into an empty classroom together," he revealed in a somber tone.

"Oh," Peter replied quietly, "Oh, that's not good at all."

"Well, it's not exactly high on the barometer scale of all things bright and beautiful," James bit back.

"Hey, don't get touchy with me, I'm not Lily here," Peter said with affront.

James looked apologetically at his friend. "Sorry Wormtail, I'm just so angry at the moment." He turned his gaze off the fire to look at Peter and almost immediately frowned. "Why are you wearing Remus' sweater and holding a dictionary and thesaurus in your hands?"

Peter blanched. He'd forgotten he'd been dressed in Substitute Remus' clothing, and was Substitute Remus unbeknownst to James.

"And you were wearing that stuff at dinner, too," James remembered, looking suspicious, "What's going on?"

"So," Peter started, slapping his knees, and tried not so inconspicuously to change the subject by asking, "dy'a think Lily's cheating on you?"

At such a thought, James was so distracted by the horror of Lily eating another's face (in snogging terms, of course) he picked up the bowl of lemon drops from the nearest table and hurled it at the wall. The bowl smashed to pieces and lemon drops showered everywhere.

"Feeling mildly better," James acknowledged. "Two more breakages and I should be fine."

"Prongs, I'm sure whatever you think Lily did, it's not what you think," Peter attempted to comfort him.

"No, you're right," James partly agreed, "It's probably a million times worse."

"Do you want another stress ball?"

"Yes please."

Peter handed James another spongy ball and James shot him a grateful smile. "Thanks, Pete." He started to squeeze the ball at hundred miles per hour. "God, I wish we had a full moon. It would've been great to release some anger as Prongs. Head butt a few trees and that."

"Padfoot's gone to the Shack though anyway, hasn't he?" Peter said, currently collecting up lemon drops from the floor.

"Yep," James nodded. "Hopefully he'll work out things with Moony and one sodding thing in my life will be relatively decent—"

"Oh, for goodness sake, why are there bloody lemon drop sweets everywhere? I just cleaned this tower this morning!"

Both Peter and James turned the voice of the sound and found Lily had just stepped through the portrait hole, stepping over sweets scattered across the ground. She looked mighty disgruntled at the mess, though the disgruntled look upon James' face could send hers to the grave several times over. Worriedly, Peter glanced at James, wondering what he was going to do next and whether he should transform to rat-mode and escape whatever nearby objects could be thrown (that table over there looked quite large and heavy).

To Peter's surprise, James said nothing, and instead gave Lily one of the fiercest glares he had ever seen. Being on the receiving end of James' anger was rare to Lily, only witnessing his anger directed her way to some extent after he discovered she had agreed to date Derrick last year. Silently James spun round and stormed to his dormitory, slamming it firmly behind him.

"What in the name of Merlin was all that about?" Lily asked Peter, looking tremendously mystified. Peter shrugged, also as mute as James; not wanting to get involved in the situation any longer, he left the Head Tower.

Lily lingered at James' dorm door, debating whether to knock, but she held back; her hand falling back down to her side. Sighing, she turned round and entered her own dormitory, shutting the door with a quiet click.

--------

It was at times likes these when Remus wished he'd bought some sort of 'fun pastime' with him to the Shrieking Shack, while he waited agonizingly for the moon to appear. When the other Marauders had joined him on this night, they normally chatted as they waited, and that was only when Remus had given up telling them it was too dangerous to be around him in such close time to his inner werewolf delivery.

Scrabble, that's what Remus wanted - Monopoly, even. He was particularly familiar with being "bankrupt" in the game as his poor lifestyle resembled it so.

"Books," Remus spoke to himself, picking loose threads of the tattered chair, belonging to the just as dilapidated shack, "Should have brought books."

Or he could have brought friends. More specifically: the Marauders. It had only been a day and he was missing their company. It seemed like keeping away from the boys did some good; he'd gotten no disturbing dreams involving Sirius last night. But he was left with dreamless sleep at what cost?

Losing friends.

Remus used Sirius' particularly crude phrase: "This sucks niffler balls." He made a defeated sigh as a he gazed out of the cracked window caused by a thrown stone. Some sunlight crept through the window pane. Remus liked sun; it was the good light, against the bad light: the moon. He cherished sunlit days.

This particularly day was nearing to an end.

The supplementary colors with a sunset were disappearing; all those dazzling reds and yellows that are picture-perfect enough for a postcard.

It was black now. He had, what, minutes? Minutes until he wasn't himself. Minutes until he was _it_.

He'd told himself to disassociate himself with the creature that was within him. He wasn't the beast; not really. It was like a bad trait that was attached to him – a _really_ bad one. He wasn't part of that…_thing_.

A creak was made, and, on guard, Remus sprung to his feet, searching for the direction of the noise. He saw a mop of black hair, then limbs, then Sirius climbing through the trap door of the floor of the shack. It didn't seem like he thought his presence was out of place at all.

"_Padfoot, _what are you doing here?" Remus hissed, horrified.

"Oh _come on_," Sirius scoffed, "As if telling Prongs to tell me not to come would make the chances of me turning up lessen. You did the worst thing imaginable, Moony."

Remus still couldn't believe Sirius is present, here and then at such a worst time. "I cannot believe you!" he cried at Sirius. "I cannot believe you turned up anyway! I'll never forgive you for this."

"You're not exactly in my good books either, Moony. It's bloody fantastic you and Georgina have hit it off—" Sirius started dryly.

"She befriended me first," Remus protested his innocence. "Sirius, please," his tone turned quiet and sad, "just go, quickly. I'm going to transform any second—"

"I can't believe you'd break the Marauder tradition," Sirius cut over him, hurt. "Despite what's going on right now, this night is like a ritual and never broken."

Remus wasn't listening to him, at least not on purpose. His skin was getting Goosebumps, a clear sign he was on the verge of transforming. His hair was prickling – not the ones of a werewolf, the short ones on his arm. They were human. He was human, just not for much longer. He was human down inside though, wasn't he?

"Sirius, for God's sake, please, just go."

"Bloody hell, Moony, I'm not letting you go through this alone!"

"I've done it-" Remus felt himself shivering, and he had to pause to gasp for breath "-alone before."

"Yeah, and me, Prongs and Wormtail spent three years to become Animagus so you wouldn't have to do that anymore," Sirius said, shaking his head at him.

Remus' breath was becoming hoarser. "Please go," he pleaded, one final time. Mutely, Sirius shook his head. Remus cried his name to stop, but it was too late as Sirius malformed into his Animagus form, becoming the black shaggy dog at Remus' feet.

Remus stared down at him with the overwhelming feeling of wanting to kick his friend. Sadly, Remus was no supporter of cruelty to animals.

A streak of light marked the dusty floorboards, and Remus followed the light to the window, and there it was, his enemy, the full moon. He could feel his limbs shaking, becoming rigid, and his shoulders unnaturally hunching. His head was lengthening, and hair was sprouting – the little ones on his arms were longer now, so long now they were covering his hands and face.

In barely seconds, he was gone.

Snarling, the werewolf pounced on Padfoot, and the two tussled across the floor, as usual in their games of creature instinct. Sirius took it all in his stride. Sirius could take Lupin.

He always did.

Unbeknownst to them, a pair of eyes that were peeking through the gap of the trapdoor lingered a second longer, before the hazel orbs disappeared, back into the passage below.

-----------

Breakfast the next morning for the Marauders was quiet, especially with the absence of two: Padfoot and Moony. James figured they were still at the Shrieking Shack. James was particularly avoiding Lily. Seeing her going into that empty classroom with Derrick still hasn't been discussed. He didn't feel like discussing it yet, and it didn't seem like Lily wanted to either as she sat at the opposite end of the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall, staring into her cereal.

James was still angry. Sleep hadn't calmed him down.

_James wanted to throw things._

"_No_," Peter warned him, taking the golden plate from his friend that had nearly been chucked at a first year. James pouted, crossing his arms. He made a familiar frown at Peter when he eyed his get-up.

"Why are you still wearing Remus' clothes?" James asked confusedly. "Is it Halloween or something? Was I not told?"

Yet again, Peter panicked. He did not want to be the one to tell James he had been 'replaced', especially when he was in one of his I-THROW-THINGS-IN-RAGE moods. Searching for something to distract James, he pointed at Frank, who, for some peculiar reason, was also sitting with James and Peter (something James only realized until now, becoming very suspicious). "Frank looks like you," Peter said, as an attempt to get interest off his self. To his relief, James turned his full attention on Frank who—again, for some peculiar reason—was eating the exact same food James was.

"Your hair looks different, Frankie," James stated, narrowing his eyes at his tresses. "It's darker….and more…?"

"Unkempt?" Peter helped out, suddenly flicking through the thesaurus he had slammed it onto his breakfast of soggy scrambled eggs. "Tousled? Rumpled? Messy? Scruffy? Uncombed-?"

"I'm gonna hit you in a minute, Pete, if you don't shut up," James warned him, stuffing toast into his gob. Peter swallowed it in small gulps. "Your tie's looser, too," James continued to Frank, observing his robes, "and your shirt collar's sticking up like mine," he said, a little annoyed that his trendy habit had been copied, "What is going on?"

Frank slowly chewed on his breakfast. "Have you not been told?" he asked James.

James was beginning to get annoyed about being left in the dark. "Told me _what_?"

Frank laughed a little. "That you've been re—"

"He hasn't been told," Peter lately mentioned, shooting him an imploring look.

"Oh," Frank made a small 'o' shape with his mouth as he turned quiet.

"Told me what?" James pressed, "Re what? I'm re-what?"

Peter and Frank exchanged nervous looks, until Frank said, rather lamely, "Re-re….re…..re-tarded?"

"Oh, I've been told that before, don't worry," James sighed, gazing at the opposite end of the Great Hall for his orange peel.

"Phew," Peter muttered low under his breath. Unfortunately, James picked up on it.

"Phew? 'Phew' what?"

"Errrm…." Peter blanched, searching for an excuse. "Ph-ph-phew…phew…._few_ people underestimate….the power…..of moths." He ended on a scary nod.

"Um…yeah, that's nice, Wormtail," James answered distractedly. His eyes narrowed into dangerous slits as he spotted a small group at the other end of the table, where Lily appeared to be talking to all the prefects in some sort of brief meeting, huddling round her as she talked animatedly.

Amongst them was Derrick. Lily was near Derrick. Derrick was near Lily.

_James wanted to throw things._

He snapped, launching a spoon into the air like a hand grenade, successfully hitting the back of a fifth year's head.

"Excuse me," James told Peter and Frank, grinding his teeth, and getting up from his seat. At once, he strode to the other side of the Great Hall.

"James!" Peter tried to call him back, standing. "James, I feel if I was Remus in this situation, I would tell you to not make a scene as it would be-" he grabbed the thesaurus and quickly looked though "-imprudent, unwise, impractical and asinine!"

"So, basically I've been told by McGonagall to pass on the message to you that you each need to tell the members of your house: whoever changed the shade of her robes into every colour of the rainbow, please own up by the end of the day, or their punishment will greaten to the person she discovers committed the fashion crime," Lily told the prefects, pointedly not looking at Derrick, standing somewhat alone at the back of the cluster. The group let off small chuckles at her choice of words.

"It brightened up my Transfiguration lessons," one of the prefects chimed in.

"As it did for me," Lily agreed, smiling. God, she loved being Head Girl. It felt so right.

"Excuse me. Can you move, please?"

Lily heard a voice and spotted James cutting through the small crowd, her smile quickly fading.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't aware there was a Head meeting," James said, looking Lily sorely in the eye. Her mouth parted a little, unsure what to say. The prefects watched James' icy nature in confusion. "But Derrick knew about the meeting," he said, with dry pleasure, looking at the broody blonde. "Maybe _he_ should be Head Boy, I mean, he seems to spend more time with the Head Girl that I do sometimes."

Lily' eyes closed briefly, and opened seconds later to throw James a hurt look, while looking tremendously embarrassed in front of the prefects. "The meeting's dismissed," she told them, "Go on. Go." The prefects quickly dispersed to escape her wrath.

Derrick seemed to linger behind much too long for James' liking. "What are you sticking around for?" James snapped at him. "Leave!" With an impassive gaze, Derrick left the Great Hall, just as James was about to strangle him by the neck, but was restrained by Lily.

"What is your problem?" she hissed in his ear, trying to keep her voice down in such a public place. James actually picked her fingers off his arm, recoiling. Lily frowned; he never recoiled from her.

"_I saw you_," James said, in such a vicious tone that it made Lily physically take a step back. She knew almost immediately what he was talking about, and felt guilty, but was blinded by the fact that James hadn't trusted her enough.

"You….you _followed_ me?" she sputtered, narrowing her eyes.

"Well, obviously you need to be followed when you say you're going to see Professor McGonagall and end up going in empty classrooms with ex-boyfriends!"

"It's not what you think, James, And can we not discuss it here, please," Lily said, fully aware there were many eyes on them; professors included.

"I think we need to discuss it, here and now!" James pointed to the floor angrily.

Lily shook her head, "I'm not going to talk about this with you when you're like this. Not when you're this mad to the point of irrational. There's no point because I won't be able to get through to you—"

"What happened in that classroom, Lily?" James practically roared.

Lily tried to keep her voice low to a minimum. "I'll talk to you when you've calmed down," she told him quietly, making her way out of the hall.

James shouted at her retreating back. "Lily! Lily, we're not done here! Don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you!"

Lily froze, and James instantly wanted to take back his words, to some extent.

"_Don't _speak to me like I'm one of the Marauders you can walk all over."

With a final pointed glare, Lily spun her heel, and strode out of the hall.

Frank and Peter had to physically pin James to the floor before he attempted to hurl a first year at the breakfast table.

----------

Sirius was looking at Remus, but Remus was looking at the sunrise through the cracked window of the shack. The night of the full moon was over, both boys back to human form. Remus was injured; bleeding in places as usual. He had to hold onto his stomach so not pass out. Sirius told him they should get back to the Hospital wing, but Remus wanted to watch the sun a little longer.

"Are you coming back to the Marauders yet?" Sirius asked.

Remus continued to look at the sun – at least, not directly at it, as that would cause serious damage to the eyes. "It's only been a _day_ since I left."

"So? Just come back anyway. You don't have to prove anything to anyone."

Remus was silent, so Sirius took that as an answer of it being too soon.

"Okay," Sirius pressed no further on that matter, "well, at least come to Hogsmeade with me and the boys this weekend, yeah?"

"I can't."

"God," Sirius was beginning to get irritated, "Why not?"

"I promised I'd go with Georgina." Remus' voice came across as faint, which could've been because of the amount of pain he was in and how much his stomach had felt like it was been eaten away; or it could've been because of how greatly he didn't want to answer Sirius' question. Remus had turned his gaze off the window, now trying to read his friend's indescribable expression.

"Are you okay with this?" he asked, a little embarrassed, "I don't like her the way you think—"

"I'm fine with it," Sirius got up from the floorboards, raking a hand through his hair, quite uncharacteristically, "Take her, have fun."

"Are you sure you're okay?" Remus asked yet again.

"Of course I am," Sirius answered, much too quickly and enthusiastically, "I'm Sirius Black. I'm not fazed by anything and put on a happy face and everything's fine." He pulled a weak smile, "I don't even know how you can ask me about my condition when you're bleeding; lets get you to Madam Pom-Poms."

"You don't—" Remus had to stop as his stomach became tight and he coughed; coughed _red_. He tried again, "You don't have to help me—_aauuugh!_" He cried out in pain, feeling his sight blur. Almost instantaneously, Sirius reached out for him and pulled him up, slinging one of his arms over his shoulder to support him.

"Madam Pom-Pom's gonna love cleaning you up," Sirius said, making the slow journey back to the castle.

-----------

Another letter from _him_.

_Love me without fear  
Trust me without questioning  
Need me without demanding  
Want me without restrictions  
Accept me without change  
Desire me without inhibitions  
For a love so free...  
Will never fly away._

Lily stared at the parchment. It didn't make sense; the Half-blood Prince made no sense. One minute he was threatening her life, the next he was telling her to love him? Did this guy have multiple personal personalities?

It had been barely minutes since Lily had retired to her dorm that night, after changing into her nightclothes and glaring up at the ceiling, when she heard an irritable knock at her door. She automatically knew it was James, climbed out of her bed with a sigh, and swung the door open.

It had been the first time they'd seen each other, or at least talked, since breakfast this morning. Lily stared at James' lips that were determinedly pursed into a straight line, showing clearly he was furious. It was a waste, Lily had thought, since he had such nice plump lips.

"Are you ready to discuss this like adults?" Lily asked. James breathed ferociously through his nostrils, passing Lily into her dorm without asking whether he was allowed inside. He searched around the room, his breath ragged and wild. The day had not been good for James; he had hoped Sirius had convinced Remus to come back to the Marauders, but it seemed as though he needed _more_ time away.

"Need. To fucking. Throw something…."

Lily looked at him strangely. "What?"

James spotted a bra sticking out a drawer, grabbed it, and then hurled it at a wall.

"Did…did you just _throw_ my _bra?_" Lily looked at him with incomprehension, and then realized, "Oh, you're in that mood where you throw things relentlessly."

James grabbed a pair of spotted knickers and hurled it at the other wall.

"Will you please stop throwing my underwear?"

James faced her head-to-head, and whispered, "_I saw you_," his stare severe and unmoving.

"It's not that what you think," Lily talked over him.

"Tell me what I think, Lily," James said, crossing his arms.

"I'm thinking…you're thinking I'm seeing someone else—"

"You admit it!" James pointed the finger at her.

"I didn't admit it! There's nothing to admit!"

"You just said you cheated on me!"

"No, I said what I _thought_ you were thinking! Stop twisting my words!"

James made to grab another piece of underwear, but Lily stopped him with a gentle touch to the arm, hoping her contact would calm him down.

"We were just talking," she said quietly.

"About _what_, Lily?" James asked her, and she didn't answer. "Lily, talk to me. Don't talk to him, talk to_ me_."

"I don't want you to worry."

James' voice rose deafeningly. "You're worrying me by not telling me what's worrying you!"

"I'm just…in a little bit of trouble, and I thought Derrick could give me some answers, but he didn't," Lily ended bitterly.

"What kind of trouble? For Merlin's sake, Lily, let me help you!"

She refused to answer his question. "Why can't you just trust me enough to believe that I can sort this out on my own?" she yelled, her face now resembling the color of her hair.

"Because I really don't think you're strong enough to."

Lily was livid. "Oh, I'm _weak_ am I? I've had enough being called a Mudblood in the past to have you saying I'm not able to handle myself without a _male_ sticking up for me—"

"I'm just trying to help you!"

"It doesn't involve you, James; it's not your problem-"

"Of course it's my fucking problem!" James roared angrily, "I love you, you stupid woman!"

Lily shouted back, with a tone just as infuriated to match, "Well, I love you too, you bloody wanker!"

"Well, aren't we right pair of peas in a sodding pod of shite!"

The room fell silent, as the couple stared hard at one another, until Lily could no longer keep a straight face as she broke into chortles.

"We're what?" she enquired, arching a brow.

"I believe I just said," James raked a hand through his hair, feeling a smile creep on, "we're a pair of peas in a pod of…"

"Shite," Lily finished, nodding as she grinned. "That's lovely of you to say." Again, she tried to keep a straight face, for her little of sanity at least, but it was too late as she doubled over in laughter. James quickly joined in with her, not believing he'd used such an odd phrase and why he found it so terribly amusing.

"Aren't you worried by what just happened?" Lily asked suddenly, turning serious. "We're having a _major_ argument and we're _laughing_."

James chortled even more. "I don't know about you, but I'm incredibly turned on right now."

Lily looked at him absurdly, "How on earth could you find perversity in what just happened? We were bellowing at each other, James, it was _scary_. Actually, I'm pretty sure I'm positively furious at you right now."

"I'm pretty sure I'm positively furious at you right now, as well."

After some heated eye contact, the two stood close to one another, oddly appearing like two children; strangers in a playground. It wasn't long before James was cupping her face with his hand, stroking her cheek with his thumb.

"Am I allowed to kiss you when we're arguing and I'm really, really angry with you?" James whispered.

"I think it's permitted, though I'm mutually angry with you."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

Cautiously, James nipped a small kiss from her lips, and then pulled back a little, as if to observe her reaction and what would occur next. In that instant, it seemed like all anger with each other was forgotten – or at least generated to make intensely gratifying kisses subsequently happen, with the reminder that the person they were kissing had previously infuriated them to the full. Somehow, that reminder made it more enjoyable, and Lily slipped her arms more securely around James' neck, pulling him closer for warmth.

"Merlin, you taste gorgeous," James took all his strength to not voice the taste, and failed handsomely, nose-to-nose with her. "Minty," he recognized.

"New toothpaste. I keep swallowing it by accident, all the while praying it doesn't stick in my stomach for ten years." She wanted to detail the toothpaste ingredients she learnt from reading the tube one time when she was sitting on the toilet, but James shut her up with hungry kissing, which she happily accepted. She could feel his hand soothe the arch of her back, feeling pleasant shivers. As an attempt to bring her closer to him, though the contact between the two was so intimate they were practically molded into one person, James picked her up off her a feet a little, but only resulted in stumbling back into a wooden drawer, where the objects on top clattered at the impact of the bash.

"Bugger," James cursed. He tried to settle his back into the surface as Lily kissed his earlobe, but only ended up crying out in pain, "_Auugh_."

"What?" Lily asked worriedly.

"Sorry. Bloody drawer knob sticking into my back."

They tried to maneuver themselves across the room, stumbling and slipping on strewn objects on the floor, but it was clear they couldn't stand and kiss forever. This much ravenous kissing was tired work and they needed surfaces to lean against or at least some comfortable seating (though it wasn't as if their activity was like riding a bus). Soon after, they bumped into another object, and Lily fell back onto it, while James tumbled right on top of her, every inch of his body touching hers – which was particularly hard for Lily as James sported nothing but a bare chest and boxers. The two quickly broke apart.

"We've appeared to have moved levels of stature," James said, looking down at Lily.

She wasn't quite sure what to say, so responded with a wary, "Yes."

"To your bed," James added.

"Yes," Lily said again.

James blinked. "We've never snogged on your bed before," he stated. "Or any bed, for that matter."

"Yes."

James wasn't sure what Lily was saying yes to, but carried on, "Because snogging on your bed, or any bed, would lead to—"

"Yes."

"And we haven't done that before."

"Yes." Lily really wanted to stop saying yes, but she'd become so familiar with the word she couldn't stop.

"If we stay on the bed any longer, it might lead to—"

"Yes."

Neither seemed to be getting up soon.

"The bed's rather comfy, don't you think?"

Lily wanted to say something different this time.

"Yes." She slapped her forehead. Hoping to say something drastically diverse, she added, "It is."

As pathetic as it sounded, James couldn't seem to take _not_ kissing her when he was in such close proximities. Yet again, he nipped a kiss, and then waited impatiently for a reaction and what would come from it. Naturally, it led to the hungry kissing like before, and breathing became deeper. The soft touch of his hand sliding up her shirt challenged her to pull back to her senses.

"James," Lily tried to address him. His kisses felt like whispering in the mouth. "James," she tried again, and he reluctantly released her, brushing his forehead against hers. "Shouldn't we be arguing?"

James beamed, "I prefer this."

"Well, of course you'd prefer this—"

"And _you_ prefer this."

Lily could feel herself reddening, both from the heat James was radiating, and his intense gaze. "Well, of course I prefer this." The touch of James' hand on her stomach tickled her. "I thought we were discussing Derrick—"

"I really couldn't give a toss about Derrick," James told her. He brushed her somewhat damp hair, wet from sweat, out of her eyes, breathing his labored, hot breaths onto her skin.

"Neither do I," Lily told him firmly, "You know that, right?"

James looked at her, debating on whether to respond, but eventually answered, "Yeah, I do."

"You're not just saying that?"

James drew soft circles with his finger on her stomach, under her shirt, making Lily's mouth grow into a smile. "I'm not just saying that," he promised, kissing her forehead.

"Do you…" Lily swallowed. "Do you think you'll regret this in the morning?" she asked, clutching his hand so tightly her nails tug into his palm.

"I'm pretty sure regret is something that'll be the last thing on my mind, orange peel," he smiled at her, "You really do give me heart palpitations—"

"Don't say that," Lily quickly cut across him, looking worried.

"Why?" James squeezed her hand back. "It's true."

"Well," a smirk suddenly appeared on Lily, "You give me coronary attacks," she teased him.

"Oh, we're playing that game are we? _You_ give me liver failure."

Lily laughed, "You're awful."

"Indigestion, stomach cramps," James listed, "Headaches, flu…"

"I obviously give you verbal diarrhea, too," Lily smirked, shooting him a look to hush. On command, James silenced, and shut the bed curtains with a flick of the wand. The room plunged into darkness and the Half Blood Prince's letter lay forgotten on the floor, for now…


	16. It's all about the mangoes

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing

**A/N: **FLUFF ATTACK! (throws edible fluff at you).

What are everyone's opinions on mangoes and papayas by the way (hehe, everyone I know on LiveJournal has had enough with this question)? I'm trying to settle a feud between me and my friend Annie. Vote mango or papaya in your review and I'll heart you forever.

**Chapter 16**

For a second when James woke the next morning he thought everything that happened with Lily was another one of his dreams (and frankly, he had many involving her). However, upon opening his eyes he realized he was not in his dormitory, or even his own bed, and another was breathing beside him.

"Please be human," James prayed flippantly, though knew really who the breathing belonged to. Letting his eyes fall from the ceiling, he came upon Lily, fully in slumber and facing his front, untidy red hair framing her face while she rested one hand softly on her pillow.

A pleasurable smile pulled at his lips as he nestled snugly under the bed sheets, scooting closer to her to shorten the distance between them. He didn't think he could even get back to sleep again with her breathing beside him like that, though it wasn't even abnormal or odd, just Lily Evans breathing. It was just too…alluring. James thought she looked like she was glowing. If this was what she looked like every morning then he wanted to spend every morning waking up next to her.

The usual thoughts of the morning-after with the one you truly love filled his brain. 'Last night had really happened', 'I want to spend the rest of my life with her'…

And then reality hit.

The topic of last night sprung up in his mind, pushing aside all idyllic thoughts. Something was going on with Lily, involving Derrick of all people. Lily was hiding something from him. They'd argued, they'd been furious, they'd screamed their heads off at each other.

They'd kissed each other in a fraction of anger, and it had lead to _this_. Good –awkward as expected for a first time, but good— though brought upon by some yearn, yet at the same time irritation. Had they just done it to make each other shut up? Because it was simply time? Because they were sick of waiting? Because it was expected of them?

Against his will, resentment started to rise up in James. Lily was in trouble and she wasn't asking for his help - she was too stubborn. And how did Derrick come into all of it? Was he still in love with her, or had he ever been? Was _she_ in love with _him?_ That question would explain the reason why they went into an empty classroom together…

He flinched as Lily squirmed in her sleep, her previous blissful expression turning into a definite frown. At once, she moved her body into a fetus position, clutching at her pillow with her nails and mumbling incoherently in her sleep.

"Who are you?" she murmured. Her face looked the essence of troubled, and James studied her, torn between listening to what she was saying and waking her up from her assumed nightmare. "Why do you keep your identity hidden? Just leave me alone…leave _us_ alone…"

"Hey," James whispered finally. He scooted closer to stroke her forehead. She instantly hushed the second his fingers brushed her skin, and she became more relaxed while he shushed her tenderly. Once Lily was unperturbed and breathing evenly again, James let his hand fall from her forehead and stared back up at ceiling.

The morning after was all wrong.

He didn't regret last night, not at all, but there was some apparent doubt tucked away at the back of his mind about secrets being kept, and love was knowing all secrets, right? So how come he didn't know hers?

All of a sudden being in the room made him feel claustrophobic. He lifted his half of the bed sheet and was about to climb out, until he stopped, looking back at Lily. He had to be there when she woke up, he told himself. He just had to.

But he wanted to get out; he needed to clear his head. Finally coming to a decision, he climbed out of the bed as noiselessly as possible and found his clothes, quickly stuffing them on - though he didn't know why he was rushing, it wasn't as though he was trying to rush away from Lily, was it? He raked a hand through his hair, making it stand even more on end, when suddenly a rustle escaped from under his foot. He'd stepped on something, parchment to be exact, as he examined the scrunched up object from above.

"What the…?" He noticed writing on it, in between his toes. Narrowing his eyes, he bent down to reach for it—

"Mmm…"

James forgot about the parchment and quickly straightened to look over at Lily. She was stirring in her sleep, looking on the verge of waking up. Suddenly terrified, James forgot about searching for his shoes and sprinted for the door. He swung the door open and slammed it shut behind him.

-------------

Lily was dreaming again. For her, entering dreams was always like plunging into deep water –_dangerous_ water— and she wasn't particularly a good swimmer.

_She entered her dream looking into a mirror of her reflection, inside some sort of formal dress shop. Her whereabouts didn't register at first, more intrigued by her mirror image; she was wearing a simple white wedding dress, her hair decorated with a sparkling tiara. She prodded the tiara in mystification, not sure how to take her appearance in a positive or negative light. _

"_Tiara's a bit much, isn't it?"_

_Lily spun around and slapped Remus Lupin in the stomach; he had made an emergence in the dream. "Shut up," she berated him, smoothing out her dress. "It garnishes my hair."_

"_I was unaware your hair was some sort of meal, but whatever you say, Lily."_

"_Stop dawdling in silly banter and find Sirius, will you?" she pressed. "I'm sure I saw him behind a collection of dresses." She turned her gaze off Remus to look at her reflection again, narrowing her eyes at it._

"_You look nice," he assured her. She watched him in the reflection peep from behind her shoulder, and she studied him with a sceptic expression._

"_You have to say that or James will curse you – or I will first," Lily said, putting her hands on her hips._

"_True."_

"_Remus!" she gasped._

"_I mean…you look nice," he repeated, pulling a weak smile. _

"_Honest opinion now," Lily said, tapping her foot._

"_You look like a giant loo roll."_

"_Thanks very much." She promptly made her way to one of the small changing rooms._

"_James will love you in any dress though," Remus added in what he thought was a helpful tone, shuffling behind her in embarrassment._

"_He'll love me as a giant loo roll. It's been noted," Lily said. She winded between the maze of mannequins of ornate wedding dresses, finally making it to the changing cubicles, picking one and swishing the curtain open. To her dismay, Sirius was inside, modeling a strapless peach bridesmaid dress. He wolf-whistled at himself since the werewolf nearby was too horrified to give him one, and spun in a circle, posing at different angles. Lily eyed him up and down, gaping._

"_You can't wear that!" she cried. Remus couldn't help but nod along vigorously. "You'll out stage the bride!"_

"_Out…_out stage_?" Remus sputtered. "Am I the only sane one here finding Sirius, a male, wearing a dress just the teensiest bit inappropriate?" Sadly he was ignored as Lily grabbed Sirius by the shoulders._

"_Stand up straight now, and chest out," she ordered him, and he did on command - dog instincts._

"_Don't speak as though he has bosoms, it'll only give him ideas – disturbing ones." Remus muttered darkly._

_Lily admired Sirius' 'curves in all the right places'. "The dress really brings out your hips, I have to admit," she confessed. Sirius stuck out a leg in a seductive manner and Remus scampered off in need of a lie down. _

"_Hey," Sirius stopped flashing his legs to point at Lily's head, "Your tiara's gone."_

"_What?" Lily placed her hands on her hair and found her head bare. "Where did it—"_

"_It was him," Sirius said tonelessly, pointing behind her. _

_Lily turned around and found a stranger with his back facing her, obscured by the dark and shadows. He wore a Prince's crown and held her tiara in his hand. Suddenly the surroundings of the dream changed and Lily found herself in a dark tunnel, wet and cold-- factors that felt oddly realistic in just a dream. Sirius and Remus were nowhere to be found, leaving her alone in the murky passageway. The second she approached the stranger he broke into a run, down the gloom of the tunnel to escape from her._

"_Come back!" she ordered him. To her annoyance she found she was still wearing a wedding dress. She lifted up the ends of her dress to her knees, revealing her bare feet, and chased after him, feeling her heart pumping out of her chest. As she ran down the tunnel, her eyes couldn't help but fall upon the walls she passed. They were stained with words in blood - not just any words, but words of the Half Blood Prince. She slowed down a little in alarm to read over the Prince's poems marked on the wall in gruesome, dripping red._

_All of a sudden she couldn't see the escaping stranger anymore, and she'd come to a dead end of the tunnel. She stared at the words on the wall, 'You give me heart palpitations', and sucked in a breath. She looked at her hands that had turned a glistening red when she touched the letters, her fingers covered in blood._

"_My dearest Lily…"_

_Before she could comprehend what was going on she was lifted into the air by a spell. She could feel invisible hands choking her and she gasped for breath. She kicked out her legs wildly and groped the unseen strength around her neck. Rapidly she was slammed against a wall and her body hit against the stone with a crash, blinding pain sweeping through her from head to toe. The spell lifting her was stopped and she collapsed to the ground on her stomach, feeling limp, and somehow tasting blood in her mouth, the colour red tarnishing her eyes._

_The Prince bent over her and Lily tried to scramble away. _

"_Who are you?" she asked the hooded stranger, looking up into black. She could even feel red wetness spilling out of her mouth. "Why do you keep your identity hidden? Just leave me alone…leave _us_ alone…"_

_She could hear the stranger's footsteps and she tried to clamber away, but her body felt paralyzed to the damp floor, the occasional drip of murky water echoing in the tunnel. She watched the shadow of the Prince in the wall in front of her, where he placed the tiara back onto her head, and she shivered frighteningly as he did. She wanted desperately to wake up._

"_Hey…"_

_All of a sudden she could hear James' voice and the eerie presence of the Prince was gone, the tunnel now lightening up. She felt a soft hand brush her forehead and she settled, feeling herself being pulled into James' arms. _

"_James?" she mouthed, shielding her eyes from the light that was now so bright it was glowing from the walls. The Half Blood Prince's words were no longer there and she could see James' face above her emerge from the luminosity. He was smiling at her and she felt safe._

"_Don't worry, I'm here."_

_She was about to smile back when James pulled out the Half Blood Prince's knife and held it to her throat, his eyes lit up in frenzy—_

The sound of a door slamming made Lily sit up in her bed, panting. The dream had felt so real (apart from the scene where Sirius was wearing a bridesmaid dress… Why was he always in women's clothing in her nightmares?). Reaching out for a familiar touch of skin, James', she found him missing from the bed, and frowned. As if by instinct her eyes locked onto the scrunched piece of parchment on the floor, the letter from the Half Blood Prince. Linking two and two together she stared at the slammed door, all thoughts of panic hitting like knives spearing her in the chest. Without any hesitation, she flung from her bed and changed into her clothes, hoping she'd catch up with him before he did anything stupid.

-----------------

Somehow with skilled craftsmanship, Sirius had constructed two forts in either corner of the seventh boys' dormitory, consisting of a couple of chairs, pillows and many dirty articles of clothing with an additional pong that attracted flies (where the flies came from was neither here or there.) Not letting the depression of Remus being on a temporary hiatus of the Marauder clan, Sirius was trying to keep in an upbeat mood. That was why Sirius had decided to build forts in the dormitory once Remus left early for breakfast that morning, because forts were part of the male way of life, plus they distracted him and gave him the excuse to dress like a pirate.

"Can you see the enemy, Substitute Moony?" Sirius whispered to Peter out of the corner of his mouth, hiding behind their flimsy fortress. A pillow fell from one of the sturdy walls and Sirius had to prop it up again for the seventh time in three minutes.

"By 'enemy' do you mean Frank on the other side of the room?"

There was a brief pause before Sirius replied, "Yes."

"No, he seems to be sheltered by his own fort," Peter said. He adjusted the bandana that kept falling over his eyes and rested Remus' dictionary and thesaurus on either knee, reading them both simultaneously. As Sirius was currently gathering up cockroach clusters to throw at the enemy, he spotted Peter reading out of the corner of his eye.

"You seem to be getting into that," Sirius gestured to the books, eating some of his cockroach cluster sweet grenades.

"Oh yes," Peter said, looking up from the thesaurus, "It's very interesting. I mean, why say 'terrible' when you can say 'formidable'?"

"Because it's easier," Sirius said, through half a gob full of sweets.

"Well…beside that, then."

"It makes people appear smarter."

Peter nodded with a grin, "Exactly."

Sirius let out a sigh, looking noticeably bored. "Why hasn't Substitute James attacked yet? This is...?"

Peter flicked through his thesaurus. "Humdrum?" he offered helpfully.

"Yes," Sirius agreed, "That."

"To be honest, I'm kind of confused by this game... Since when did pirates have forts?"

"Well I couldn't have bloody built ships in the dorm, could I?" Sirius huffed at Peter's lack of understanding and ungratefulness. He stretched the eye patch back and forth, accidentally letting it go where it snapped back against his eye. "OW."

"That's the third time you've done that," Peter commented humorously.

"Yeah, you'd think I would have learned from my mistakes."

A loud snore erupted from behind Frank's fort and the two Marauders eyed each other.

"You don't think he's sleeping, do you?" Peter asked.

"One way to find out," Sirius said, handing him half of his sweet grenades (which pirates apparently used as weapons.) On the count of three Sirius and Peter stood up from behind their fort and hurled their sweets in the direction of Frank, ducking back down quickly after. There was a loud shriek of "Wha—OW!" as the cluster of sweets fell on Frank like rain.

"I think I have chocolate in my eye," Frank divulged, rubbing an eyelid as he exposed himself from behind his stronghold. In the process of this, his fort promptly collapsed into a small heap of junk.

"Frank, that took me half an hour to build!" Sirius cried, also exposing himself from behind his fortress. While fiddling with his eye patch, the string snapped at the eye patch fell to the floor. Just as Peter joined him in standing, their fort also gave way and Peter's bandana covered his eyes yet again. Surely this was a pirate fort disaster; Sirius blamed it on the lack of a werewolf and his sensible pirate fort planning.

"Pirate craftsmanship, that was!" Sirius declared. He stared suspiciously at Frank, "You better have not been sleeping behind your fort, Substitute James."

"Er," Frank fiddled nervously with the collar of his pajama shirt, "I wasn't…"

"What was that snore I heard then?" Sirius asked.

"I have an unusual fart," Frank answered tentatively.

"So do I, but any fart that sounds like that is purely unnatural," Sirius said.

Frank didn't know how to respond to this, mouthing 'Really?' silently to Peter.

"Really," Peter confirmed. "His are silent as mice but could gas millions to death."

"Hello?" Alice stood by the open doorway of the dormitory, staring confusedly at the boys and their collapsed forts on either side of the room. Frank blushed under her direct gaze. "Sorry to interrupt your…" She couldn't find the right words to continue. "I'm sorry, what is it that you're doing?"

"Pirate forts," Peter explained simply.

"Right," Alice nodded slowly, "Frank, a word please? _Now_."

"Yes dear." Heating in the face and looking thoroughly ashamed, Frank took of his pirate eye patch and dropped his plastic sword to the ground. "I'll see you in a minute, guys," he told Sirius and Peter on his way out, shutting the door behind him.

"I have a feeling he's in Padfoot's house," Sirius said. "Get it? Dog house: Padfoot's house. Harharharhar…oh come on, Wormtail, guffaw at least."

"I like the word 'guffaw'. I want to write it in pudding and then eat it."

"That's nice, Wormtail." Sirius would have made a wittier response but his attention was on Frank who'd entered the dorm again, looking sheepish. "Erm, I'm not allowed to play anymore," he mumbled dejectedly.

"What? But I was just about to feed you to the crocodiles!" Sirius said. Peter looked terrified.

"Crocodiles?" he squeaked.

Sirius revealed a soft, cuddly green crocodile toy from behind his back, squeezing it to make it squeak – a strange noise for a crocodile to make.

"Sorry, but I have to go to breakfast with Alice now," Frank looked apologetic, waving on his way out, "Bye." The second he exited again, Sirius crossed his arms, shaking his head in a disappointed manner.

"He's been a poor substitute James so far," Sirius said.

"You have to admit, Prongs is hard to replace."

"You're right!" Sirius agreed with Peter. "I mean, who knew it'd be this difficult to find a messy haired perverted bum? It's simply astonishing."

"Speaking of perverted bums, I'm hungry. Shall we go get some breakfast?" Peter asked. Sirius couldn't grasp the sentence he'd just spoken.

"Sorry, I have to ask but how do perverted bums and breakfast relate in any way?"

"I have no idea," Peter admitted.

Taking lead, Sirius made for the door and Peter followed after, until he stopped him.

"Padfoot….aren't you going to take your pirate skull underwear off from on top of your trousers first?" Peter asked on the subject of the official pirate fort attire. Sirius looked debated on his answer.

"Sure. Dare to be different, and all."

--------------

James stood by the Great Lake, rolling a chunky, vulgar emerald green ring in between his fingers. It was the ring that Lily had worn last year, the gift from Derrick, the ring he guessed was used a tracker to know Lily's every single move in the castle. Sirius and Peter had stolen it from Lily's dormitory, passing it to James, who had kept it ever since that very day. Why? He honestly didn't know.

"Oi."

In any other occasion, the word would have sounded impolite, but emerged as affectionate from Lily's mouth. James spun round to face her, studying her look of vulnerability.

"Did you…" Lily cleared her throat, "Did you read it?" she asked him hoarsely on the subject of the Half Blood Prince's letter.

"What?" James replied, oblivious.

Lily's disturbed expression left a little. "What are you doing here?" she asked him instead, hoping he'd forget the previous matter.

"Thinking…" James stared hard at the water of the lake, his brow knotting. Lily feared the worst.

"You…" Her voice came out as barely a whisper, "you regret last night, don't you?"

James almost laughed at her, and Lily took it wrongly. Realizing he was giving off the erroneous answer, he assured her, "God no," smiling. "Orange peel-" Lily shook her head at his use of her nickname at such an inappropriate moment "-last night was…It was just…" A grin plastered on his face and he ran a hand through his hair, blushing a little in the cheeks. "If I say something cheesy like 'magical' I may vomit in my mouth a little, so hopefully you can see the permanent twinkle in my eye is from how much I pathetically adore you and how much I _loved_ last night."

Lily seemed satisfied with his answer. "What twinkle?" she enquired, closing on his face nose-to-nose.

"Can't you see it? This one," James pointed to the pupil in his eye, just as Lily gave him a small kiss on the lips.

"If you didn't regret last night, and I didn't regret last night, then what are you doing here?" Lily asked him, though her question was answered as she seized James' hand and found something in his palm. Pulling it to eye level, she discovered the emerald green ring in his hand, and he avoided eye contact.

"How did you get this?" Lily asked him, shocked.

"Sirius and Peter stole it from your dorm last year, and then gave it to me," James answered her, staring at the ring. Lily watched him, slightly disturbed.

"But…Why did you keep it?"

James shrugged his shoulders lamely, studying the emerald jewel. "I dunno…maybe it's a reminder that I lost you to him once before," he looked up from the ring to stare at Lily intensely, recalling the moment she had told him she was going out with Derrick after their first date last year, "Or maybe it's a really tasteless memento to remind me that Derrick could easily fuck up what we have right now. Or it could be a reminder that you might still like him—"

Lily cut him off, upset. "How can you say that after last night?"

"Can you help it if I'm paranoid?" James said. "I'm still in awe that you're even with me, Lily. I have been since the first day we went out."

"You shouldn't be," Lily said quietly, her shoulders sagging with guilt. "What happened to the arrogance we all know and love you for in fifth year?"

"I grew up and you fell in love with me, as expected," James said offhandedly, forgetting his previous statement.

"Maybe the arrogance hasn't let after all," Lily threw him a knowing look. Noticing James' full focus was on Derrick's ring, she snatched it from his fingers.

"Hey!" he said, as Lily closed her fist with the ring, keeping James from snatching it back with her hands on his midriff.

"This is what I think of Derrick and stupid ring," Lily declared, before hurling it as far as possible in to the lake. It bounced off one of the Giant Squid's tentacles and landed in the water with a plop. James stared at Lily through hooded eyes.

"That was a dramatic, not to mention nauseatingly romantic well-performed gesture you just did then," he commented finally.

"I know," Lily replied, smug and dusting her hands together. As Lily began wiping her hands on her thighs to exaggerate a job well done, James let his hands nestle on Lily's waist as he kissed her from behind – truly an art.

"Can you see my eyes twinkling now?" James murmured in her ear.

"Yeah," Lily confirmed, though she was sure she was mistaking the sparkle as light reflected from the sun. "I had a dream where you killed me just now," she mentioned to him, feeling the need to get it out of the open.

"Killed you, eh?" James' tone was surprisingly light. "How?"

"Knifing."

"Really?" James scratched his head. "I'm more of a drown-you-in-bath-water kind of person—"

"_James!_"

"Oh, right, sorry. I'm being insensitive, aren't I?" He cringed. "Well…don't go all Remus and take it seriously, yeah?"

Lily nodded into his chest. "I'm planning not to. Sirius was wearing a dress."

"Again?" James snorted. "I'm sure it's a sign, the amount of times he wears women's clothing in our dreams - more than you do, in fact."

"Is it wrong of me to be pissed off that he looks better in them than I do?"

"Yes. Yes it is."

--------------

More or less recovered from the full moon (though the scars were everlasting), Remus entered the Great hall at breakfast, searching for one person in particular. His eyes landed on Georgina sitting alone, staring into her empty golden plate. A warm yet concerned expression came across his face as he approached her, taking the seat opposite her. She looked a little startled by his arrival, backing up slightly.

"You're back," she breathed, straightening and lifting her elbows off the table. "How's your," her eyes shifted uneasily, "ill mother?"

Remus pulled a weak smile, trying not to look too guilty because of such a lie. "She's…getting better."

Georgina nodded and folded her arms, rubbing the ends of her elbows. An uneasy silence passed between the two, something Remus found odd because he'd gotten used to her never-ending talking the second she had befriended him.

"Are you okay?" Remus asked concernedly, watching her stare at her empty plate. "Have you eaten?"

"I'm not hungry," she answered, rather shortly, avoiding his gaze. Immediately Remus realized something was wrong.

"Er…has something happened-?"

"REMUS, I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT YOUR FURRY LITTLE PROBLEM CALLED FANNY!"

Everyone in the Great Hall stared back and forth between Frank –the occupant of the shout from the other end of the table- and Remus, the apparent boy with a furry fanny problem. Remus had expected an amused smile from Georgina, but all he got out of her was her face turning a ghostly white as her eyes widened.

"Um…excuse me while I go maim Frank, won't be terribly long." Remus said, and accepted Georgina's small nod as a means of reply. He got up from his seat and gradually the rest of the school got back to their breakfast after being on the receiving end of his glare. He took the seat next to Frank and opposite Alice, glowering at the particular Longbottom.

"Did you really think it was necessary to shout that?" Remus hissed.

"Sorry," Frank apologized through a mouthful of toast. Alice pointed to his chin and he wiped the jam that had inhabited there. "About Fanny though—"

"I beg your pardon?"

Frank blinked, "Fanny your rabbit." Remus groaned inwardly. "Whatever your problem is with it, I can probably help you. I'm pretty good with animals, though what you do with your rabbit is probably illegal."

Words could not describe the horror-stricken thoughts forming in Remus' mind. Rabbit problems? Illegal? "_What_?" he sputtered.

"Don't worry. Me and Alice won't tell anyone," Frank assured him. Alice nodded along vigorously.

"Hang on," Remus massaged the bridge of his nose, trying to understand what was going on, "Wait a second here—"

"I'm going to class now, Remus." Suddenly Georgina was standing behind where he was sitting, on her way out of the Great Hall, sounding rather ill at ease. She mumbled a goodbye and speeded off.

"Wait. Wait, Georgina!" Remus debated whether to justify he didn't do illicit things with his Fanny (the rabbit), or follow Georgina, and as the gentleman he was, settled for following the girl, leaping out of his seat to pursue her. By the time he finally caught up to her, she had just made it through the oak doors.

"Wait, I'll walk you to class," he offered, as Georgina turned round to discover he had followed her and looked startled yet again, backing up a step once more.

"I can walk by myself," she said, though was more telling the floor. Remus didn't understand her behaviour, she wasn't acting vivacious – not acting like Sirius at all, like Remus normally compared her to.

"Has something happened?" he asked again the question he had been interrupted asking earlier. Her gaze seemed to look through him more than at him, as though trying to decode something.

She finally spoke after a minute of silence where Remus was beginning to think a cat had literally got her tongue. "I don't think we should hang out anymore."

Remus didn't understand. She was the one who offered to hang out with him in the first place, and now here she was, with an air of fear about her, deciding their friendship wasn't a good idea after all. He wanted to ask her a billion questions to how she'd come to her decision, but the only word that formed from his mouth was a disappointed, "Oh." He hadn't meant for it to come out so saddened.

"I suppose we're not going to Hogsmeade tomorrow, then," he added as coolly as he could manage.

"I don't think it's wise," she said, fiddling with the ends of her blonde hair in what he recognized as agitation.

"Right."

"Okay, then."

"Right," Remus said again, unsure what to say, "Well…" He stuck out his hand politely for her to shake, but his face showed it all – he felt he was being snubbed. "Bye, then." To his surprise she didn't shake his hand, only giving him a small nod before spinning round and walk down the corridor.

Why was he so surprised this hadn't happened sooner? She was pretty girl, usually full of life. He considered himself boring and rather plain, and probably so did she. His friends, the Marauders, made him who he was, made him come out of his shell occasionally.

And now he had nothing.

Life seriously couldn't get any worse for the owner of Fanny; unless a teacher suddenly questioned him about said Fanny and he promptly dug his own grave and lay in it because there simply was nothing else better to do.

----------------

Just as Lily and James were about to enter the Great hall, Lily pulled James aside by the hand.

"What?" he said confusedly, straight away noticing her strange behavior. He tried to pull her into the Great hall, but she kept her feet determinedly glued to the floor. "Come on Lily, I'm hungry," he whined.

"I don't think we should go in there, James."

He narrowed his eyes in return. "I don't think you've ever seen the tantrum of a famished Potter, have you?"

"James, _he's_ going to know!"

"Who's going to know?" he replied, oblivious.

"Sirius!"

"Padfoot? What are you on about him before?"

Lily lowered her voice to a whisper, "He's going to know about last night. He's got some sort of libido radar, I swear to Merlin."

James tried to see from her point of view but was still oblivious to why she was so bothered. "So what if he guesses?"

"He'll tease like no tomorrow, and he'll blabber to everyone who has ears – animals included," Lily said anxiously.

James could handle the teasing – he'd put up with enough of Sirius' in the past seven years. He snorted at the mentioning of Sirius being a blabbermouth, though. "Of course he wouldn't."

"Are you forgetting The Soil Incident last year, James?"

_FLASHBACK_

"Everyone!" Sirius climbed upon a chair of the Gryffindor common room and magnified his voice with his wand.

"Get your arse down here, Padfoot!" James poorly ordered him.

"One time, James ate soil for a dare, and now I have to keep him away from potted plants in case he inhales earth as a means of a euphoric drug!"

Sadly, James was nursing a cold and wiped his nose at the wrong time. Everyone of Gryffindor gasped and confirmed him a drug addict.

_END OF FLASHBACK_

"To be fair," James started, reddening at the moment – something Lily found adorable, "he was just getting revenge for me setting his trousers on fire—"

"Good grief James, why do you get yourself into those sorts of situations?" Lily sighed in exasperation. "Stop getting yourself into trouble all the time."

"I don't find trouble! Trouble—"

"Finds me," Lily finished for him, a little bored by his catchphrase, "Yes, I know. Fine, let's go eat some breakfast."

"Finally," James said. Lily stopped him again before they entered.

"What now?" he complained.

"Just…" Lily studied his face and wiggled his cheeks a little. "Try not to look so pleased with yourself."

James grinned, "Do I really look pleased?"

"Yes, obnoxiously. You look like you've conquered the land of Lily last night—bugger, we need a code word for the topic of our…monkey business," she ended lamely.

"Monkey business?"

"I refuse to say the 'S' word." Lily stared at James for a moment. "Please say you know what 'S' word I'm speaking of and you're not going through that small dictionary in your head of 'S' words like 'socks' and 'samurai'."

James reddened again, "You know me too well, orange peel."

Lily sighed, "Just….think of a code word."

"…Mangoes?"

"M-….man…mangoes? Just what in Merlin's name goes on in that brain of—you know what? Fine, that'll do. Let's go, mango boy."

--------------

Sirius eyed Remus leaving the Great hall at a fast pace following Georgina out of the corner of his eye, but told himself not to think too much about it, turning his attention back to his breakfast and Peter (in that order).

"Where's Substitute James, Substitute Remus?" Sirius asked him, getting confused by his own words. Peter pointed to the other end of the table where Frank was sitting next to Alice. Sirius gestured Frank to sit by them, but every time Frank stood up, Alice forbade him and pushed him back onto his seat accompanied by furious whisperings.

"I don't think Alice likes us," Peter said.

"I don't think she believes making pirate forts is a good use of productive time, or something appropriate for people of our age. I, for one, would like to live as juvenile as possible. Wouldn't you agree, Wormtail?"

"I concur."

"Good Moony word usage there, Pete."

"I know," Peter boasted. "Oh look, James and Lily have-" he flicked through his pocket dictionary "-disembarked."

Sirius looked up from his cereal and saw the couple walking towards them, hand in hand, both with shifty eyes.

He concluded straight away, "They had sex."

"WHAT?" Peter cried, coughing up bits of toast.

"They had sex, and I'm pretty sure they're going to have a code word for 'sex' like a fruit. I'm going to hazard a guess at mangoes because Prongs is a sucker for them. Don't say anything."

"B-b-b-ut how do you know—hi James and Lily!" Peter cut off suddenly, a nervous grin plastering across his face as he greeted the couple that had sat down with them.

"Morning," the two replied mutually with friendly smiles.

"Well, aren't you two just nauseating rays of sunshine this morning," Sirius commented, leaning forward on his elbows. "I thought you guys were arguing."

"Er…we made up," Lily said, shooting James a secret look. Her foot tapped under the table in agitation whilst she shared his slice of toast.

Sirius acted surprised. "Really? Well, I'm glad you two are okay again."

Lily breathed a sigh of relief – maybe Sirius didn't have such libido radar after all. "Thanks Sirius. That means a lot." Just when she was getting into a state of ease, Sirius started with, "You know," and Lily's eyes winded in worry.

"You know, there's something I've really wanted for ages," Sirius said, putting an apple back onto the table that didn't seem to appeal to him, "Mangoes."

At once, Lily spat out the juice she was sipping.

"That's rather a coincidence," James started, and Lily looked at him with dangerous eyes, "Lily and I had mangoes last night."

"Did you really?" Sirius appeared delighted. "Was it good?"

"Fucking wonderful—OW." James clutched his stomach recently punched by Lily.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Sirius apologized to Lily, laughing a little, "You and James having mangoes is none of my business."

"Indeed it is," Lily agreed low under her breath, sipping her juice again.

"I like mangoes," Peter announced to the group, "I only have mangoes by myself, though."

James frowned, "Is that even possible—I mean, that's nice, Pete," he nodded.

"It's just been so long since I've had mangoes," Sirius revealed, stretching, "I mean, the last time I had mangoes, well, I think it was with you, Prongs."

James choked on his toast while Lily looked him with an 'Excuse me?' gaze.

"Don't you remember, Prongs? It was last time I stayed round your house for the summer," Sirius said, sighing wistfully. "We had mangoes _everyday_, didn't we?"

James squeaked, "We did?"

"Yeah, it was _brilliant_. We just couldn't stop! We had mangoes in the morning, afternoon, in the evening. We should have mangoes together again, Prongs. Soon, okay?" Sirius asked excitedly.

James looked back and forth between a smiling Sirius and a displeased Lily and settled with an uncertain, "Maybe?" He mumbled another 'ow' as Lily hit him in the stomach again. "Erm, b-b-ut I prefer mangoes with Lily!" he protested, much too late.

"James Potter, you better have not had mangoes with anyone besides me!" she yelled.

"Come on Lily, James is allowed to have mangoes with whomever he pleases," Sirius smirked.

"He is most certainly not!" Lily said angrily, slamming the table with her fists. Just as she was beginning to get riled up, she looked at Sirius' smirk and saw too much mischief behind it to be his usual one. "You know 'mangoes' is a code word, don't you?" she said dreadfully.

Sirius rolled his eyes, "Of course I do, you little tortoise sex partners—"

"Oh, don't be so vulgar. And will you please keep it down?" Lily hissed, her eyes shifting left and right.

"Merlin's marquee, Lily, I'm not going to tell anyone," Sirius said, and added, "…As you will both become my slaves!"

"Not mango slaves, right?" Lily asked dreadfully.

"Whatever floats your boat."

"Anyway," James cut across him, trying to change the subject, "I'd just like to state that I don't want me and Lily's…_mango_ life…discussed over breakfast."

"You have mangoes _once_ and you officially have a mango life?" Sirius laughed.

"Yeah James," Lily crossed her arms, looking disapproving, "That sentence seems to come across as though you think we're going to have mangoes regularly, or something. Very sure of yourself, aren't you?" James was frightened to answer. "Hmm?"

"…you mean we're not?"

Two slaps to the back of James' head were promptly made.

"Ow, why did you hit me, Wormtail?" James asked, understanding Lily's slap but not Peter's.

"I feel that if I were Remus in this situation, a slap to the back of your head, because of that remark, was required."

"That is it!" James cried, turning on Peter. "Who are you and what have you done with my Wormtail?"

Peter blanched. "Sorry?"

"Something weird is going on here and I want to know what it is," James ordered, "It's been happening all week, Peter! You've been dressing differently; you look all weird and studious, you're bloody carrying pocket dictionaries and thesauruses everywhere! _And_ you keep using fancy words I don't understand."

"Harharharhar," Peter laughed nervously, "that is _twaddle_, James."

James pointed at him, "Like that word!"

"Prongs, just calm down," Sirius said. "Look, I could tell you, but I'd probably get a bollocking from you."

"I'll give you a bollocking anyway if you don't tell me!"

"Normally when you weigh up options, one option is normally better than the other…That's not happening right now," Sirius commented sadly.

"Padfoot!"

"Alright alright!" Sirius sighed, preparing himself for the worst: James' capslock rage. "Peter here is a substitute Remus—"

"WHAT?"

"I'm not finished. That bloke over there," Sirius pointed to the other end of the breakfast table.

"Frank?" James said.

"Yeah, he's a substitute you."

"YOU SUBSTITUED ME, YOU PRICK?"

"You wonder why after you shout and call me that," Sirius grumbled. Lily hadn't flinched at all at James' shouting as she silently read the Daily Prophet; she had become used to his habits.

"I cannot believe you substituted me!" James threw up his hands. "I'm the leader of the Marauders!"

Sirius laughed, "What in the name of Merlin's marrow gave you that idea?"

James pointed to his eyes. "I wear glasses!" he said, as though that detail was the same value as the entire wizarding world.

"So what?" Sirius said.

"_So_ all great leaders wear glasses!"

"Oh yeah, like who?" Sirius asked, unconvinced.

James pointed to the professor's table. "Dumbledore!" he said triumphantly.

Sirius mumbled a reply that sounded uncannily like, "jammy sod and his jammy example."

For the rest of breakfast James sat in a mood whilst Lily rolled her eyes now and again, wondering how boys of seventh years got in such strops and arguments.

"_Prooooongs_," Sirius sang, poking him with his fork. James remained unresponsive, crossing his arms and snubbing him in a rude fashion. "_Proooooongsie_."

"James, answer him, will you?" Lily said, annoyed by his perfectly whiney voice.

"Don't be in a sulk now, Prongs. You're making a fool of yourself in front of your misses." Lily rolled her eyes yet again at this comment. "What do I have to do to make it up to you, huh? Do you want me to put my underwear on my head and dance? You always find that funny."

James' mouth twitched a little, but he still remained straight-faced.

"Come on, name your silly proposition and I'll do it," Sirius said.

James perked a little. "Actually, there is something you can do for me," he mentioned. Sirius had hoped James would have just forgiven him with no expense of him looking like a 'mork', and was now worried what James had planned.

"You know a little while ago I wanted you and Lily to get to know each other more, right?" James told Sirius. Lily looked up at her name, wondering how on earth she was involved in this.

"Yeah…" Sirius answered uncertainly, hoping he had forgotten that whole ridiculous idea.

"Well, you can do that today, after classes. Spend some quality time together, just the two of you," James beamed. At once, Sirius and Lily began their protests.

"You aren't going to get out of this, so quit while you're ahead," James talked over their complaints. "You're going to bloody spend time together and you're gonna have bloody fun," he wagged utensils threateningly, "Or else."

"Oh, _that_ sounds like natural fun," Lily commented. "Have fun, 'or else'. There's nothing like fun by force." James ignored her bitter remark.

"The great news is that it's Saturday tomorrow, so you can stay up getting to know one another as long as you like!" James added brightly, watching their deadpan expressions.

"Yeah I'm gonna go find a noose now—" Sirius stood up but James tugged him back down by the collar.

"After your last class today meet in the Head Tower," James told them both with a dangerous stare, making them both cower a little. "And don't think I won't check up on you both."

-------------------

At the end of all classes for the day, Lily had been staring at a standing Sirius in the Head Tower for precisely two minutes from sitting on one of the couches on the fire, wondering why he hadn't sat down yet. She resisted his usual nickname of 'wanker' and said cautiously, "Sirius, you can sit down, you know."

The boy continued to stand, his arms folded. "I'm not sure if I should," he said.

"Why?"

Sirius' eyes shifted on each piece of furniture placed around the room, until eventually landing on the floor, where he squirmed, as though touching the floor was displeasure.

"I'm a little scared that I might be sitting…or standing, even, on somewhere you and James did…." Sirius paused briefly and whispered, "Mangoes."

"Oh for goodness sake, Sirius! We didn't do it the Head Tower common room! Don't be so disgusting!"

Sirius stayed dubious. "Are you entirely sure now?"

"What do you mean am I entirely sure? I think I'd be aware if we did mangoes here!"

"Please, just tell me if you have any sort of miniscule percentage of doubt—"

"For the love of God, if you don't park your bottom on this couch I will throw my shoe at your groin."

Sirius' eyes widened. "Are you wearing the pointy boots today?"

Lily lifted up her trousers a little and Sirius gasped at the sharp tips of the footwear. "Alright fruitcake, you make a good bargain," he said, sitting down. He found there were a few cushions on the couch, pushing them aside. Lily spotted him doing this, then placed the cushions back in their original position, a position that Sirius didn't like. He shoved them away. She placed them back.

"Sirius, the cushions don't belong there. They belong here," Lily said, settling the cushion at a specific angle.

"But I don't like them there," Sirius complained.

"I don't care if you don't like them there, they _belong_ there."

"Well I don't think they sodding belong rubbing against my thigh alright?" Sirius shoved the cushions aside and they fell to the floor.

"They're not rubbing against your thigh! Why must you insist every single object in the wizarding world is groping you?"

"Because they more than always are!"

"We better stop shouting at each other or we'll never get through this long night!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

The two glared at each other until Lily picked the cushions off the floor and placed them back on the couch, patting them down. Sirius seethed through his teeth. "Why did you just put them back there?" he demanded, gesturing to the cushion apparently rubbing up against him again.

"Because they looked untidy there!"

"Bloody hell! Who do you expect to come round, the Minister for Magic?"

Lily couldn't take it anymore. Unexpectedly grabbing one of the cushions, she smacked Sirius' head with it, where it made an amusing 'pooof!' sound.

"You did not just hit me with that," Sirius gritted through his teeth.

"I do believe I did."

Sirius laughed absurdly. "You're going to get it, Evans," he growled, grabbing his own cushion and holding it like a sword, "RAAAAAAAR!"

-----------------------

"Bugger," James cursed, racing to the Head Tower. He was late to check on Sirius and Lily – not that he was worried or anything. If they were put in a mildly enclosed space together, they would eventually chat and discover they had a lot of things in common. They needed to get along for his sake. They just _had_ to.

Just as he was about to tell the Portrait of the Fat Man the password, he heard a rather obscure shout from inside the tower.

"DIIIIIIIIIIIIE!"

James exchanged a look with the Fat Man. "How long exactly has there been shouting?"

"About half an hour," the portrait answered.

"…Oh dear God."

Quickly uttering the password, James leapt through the portrait hole and into the tower, surrounded by feathers from what he guessed came from the cushions. He breathed a sigh of relief; they were just playing a harmless cushion fight.

"I'M _BLEEDING!_"

Or maybe not so harmless.

James tried to sweep the feathers out of his path and spotted Sirius lying on the floor, squealing as he held his bleeding nose, while Lily repeatedly hit him in the face with the cushion, now spattered with blood.

"Die, you little prick, die!" Lily thumped him in the face again.

"_Waaaaaaaaaaah!_" Sirius continued to sob, tears mixed up with bloody snot trails.

"Oh Merlin!" James cried in horror. "Lily! Lily, stop!" He finally got a hold of her waist and tugged her away from Sirius, seizing the murder weapon from her hand.

"Oh, hi James," Lily greeted him, now knowing he'd arrived. "We've been having a wonderful time!"

-----------------

"Apologize, Lily."

An undeniable look of a guilty child was forced upon her features. She looked at the floor, trying to ignore the occasional sniff by Sirius, who was now laying on the couch with his head back, a mountain of tissue stuffed up his nostrils as he nursed his nose.

"Technically I didn't know he was bleeding until it was too late—" she started to defend herself.

"I don't care, orange peel," James said acutely, looking the essence of a responsible father, "Apologize to him."

Lily huffed, but guilt from injuring Sirius was riding up in the pit of her stomach. "Oh fine. I'm sorry for hitting you, Sirius."

"And?" James prompted her.

"And what?" Lily asked.

"And you're also sorry for…?"

Lily huffed again, "I'm sorry for putting a heavy marble paperweight into the cushion, and then beating your face with it."

Sirius nodded a little in acceptance, as much you can nod while having your head back due to a horrific nosebleed.

"Good girl," James said, patting her head, and Lily slapped him playfully in midriff. "I'm gonna go find Pete and leave you two alone again," he told them. Yet again, Sirius and Lily started their protests, but James held up his hand as a signal to stop. "I'll check on you guys later. Just, please, don't try to kill each other for me? I'm begging you."

Mutually, the two nodded.

"Good," James sighed in exhaustion, getting slightly annoyed by their childish behaviour, "I'll see you later." He gave Lily a small kiss before exiting through the portrait hole. Lily watched his retreating back, guilty, until finally settling on Sirius on the couch.

"How's your nose bleed?" Lily asked him eventually, looking a little embarrassed with herself.

"I can firmly say I think I may pass out due to the amount of blood that's leaking."

"Maybe we should take you to Madam Pom Poms?" Lily asked concernedly. Sirius smiled a little at her use of the nickname he had made up.

"No, it's alright."

Suddenly, there was a tapping noise coming from one of the nearby windows of the tower. Rushing to the window, Lily discovered an owl making the tapping noise with its beak, a letter attached to its foot. Lily opened the window and the owl climbed inside, walking across her arm.

"Haven't you heard of delivering letters in the Great hall in the morning?" Lily asked the bird, but it swooped off her arm and straight for Sirius.

"Naaargh, piss off!" he complained, as the owl sat on the top of the couch, nudging him with his beak. As he let his head down a little, more blood started to shoot out of his nose, and he wailed, trying to shoo the owl away. "Naaaargh! Get away! Can you not see I'm injured?"

"Come on now," Lily tried to help Sirius, moving the bird away from him. Finally seeing some sense, she detached the letter off its leg, and the owl instantly shot off for the open window and left with a departing hoot.

"Yeah, same to you, mate," Sirius replied to the owl's hoot, assuming the bird was insulting him in bird language. With his head back, he tried to look over at Lily who was examining the letter. "Who's it from?" he asked curiously.

"I dunno," Lily shrugged, "It's to you."

Sirius raised his brow in surprise; he hadn't expected any letters. With one hand holding tissue up his nose, he took the letter from Lily with the other and sat up straighter on the couch. Lily watched him in silence as he turned the envelope over to rip it open, discovering black ribbon on it. His mouth turned into the greatest frown ever seen, Lily noticed. To her surprise, he crumpled the letter into a ball and tried to aim it towards the fireplace. It missed, bouncing off the wall and onto the floor.

"Aren't you even going to read it?" she asked in shock.

"I know who it's from," Sirius answered acidly, sitting back down on the couch again.

"Who?" Lily asked.

"You don't want to know."

Curiosity getting the better of her, she tried to creep over to the letter without Sirius noticing. As she picked up the crumple letter, he spotted her instantly.

"Put it in the fire, Lily." Naturally, she was not only curious but stubborn and ripped the envelope open, the black ribbon falling to the floor. Sirius' gaze lingered too long on the ribbon. "Put it in the fire, Lily," he repeated. "Don't read it."

However, it was too late, as Sirius studied her pupils moving left and right, following the words on the page. He looked away.

Once Lily had finished reading the letter, she stared at Sirius in disbelief, her mouth parting in horror. "This is…" she looked at the letter with distain, then back at Sirius with sad eyes, "This is from your _mother_?"

"Oh, woop-de-doo," Sirius remarked to the ceiling. Lily hated him for using that tone now.

"How can she write such _awful_ things about you?" she asked him. "_To_ you?"

"She takes pleasure in reminding me how much of a shit I am."

"Sirius—"

"Don't go all girly and start taking sympathy on me, Lily. I'm used to the letters." He made a small smile at her to reassure he was fine.

"You shouldn't be used to then," she pointed out. "You shouldn't get them in the first place."

"Well, it's what I get for not being the perfect Death Eater son, don't worry."

Lily had to commend him on making jokes now, she really did. She crumpled the letter, along with the black ribbon, and tossed them into the fire.

"Thanks," Sirius said, watching the parchment burn. Silently Lily walked over to him and kneeled next to the couch, looking at him apologetically.

"I'm sorry."

"I told you already, Lily, my nose will be fine—"

"No," she shook her head, "I'm sorry you have to deal with stuff like that. I remember James told me briefly you stayed in his house for a bit and your parents aren't the best in the world, but I never knew…I never knew it was that bad."

"Don't fuss," Sirius told her, turning embarrassed, "or I'll bleed all over you."

Lily chuckled a little, before looking sadly at him again. Much to Sirius' shock, she rose on her knees and embraced him in a hug. After getting over the initial shock, Sirius squeezed her back.

"Do you think this is the start of a form of friendship, Sirius?"

"Er. Maybe. It's the start of something anyway."

"You think?"

"Yeah, it's the start of me bleeding all over your shirt."

Lily pulled away from him, examining her spattered bloody shirt. "Bugger."

"Har, it'll be a bugger to wash out, too. It looks like chest menstruation—"

"Sometimes I wonder how you manage to walk around this castle without getting hit in the face by _everyone you know_."


	17. Moppity mop mop

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my tremendous procrastinating abilities. And a JAR OF DIRT.

**A/N:** Thanks to Anna for beta-ing. Also, thanks for the feedback on the fruit war last chapter. I can safely say mangoes won. IN YOUR FACE, ANNIE….ahem. Please review as fantastically as usual and I heart you all.

**Chapter 17**

For once, James thought that this particular Friday night was going to be a peaceful one, something quite out of the ordinary for a Marauder. There he was, being boring and playing wizard chess with Peter in the common room, while his best friend and girlfriend were spending quality time together alone in the Head Tower around furniture that could be perfect for snogging on top of…

What drugs had he been on when he suggested that idea?

"Your move, Prongs."

James blinked out of his thoughts. "Right," he answered Peter, concentrating back on the game.

He had nothing to worry about of course, as Lily protested frequently how she wouldn't touch Sirius with a fifty foot barge pole, and once James remembered this he laughed smugly to himself, because, yes, he was that self-assured.

James thought it was nice being boring. Running about the castle because your friend's cat had accidentally ingested Polyjuice Potion and took on your naked body, or getting sliced in the chest by a Dark Arts spell from a 'slimy git with a nose longer than a carrot', or drowning in the Great Lake for a girl's attention; it did get rather tiring sometimes. So it was nice just sitting in the common room, losing against Peter in a game of wizard chess (nicknamed Wizard's Chest by Sirius Black for far-fetched reasons), being boring and _closely_ _watched by Frank Longbottom._

How did James know he and Peter were ideal subjects for spying?

Frank was standing directly next to their chess board. In fact, James could even smell him. He smelt like grass, and amphibians, and oddly….Alice? James wondered if he smelt of Lily.

His eyes shifted from the chessboard to eye Frank uneasily. "Was there something you wanted, Frank?" James asked him, his fingers drumming against the table.

"No," Frank informed with a shrug, and continued to stare. James didn't think he was blinking.

"Are you quite sure, Frank?"

"Yes."

Still no blinking. It had been at least thirty seconds now and Frank's eyes hadn't even started watering yet. It was like being watched by a disturbing doll from a shelf as a child.

"Frank, what are you doing here?" James asked bluntly. Frank looked a little embarrassed when he answered.

"You know…just being…present."

Peter looked up from the chessboard. "Present?"

"Not gift present, Wormtail. Other present," James clarified.

"Oh." Peter looked disappointed, his full awareness back onto the wizard chess once more.

Politely James suggested, "Why don't you be present," he pointed to the other side of the common room, "over there? And not facing this way."

"Because I have to be near Marauders."

James found that reply a little creepy. Talk about being idols to some people…

"And why do you have to do that?" he asked Frank uncertainly. The answer to James' question seemed quite obvious to Frank.

"Because I'm Substitute James!" he declared.

So much for a peaceful night.

"Frankie, Frankie, Frankie." James's fingers drummed harder against the table, so much his fingernails were wearing down and Peter had to hold the table steady before it toppled over, along with the chessboard and lively pieces. "I think Sirius might have neglected to notify you," he squeezed Frank's shoulder, "you're not a Substitute James."

"I…I'm not?"

"No, you're not. Because there's only one James Potter around here, and that's me," he patted his chest, "And I'm simply irreplaceable. Isn't that right, Wormtail?"

"Inimitable," Peter chimed in, reading the word off the page of his thesaurus on his lap. James noticed this, looking under the table.

"Wormtail, put that bloody thesaurus away!" James told him off. Jolting, Peter flung the book out of his lap in terror, where it travelled through the air and over to the other side of the common room, lucratively bopping a first year on the head and landing in his lap. The first year looked quite delighted on the gift sent from the heavens and began reading the thesaurus while Peter stared miserably from afar.

"I told you before: you're not Substitute Moony!" James wagged his finger at Peter, who sat with his head down and his hands in his lap. "I AM THE ONE AND ONLY JAMES POTTER. NO ONE IS REPLACING ANYBODY!" He plastered a fake grin on his face and recovered quickly from his spit-shouting. "Have a nice day, Frank," he told the Longbottom boy, gently nudging him on his way. Frank remained determined.

"B-b-b-but Sirius told me you'd left the Marauders for Lily Evans!"

James put his hand on his hip and glared in Peter's direction, who was looking very embarrassed for being involved in the whole Substitute Marauder scheme in the first place. "I never left," he informed Frank shrilly, "I am both with the Marauders and Lily. It's called _multitasking_, and I'm pretty damn good at it—"

"Prongs, you just lost the game," Peter cut in.

James peeped at the wizard chessboard. He had indeed failed.

"Frank!" James pointed the blame. "You distracted me!"

"But I thought you were good at multitasking!"

"I was lying to make myself look like a good friend!"

"Oh." Frank seemed quite surprised. "It wasn't that apparent."

James wasn't sure what wasn't apparent, that he was a good friend or his dishonesty in making himself look like a good ally. He was about to graciously apologize for not being clear enough, when he stopped himself. "Look Frank, whether you were a Substitute Me or not -_which you weren't_- I'm dismissing you. Now, on your way before I tell Alice what you've been up to," he mildly threatened, resorting to snitching.

"But you can't dismiss me! Sirius assigned me as Substitute You, so only _he_ can dismiss me."

James found a headache forming. "Mate, I'm telling you now, as leader of the Marauders—"

Frank promptly snorted at the mention of 'leader'. "What makes you think that?"

"He has glasses. All leaders wear glasses. Dumbledore wears glasses," Peter answered monotonously for James before he flew into frenzy and started urinating everywhere to mark his territory.

"Thanks Pete," James expressed his gratitude. He turned his attention back on Frank who stood his ground resolutely. "You know what? Fine. We'll go see Sirius now and he'll dismiss you himself." He motioned to Frank -currently ruffling his hair in a confused James Potter fashion- to follow him towards the portrait hole.

"Wait James, are you sure that's wise?" Peter asked, bolting from his seat and trailing behind him. "Padfoot and Lily are spending quality time together," he reminded him.

"Yeah," James replied slowly, not seeing any problem with that. Suddenly, Peter latched onto his arm.

"Don't go back there," Peter warned him. "It'll be a bloodbath, James. She hit him with a marble paperweight in a cushion, James. _Marble_."

James reddened somewhat on account of his girlfriend's violent behaviour. "I told you before, Pete, she didn't know there was a marble paperweight in that cushion. Someone put it there—"

"Yeah, Evans did."

James glowered at Frank at that comment.

"Sorry, I'm still in James-Potter-character," he squeaked, protecting his face from any violent counter attacks.

"Wormtail, trust me." James reassured his friend, "Sirius and Lily are friends now."

"But how do you know?" Peter asked.

James smiled smugly, "_Because_ I sent a fake letter by owl from Sirius' hag of a mother to Sirius earlier while Lily was present." He awaited appraisal, but only received gawks from Peter and Frank. "And because Lily's such a good person she probably took pity on him, and they hugged and all that jazz."

"You sent a _fake_ I-am-your-mother-the-devilwoman-and-I-hate-you-my-blood-traitor-son letter to Sirius?" Peter repeated in horror. James didn't like his gaze on him.

"Don't look at me like that, Peter." He felt only slightly guilty. "Sometimes you have to interfere to make people get along…"

"You're going to Hades," Peter replied in a Remus Lupin approach. "And you can't have mangoes there because you'll be too hot and sweaty."

"…Exactly what sort of mangoes are you talking about, Peter?"

"_The fruit_."

"Right! Right, of course…harhar…"

Frank looked back and forth between the two Marauders, wearing a frown. "You two are very strange," he concluded.

--------------

"Hello?"

James, Frank and Peter stepped through the portrait hole of the Head Tower, oddly surrounded in darkness. No lights appeared to be on and James wondered if Sirius was going to jump out of the shadows and shout "peek-a-boo!" and successfully make James go to the toilet…in his trousers….again.

"Let's get some light in here, shall we?" James muttered a _Lumos_, spotted the fireplace and lit it up, then proceeded to ignite the candlesticks around the room. Once the common room was bright again, the boys spotted Sirius and Lily lying on the couch, sleeping at either end in an unattractive manner (few can carry off the sleep-dribble off the end of the chin, and Lily and Sirius were not fine examples).

"Aaaaw," James crossed his arms as he observed them with a smile.

"How…disturbing," Frank commented. He wasn't used to such bizarre images like James and Peter were.

"Look at my little babies," James continued to coo.

"Erm….Prongs?" Peter was nose-to-nose to Sirius as he kneeled by the couch, narrowing his eyes at his friend. "Your babies smell of Firewhiskey."

"What?" James laughed absurdly. "No they—" He paused, observing Lily's lolled back head on the chair arm rest. Suspiciously, he leant in and inhaled a mighty whiff. "Oh my giddy aunt they've been drinking."

With an almighty slap to the back of Sirius' head, James yelled in his ear, "PADFOOT!"

As expected, Sirius leapt up at such a roar, made his own unintelligible roar, and toppled backwards over the coach. Lily also snapped awake and instinctively held her hands over her ears, roaring too. Peter roared because he felt left out. Frank stared on, unsettled.

"Carpet in mouth," Sirius announced from the floor, finally discovering that roaring wasn't going to make the situation better, along with the rest in the room who found roaring a frivolous activity. James immediately stepped round the couch and picked Sirius up from the floor….from his hair.

"YOU GOT MY GIRLFRIEND DRUNK."

"The hair the hair the hair the hair," Sirius chanted, pleading with his puppy Padfoot eyes for James to let go. Eventually, James released him and Sirius straightened, brushing off his clothes to delay his death by James.

"YOU GOT MY GIRLFRIEND DRUNK," James repeated.

"Har har har," Sirius laughed, slapping his knees and clutching his stomach. "Harhar…har…no I didn't."

"Do these belong to me?"

The boys in the room looked in the direction of the voice to discover Lily, just about upright and standing, looking down at her chest, along with a forefinger on either breast.

"…Okay, so maybe just a teensy bit," Sirius admitted, breaking under James' deadly gaze.

"Seriously, are these mine?" Lily asked again, looking down at her breasts with a stare of horror. She then looked at the boys in turn - each one tinted red in the cheeks. Who had enough guts to tell Lily Evans, Head Girl, how you can determine your bosoms belong to you?

"Well…"

Apparently her drunken partner.

"Padfoot, don't answer her," James warned him.

Sirius cleared his throat in preparation for his theory.

"Or completely ignore me," James grumbled.

"_Well_, you know, normally you know what stuff is yours if it's got your name on it, right? Like, personalized stationary. So, if your name is on them, they must be yours, right?" Sirius looked around the room, the room that was suddenly swaying like he was on a pirate ship. Sirius liked that idea. "Savvy?"

James was about to recommend Sirius to dig his own grave, but luckily Lily had caught his attention. She appeared to be looking down her shirt.

"My name isn't on them," she informed. The boys gaped in return. "Wait, what's my name again?" She stretched her shirt further to look closer at her boobs, her top threatening to reveal more cleavage, but James quickly ran forward and stopped her.

"Oi, who are you?" Lily narrowed her eyes at him as he caught hold of her wrists.

"It's James," he tried to jog her memory, "Your boyfriend."

"Boyfriend?" Lily repeated. She withdrew back a little to observe him, then came forward again, nose-to-nose. "Wooooah, I must have baaaad taste in males when I'm sober—"

"Lily!"

She giggled and slapped his torso, "Just kidding, my sexy boyfriend." She gave a rather exuberant squeeze to his bottom and James grinned a little until he realized that was _wrong oh so very wrong_.

"Woah, Peter!" Sirius seemed to be having some sort of fit as he put his hands out in front of him, stumbling a little. "Back off a bit! Give me some air! You're suffocating me!"

"Sirius, I'm on the other side of the room," Peter pointed out.

Knotting his brow, he finally felt up what he thought was Peter. "Wait…that's a stool," he realized.

"I don't get it!" Lily whined, clutching her head as though not understanding whatever causing her distress was actually resulting in physical pain. "I mean, what is their purpose?" She looked down at her chest again as James tried to hold her in some sort of standing position. Lily turned to Frank, "Why don't you have any of these, miss?" She squeezed her boobs vividly in front of him.

Frank looked back and forth between Lily, currently molesting herself, and a cringing James, hoping this was some sort of elaborate charade. "I'm a boy," he said simply.

"Oh no no no no," Lily shook her head sluggishly at him. Before it was too late for James to stop Lily, she felt Frank's chest, cupping her hands. "Oh wait, you do have some, miss, my mistake." She slapped him heartily on the back before journeying to another side of the common room in slow-moving steps.

Frank stared at the wall, stunned, finding it too painful to look down at his chest to confirm whether Lily was right. "I'm going to go now," he told James, hurrying for the portrait hole.

"Sorry Frank!" James called after him, watching him exit. "She didn't mean it!"

"Arharharhar," Sirius seemed to be having a giddy time watching Lily frown at her own chest. "I cannot believe I ever disliked this girl!" He slung an arm around Lily's shoulder and grinned, while James stared at them in mild horror. "She's bloody brilliant!"

"I'm bloody brilliant!" Lily chimed in happily.

They tried to high-five each other but resulted in slapping each other's foreheads. "Ow," they mumbled in unison.

"As I was saying," Sirius continued, massaging his brow as he spoke. Neither James nor Peter could believe their eyes. "This girl," he pointed at Lily, "is the bee's-effing-knees. Look how much she loosens up after having a drink!"

"I'm loose!" Lily chimed in again. She demonstrated said looseness by shaking it all about (refraining from doing the hokey pokey and turning around - that's what it's all about, after all). "I can lick my elbow, see?" She pointed her elbow and stuck out her tongue as far as possible, making frustrated noises now and again when her tongue wouldn't reach the elbow destination. She pouted, "I'm sure I did it once…"

"Brilliant!" Sirius commented, clapping his hands in amusement. "I think she should be permanently drunk, don't you?"

"And be like you?" James snorted, "I don't think so, mate."

At that vicious comment, Sirius clutched at what he thought was his heart….wandering somewhere near his left thigh. "You wound me, Prongs."

"You ask for it, my inebriated friend," James replied. He managed to catch Lily before she toppled over, persisting to do the impossible: lick her elbow.

"It's simply not viable, my love," James broke the bad news to her.

"No no no no no no," Lily shook her head sluggishly again. She tried one last time to stick out her tongue and lick her elbow but it was just no use, and she settled for defeat. Taking her interest off her joint, she looked up at James and found he had quite pretty eyes. She didn't like his glasses. Glasses obscured the pretty eyes.

"Oi," James said, watching Lily pinch his glasses and put them on the bridge of her nose, on the wonk.

"I'm James Pooter!" she announced, spreading out her arms wide. James took a hold of her waist again as she threatened to slip to the floor in a heap. Sirius was already a heap on the floor, clearly exhausted after an argument with a stool that didn't seem to be verbalizing much in their conversation.

James told Lily, "No no, those are James'," seizing the glasses back and putting them back on.

"Sexy boyfriend's?" Lily enquired.

"Sexy boyfriend's," James confirmed, pushing his glasses further up his nose. He watched Lily hug his midriff and attempt to pull off his robe, which he, at present, was still wearing, but he wasn't sure for how much longer with Lily undressing him in public.

"Mrrrhmmmph," she mumbled incoherently.

"Sorry." James waggled a finger in his ear, "Didn't quite catch that, orange peel."

"Mrrrhmmmph," Lily repeated, now wrapping her arms around his neck. He loosened her hands a little, because they were endangering in cutting off his air supply, and watched tensely as she got on her tiptoes to whisper something in his ear. "You know what I'm in the mood for?"

Sweating, James squeaked, "OhdearMerlinpleasedon'ttellme."

Lily made a lazy smile, "Maaaangoes."

James' eyebrows couldn't help but do their own little pleased libido dance upon his forehead.

"Oh ho," James smirked. "Oh really—I MEAN, NO. THAT IS WRONG, MISS EVANS," he corrected himself, Head Boy instincts taking over. "What the—where the heck did my robes go?" he yelled, discovering them dumped on the floor. Lily really was freakishly speedy at removing attire.

"Just want to enlighten you that I'm going to tease you about your behaviour tomorrow, my love," James mentioned, unpeeling her fingers off his collar. With Lily still glued to him, he tried to reach down for his robe, but she'd attacked his shirt again, trying to unbutton it.

"No! No, no, no, no!" He wrestled her hand off his shirt and buttoned up his shirt again, while Peter stood a few feet away, wondering whether he should leave the room or not. "Bad Lily!" he said, using pet talk to control her. "I think I should get you to your dorm so the Sober Fairy will pay you a visit while you're sleeping."

"But I want mangoes," Lily whined, attacking his face with her mouth.

"_Well_," James considered his options as she started nibbling his bottom lip. "I MEAN, NO," he came to his senses, holding her cheeks in a vice grip so she looked like a puckered fish, "THIS IS VERY WRONG."

"But _maaaangooooes_!" Lily stomped her feet and rounded her eyes.

"_Well_, I suppose there's no harm in—"

"Prongs! Your trousers!" Peter cut in with the warning.

James looked down and discovered Lily trying to pull off his belt. "Oh Merlin, she's gone mental, Wormtail. Down Lily!" he ordered her, prizing her hands away from his trousers. "Wormtail, I think you're going to have to take her to her room. She wouldn't try and molest you."

Peter snorted, "I beg to differ, my—"

"Wormtail."

"Yeah, she wouldn't," Peter admitted at once.

James monitored where Lily was now and found her mimicking Sirius, forgetting about stripping him and now undertaking…carpet-licking?

"I don't want mangoes now," Lily informed, like losing interest in a toy. James was partly disappointed the carpet was now satisfying her needs. Lily showed her displeasure that the carpet did not taste nice with a simple, "Uuuurgh…"

"Come on, up we go," James said, gently grasping her by the elbow. She stumbled a little before completely collapsing in James' arms – obviously carpet-licking was a draining pastime. "Peter's going to take you to your room now—"

"_Nooooo_," Lily complained. Peter stared in James' direction, clearly offended, and James cringed in apology. "Nooo, don't leave me, sexy boyfriend."

"I won't leave you if you just…_try_ not to assault me," James pleaded. Lily ignored him, continuing to babble.

"Don't leave me…" She drooled a little on James' shirt, and he sighed. "The Prince is gonna get me…don't let The Prince get me, sexy boyfriend…."

James and Peter exchanged a strange look.

"What is she talking about?" Peter whispered.

"I have no idea." James stared at Lily briefly. "You know drunken people—"

"I know drunken people!" Sirius informed from the floor, raising a hand in the air.

"You're _part_ of the drunken people, Padfoot," James reminded him.

"Oh…right you are." Sirius returned back to carpet-licking.

"I don't like The Prince. The Prince won't leave me alone," Lily continued to prattle. James nodded along thoughtfully, pretending to know what she was on about. "You'll protect me from The Prince, won't you, sexy boyfriend?"

"Sure?" James answered, immediately taking it back the second he noted her delighted expression on her face.

"I knew you would." Lily smiled deviously, and informed the worst for James, "I'm quite in the mood for mangoes again…"

"I thought you were having private time with the carpet," James replied quite darkly, and yelped when Lily tried to unbutton his shirt again. "Mmm, that's quite nice—I MEAN, NO. Little help here!" he sought the aid of a Marauder. "Please!"

He was beginning to think 'stuff it all' and have a drunken Lily snogfest, or just get equally inebriated so neither would feel out of place and what they were doing would be considered acceptable – however, Peter had promptly appeared out of nowhere and struck Lily on the back of the head with a cushion. At once, her eyes rolled back and she fell sideways to the floor, James too unprepared (or gormless) to catch her before she hit the ground.

"Wow," James stared down at Lily, somehow still adorable in his eyes in unconscious form—in fact, especially in unconscious form when she wasn't so….talkative. "That did the trick, Wormtail. Didn't expect just a cushion to knock her out, though."

"Oh dear…"

Noticing worry in Peter's tone, James looked up to find Peter had brought out a marble paperweight from the same cushion he'd smacked Lily on the head with.

"Merlin's boobs," James cursed low under his breath. Wincing, he peeped at Lily and examined her for any external injuries. "I don't see any blood, but she's going to have one hell of a headache in the morning…"

"And a hangover," Peter thought it would be useful to bring up.

James' eyes widened. "The Lily Apocalypse begins tomorrow."

The sound of a tongue scraping against carpet attracted his attention from the other side of the common room. It would seem Sirius was still endeavoring in licking the floor.

"What the heck is he doing, Wormtail?" James asked Peter, lifting up a foot so Sirius could lick the floor underneath it.

"Being a mop," he answered simply.

"Padfoot," James clapped his hands to get Sirius' attention. "Padfoot! Padfoot stop being a mop!"

Almost instantaneously (probably on dog instinct), Sirius leapt from the floor, sat on the couch and crossed one leg neatly over the other.

"Wow," Peter said with a slow nod. "Who'd have thought that if you actually said 'stop being a mop', he'd stop being a mop?" He nodded slowly again. "Mop….Moppity mop mop."

"You like the word 'mop', don't you, Wormtail?" James presumed.

"I've recently discovered I do," Peter replied. Seeing his job (attempted murder on Lily) was done here, he decided to leave the Head Tower before the victim woke up and clouted him. James shook his head after him.

Presumably thinking it was his job to keep Sirius company now since Remus more than always did when he was in this condition (curse the werewolf for abandoning him at such a time), James dumped himself next to Sirius on the couch and slung his arm around his shoulder supportively. "You alright, mate?"

"Mhhmm," Sirius replied, currently unzipping a cushion. To James' amazement, a Firewhiskey bottle lay inside. To Sirius' disappointment, but not James' surprise, it was empty.

"For once, I'd like a cushion to have, you know, a cushion substance inside, and not contain a marble paperweight or alcohol of some kind," James pondered aloud. Any other thoughts on the subjects of cushions were not added because Sirius -who James guessed was sulking due to the lack of alcohol inside his mighty cushion of intoxication- was making very strange noises.

"Moo…"

James stared at Sirius blankly. "What?"

"Moo…" It appeared as though Sirius was trying to say a word and was either too lazy or tired to complete it. He took another stab, "Moo…"

"Moo?" James repeated, clearly unimpressed. "Moo-what? What, are you speaking Cow language now? What's wrong with you?"

Sirius heaved a sigh, "_Moo_ny…"

"Ooooh," James chuckled, "_Moo_ny. That would make sense…why have we never made cow jokes to Remus about his nickname?"

"Moony's an arseface," Sirius continued, ignoring James and his inane question. "Arseface," he tried to think of something that would rhyme and predictably failed, "Shmarcekace."

"Arseface shmarcekace. Wonderfully put, my friend." James rolled his eyes and detracted his arm off Sirius before he caught the Terrible Rhyming Disease. "So, why did you choose to get drunk with Lily?"

"Look here, mate," Sirius started, and James stopped himself from looking both left and right as though he were crossing some sort of metaphorical road of lunacy. "I don't normally socialize with girls, alright? I like my blokes…not in a gay way. The only time I even converse with the opposite sex is on dates, so this whole getting-to-know-the-best-mate's-girlfriend thing I find very bizarre—"

"I find _you_ very bizarre—"

"Thanks for that. But anyway, Lily and I were just celebrating our newfound friendship. Cheers buccaneers and all that." He made an imaginary toast in the air. James scrutinized him.

"Are you sure you were celebrating and not just using your newfound companionship with Miss Horny Drunk here as an excuse to get rat-arsed and drown your dog breath sorrows?"

"You know me too well, Prongs."

"Over six years, Padfoot. Enough said." James tried to look disapproving in Sirius' direction but he was a softie for drunken people. "Get some sleep, Padfoot. It's going to be a good day tomorrow. Hogsmeade trip, remember?"

Sirius frowned, "Hogawhat?"

"Hogsmeade," James repeated. "You know, that place with the two pubs?"

"Oh," Sirius nodded in understanding, "Hoogamed."

"Hooga—never mind," James gave up.

"Boys day out, yeah?"

James was getting slightly irritated by his incoherency. "What are you talking about, Padfoot?"

"Boys day out in Hoggasmed." James was amazed at how Sirius managed to concoct a different version of Hogsmeade every single time. "We haven't had a boys day out to Hogmeedy in yonks, mate! Just us guys, you know? Zonko's and having fun. Just me, you and that stool," he pointed.

"You want to bring a stool to Hogmeedy—I mean, Hogsmeade," James corrected himself, laughing slightly at how easily influenced he was.

"Did I say stool? I meant Peter."

James shook his head in amusement, "Whatever you want, Padfoot. Just get some sleep." He slapped Sirius warmly on the back; he collapsed with his head onto the couch arm rest and began snoring.

Yawning, James was about to make his way to his dorm for bed, when he remembered Lily was still unconscious on the floor – sadly remembering it too late as he tripped over one of her strewn arms with a "What the bugger!"

Deciding it was best that Lily slept on a comfortable surface to avoid any complaints of a bad back to join her inevitable headache grievance in the morning; James picked her up into her his arms and stumbled his way into her dormitory. He settled her down onto her bed, covered her with her bedspread, and caved in next to her, sinking into slumber before any disappointment of turning down Lily's mangoes offer crammed his brain.

-----------------

James woke the next morning to yelling….of the bad kind. And as much as he was used to awaking to bellowing of some variety (being a Marauder and all), he couldn't ignore it because whatever was yelling was repeatedly blowing him in the stomach with a fist and sharp nails and James didn't have his glasses on and oh dear Merlin, the Lily Evans Apocalypse had begun.

"What-what's going on?" James asked in panic, pushing on his glasses. He discovered Lily sitting up in bed with him, equally matching bed-hair, wearing a confused frown as she clutched her head.

"I don't want to sound redundant, but why do I have a hangover?" she asked bluntly to the point.

James laughed tensely, "Well, er, surely you know what causes a hangover….right?" He ducked another incoming blow from Lily. "Sirius got you drunk!" he blurted out before she became more violent, though how he reckoned mentioning one of his friends had got her inebriated would calm her down was quite idiotic.

Her answer came as expected. "I'll kill him, I'll kill him, _I'll kill him_!" she yelled, pounding her pillow with her fist each time.

"You can't!"

Lily paused in her rage, glaring daggers at James. She didn't particularly like being told what she couldn't do. "And why can't I?"

"Because you're friends now! You and Sirius!"

Slow devastation came across Lily's face. "We…we are?" she gulped.

"Yes! You hugged! The moment was apparently very touching!"

Lily breathed angrily through her nostrils. "Can we…not be friends for just a teensy second?" she asked, hoping to use the 'teensy' second she described to kick Sirius Black's behind. James broke the news gently to her with a small shake of the head.

"Ugh." Lily plunked head-first into her bedspread. "I don't understand this. My head hurts too much for it to be a hangover. It feels like…" She massaged her head in front of James and he swallowed. "It feels like someone just hit me with a large boulder, you know?"

"Harharhar….har…." James loosened his collar nervously. "I'm sure you're just imagining things, Lily."

At that moment, the dormitory door burst open and Peter tumbled in, covering both his eyes with his hands. The couple felt a mild sense of déjà vu.

"I'm covering my eyes in case either of you—"

"We're not unclothed, Peter," James and Lily chorused.

"Right," Peter uncovered his eyes and got straight to the point, turning to Lily. "I am _so_ sorry I hit you with a marble paperweight."

"You did _what_?"

James had been waving his arms energetically in the air to signal for Peter to stop, but it had been no use. "Peter's always been your friend, you know," he thought it would be useful to mention before she promptly killed him on the spot. "Remember, you like going to the Great Lake and feeding the Giant Squid mouldy bread together!"

Sadly, James had a point. Lily grumbled. Curse her fancy for feeding living things in lakes. Feeding ducks in the ponds back home where she lived was just not the same, though attempting to hurl her sister Petunia in the water was mighty fun.

-----------------

"BOYS DAY OUT!" Sirius yelled to no one in particular.

Despite last night's antics, he was feeling impressively alert this morning. But for someone who recovers quickly from stabbing his own hand, his speedy recuperation wasn't surprising.

Sirius was currently in his dormitory, combing his hair and getting ready for the—

"BOYS DAY OUT!"

"Sirius, can you stop shouting that?"

He paused from tidying his hair in the mirror and looked over his shoulder, spotting Remus' head popping out from under his bedspread, a tired stare across his features.

"Sorry Moony," Sirius cringed. He tried to think of an amusing remark but found talking to Remus rather…awkward, these days.

"What are you doing still in bed? You'll be late for the Hogsmeade trip," Sirius said, returning his attention briefly back onto his hair.

"So that explains 'BOYS DAY OUT'," Remus said.

"Yeah, just me, Prongs, and the stool."

"The stool?"

"I meant Peter."

"Of course."

Sirius was sure he was looking at his hair in the reflection in the mirror, but found his eyes wandering to Remus over his shoulder.

"Actually, Padfoot, I wanted to talk to you—"

"Me first!" Sirius jumped the gun, dumping himself on the edge of Remus' bed. Remus resisted the instinctive order of 'no dogs on the bed!' and was nearly flung in the air as Sirius had parked himself in a large leap.

"Sirius, I really think I should be adamant in going first—"

"Moony," Sirius cut him off, and Remus sighed. "I want you to have a good time with Georgina today."

Remus flinched at her name. He was still harbouring faintly thwarted feelings about her deciding to end their companionship because he was too boring and studious.

"Just…forget about me and have a good time," Sirius carried on. "I never liked her much anyway…" Remus had the distinct feeling he was lying because his pupils were darting uncomfortably. "Of all people, you deserve to have a good time, papoose."

Sirius patted him on the shoulder, and all Remus could do was nod and smile in return. Somehow, he didn't think he had the heart to tell Sirius Georgina had recently shunned him. It seemed like the Marauder way to just keep quiet about such vital information.

"So, what did you want to talk to me about?" Sirius asked curiously.

"Just that I…hope you have a good time too," Remus replied. He got out of bed and began to search for his clothes, in which Sirius figured it was time to go, leaving Remus to get ready to meet a girl who wasn't going to be there.

----------------

"_Prongs, what the hell!_"

Sirius was not a happy puppy.

After a quick spot of breakfast, the three Marauders had made it to Hogsmeade unharmed (previous journeys to Hogsmeade included at least one of the boys getting deliberately pushed by another into the Great Lake, because males found it apparently humorous to get their friends sopping wet). Sirius, however, had noticed something out of place.

"What's got your knickers in a twist now?" James asked Sirius in aggravation, outside Zonko's. Peter watched between the two, feeling rather uncomfortable, as familiar when James and Sirius got in one of their spats.

"What's got my _knickers in a twist_ is what's hiding behind your back, Prongs."

"Nothing is hiding behind my back."

In one swift motion, Sirius reached out and grabbed whatever was hiding behind James.

It was a Lily.

"Hello," she gingerly smiled.

Sirius stared back and forth between James and Lily, as if contemplating who to hit first, and of course it would be James because hitting girls was wrong….not that it had stopped him before.

"Can I talk to you for a sec?" Sirius seized James' arm and steered him a little away, leaving Lily to stand awkwardly with Peter. "Prongs, let me explain the concept of a Boys Day Out to you. You see, there's a clue in the name. BOYS. BOYS, BOYS, BOYS—"

"I get your point, Padfoot."

Sirius stared at him. "I don't think you do, James." He pointed at Lily from afar who stared back vaguely. "Tell me what that is, Prongs."

James thought about his answer for a second. "That's….Lily."

"Well done papoose, five points to Gryffindor. Now, answer me this: does she look like a boy to you?"

James paused again before replying, "Is this a trick question?"

"No, it's not."

James stroked his chin. "Well, she's not a boy because technically that would mean I'm dating a boy—"

"You stupid git!" Sirius slapped him upside the head. "Do you know what you've gone and done? You've brought a _girl_ to a Boys Day Out, you stupid bugger! What possessed you?"

James looked heavily embarrassed. "Well, erm, I like her company—"

"_If I wanted to watch you two snog all day I'd do it back at the castle_!"

"Erm, I hate to interrupt." Lily suddenly appeared beside them with Peter in tow, "But I can be a boy for a day." She took on a gruff voice and parted her legs a little, "Hello, I'm a male. My interests are not discussing my feelings, being sexist, scratching my crotch and making penis jokes."

"That was the best impression of Sirius I have ever seen," James commented.

"I know," Lily grinned. James felt the need to congratulate her further on her impression of Sirius by snogging her face off, but was interrupted by Sirius' screams of "Ugh, uuuuugh!"

"Just because we're sort of friends now Lily, does not mean I now tolerate you eating my friend's face as much as watching Dumbledore give one of his welcome-back-to-Hogwarts foreshadowing speeches," Sirius made clear. "I'm sorry Lily, I really am, but you can't join us today. It's not because I don't like you, it's because you have breasts."

Lily blinked, "It's my breasts' fault?"

"Yes. It's all their fault."

"Just because you think it's their fault it doesn't mean you can glare at them, Sirius."

"Sorry." He looked up.

Lily kissed James momentarily before making her way to leave. "Well, I'll be going now…"

"_Noooooooo_," James complained, tugging her back by the hand.

"It's a Boys Day Out, James."

"I'd rather spend time with you," he said, snaking his arms around her waist.

"I'M RIGHT HERE, PRONGSIE," Sirius yelled plainly.

"I'm gonna go find my friend Nicole. I haven't talked to her in ages," Lily said, feeling slightly guilty for that. Spending time with James had taken up a lot of her time. "I'll probably see you back at the castle, yeah?"

"Yeah," James pouted and kissed her goodbye. "You sure you'll be okay?"

"I'll be fine." Lily smiled and waved, before making her way further into the village. Sirius seemed quite delighted she was gone for someone who was until recently considered a mere acquaintance.

"_Finally_ she left," Sirius rolled his eyes. James glared in his direction. "You can make it up to her by having mangoes later, or something," he said brusquely.

"You're an arse, Padfoot."

"What the hell have I done now?" Sirius asked touchily. "Am I the only one here that cares that our Marauder clang is going downhill? I just want us to spend time with each other while we can."

James softened a little at his words. "You do mean well Padfoot, I'll give you that. You're just such a twat about it that everyone takes it the wrong way except me, since I've seemed to have decoded your way of thinking."

"I know." Sirius grinned, "Isn't it great?"

"Let's just go to Zonko's," James said, rolling his eyes.

---------------

Zonko's Joke Shop was closed.

Sirius was near tears.

"I heard the owner ran off because You-Know-Who was after him," Peter said, pressing his face against the shop window. There was already a large group huddled outside the closed shop, seemingly mourning the death of it. Sirius seemed to have the worst reaction, on his knees and staring at the shop in desolation.

"Voldy-poo?" James said. Peter shrugged. "What the heck does Voldy-poo want with the Zonko's owner? Is he planning to equip Death Eaters with whoopee cushions or something?"

"I'd rather sit on a whoopee cushion than have a _Crucio_," Peter commented.

"Wouldn't we all, Wormtail." James turned his focus back onto Sirius, pulling him up to his feet. "You alright, mate?"

"I feel like I've been denied access to one of those Muggle bouncy castles," Sirius murmured sadly.

"Don't worry," James patted him on the back, "we'll get flowers and put them outside the shop later if you want."

Sirius sniffed, "That would be lovely."

"Anyway, we've always got Honeydukes," Peter said, keeping positive.

---------------

Honeydukes Sweetshop was also closed.

James gawked, running a hand through his hair in distress. "You've got to be kidding me."

"I heard the owners ran off because You-Know-Who was after them," Peter said again, pressing his face against a shop window once more.

"Voldy-poo?" James said, feeling a sense of déjà vu. "What would Voldy-poo want with the Honeydukes owners? Is he planning to equip Death Eaters with fudge flies?"

"I'd rather eat a fudge fly than suffer an Imperius curse."

"Wouldn't we all, Wor—have we had this conversation before, or something? It sounds awfully familiar."

"Merlin damn Voldy-poo," Sirius slammed his fists on the Honeydukes shop door, while other sweet lovers of round proportions wept behind him. "I WANTED ICE MICE."

"Oh Merlin," Peter murmured, "I just remembered….I'm out of exploding bon-bons."

Peter and Sirius stared at one another before sobbing in each others arms.

"Come on guys," James tried to keep their spirits up, "We don't need sweets and pranks to have….fun…oh, that's all the Marauders are about; sweets and pranks. It's rather disturbing that we have no depth." He frowned. "But anyway, there are other shops!"

----------------

"Bloody hell, was Hogsmeade ever this boring?" James asked some time later.

After the devastation of Zonko's and Honeydukes being closed, James had remained optimistic that there would be other shops to attract their attention…until they realized they only ever came to Hogsmeade for Zonko's and Honeydukes. Plus, the only other shops that were open were for school supplies, posting, and getting strange socks from Gladrags Wizardwear.

"This place is like a ghost town," Peter commented on the village. The atmosphere wasn't so upbeat, shops had been abandoned, and hardly any wizards or witches were shopping at all or staying out in the open to chat. "The only places that are left are the pubs."

"Oh great," Sirius remarked sarcastically, "now I'm going to _have_ to get drunk."

"Padfoot, you don't _have_ to get drunk. You just got drunk last night, for goodness' sake."

"Yeah, but if the pubs are open, it's like an open invitation for me to get smashed, isn't it?" Sirius sighed. "Well, why don't we try The Three Broomsticks for a change? Haven't been there in a while. It'd be nice to go somewhere clean."

---------------

Lily hadn't found Nicole. But, to be perfectly honest, she hadn't really looked for her. While listening to James and Sirius squabble earlier, she'd spotted something out of the corner of her eye: Derrick, alone, making his way through the village. Doing the worst thing imaginable, she decided to follow him in secret.

He had to leave some sort of clue that he was either the Half Blood Prince, or at least that he knew who the Prince was. Following him was the only way, since it seemed unlikely he would ever tell her the truth.

Pursuing him most of the afternoon, nearly getting caught by him a number of times; she had found nothing suspicious about his activity. All he'd done was walk around the village normally, look through a few shop windows, then sit in a bench of the village, alone and silent. Lily was almost angered by this.

Poking her head out of an alley, she spotted Derrick get up from the bench and make his way to Dervish and Banges. She was about to inconspicuously trail him when something tugged her arm in the darkness of the alley, and she gasped in shock.

"Nicole!" Lily swallowed, trying to get her regular heartbeat back. "You scared me!"

Nicole tugged her quite ruthlessly out of the alley and into the main street of Hogsmeade. "What are you doing, Lily? Have you completely lost it?"

Lily remained oblivious for now. "What are you talking about?"

Nicole lowered her voice to a whisper, wiping her clouded glasses from the cold air. "I've been watching you follow Derrick most of the afternoon, Lily." The redhead blanched. "Tell me what's going on."

Lily had to think of an excuse fast. "I'm Head Girl, Nic. Derrick looked suspicious and it's my duty to find out what it is, right?"

"We're not in the castle," Nicole pointed out tiredly. She looked keen to interrogate Lily more, but Lily was having none of it, keeping her mouth shut. "Look, why don't we get a drink in The Hog's Head? I've never been in there before. I've heard it's dirty there."

-----------------

Small talk was all Lily could think of with Nicole. She knew it was probably her own fault she and Nicole weren't that close lately. Having a boyfriend had distracted her, along with the business with the Half Blood Prince.

"Look who it is," Nicole announced resentfully as the person she was thinking about entered the Hog's Head. Her eyes landed on Derrick and she became more alert, watching the boy cross the inn and sit by the bar, ordering a drink. Nicole didn't like that particular gaze Lily had on him.

"I'm worried about you, Lily," Nicole told her in concern.

Lily stared at her empty mug of Butterbeer, bitterness washing over her. Nicole was another person that was concerned about her, another person thinking she was incapable of taking care of herself.

Nicole sighed and got up from her seat. "I'm going to the toilet," she mentioned. Lily nodded curtly in response.

As Lily stared miserably at the dirty table, she couldn't help but feel she should have stayed with James earlier. At least he would have distracted her.

"Get out of here!"

Lily looked up from the table and spotted the rather hairy owner of the inn sending a punter on his way out. She noticed a flash of blonde hair and realized it was Derrick, assuming he had a spat with the owner and had been kicked out after only being in there for five minutes. This was the perfect opportunity to follow Derrick, but Nicole…

Lily looked in the direction of the bathroom. She couldn't just ditch her friend so rudely…

Yet somehow Lily found herself leaping up from her seat and exiting the Hog's Head anyway, irrational thoughts taking over. She came out into the street and wrapped her coat tighter around her, the cold wind making her shiver. She didn't know how long she'd been in the Hog's Head for, but the village was surrounded in a sort of forbidding darkness, the village lamps flickering uncertainly.

She heard the rustle of feet and treaded in the direction she thought Derrick had gone. She could see a shadow of a figure up ahead and used that to guide her, taking careful, quiet steps. Abruptly the figure turned right down an alley up ahead, and Lily hurried her steps to catch up with him. When she finally reached the alley, all she could see was a long hallway of black.

"_Lumos_," she whispered, getting out her wand. She journeyed further into the alley, sticking out her wand further, but all she could see was a dead end full of bins and a cat meowing.

Then unexpectedly something gripped her neck and she was slammed into a wall, painfully reminded of the nightmare she had involving the Half Blood Prince, except this time it was _real_, and it hurt more.

----------------

"Well…this is fun."

Sarcasm was extremely evident.

James, Sirius and Peter sat round a circular table, staring at one another to a background of chatter in The Three Broomsticks. Granted, it was cleaner, yet Sirius found this factor slightly aggravating to him.

"Is it just me, or is it more fun drinking with a certain Spoony Moony nagging that it's morally wrong?" Sirius asked.

"It's not just you," James replied, clouding up his empty mug of Butterbeer by blowing occasionally into it. He blamed his dejected mood on two main things; Sirius for taking his snog partner Lily away, and not having any sweets due to a certain shop being closed.

"Do you want another?" James asked Sirius, getting up from his seat and taking Peter's glass to refill.

"Nope." Sirius tipped his glass upside down and pushed it away from him.

"Why not? Are you ill?" James teased. When Sirius didn't respond, he shrugged and made his way over to Madam Rosmerta to get more drinks. James figured Sirius' surliness was due to James' protesting that a certain bar lady was eying up a certain stag rather than a 'mucky dog'.

When James came back with the drinks, he discovered only Peter in his seat, resting his head miserably on the table.

"Where's Padfoot?" James asked him.

"Went for walkies," he mumbled.

"Who's he avoiding?" James asked to the point. Peter pointed to the other side of the room where a certain girl had arrived at the pub: Georgina, alone.

"I'll be right back," James told Peter. He made his way through the maze of tables and took the opposite seat to Georgina, who choked a little on her drink in surprise of his arrival.

"Hey Hot Georgina," he greeted her familiarly. Remembering who he was and the particular company he kept, Georgina's eyes darted round the room, searching for the other Marauders. "Where's Remus?" James asked.

She tucked her hair behind her ears by habit when she answered, "How the hell should I know." James frowned at her.

"Well, normally you should know where your date is."

"I broke it off," Georgina finally let slip. James furrowed his brow, sitting up straighter in his seat. The friendly atmosphere in the air was gone. "And it wasn't a date! I'd….I'd never date someone like him."

"But why did you—" James stopped and _really_ looked at her. She was determined to not break under his gaze and stared firmly back at him. It quickly struck him. "You….you _know_, don't you?"

She merely nodded, returning to her drink.

James felt violently sick.

The Marauders were in trouble.

Just as James was about to interrogate her further, a series of screams filled the air. He spun round and found The Three Broomsticks in commotion, people running for the exit of the pub and pressing their faces against the windows, fighting for a stretch of window pane to look outside. He was about to ask Georgina what was going on, but he didn't feel like even looking at her right now, sending a snarl her way before quickly returning to Peter at his table.

"What's going on, Wormtail?"

"I don't know," Peter replied confusedly, speaking louder over the turmoil of distressed noises around the room. The screaming was still continuing outside and the pub was nearly empty as everyone fought to escape, even Madam Rosmerta gone.

"Come on!" James motioned for Peter to follow and they ran out of The Three Broomsticks. They found the streets of Hogsmeade busy with chaos, the air filled with shrieking, distraught witches and wizards running for their lives. By instinct, James got out his wand for protection, wondering what on earth was going on.

"Oh Merlin," Peter mumbled.

James was about to make his way left when he realized Peter hadn't followed him. "Come on, Wormtail! We've got to get away from here!"

He let out a groan of anger when Peter didn't move an inch, merely looking up at the sky with a haunted look on his face.

"WORMTAIL, MOVE!" James grabbed his arm, but Peter wrestled out of his grip, stumbling back a little in horror.

Frustrated, James finally followed Peter's stare upwards and had to shield his eyes from the glow with his hand. When he realized what painted the sky, his hand dropped and his expression turned empty.

"The Dark Mark."


	18. The return of the dodgy door

**A/N:** Discovered while writing this chapter that Dark Mark plus Death Eaters AND humour is pretty much impossible without it coming across as ridiculous. So, there's some Sirius and Remus laughs first before getting into the more serious scenes. There will be more Half Blood Prince stuff next chapter, I swear.

Oooo, oooo, before I forget! Check out a project I'm involved in called ACCIO SANITY by clicking on a link my profile. It's comedy written by the Marauders and Lily though parchment notes. Give in to the shameless promotion please and go comment over there, yeah?

Thanks to Anna/Moony for beta-ing.

**Chapter 18**

With a clearly visible frown on his face, Sirius escaped The Three Broomsticks and into the cold night air. He was slightly amused by his breath coming out in clouds like a steam train until he realized it was much more fun competing against Peter for the longest breath-cloud trail, which Sirius always won, which James concluded was because it was his "body's way of telling you by making the breath-cloud gas that you speak _way_ too much shit, Padfoot."

Sirius had given him a Dead Leg for that.

Hot Georgina had just popped in the pub and Sirius didn't fancy feeling awkward from the other side of the room, not to mention he found Remus not being by her side on their apparent "date" very strange. Sirius wondered where he was. Perhaps he had killed himself. After seeing Honeydukes was closed, Remus probably didn't have access to any chocolate, therefore resulting in a miserable chocolate-famished death. Sirius wondered if he could devour Remus' body as he had a theory that Remus had consumed so much chocolate he had_ become milk chocolate himself. _Organs, and everything.

"Chocolate Moony entrails?" Sirius pondered aloud.

Passing a shop window, Sirius stopped to examine his reflection. Narrowing his eyes, he leaned in to get a closer look at himself, wiping the window pane that quickly misted from his breath. Once it was clear again, he let off a squeal and—

"Oh my God, I've turned into my mother!"

Regrettably, the frown on his face was a spitting image of his mother's, not that he'd seen his mother recently since he'd fled in a joyful fashion to James' abode and Sirius constantly checked the obituary for his mother's name. He was devastated when it wasn't there. He liked to pretend she was dead by adding 'MOTHER BLACK THE HAG – DEATH BY VERY SHARP KNIFE STABBED VICIOUSLY THROUGH THE HEART' in messy ink to the _Daily Prophet_, until Remus complained he couldn't read certain articles of his newspaper because Sirius was writing his mother's obituary on _every page_.

Taking his gaze off his (recently titled) Black Frown, he moved quickly along the street in agitated steps.

"Oh Merlin's boobs," he cursed with eyes as wide as dinner plates. "I was thinking about eating Remus earlier, which is an idea of eating humans, which evidently is what my mother does as she eats Muggle babies for breakfast, which means something ridiculously abnormal that I can't think up on the spot right now!"

Sirius had developed his mother's frown and now he was going to slowly become her. First he would have to develop a taste for human flesh because eating Muggle babies would be on the daily menu, then stop using public bathrooms because "Muggle and Mudblood bottoms might have once sat on them!" and finally start addressing people, especially family members like devilishly handsome sons as "YOU THERE!"

Sirius decided singing was the only option. Sirius' mother didn't sing, unless you included full-pelting lyrics such as _'I hate yooooou, my blood traitor of a son! I wish I had a daughter! Die, die, die!'_

An upbeat song sprung to mind and he began to croon.

"_Ee-e-e-um-um-a-weh, wimoweh, wimoweh, wimoweh, wimoweh! In the forest, the forbidden forest, the werewolf sleeps tonight! In the forest, the forbidden forest, the werewolf sleeps tonight! Ee-e-e—_!"

"Oh dear God, what are you singing?"

Sirius jumped out of his skin and looked directly into a wand's light – not something predominantly recommended along with looking directly at the sun. The owner of the wand revealed himself by shining light briefly into his face, and Sirius thanked heavens it was just Remus, sitting on a bench, in the dark, eating what looked to be a box of half priced chocolate (Sirius could tell by the sticker), as he looked out at the Shrieking Shack in the distance.

"A Muggle song," Sirius answered Remus' question eventually. He debated whether to sit on the bench next to him but remained standing. You see, there was bird poop on the patch next to him and Sirius would get mucky trousers. Sirius wondered if the bird poop was there before Remus sat down or Remus had actually witnessed a bird pooping—

"It was there before I sat down," Remus mentioned quickly, noticing Sirius eyeing the bird excrement crusting the wood. "Anyway, what Muggle song?" he crept back on subject.

"The Lion Sleeps Tonight by The Tokens…"

"And how exactly are you ruining it?"

"I'm replacing the words 'mighty jungle' with 'forbidden forest'…" Sirius seemed very embarrassed. "And…'lion' with 'werewolf'…"

"Well, that deserves a clap for being one of the most pointless things ever."

"You don't understand: I'm turning into my mother."

Remus blinked at Sirius. Sirius blinked at what Remus thought was him, until he realized Sirius was, in actual fact, blinking at the bench.

"Do you want to sit down?" Remus asked, guessing Sirius' thoughts.

"But I'll get a mucky bum."

As accustomed, a vein throbbed on Remus' forehead. "For goodness' sake, I'll clean it…" He got a tissue out of his pocket and began wiping the wooden surface. Sirius watched him. Cleaning—something he had never attempted voluntarily—was fascinating.

"Why do you carry a tissue?" Sirius asked immediately.

"I don't carry a tissue, I carry a _pack_ of tissues," Remus corrected him.

"Why do you carry a pack of tissues?"

"Why don't you?"

"Because I'm not a woman?"

"Do you want this tissue of bird droppings rubbed in your face?" Remus stopped wiping, holding the scrunched up tissue near Sirius. Sirius imagined droppings up the nostrils were not pleasant. "Good, now you may sit."

Sirius eyed the clean patch next to Remus with wary eyes, ultimately plopping his bottom onto it. "If I get a white patch on my bum I'll blame you, Remus Lupin."

Remus sighed, "You will not get a white patch on your bum. My cleaning skills are incomparable." Sirius remained sceptic.

"Check now, is there a white patch on my bum?" Sirius stood up and pointed his rear in the direction of Remus.

"I'm not looking at your bum, Sirius!" Embarrassed, Remus looked anywhere but rear.

"God, don't be so pedant. It's not as though I'm inviting you to sex. I just want you to look at my arse."

"I'm not looking at your arse! What sort of person demands others to look at his arse?" Remus exclaimed.

"Healers with patients who've got acne on their bum," Sirius smiled smugly at his answer. He had got Remus there.

"Fine," Remus gave in moodily. "I'll look at your arse."

Sirius stood in front of Remus, backside positioned. Squirming, Remus slowly moved his head and let his eyes fall upon the mighty buttocks of Black.

"Did your bottom become larger since we last talked—?" Remus began.

"Remus, why are you looking at Sirius' bum?"

As if on cue, Frank Longbottom had appeared out of nowhere, apparently on a night stroll with Alice. The couple was now positioned beside the bench, incredibly bothered by the scene of Remus scanning the arse of Sirius, who had unnecessarily bent over to position his bum and make the outlook come across as even more filthy.

"See, I knew this would happen!" Remus blew up, reddening to no end. He booted Sirius in the back of the legs and he toppled over to the ground. Before Sirius and Remus could explain the white-mark-on-the-bum situation, Frank and Alice had skipped off giggling, seemingly too caught up in giving each other sweet kisses in the dark.

"My arse has not become bigger," Sirius thought it was necessary to mutter. He wanted to sulk about his apparently inflating arse by rocking back and forth on the floor, but realized the floor would give him a mucky bottom, and obviously he would have to ask Remus if there was a dirty patch on his bottom, and the whole humiliating Remus-being-caught-studying-Sirius'-bottom cycle would repeat.

"Where did you get those chocolates?" Sirius asked instead, sitting back down on the bench. "I thought Honeydukes was closed."

Remus was busy trying to get the colour of his cheeks back to its normal pale appearance.

"Private supply," he grumbled, tapping the box.

Sirius examined the back of the box, in particular the small writing. "Moony, these are out of date by six months."

Remus looked a little alarmed at the news at first, but eventually shrugged. "Chocolate is like wine: the older it is, the more flavour it adds."

"That's because that flavour is mould, you silly sod. Give me that." He snatched the box out of Remus' hand. The werewolf sighed dejectedly.

"Do you think I've become my mother, Moony?"

Remus looked up from his empty hands to eye Sirius with a strange look. "Your mother…is she here?" he asked suddenly. He got out his wand, ducked a little and looked round in all directions in panic.

"Oh good God, no!" Sirius laughed with gusto. "This place is apparently too common for her. I thought I saw her earlier but I mistook a large boulder for her."

"Lord knows how many times you've made that mistake…especially in rocky locations," Remus commented.

Sirius chuckled a little, and then suddenly turned quiet. He'd made enough friendly banter to bring up a more serious subject.

"Why is Hot Georgina on her own in The Three Broomsticks while you're out here making yourself ill with prehistoric chocolate?"

"You'll laugh if I tell you," Remus replied quietly.

Sirius scoffed, "No I wouldn't. On the other hand, if you put a pair of knickers on your head and boogied, laughter would probably arise."

Remus frowned at him. "Well, I don't plan to be doing that in the near future."

"But it's _definitely_ something you would consider?"

"Oh for Merlin's sake," Remus cursed, not liking the insane path this conversation was turning towards. "Hot Geo—for the love of…do not lower yourself to Sirius and James' level and call her that stupid nickname," he muttered distractedly. "Georgina," he continued as steadily as he could muster, "decided that befriending me was a mistake and cancelled going to Hogsmeade with me today."

Sirius looked gob-smacked, sitting up from lounging on the bench. "She did that?" he said in a tone of genuine shock.

"Yeah," Remus struggled to reply casually. "Yeah, she did that."

"Do you want me to hex her?" Sirius asked at once. "I'll do it, I will. I've got no problem with her being a girl. She's got sharp nails but I could probably take her." He cracked a knuckle.

"You can't even take Lily, Sirius."

"She put a fucking marble paperweight in a cushion, for Merlin's sake!"

"What?"

"Oh, right, you weren't there," Sirius realized. He wished Remus had been. He could have taken the blow for him, if by taken the blow you meant shove Remus in front of him as the cushion collided squarely with his face. Suddenly, Remus erupted into small chuckles.

"What's so funny?" questioned Sirius, disturbed. "A girl cancelled your date and you're laughing? That chocolate has made you into a very loony man."

"Oh come on," Remus continued to laugh. "As if a girl like Georgina would ever consider becoming friends, or even _dating_, someone of the likes of me. I'm boring and studious and eat…_six month archaic chocolate_." He ended on a squirm, beginning to feel sick.

"Well, I can't say that last one isn't a little odd—but anyway, I'm going to punch that girl in the womanly bits for making your Moony low self-esteem come out again."

"No Sirius," Remus forbade him on hitting people, not that it had ever stopped him before. If Sirius could have it his way, a slap to the face would be a general greeting of 'Hello there!' "You can't just go round punching people—especially not in the womanly bits, that's disgusting!"

Sirius ignored him. "I can't believe Georgina did this to you!" His indisputable anger alarmed Remus. "No longer can we call her Hot Georgina after this! We'll call her…Georgina the Grungy! Though it's not necessarily true because she is exceptionally fine—damn it! It's as though my mouth forbids me to say she is unattractive—because she is so obviously gorgeous—DAMN IT." He shook his head and limbs. "Why don't we find a spell that makes her ugly? That would infuriate her!"

"Don't be stupid Sirius, you're not doing anything to her," Remus warned him.

"I think you're being the stupid one here for _not_ wanting to do anything to her!"

"There's no point retaliating by hexing her!"

Sirius pouted stubbornly. "But I want to make her ugly," he mumbled.

Remus sighed. "Well…carry out the spell on jelly babies to amuse yourself instead," he suggested lamely.

"I've run out of jelly babies and Honeydukes is closed."

"Are you purposely being difficult?"

"Good lord Moony; this is how I usually am. Have you forgotten?"

Remus couldn't suppress a chuckle. Though it was his turn to scold Sirius and make a witty remark, it seemed more fitting to mention, "I missed this," the _this _meaning the simple act of arguing over white marks on one's bottom.

"So have I," Sirius admitted. "Want to know something selfish?"

Remus' face filled up with dread. "Oh no Sirius, you didn't! You killed Lily, didn't you? You killed James' girlfriend! He's going to murder you for that—"

"I didn't kill Lily," Sirius cut him off in annoyance. His expression suddenly changed to one of fake malevolence. "All in due time, mate, harharhar…" Remus' eyes grew wide. "Kidding! I'd never kill Lily…._without a money reward_."

"Your mutterings scare me, but do go on."

"Well," Sirius started, trying to think of the gentlest way to speak next. "I'm kind of happy Georgina the Grungy ended it with you."

"…I'm trying incredibly hard not to be offended, so I'm hoping there's a considerably heart-warming line after what you've just said."

Sirius yawned and stretched his legs out audaciously. "Not really."

"_What?_"

"_Not really _would be a significantly dim-witted answer, er, which is why I have prepared a heart-warming line to add!" Sirius quickly covered himself. "Glad to have you back with the Marauders, mate." He patted Remus on the shoulder. A sudden worry came to mind and he panicked suddenly. "You are coming back, right? If not, I've got a plan to overturn this bench and repeatedly hit you on the head with it until you see sense, so ye be warned."

"I can't take you seriously when you say 'ye' and talk all pirate-like."

"Ye best answer the question, matey."

Remus kept an unnaturally blank stare directed at Sirius but swiftly moved on, "The dreams about….you, and me, and us, and us doing….stuff, and us liking the….stuff, and oddly chicken, have stopped….temporarily." Sirius turned sad, looking at his lap (making Remus think he was examining his crotch, as usual), assuming Remus was still bothered by his images through his sleep. "But…I honestly don't care if they come back, nor will I go into trauma if they do."

Sirius looked up, changing his bleak disposition to a smile.

"The question is: are the Marauders going to take me back?" Remus asked with his brow raised.

With a grin plastered across his face, Sirius scoffed, "God, I can't believe you're even asking me that," making Remus smile gratefully in return. Sirius wiped away a fake tear. "I think I deserve a Moony Hug, don't you?"

The smile immediately wiped off Remus' face. "You know for a fact those are very rare. I only like to give them to you at Christmas and birthdays because it's polite."

"Yes, but I want mine now," Sirius demanded stubbornly.

"Are you quite sure? They only come round twice a year. I'll have to take away the one at Christmas, you know."

"Sod it," Sirius said flippantly. Anyway, Christmas was always that time he got Remus sloshed and he ended up giving free hugs out like no tomorrow, not that the werewolf knew that.

"Padfoot, you've been hugging me for more than five seconds now. You know the rule: if it's any longer, it's considered very, very weird."

No response.

"Padfoot? Padfoot, have you passed out, or something?" Remus tried to move his arms but they were currently pinned to their sides by Sirius'. "Good grief, has James given you any attention since I've been gone?"

"He brought a girl to a Boys' Day Out."

"I'll have a word with him later if you want."

"Thanks. Can you also break it to Peter that he's not replacing you anymore? It's a bit hard to speak to him since he married a dictionary."

"Really? I must say that's lovely news—"

"RUN! _RUUUN!_" an unknown voice interrupted them.

"Piss off!" Sirius snapped immediately to the intruder. "We're having a brotherly moment here!"

"Sirius." Remus had pulled away, holding one of his hands to his brow as he shielded his eyes from something dangerously bright in the sky.

"What the bloody hell is that?" Sirius demanded. He was moody from the hug interruption and tried to focus on what Remus was looking at up above that seemed to be occupying his attention rather than him. "Whatever it is it's most definitely not doing wonders for my cornea and—_fuck_."

Sirius didn't like this feeling of not being able to breathe. He liked to breathe.

"The Dark Mark," he murmured.

"We need to get away from here," Remus said at once. The Dark Mark was something he'd seen repeatedly in the _Daily Prophet_, but never up close. Seeing it with his very eyes made it seem more real - the screaming around him too, you never got sounds like that with a moving photograph.

"We've…we've…" Remus struggled to clear his head as swarms of people shot out of the shops and pubs, running through the street in bedlam. He stuck near Sirius and grabbed a hold of his arm so he wouldn't be pulled along with the sea of bodies. Despite the bustling of everyone around him, Sirius was frozen to the ground as he stared up at the sky. Remus couldn't understand why they hadn't started running for safety yet. "We've got to get back to the castle, Sirius."

"Kind of...alluring, isn't it?"

Remus stared at him in confusion. "What?" he yelled.

"Alluring," Sirius repeated. Remus frowned at the way Sirius held a sort of _intrigued daze_ at the snake coming out of the skull's mouth. "The way it sort of…glows, you know?"

"No, I don't know." Remus continued to frown at Sirius' behaviour but knew there was no time to dwell on it. "Sirius come on, we can't just stand here!" Remus pulled on his arm but he persisted to be motionless. "Sirius, please!" he said desperately.

"Moony, stop me looking at it." It seemed like Sirius was trying hard to look away but the Dark Mark had locked him into an eerie trance. His eyes had never been so glazed. "Stop me looking at it _now_. I don't want to end up like my…family." Images of his parents floated above the Dark Mark in his mind, smirking down at him.

"You're not like them, Sirius."

Sirius being Sirius tried to crack an offhand smile, but you could tell by his eyes he was frightened. In Remus' mind, Sirius seemed like the type to be furthest away from fear out of all people.

"You're not like them," Remus persisted to reassure him. "You don't belong to that side."

It took Sirius a while to finally accept his words with a nod.

"Come on, it's not safe here." Remus motioned for them to get going, and with one final look, Sirius tore his eyes off the Dark Mark and the two disappeared amongst the crowd and in the direction of the Shrieking Shack.

-------------

"Following me, are we, Lily?"

She cursed herself for getting in this situation. How could she have been so dim-witted to follow Derrick? What did she think she would achieve from following him? What had she expected to find?

Well, she'd found him, alright. She'd found him and she was pretty sure she was going to die in this alley if Derrick didn't stop wringing her neck. The beginning of watery eyes had already formed from the pain, and if she wasn't mistaken, her sight was turning a bloody red.

She found it painful to talk, but managed to squeak out in reply, "Don't flatter yourself."

She kicked out her legs but all they managed to do was boot the wall she was pinned against with her heels. He'd actually managed to lift her off the ground. She'd never known him to be this strong last year. He'd got tougher, she could tell, and risked everything to be it, his previously immaculate self replaced by a scruffy boy with a power-hungry look in his eye.

"Best not to struggle to defend yourself when I know for a fact you've been following me for the entire afternoon, Lily. I wonder what James would think."

The mere proposal of James finding out she had been trailing Derrick this Hogsmeade trip made the insides of her stomach squirm. Letting out a hiss of protest, she continued to kick out her legs and claw her nails into his hands in attempt to make him release her.

"Come on Lily, why not so chatty?"

She continued to glare at him. "_Perhaps because I can't breathe, you prick_," she hissed out.

Whether it was pity or Derrick simply couldn't bother to hold Lily up anymore, he released his suffocating grip on her neck and she fell to the ground on her front. Staring at the ground on bent knees, she massaged her neck and tried to take in as much air as possible to get her breath back.

"What is it that you want, Lily?"

"One name," she managed to cough out.

A scowl formed upon Derrick's face as he leant against the wall. "We're not _still_ on the subject of the Half Blood Prince, are we? I find it incredibly boring."

"Just one name, Derrick. That's all I'm asking. I won't get you involved, I won't tell the Half Blood Prince you grassed up on him, or _whatever_!" Lily truly had enough of it all. "Please, I'm begging you."

The sight of Lily on her knees seemed to please Derrick. She watched him with careful eyes as he bent down to her level and smiled.

"Alright," he murmured. Lily was confused.

"Alright what?"

"Alright, I'll tell you."

Lily was delighted, becoming more alert as she crept closer to listen.

"The Half Blood Prince," Derrick paused deliberately to torture her, and she urged him to go on, "is—"

"RUN! _RUUUUN_!"

Derrick and Lily snapped their attention to the opening of the alley where a wizard had flown past in a hurry. At once, the air erupted with deafening screams.

Lily rose on her feet, bewildered by the noise. "What on earth…?"

"Must dash, Lily," Derrick informed her, his eyes intently on the opening of the alley. "Things to do."

Before Lily could register what he'd said, had run down the passage and into the main street of Hogsmeade, looking right before sprinting left.

"No!" Lily attempted to run after him but by the time she'd escaped the alley and made it to the main street, she was lost in a crowd of distressed bodies. "No, he was about to tell me who he was!" she cried out in fury, but she could barely hear herself speak amongst the villagers bawling. She let out a moan of annoyance as several wizards and witches shoved her out of the way, nearly making her topple over. "Hey!" She tumbled into another stranger's torso. "What the heck is going on?"

A scared wizard standing in front of her grabbed her elbow roughly and Lily shrieked in protest thinking he was about to hurt her. Instead, he pointed above.

"Look at the sky, girl! _Look at the sky_!"

Before she even looked she understood - it all clicked at that instant. The Dark Mark plagued the sky in all its wicked glory.

Only one name seemed to come to mind, and surprisingly it wasn't James'.

_Nicole._

Lily's eyes grew wide.

'_I'm worried about you, Lily…'_

Where was Nicole? Was she—?

'_I'm going to the toilet...'_

"Oh no," Lily murmured. "Oh no, oh no, oh no…" She got out her wand and started pushing through the crowds in the direction of the Hog's Head, in the complete opposite course to where everyone was trying to escape to.

"Lily! Lily, where are you going?" a fellow classmate spotted her in the midst of the throng and tugged on her elbow. "You're going the wrong way!"

"Get off!" Lily tugged her elbow free. The girl frowned at Lily, upset by how harshly she'd acted. "I'm sorry; just get back to the castle, alright? Anybody you see from Hogwarts you tell them to get straight back to the castle and to their common rooms, do you understand?" The girl nodded. "Quickly! Go!"

Once Lily's classmate was lost again in the crowds, Lily struggled her way to the Hog's Head once again. Finally reaching the pub, she discovered the front door already open and she bounded inside, keeping her wand at the ready. She found the pub dark inside, muttering a "lumos" to spot tables overturned and the owner out of sight.

Was Nicole here? Had she left for safety?

Lily quickly came to realization as she looked at the Hog's Head toilet, the very same one she remembered her and the Marauders getting locked in last year. To her dismay, the same piece of parchment was still stuck to the door:_ 'Don't close completely. Door's dodgy.'_

"Well done twat of a pub owner for not getting it fixed," she grumbled viciously. She stepped over the strewn stools and stood in front of the bathroom door, pressing her ear to it. There didn't appear to be any sounds of movement from inside. That worried her.

"Nicole?" When she got no reply, she started banging on the door with her fists. "Nicole!"

"Lily?" a frightened voice squeaked from inside.

"Nicole, thank God!" Lily rested her forehead on the door and sighed with relief. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, but what's going on outside? I can hear screaming."

Lily gulped. She didn't have the heart to tell her what was going on outside, and it was best not to make her friend panic in this situation. Nicole's voice already suggested she was scared enough as it was.

"Never mind that," Lily told her. "Just come out of there."

"I can't Lily, the door won't open!"

Lily tried not to focus on her friend's tone of distress. She made for the door handle and tugged on it furiously, but it refused to budge. "Come on," she begged, rattling the door.

"Lily, what's going on? I'm scared."

"Don't panic, alright? I'm dealing with it." Lily checked behind her in worry in case a Death Eater decided to make a surprise visit. She hoped an empty Hog's Head wouldn't interest them…

------------

_Why wasn't I prepared for this?_ James wondered as he stared at the Dark Mark plaguing the sky. _I should have been prepared for this. _

"Wormtail," he tried not to get distracted by his thoughts and focused on Peter, watching worriedly as his friend sputtered out no words. "Wormtail, don't panic, alright? Panic and you get yourself killed." Honesty would be the best way to get through to him right now.

A sudden thought hit him. Where were Padfoot and Moony?

Luckily he had his two-way pocket mirror on him. He rustled it out of his trouser pocket and held it out of in front of him. "Sirius!" he yelled at it, "SIRIUS!"

"I'm here, I'm here!" Sirius' face appeared at the mirror, turning in all directions as he appeared to be running.

"Where are you? Is Moony with you? Are you both okay?"

"We're fine, we're getting back to the castle," Sirius said hurriedly. "You and Wormtail get your arse back to Hogwarts now, Prongs."

"I will, I just—"

_Lily._

James showed a look of horror. "I've got to find Lily."

"What? No, she's probably at the castle already! Prongs, don't you go looking for her—"

James had already stuffed the mirror in his pocket and Sirius' voice was muffled.

"Peter, please, can you help me find Lily—Peter? Peter, are you alright?" James studied his friend's face. He didn't like that look upon him.

"I'm sorry, James," Peter looked at him apologetically. Ducking into a nearby alley, Peter transformed into his animagus form of a rat and shot off down the street, making his way in and out of people's feet and towards Hogwarts. James stared after him.

He'd like to admit he was angry, _he was angry as hell_…yet, he couldn't blame him. Peter was terrified—heck, so was James. If James had the option to, he'd run back to the castle too, but not without knowing Lily was definitely absent from the village…

James would forgive Peter later. That's what friends did.

"Right," James spoke to himself, steadying his breathing. Clutching his wand tightly in his hand, he pushed through the crowd and began to search.

-------------

"Come on, _open_."

Lily became more nervous as time passed. The door just would not budge with human force. It was impossible.

But with magic….

She suddenly pointed her wand to the door and spoke, "_Alohomora_!"

The door remained locked. She was certain that would have worked.

"Lily? Lily, what's happening?"

Tears began to form in her eyes. "Nicole, I can't open it."

"You can't?"

"_No_, I'm just keeping you locked in a bathroom _for a laugh_!" She pushed all her weight on the door but only resulted in hurting her shoulder. "Oh God, oh God…"

"Get the owner, Lily!"

"The owner's gone!"

"What?" Nicole cried. "Why?"

"Because the Dark Mark is outside!" Lily blurted out, wincing afterwards.

"WHAT?"

Lily heard Nicole burst into tears.

"Oh my God! Oh my God, I'm going to die!"

"Don't be stupid, and keep your voice down." She glanced behind her nervously. She didn't want any loud voices to attract attention, especially when it seemed to be quiet all of a sudden. Glancing at the windows, outside seemed pretty bare except for the occasional wizard running past.

"Merlin, _please_, Lily, get me out!"

"I'm trying!" She tried to think of other spells to use off the top of her head but her mind seemed frustratingly blank. She heard a crunching noise of a footstep behind her and she sucked in a breath in fear.

"Oh God," Lily whispered.

"What?" Lily could tell Nicole was on the other side of the door, pressing her ear to the surface. "Lily? Lily, what's happening?"

"Someone's coming."

"_What_?"

"_Nox_," Lily whispered, extinguishing the light of her wand. She crouched low to the ground and kept silent. She tried to hide herself deeper in the shadows as she spotted a figure enter the room, climbing over the tables and stools.

"James, where are you…." Lily whispered in fear.

Suddenly a wand light shined in her face and she issued a scream…

"Orange peel?"

Lily quickly stopped screaming as she found James standing above her, delighted to have found her as though they'd been playing Hide and Seek, expecting a hug and flurry of kisses—

"You bastard!" She hit him repeatedly on the shoulder and tried to aim for his crotch next but he protected himself with his hands.

"Ow, ow, OW! What are you doing, woman?" James exclaimed in utter disbelief.

"I thought you were a Death Eater, you stupid git!" She hit him again and James let out a whimper, a perfect sound for a knight in shining armour.

"Normally heroes don't get this sort of welcoming, you know," he grumbled.

"Normally proper heroes have swords and beautiful white stallion horses," Lily harrumphed, looking for the aforementioned.

James looked at his wand, which was really just a stick to the average Muggle, as though it was his very small penis. "I think you're being awfully fussy—" His head snapped at the sound of a noise. He clamped his hand over Lily's mouth and pushed them both low to the floor. Confusedly, Lily kept silent and didn't resist. She let out a muffled squeak of terror against James' fingers as they watched someone in a black hooded cloak slowly pass the window of the pub. Once the assumed Death Eater was out of sight, James released his palm from Lily's mouth and she immediately hugged him.

"Scary stuff, huh?"

Lily nodded into his shoulder in reply.

"What are you even doing here?" James asked as soon as he pulled away from her. "We need to get back to the castle—"

"No," Lily determinedly shook her head, "Nicole's in there." She gestured to the locked bathroom.

James looked at her in exasperation. Just when he thought the situation couldn't get any worse, he was yet again proved wrong. "You've got to be kidding me…"

"Hello?" they both heard Nicole's call coming from the other side of the door. "Can you not forget about me, please? I'm kind of pissing my knickers right now."

"You'd think you wouldn't do that with the amount of toilets that surround you—ow, ow," James rubbed his shoulder that Lily had slapped due to his remark.

"What are we going to do, James?" Lily asked, lowering her voice so Nicole couldn't hear or worry more. "The door won't budge. It's impossible to open as last year when we got trapped in there."

James grinned all of a sudden, "Good times."

"Stop being an idiot and help!"

"Alright, alright!" James looked the door up and down, and Lily hoped to God he wasn't actually trying the method of intimidating it to unlock. An idea triggered. "Got a plan!" he announced.

"Yes! James, I love you!" Lily clapped her hands.

"..wait, I lost it."

"YOU STUPID TWAT!" Lily hit him round the head. "Get it back! Get the idea back!" she commanded.

"Wait, wait, I've got it again—nope, that's wind…no….yes, yes! I've got it!" James rustled his hands in his pockets.

"You better not be looking for change," Lily growled.

"Found it!" James brought out his pocket knife borrowed from Sirius, the special one for opening persistent doors like this. "It may not be a sword—"

"It's definitely not a sword," Lily snubbed it.

"Don't rebuff it for its size, my love, or it might just accidentally cut your throat." James jammed the knife into the door lock and jangled it about. After a few seconds, the door clicked and opened and Nicole came bursting out in tears. James puffed out his chest, expecting praise and thank-you-mangoes-now-please.

"Well done, knife!" Lily congratulated it.

James turned sour. "Yes, no thanks to me at all," he mumbled, pocketing the knife back into his pocket.

Lily suddenly thought of something. "Why didn't you use that last time we were trapped in the toilet?" she demanded ferociously.

James sighed. "Because I'm stupid, my love," he answered obediently.

"Yes, that's something you incredibly are," a fake smile plastered across her face. James would pay for his mistakes later.

"Thank you, James," Nicole told him gratefully as she hugged Lily. "You're not quite a prick after all."

James grinned smugly, "Why, thank you, Nic—WHAT? YOU THOUGHT I WAS A PRICK? YOU BLOODY—"

"Let's go, James."

"Yes, Lily dear."

With James leading, the three bounded quickly over the strewn tables and stools and cautiously peeked out from the building. Seeing the coast was clear, only the occasional wizard running past in panic, James said, "Let's go." The three ran as fast as they could through the streets of Hogsmeade, checking if there were any fellow classmates running astray in the village, but finding none to their relief. Once the gates to the castle were visible in the distance, the three ran harder; the school, akin to a safe home for all of them, was so near.

However, there was a lone figure standing nearby that attracted Lily's attention. James and Nicole looked at him briefly but passed him, running ahead towards the gates, yet Lily couldn't.

"Snape?"

It was weird for Lily to say his name; it wasn't a name she could roll off her lips so easily. She studied Snape looking up at the Dark Mark with a vacant gaze; it was still glowing in the sky. He didn't even turn to look at her when she said his name.

"Snape," Lily repeated. Still no luck. "Severus," she tried instead.

That did the trick. Now he wasn't looking at the Dark Mark but looking at _her_, a strange look of consideration, and she felt her blood run cold. Finding her voice, she told him, "You should get back to the castle."

"Lily, come on." James had appeared at her side and was tightly holding her hand. Though he was addressing her, he was making beady eyes at Snape. "Like what you see, Snape?" He resisted the usual nickname of 'Snivellus'; knowing Lily hated it when he called him that. Nonetheless, he stepped in front of Snape's line of gaze, blocking him from looking at Lily. Snape's eyes tore away from emerald ones and hit hazel, the ones of James Potter. Once again, Snape looked up at the Dark Mark.

"Let's go," James tugged add Lily's hand and she let him pull along.

She looked back at Snape, "But what about—"

"Who cares?" James snorted, answering his own question, "Nobody."

Snape had heard what James said, Lily could tell, as she glanced behind her and found Snape's fists clenching.

_Who cares about Snape?_ Lily wondered. _No one._

And, strangely enough, that made her sad.

---------------

The atmosphere was grim in the Gryffindor common room.

"Who wants a game of Thumb War, eh?"

Sirius had been trying desperately hard to lighten up spirits, but to no avail (you could play Thumb War so many times before wanting to saw off your own thumbs). Professor McGonagall had already come in briefly to tell Gryffindor House the situation: there had been an attack on Hogsmeade by the Death Eaters but Aurors had come in the nick of time before true turmoil occurred. She'd then told the Gryffindors to get some sleep, 'for tomorrow was Sunday, another day' and other positive, look-on-the-bright-side-of-life mumbo jumbo no one truly listened to. It was only Lily and the Marauders still up in the common room; apparently too deep in thought to sleep.

"Do you know if anyone was injured?" Lily asked the Marauders after a lengthy moment of silence. The boys shook their heads solemnly. Peter in particular was especially quiet since meeting James back in the common room. James could tell he felt guilty, it was as though guilt waves were radiating off him.

"James," Peter started.

"Don't worry about it, Pete," he told him quickly, forcing a small smile to reassure his friend. "If I were in your situation, I would have done the same."

Except he was lying.

"Do you think they were planning to attack the school?" Lily asked yet another question. She had so many questions since she'd gotten back to the castle, and most would be left unanswered.

"Of course it wasn't," Sirius snapped a little. "It was an attack on Hog_smeade_, not Hog_warts_."

"Well, how do you know they weren't just working themselves up to the castle?" Lily bit back.

"But they didn't, did they."

"But they could have. Do you think they'll shut down the school?"

"Of course they won't shut down the school, Lily!"

"Oh shut up Sirius, how do you know? You're not Dumbledore!"

"Dumbledore would never shut down the school, alright! This school is my home!"

"I know Sirius, everyone feels that way, but we've got to face up to the facts that Hogwarts isn't as safe as we thought!"

"You don't know what you're talking about! Hogwarts will always be safe—"

"Guys! Guys, please!" James shut Sirius and Lily up with a yell, looking tiredly at the two. With a sigh, they both finished arguing.

"I think we're all just irritable because of lack of sleep," Remus said steadily from his chair. "Why don't we all just all go to bed?" The others nodded in agreement, getting up from their seats, but paused when they spotted Frank Longbottom making his way down the staircase.

"Hey guys," he greeted them with a small smile, picking up his school robes he'd left on the back of one of the chairs. "Rough day, right?"

"You said it," James replied, exhausted.

"Oh," Frank came closer, remembering something. "Did you guys hear? About the person who was murdered by You-know-who?"

Lily gasped while the boys widened their eyes in astonishment.

"Someone died?" Remus repeated.

"Yeah," Frank nodded gravely. "McGonagall tried to keep quiet about it, but word around the castle is that it was a father of somebody _in this school_."

"Oh my goodness," Lily covered her open mouth with her hand. "Who?"

"Oh…I can't remember her name….I think you guys know her. That girl…what is it you call her? 'Hot Georgina', I think?"

The group sucked in a breath, the second Frank had mentioned her name; he didn't realize he'd get such a reaction from them. Looking uncomfortable, he told them awkwardly "night, then" and retired up the staircase to his dorm.

James immediately looked at Remus who'd gone to sit back down in his chair, laying his chin on clasped hands as his elbows rested on his knees. Lily and Peter stood by his side, unsure of what to do. Sirius was already making for the portrait exit. James stopped him before he left through the hole and steered him to a corner of the common room out of the others' range of hearing.

"What are you doing?" James hissed at him.

Sirius frowned at him. "What does it look like I'm doing, Prongs? I'm going to see if she's okay." He made his way for the portrait again but James grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back roughly. Sirius scowled at him.

"What is your problem, James?"

"What is _yours_?"

Out of the corner of his eye, James spotted Lily looking over from sitting with Remus, wondering what was going on from their raised voices. James lowered his.

"I know her father just died, but she is not a good person, Sirius."

"Her father was _murdered,_ Prongs. Whatever happened with Moony can be pushed aside tonight, she needs a friend right now." Yet again, he made his way to the portrait but James determinedly stood in front of him. Sirius couldn't understand why he was stopping him from leaving.

"Get out of my way James—"

"You don't get it," he gritted through his teeth. "The reason why Georgina broke off their date to Hogsmeade today wasn't because he was boring, studious or whatever; it was because she found out he was a werewolf."

Sirius blinked in surprise, running a hand through his hair in unease. He really couldn't believe it. They'd been so careful in hiding Remus' secret. "But how?"

"I don't know," James shrugged bitterly. "All I know is that she'll date _anyone_ except a werewolf."

Sirius shut his eyes briefly, disappointment in Georgina shown clearly across his face.

"Maybe her father getting murdered will be a wake up call to her—"

"Don't say stuff like that," Sirius shook his head, shooting James a hurt look at such a vicious remark.

"Sirius, just…." James sighed in frustration. "Just get over there and sit with Remus, _now_." And Sirius would do it, because James asked nicely and it was James after all.

"I may live under the same roof as you, but you are _not_ my fucking mother, Prongs."

Sirius bashed shoulders with him and climbed through the portrait hole, and James stared after him with a look that said _betrayal_.


	19. Crossing the threshold

**A/N**: Long time no see, eh eh? The story is _veeeeery_ close to the end, you guys! Just want to let you know that the next update might not be for a while because I'm taking part in NanoWriMo in November (if you don't know what it is, basically it's a challenge to write a 50,000 word novel in a month) and I'm going to try an original fiction for a change, so wish me good luck! I'll try and write some fanfiction then if I can.

Also, it was recently my birthday so a review from you would be a great birthday present, HINT HINT.

Thanks to my beta Anna as always. Onward!

**Chapter 19**

James contemplated whether he should go after Sirius, but his bottom was enjoying the warmth of the fireplace, Sirius was quite the fast walker when he wanted to be, and Lily was suddenly hugging him from behind and he wondered whether he could manufacture life-size Lily-like cuddly bears you hugged when you were lonely and kept in your bedroom and took up practically the entire floor space with their gigantic size.

_I should have punched him_, he thought. _I should have punched Sirius and then he wouldn't have gone, or he would have gone with a bloody nose and it would have left a bloody trail on the castle floor and Mrs Norris would have found him in seconds. I swear that cat ingests blood instead of milk. _

"He's right, you know," he heard Lily murmur. He stubbornly continued to glare at the portrait hole Sirius had bravely climbed through minutes earlier. Remus and Peter had disappeared to their dormitory for slumber.

"You're not his mother, James."

His angered temperament relaxed gradually as she nestled against him. "Then why do I feel like it half the time?" he asked with a drained sigh.

"Because you're a plonker that cares too much," she stated the obvious. "He's already got one terrible mother, don't be his second."

James whipped round indignantly at that remark. "I am not a terrible mother!" He repeated that sentence in his head. "I mean, I'm not a mother—_I mean_, _I'm not a woman._"

"It took you an inordinate amount of time to come to that conclusion," Lily commented with a smirk and James countered it with one of his own.

"Honestly, it's like you want me to admit I am of womanly tendencies and leave you for a man called Pierre," he teased. "And we all know you're just using me because you find the idea of your offspring sporting glasses very appealing."

Lily shrugged in amusement. "What can I say? Glasses frame the face and add a look of acumen," she unintentionally complimented him.

The sound of the portrait door creeping open as someone entered made them plunge into silence: Sirius was back already, uncomfortable to find the two still in the common room and obviously hoping to catch a quick getaway to his dormitory. A cautious Lily let go of James' waist as he stepped forward to address his fellow Marauder.

"That was quick," James remarked.

"Er… yeah..." Sirius' gaze shifted uneasily when he answered, "I didn't go see her."

James' look of displeasure formed into a surprised smile. "You changed your mind!" he said with delight. He was about to step forward to congratulate his friend with a pat on the back for realizing his earlier mistake, when Sirius butted in.

"No." James quickly returned to looking blatantly annoyed, praying he'd heard wrong. "I realized that I don't have the password to Ravenclaw Tower, so obviously I can't see her. Maybe I'll try and bump into her tomorrow." He shrugged, and James looked down at his feet, disappointment evident across his face as he scuffed his shoe against the floor to keep it preoccupied before it booted Sirius unexpectedly in the face.

"Maybe you won't," James offered. It was as though he was holding a staring contest with Sirius as he watched him intensely.

James won.

"Maybe I won't," Sirius agreed with a nod. He mumbled a goodnight and headed for the staircase.

"I told Moony you went to the kitchens," James mentioned.

"Oh." Sirius paused on the stairs and shot James a grateful look. "Thanks, mate."

Once Sirius headed up the stairs again and was out of sight, the room descended into silence again. Catching James' eye, Lily raised her brow at him.

"What?" he demanded.

She shook her head in response to his act of ignorance. "Please don't start anything with him."

"He's the one starting something," he pointed after the stairs. "I cannot believe he would even consider going to see her after what she did to Remus."

"Her father just died, James."

"I know," he said reluctantly, "but she's not a good person…"

"There's good in everyone."

James couldn't resist a smile at her, but at the same time felt incredibly frustrated. "Lily, you know I love you for your kindness and ability to see good in everybody-" Lily could feel a 'but' and unsurprisingly received one "-but sometimes you're, well, wrong."

He thought of Severus Snape for example, but didn't want to voice his name and cause another argument. He thought Lily was wrong about Snape, despite all her efforts in saying he was just misunderstood. There wasn't any good in him, in his opinion.

"I know you're referring to Snape, James." He jumped out of his skin and looked at Lily with wide eyes. This had been classified a moment where she knew him too well, which excited him a bit, the prospect of Lily Evans being so close to James Potter years ago an absurd joke. "But I don't want to talk about him." She seized his arm while yawning. "I just want to get some sleep, yeah?"

James observed her for a second. "Can I make a bear out of you?"

A frown slowly crept upon Lily's face. "Is 'bear' another word for 'fool'?"

"No, I mean an actual bear. Life-size, bow on the head, when you're lonely gives you Lily Hugs – I like to call them: Lugs." She waited for him to carry on. "Make many, sell millions."

She was used to his mad ideas by now. "As long as these bears don't have breasts, then sure. You manufacture those _breastless_ bears with bows on their heads in that worrying little mind of yours." She rustled his hair and he swooped down to kiss her as, what Lily presumed, was a means of a thank you for giving him permission.

James led her back to the Head Tower under his Invisibility Cloak; something of James' Lily was quickly warming to. The material occasionally tickled her legs…or was it another of James' dirty tricks she was unaware of?

"Sleep in my room tonight?" he asked as she lingered by her door. "No mangoes, I promise," he mentioned swiftly.

Lily could tell he was still thinking about the events of the Dark Mark that night from the tight hold of her hand in his. Although James wore glasses, to some extent a mask his orbs could conceal behind, his eyes always conveyed a lot of emotion. His eyes could tell stories without him having to say a word, and this story said: _don't leave my side. _

Silently she nodded in response and entered her dorm to change into her pyjamas. Quickly finding them in the assigned drawer (she'd formerly tried to organize James' clothes in order of category allocated to each drawer, but she'd given up upon discovering males simply had no passion for folding clothes), she took off her robe and saw the pocket bulging slightly.

After prodding the bulge with her wand for a short while, she picked out a piece of parchment.

_Not from the Half Blood Prince,_ Lily pleaded desperately in her mind. _I can't take another letter, not after tonight…_

With her hands trembling a little, she reluctantly read the note.

'_James won't always be there to protect you.'_

Her hands shook harder. As she stared at the words, the letters on the note seemed to jump out from the parchment and circle her head, closing in and suffocating her. Shaking her head back to reality, she folded the note back up neatly and opened the drawer beside her bed to deposit it with the others.

It overflowed the second she opened it, so much that some notes fell to the floor and she had to gather them up in her hands and stuff them back in. She pushed the pile further down into the drawer and slammed it shut before any more pieces escaped.

She needed to get rid of them soon. It was too risky keeping them there, especially with James sleeping across the hallway. She'd do something with the notes tomorrow.

Honestly, she would.

---------------

"Anyway," Sirius attempted to change the subject at breakfast; he'd decided the topic of why eating cauli_flower _was normal, but when you consumed a _dandelion_ flower you were classified mentally unstable, was ultimately discussed enough.

"Now that you're back, Moony-" Sirius hooked an arm around Remus' shoulder, and Remus pulled a smile as he ate his toast, "-you should feel threatened."

Immediately, Remus coughed on his toast and had to seize a glass of water. "Why?" he asked suspiciously. "What have you done?"

Sirius turned sour for a moment. "Nothing! Merlin, you're jumpy."

Remus tried to think of a reasonable excuse for his agitated manner. "…I'm going to cut to the chase here: when I wasn't hanging around with you, Sirius, I felt predominately safer."

James let out a snort of amusement. He liked this atmosphere, the four Marauders back together, verbally victimizing each other in the nicest way possible. It seemed as though Sirius was going to stick to his word too, not bringing up Georgina once that morning or making any attempt to find her (she wasn't in the Great hall, but that was understandable –death of loved ones made you lose your appetite). Remus seemed to have forgotten about Georgina momentarily too, or he was putting up an impressive act.

None of the boys seemed to want to bring up the events of the Dark Mark last night either, or anyone in the castle, everyone masked with fake composure for a lazy Sunday. James liked it best that way: talking about it didn't solve anything. Actions are were louder than words, he believed, and the second he left Hogwarts he'd take action, train to fight the bad side, the side that represented egotism, greed and hopelessness. James and an army –an entire army, an army led by Dumbledore- would fight Voldemort, and the Marauders would be alongside him.

"I'm just saying," Remus managed to speak in between chuckles as he ate his breakfast, "if I had to choose between sitting in the mouth of a lion, and spending an afternoon with you, Sirius, let's just say I'd find placing my bottom in a lion's mouth very appealing."

"Why, is that your fetish?" Sirius snorted. He and James began to grin at Remus' look of horror. "Bottom action with a lion—"

"No!" Remus turned to Peter for help. "Wormtail, help me out here. On a scale of one to ten, one being safe and ten being perilous, what would you grade Sirius?"

Peter thoroughly disliked being put on the spot, especially when Sirius was staring at him with folded arms. "Think wisely, Peter," he warned him.

"Er….one hundred!" he blurted out.

"One to ten, Peter, _one to ten_," Remus prompted.

"Sorry, I panicked," Peter cringed. He looked at Sirius as though he were measuring his inner hazard. "Perhaps a…seven?"

Sirius slammed his fists on the table. "SEVEN! I am MILD PERIL to you? Minus your next fifteen presents from me, Pettigrew!"

"That isn't upsetting news to me," Peter replied indifferently. "I'd prefer it if I didn't receive women's lingerie as a present for the fourth year running."

"Mate, if you don't specify a present, that's what you get."

"I do specify presents, Sirius!" Peter protested. "I ask every year for a new set of robes!"

"Yet Padfoot seems to find that what you wear _underneath_ is more important," James added. Sirius pointed a finger of warning at him.

"Pete," Sirius patted his friend's shoulder in sympathy. "I honestly didn't know it bothered you so much. Next year I'll get you a set of robes, I promise."

"Thank you, Sirius!" Peter looked delighted at such news. He happily lapped up the rest of his meal.

'WOMEN'S LINGERIE,' Sirius mouthed directly afterwards to Remus, while the werewolf shook his head in the direction of his food, hoping it would take pity on him having such company.

"Anyway," James continued on the topic of Sirius being a menace to society. "I don't really see you as a peril, Padfoot, more like a…risk to others. You're like going out on an overwhelmingly hot day with no suntan lotion—yes, you're exactly like that."

"I hate to interrupt your little monologue here," Sirius interrupted with a bold yawn, "but someone behind you seems to want a word with you." He pointed over James' shoulder.

James pulled a face. "Oh _har har_, I won't fall for that trick again." He adopted a girly voice, "_Ooo, pretend someone's behind Prongs to make him turn around and see no one's there and won't it be boringly comical!_" He picked up his bowl. "I bet you when I throw my bowl of cornflakes behind me the milk and cornflakes will hit nothing but the floor because no one is there!"

Remus sat up in his seat and shook his head vigorously. "James, I really don't recommend that—"

A splash broke through the air as James tossed the bowl of cornflakes over one shoulder. A high-pitched scream immediately followed and the boys squirmed uncontrollably. So Sirius _hadn't_ planned to trick him after all, a million to one prospect. James prayed it wasn't Lily's face he'd flung his sadly wet breakfast at…

And, thankfully, it wasn't! However, the girl was a close friend of Lily's, which only equalled trouble. Sirius thought it would be appropriate to announce, "told you, stag boy," as loud as possible, along with sticking his tongue out at James, which quickly secured him a reprimanding look from Remus.

"So, so so so so so sorry," James apologized to the girl. He was particularly magnetized by the cornflake stuck to her nose. Cringing, he summoned a towel and handed it to her so she could wipe her face.

"YOUR FACE," Sirius leant forward to state clearly, "IS GOING TO SMELL LIKE MILK NOW—"

"_Shut up_," Remus hissed at him.

Nicole sniffed the cornflake out of her nose. "I never thought there was a greeting of hello which involved milk and cornflakes," she remarked gruffly.

"Again," he pointed at his chest, "very sorry. Anyway, hello." He tried to remember her name and frowned.

"You forgot my name," she guessed at once.

"_No_!" He used too much emphasis to seem natural. "Course not…! It begins with a K, doesn't it?"

"No." She glared at him. "You saved me from the locked bathroom last night," she tried to prompt him to remember.

"Ooooh!" James again used too much emphasis. "Well, _now_ I remember…! Seriously, is it anywhere near the letter D?"

The girl rolled her eyes. "Look, never mind, I just wanted to thank you again for that. You didn't have to save me—"

"Oh, trust me, I did," James butted in. "If I hadn't, Lily would have kicked me in the balls."

"Lovely relationship you've got going on there," Nicole remarked dryly. "I also wanted to talk to you about—"

"LOUISE!" James cut her off and pointed at her. "YOUR NAME IS LOUISE!"

"It's Nicole," Peter whispered in his ear. James looked as him to say _how on earth did you know that _but merely cursed he was one letter off. He was normally good at guessing games. Come to think of it, he normally had a good memory. Perhaps he'd slammed his head too many times at the table to be considered healthy…

"Anyway, James, I wanted to talk about," Nicole's voice lowered ever so slightly, "you know who."

James frowned, "Voldypoo?"

"Oh for God's sake, I hate how that guy has that vague title. I'm talking about Lily, you buffoon!"

"Oh," James said in understanding, and almost suddenly frowned, turning concerned. "Oh. Lily. What's going on? Anything serious?"

Nicole seemed reluctant to answer. "Potentially," she replied sadly. James rose from his seat, indisputably vexed. "We can't discuss it here, though," she attempted to calm him down as she threw him a pointed look. "Somewhere more private." She tilted her towards the exit of the Great Hall.

"What about Lily?" James looked down the Gryffindor table and spotted her peeking at him and Nicole with curiosity. "Won't she be a bit suspicious?"

"Don't worry." Nicole plastered on a fake grin. Turning to the direction of Lily, she began to wave at her friend. "Wave, James," she ordered him, and he did on command. "She thinks we're off to discuss what you're getting her for Christmas."

"But Christmas isn't for ages," James gritted through his teeth as he continued to beam. His mouth and hand were beginning to hurt.

"She's gullible after you fatten her up with a full English breakfast," Nicole divulged. She glanced at James and discovered his scary grin. "Will you please try to look normal?"

"I LOVE YOU LILY AND I WOULD NEVER EVER TALK ABOUT YOU BEHIND YOUR BACK!"

Nicole slapped her head and elbowed James painfully in the ribs to stop shouting over to Lily. It seemed as though Lily was heavily embarrassed as she flushed a bold red and pretended not to know him, completely entranced in reading the Daily Prophet.

"Does she do that a lot?"

"Do what a lot?" James asked.

"Pretend she doesn't know you," Nicole continued.

"Harhar," Sirius interjected, "only seven times a day—"

"No, she does not," James glared.

Nicole gestured for them to leave and James mumbled a brief "see you later" to the Marauders as he speedily followed after her, his expression staid yet eager to know what's going on.

"This does not bode well," Sirius commented as he stared thoughtfully after them.

"Don't jinx it, Sirius," Remus rebuked him. Predictably, Sirius had only voiced his own thoughts. He wondered if Lily was still having a problem with that secret admirer of hers that had sent her love letters. She'd told him a while back the 'Prince' had stopped his correspondence with her, but Remus remained sceptical. He wondered if Lily's friend Nicole knew anything. He still felt considerably guilty for not telling James about it, but it was one of his annoying traits, holding back from voicing certain things, and he prayed either Lily would own up or the love letter problem simply wasn't a problem anymore.

"Peter, you seem quiet," Sirius noticed, observing his friend. "What's up?"

Peter sighed as his shoulders drooped with Wormtail Woe. "Remus is back."

The werewolf didn't even flinch. "Charming," he remarked.

"No, I didn't mean it like that!" Peter said, cringing. "I meant, well, I can't pretend to be you anymore."

"Yes, I heard about that," Remus said, glancing at Sirius as he recalled him telling about Peter's sudden rush of Moony-ness in his absence. "And I want my dictionary, thesaurus and sweater-vest returned immediately."

An even more dramatic sigh escaped Peter's lips. It would be hard for him to let those entities go. Just as Sirius was about to bring up any arbitrarily cheerier subjects or tempt Peter to the jovial side with a piece of cheese, a group of Gryffindors sitting at one side of the Marauders spoke in a volume too loud to ignore.

"Did you hear about that girl's father who was murdered by Death Eaters last night?"

"I know! It's that seventh year girl from Ravenclaw, isn't it?"

Instantly, Remus and Sirius turned quiet. They didn't want to listen but their voices were too hard to escape from without literally leaving the room.

"I heard she has no friends."

"Well, she kind of brought that on herself didn't she? I don't like her. She seems really selfish."

"You have to feel sorry for her, though."

Peter watched carefully between his friends, wondering who would speak first. It was Remus who cracked.

"Do you think it would be appropriate if I went to see her?"

Sirius was about to ask that exact same question. Nevertheless, he'd made a decision last night after he'd returned to Gryffindor Tower, not being able to see Georgina and running into James and Lily. He was going to stick by Remus' side. How dare Georgina reject Remus because of that _minute_ problem he suffered once a month! How dare she be so narrow-minded! He always believed friendship was more important than girls; he'd just got swayed in the moment of so much happening last night. Hell, he'd seen the Dark Mark additionally and felt somewhat magnetized by it, which was bound to have confused all his thoughts afterwards. Perhaps that sense of fascination towards the Dark Mark had been the 'Black' coming out of him. He wouldn't let it creep out again - it had already taken over the rest of his family.

"Forget about Georgina, Moony," Sirius told him once out of his thoughts. "I think she's best alone after last night. She's not good news, and she seems to have made it pretty clear to you that she doesn't think you're worthy of her company," he ended on a snarl.

"I suppose," Remus agreed quietly. He stared into his glass of water as though it were bottomless.

Why did he have a dreading sensation that even though everything seemed fine on the surface, everything was slowly falling apart underneath?

----------------

Meanwhile, Lily's friend Nicole had brought James down a deserted corridor to talk. Her solemn expression completed the tense feel of the topic at hand.

"Now, James—"

"SNAP!"

Nicole frowned at him - James was pointing to the glasses perched on his nose, and then at the pair of glasses Nicole was wearing on hers. The fact that they were both wearing glasses was apparently startling.

"I worry why you and Sirius find it so remarkable that we both wear glasses. We're not the only ones who wear them in this school, you know."

James ignored her. "SNAP!"

"Oh dear God. Look, let's get onto the matter at hand, shall we?"

"Yes," James agreed, a little embarrassed for the last two utterances he had shouted (undoubtedly Sirius would have poked fun if he were present). "So, what are we thinking I should get Lily for Christmas?"

Nicole gawked at him to some extent. "Are you having a laugh?" James looked at her confusedly. "You bloody idiot, we're not discussing what you're getting Lily for Christmas! That's what I made up to Lily so she wouldn't think we were talking about her!"

"Oh! ...Really though, would lingerie be appropriate?" he asked, because apparently the gift of lingerie was ideal from every Marauder.

"No, and we'll have this conversation at a later time, but I need to tell you what Lily was doing yesterday—"

"ELIZABETH! YOUR NAME IS ELIZABETH!"

"_For God's sake, Peter said my name is NICOLE!_"

"Oh, right. Sorry, I forgot." James raked a hand through his hair in shame. "Carry on."

"I feel bad for telling you this behind Lily's back but I'm just worried about her, you know?" James nodded for her to continue and that it was alright. "Yesterday in Hogsmeade I spotted Lily following Derrick."

"Right," James replied warily, not blowing his top straight away.

"For an _entire afternoon_," she added.

He thought she was joking at first, but her face told him she was far from telling stories. His eyes grew wide a little as he tried to get his head round what she'd revealed. "Right," he said again, unsure of what to say. His mind whirled with thoughts that weren't in Lily's favour, thoughts growing into ideas, and ideas growing into images he didn't want to see that would eventually form into facts in his brain.

"I don't know why she was doing it," Nicole continued. "She just made up some lame excuse about how it was her 'Head Girl duty', but you and I both know that's bollocks. …I needed to tell you because there _is_ something going on, and you're a nice guy, James, and Derrick isn't. Lily's my friend and I don't want him back into her life again."

"Neither do I," James insisted.

Nicole looked worried for a moment. "You won't tell Lily I told you—"

"Course not," James said at once. "Don't worry, Nicole, I'm gonna sort this all out." He held a comforting yet resolute stare, and Nicole could only believe his word.

He never knew out of all the Marauders he would have to be the one to find Georgina later. The word _hypocrite_ sprang to mind, but he needed her help.

-----------

Lily hadn't talked to James or seen him much that day, except briefly before walking to the Great Hall for breakfast. She assumed he'd decided today was a Sunday for the Marauders to catch up fully now that Remus was back in the 'clang'. The time was quite late, as Lily was alone in the Head Tower. The room was lit with the odd small soft-lit candles as she sat in front of the fireplace, flames reflecting in her green eyes, giving off the image of fire burning grass. The scene looked cosy if you didn't look too close.

She'd gathered all of the Half Blood Prince's letters, every last one of them, and piled them on the floor. They made an impressive small heap. She picked up random pieces of parchment and read.

'_Through their kisses and caresses they experienced a joy and wonder the equal of which has never been known or heard of,  
But I shall be silent, for the rarest and most delectable pleasures are those which are hinted at, but never told.'_

'_The modest Rose puts forth a thorn,  
The humble sheep a threatening horn,  
While the Lily white shall in love delight,  
Nor a thorn nor a threat stain her beauty bright.'_

A shiver ran up her spine as she read the next one, putting her off from reading any more.

_**My knife, your throat.**_

She couldn't understand it. How could a person go from _kisses and caresses _to _knives_? She dropped the note back into the pile with the others.

She'd burn them, every single one, and if the Half Blood Prince sent her any more, she would burn them too without even reading them.

The fireplace was especially blazing with flames, as though eager to accept the parchment. Picking up a handful of the notes, she dropped them into the fireplace, keen to watch them turn black until eventually curling into ashes. Her foot tapped impatiently. Any second now…

_The parchment would not burn._

At first she thought it was just taking a while for the flames to react with the notes, but nothing was happening, and several seconds had passed. The instant flame touched parchment it should have immediately ignited, but it seemed as though the notes were simply resting comfortably on the fire, no reaction at all.

_That's impossible,_ Lily thought. She grabbed the fire poker and prodded the notes further into the flames, but there was merely spit of fire and only that. The parchment still looked untouched. She managed to knock one off the fire and onto the floor and she examined it closer – it looked in perfect condition, almost as if it were shining. She even dared to touch it with her fingers, expecting the heat of it to smoulder her fingers, but the parchment felt at normal temperature.

"Come on," she said angrily, prodding at the other notes in the fireplace once more, yet they refused do anything. She let out a cry of frustration and threw the fire poker to the floor, cradling her head in her hands.

_He put a spell on it,_ Lily thought furiously. _The Prince protected the notes with a spell—aargh. Of course he would do something like this!_ She knew this person was clever, and he had successfully outdone her.

She felt near tears but determinedly held them back; she knew she had to get the notes hidden before James unexpectedly returned. Hurriedly gathering the notes again, including the ones from the fireplace, she rushed to her dorm. She looked around her room before settling on a spot.

The drawer behind her bed would have to be where the notes returned. Sighing, she deposited them back inside and slammed it shut, so strongly the objects on top of the drawer rattled.

She'd try something tomorrow, she thought, as she carefully sat on the edge of her bed. She'd try something else, search in the library for a counter spell to get rid of those notes, she'd….

She'd…

…realize secrets _really_ did eat you up, make you break into tears and ruin your best set of robes with those little wet things that escaped your eyes, something that she decided she didn't really deserve to do, because really, she'd brought this all on herself, and that made her cry harder.

-------------------

James knew he'd bump into Georgina at some point of the day, and it had been when she was sneaking out of the Ravenclaw Tower to get some food from the kitchens (she'd missed all meals, knowing that eating in the Great Hall that day would be uncomfortable with the school's eyes on her). James had tried to join in the Marauders' celebration on Remus' return, but he simply couldn't concentrate, especially after what Nicole had told him that morning.

"How are you?" James had asked, managing to corner her behind a tapestry.

Georgina nodded timidly. After a lengthy pause, she managed, "Okay."

"Shouldn't you be at home?"

"This is my home," she corrected him a little rudely.

"No, I mean, with your family."

Georgina softened her tone. "That's what Dumbledore recommended too, but I'd rather not, plus I don't have much family left." She plastered on a fake smile which made James look at her sadly. "Did you know I have a new title, beside Hogwarts Tart? Georgina: orphan." Unbelievably, she laughed, but James refused to join in. "Funny, isn't it?"

"_No_," James replied quietly. "I know you've probably heard this a lot today, but I'm sorry for your loss—"

"Actually, I haven't heard it a lot today," Georgina interrupted him. She stared off thoughtfully. "It's okay when someone's died naturally, but people just don't know what to say to you when your father was murdered, most especially by You-Know-Who's followers."

James understood. "You seem," he observed her closely, "quite calm about it all."

"I'd expected it," Georgina revealed grimly. Sighing, she swept back her fringe and shook her head in irritation. "My _foolish_ father… He got caught up with some dangerous people. He was in big debt, and I don't mean of the financial kind. The idiot…."

"For getting caught up with the Dark Arts?" James finished her sentence.

Georgina looked up through dark eyes. "For getting caught."

James pressed no further on that matter. There would always be that part of Georgina which baffled him.

"I know this is an appropriate time, but I need…to ask a favour of you."

"A favour?" she echoed curiously.

James nodded. "I learned earlier today that Lily has been taking a particular interest with Derrick—"

"He's still a problem, then?"

James disliked her tone and that question. "What do you mean?"

"Doesn't it seem that ever since you've been dating Lily Derrick has been a problem?" Georgina raised her brow at him. "Hovering in the background like a bad omen," she said mysteriously, "like a reminder of doubt."

Until now, James had never thought of that. "No," he lied unconvincingly. Derrick hadn't always been a problem from the start, had he? He wasn't a problem now, James told himself, just a slight inconvenience.

"I want you to get closer to Derrick," James continued. Georgina was both surprised and perplexed by such a request. "It seems like he can't get over the fact that Lily chose me instead of him. I need you to keep him as far away from Lily as possible, be his distraction."

"That's all I am, after all," Georgina added in a hollow tone, "a boy's distraction, their bit on the side."

"Are you expecting me to disagree here?" James asked quietly.

Georgina pulled a slight smile and shook her head.

James looked at her expectantly. "Will you do it, then?"

She appeared to be having a battle with her thoughts. "It's just…" she started, her tone suggesting she was reluctant to accept.

"Come on, what's the problem? This is your speciality."

"But I don't want to do stuff like this, James. I'm turning over a new leaf, remember? There was a time in my life when I'd do it because I found it fun, getting close to people, whether or not to find out valuable information, then drop them the second the deed was done and they were too smitten with me to bear—"

"Like you did with Remus," James cut her off bitterly.

Georgina's face turned unpleasant. "That was different and you know it."

"How?" James demanded angrily. "How the hell is it different at all? You got close to him, found out about his furry little problem, and you dropped him like that," he clicked his fingers to emphasise his point. Georgina snorted at his phrasing.

"_Furry little problem_?" she repeated with disbelief. "He's a werewolf. He could kill you."

"He wouldn't hurt _anyone_," he hissed with angry eyes. Georgina didn't break under his gaze. He calmed down and returned to the issue at hand. "I expect you glued by Derrick's side tomorrow, Georgina. Goodnight." He made to leave.

"What makes you think I'll do this?" she called loudly after him down the corridor.

James threw a sad look over his shoulder. "Because I know you've got a lot of debts to repay for things you've done in the past, Georgina, and you're only going to end up in the direction of your father if you never do any good deeds. And if you think someone like you, a person that judges others wrongly and abandons a _great bloke _because of a condition he never asked for since the mere age of _six_, is going up there, _love_," he pointed upwards, signifying to heaven, "then you're more narrow-minded than I thought." He paused for a second, regretful for being so harsh with her. "Again, I'm sorry for your loss," he told her softly. "Goodnight." He turned back round and made his way to the Head Tower.

Upon arriving at the Head Tower, he knew something was wrong, an obvious hint being the portrait of the Fat Man humming the funeral march as he stepped through. He discovered the fireplace blazing wildly and muttered a spell to make it die a fraction before it burnt the entire room with its heat.

"Orange peel?" he called her ridiculous nickname; he'd missed her and just wanted to hold her in his arms. He mooched his way to Lily's room and knocked on the door. "Lil-eeeee?"

The sound of a sob escaped from behind the door and James furrowed his brow. "Lily?" He instantly made for the doorknob and, finding the door was open, rushed inside the room: Lily was crying as she sat on the edge of her bed, her face covered by her hands. She slowly removed her fingers from her face and quickly covered them again upon discovering James had entered. She couldn't let him see her like this, fragile, weak, all an Evans couldn't be. James paled at the sight of her drenched face the split second he witnessed it.

"Hey!" He hurried forwards and tried to embrace her but Lily had jumped up from the bed, and purposely turned her back to avoid facing him. She rushed to a corner of the room, trying to shield her tear-covered cheeks. "Lily! What is going on?"

Predictably, instead of answering the question, she only cried harder. The sight of her like this frustrated him to such extent where he felt like crying, too. He tried again, softer, no questions, just comfort, "Lily, come here…"

She suddenly spun round and James wrapped his arms round her small frame. Lily Hugs (aka: 'Lugs') didn't feel nice when the girl held onto you for dear life as she cried on your shoulder the _entire night_, while you _sssssssh_-ed and _I'm-here-_ed quietly in her ear as you rubbed her back, wondering why she was sprouting those little wet things from her eyes and being _so angry with yourself_ because you couldn't answer one simple question:

Why?

----------------

Sirius, Remus and Peter quietened at once when James arrived at breakfast the next morning. His hair was more unkempt than ever and tremendous black bags under his eyes were noticeable. He grunted as a means of hello. His hand seized a glass of orange juice which he quickly downed in gulps.

"You do know that orange juice doesn't have the same effect as alcohol," Peter pointed out; intrigued at the speed he was practically inhaling his juice. James grunted again.

"You look tired, Prongs," Sirius pointed out the obvious.

James slammed his glass onto the table and Sirius flinched.

"Do you really want to know why I'm tired?" He leant closer and his friends got a better look at his red eyes. "Because my girlfriend is sitting on the other end of the table pretending that nothing happened last night." The boys glanced down the table and found Lily staring at her golden plate, not eating, despite sitting in the Great Hall for breakfast, eating a somewhat compulsory thing in that location. "And do you really want to know what happened last night?" Peter began to shake his head but James continued. "She was sobbing on my shoulder the whole time, and do you know what just takes the fucking biscuit? I don't know what made her cry because she obviously doesn't trust me enough to tell me. So that's why I couldn't sleep last night and why I'm so fucking tired."

"Prongs-" Sirius started.

James put up his hand and he stopped. "Leave it."

"_Prongs_," Sirius said again.

James looked as though he was about to snap at him but realized what he'd just said and put his head in his hands. "I'm sorry," he apologized hoarsely. "I just—I really don't know what to do. She's hiding something, I know she is, and it's scaring me shitless wondering what it is, and I think it might have something to do with Derrick—God, if it's got something to do with him…" He thumped the table with his fist.

"Just talk to her, James," Remus said.

"I can't bloody well order it out of her, can I?" James pulled at his hair. "She won't even look me in the eye after last night. I don't know how much more of this I can take, Moony, I think it's been going on for ages and I've been left in the dark about it. …I really don't want to lose her—seriously, if this has anything to do with that prick Derrick…" he trailed off and looked sadly at the other end of the table where Lily was sitting.

"Find out what she's hiding."

"But she won't tell me, Padfoot!" James snapped.

"Then _look_ for it yourself, idiot."

Remus, alarmed, looked up at Sirius, not liking the direction this was going.

"Find clues. Search her room," Sirius continued.

"No way," Remus said at once, glaring daggers at Sirius for such an idea. He turned back to James. "Prongs, don't even think about searching her room, it's a breach of her privacy. Whatever she has to tell you she'll tell in her own time—"

"She could never tell him," Sirius pointed out.

"Stop putting ideas into his head!" Remus scolded him. "James, please." He didn't like that thoughtful expression on his face.

"Come on Prongs, do you want to wait for the day she owns up—which could never come, might I add—or find out now so you can move on from this?"

After a small while James nodded at Sirius. "You're absolutely right."

"James!" Remus gawked at him.

"Sorry Moony," James shrugged his shoulders. "I've got to do this." He got up from his seat and hurried to the exit, his next destination the Head Tower and Lily's room.

"Don't do this, James!" Remus called after him, but it was too late as he was already out of sight. He promptly turned to Sirius and bravely pushed his chest, making him outcry and stumble back. Sirius stared back at him, bewildered - Remus had never hit him before. "_What the hell is wrong with you_?"

"I'm just trying to help him!" Sirius roared back.

"Why do you always have to make everything a million times worse? Do you even realize what you've just done?" Sirius' blank expression angered him. "_Augh_, for God's sake!" He threw up his hands and stormed off after James, hoping he'd catch him in time before he did anything foolish.

-------------

As James stood by Lily's, he could feel two voices fighting in his head - the level-headed Remus forbidding him entry, and the much more appealing voice of Sirius tempting him to cross the threshold.

He crossed the threshold.

Wild and desperate, he began to search the room, shoving things aside and flinging belongings out of the way, clearing a path to the truth. The longer he searched the angrier he became and the more mess he caused, soon finding he was destroying the room for no reason. Finally, he came to a drawer beside Lily's bed he hadn't checked. In rage, he pulled the drawer out and flung it across the room and onto the floor, masses of pieces of parchment spraying everywhere. He ogled at the display and took a closer look at the contents of the drawer. He picked up one of the notes…

It was blank. _All_ of them were blank.

James furrowed his brow. Surely all these pieces of parchment Lily kept couldn't be empty of writing? Why on earth would she keep them if they were blank?

A dreadful thought hit him. Slowly getting out his wand, he pointed it at the piece of parchment.

_Do you really want to know, James?_ He wondered as his hand shook. _Do you really want to know what it says?_

The appealing voice of Sirius in his mind prodded at him again.

_Yes._

"_Aparecium_," he made the invisible ink come alive.

----------------

She'd decided: she was finally going to tell James about the Half Blood Prince.

She couldn't keep it in any longer. James would understand and help her. She couldn't cope with this problem by herself to any further extent, it was simply too much to cope with for one person. She needed him. He'd make everything better.

Except something was undoubtedly wrong, because when she entered the Head Tower soon after breakfast, that pang in her stomach she thought was just nerves felt like it was eating away at her, like the secret that had been slowly devouring her. And when she entered the Head Tower, Sirius, Remus and Peter were already inside, looking at her as though seeing her in a different light, a new and _bad_ different light.

"What's going on?" Lily asked frantically. "Where's James?"

Sirius shook his head angrily at her before pointing to her room. "In there."

_He'd found them._

"No," she covered her hand with her mouth. Hurrying across the room, she pushed past Sirius and opened the door to her room: James was sitting on her bed, every last one of the Half Blood Prince's letters scattered across the floor - one was in his hand, crumpling as his fist unconsciously quaked. He was looking at Lily with the new and bad different light, too.

"What the hell are these?"


	20. And yet another cliffhanger of doom

**A/n:** Yes, I am too much of my penname it's disgusting. The next chapter may be the last, depending how it goes. May I take this opportunity to say how much I love you readers (aaaaw, VOMIT). Really, you're all very incredibly generous with reviews and I'm really sorry I can't reply to them all, but I can tell you they're very much appreciated. And thanks so much for the birthday wishes last chapter! I didn't finish NaNoWriMo (only around eleven thousand words) but some of my original novel is posted on my Livejournal.

Much love to my beta Anna :)

**Chapter 20**

Lily's mind reeled in panic as James stared at her, boring a hole through her from across the room. Earlier she'd been so keen to tell him all the business about the Half Blood Prince, yet now her voice escaped her. It felt so surreal, her being there and James finding her secret - it was nothing like how she'd imagined or planned it: both sitting down as she told him, both calm, him upset but understanding, nothing like this moment where he looked far from accepting any bad news.

"Lily, I swear to Merlin, if you don't say anything in the next five seconds I will be speaking in a way that if written down on parchment would undoubtedly be in capitals."

Terrified, she couldn't utter a word. She wanted nothing more than to run away.

"LILY!" he urged her.

"What's the point?" A pinch of sourness crept in her reply. "What's the point in me saying anything when you're just going to get the wrong idea anyway? You've misunderstood everything, it's written all over your face-"

"GUILT'S WRITTEN ALL OVER YOURS!"

Lily sucked in a breath at this - his yell had been so thunderous she felt the need to take a step back and look pointedly at the floor, but that didn't make her feel any better since it was plastered with the Prince's notes. He looked like he wanted to apologize for the outburst but he was simply too livid.

He took a deep breath and asked again, voice low but heated, "What are these?"

She couldn't believe he was asking such a dim-witted question. "What do they look like to you, James? Sodding letters to Father Christmas?"

"Don't patronize me, Lily!" he snapped. Leaping from her bed, he stormed over to her and waved the note roughly in her face. "Who is this-" he read the name snidely from the parchment "-'Half Blood Prince' _snot_?"

She could feel tears beginning to form in her eyes. "I don't know," she answered quietly. James frowned at her.

"You don't know?" he echoed derisively. He shook her by the shoulders; she wanted to cover her ears. "_You don't know! _Bollocks! Stop lying to me!"

"It's the truth!" She was frantic for him to understand but knew words were hardly enough evidence for him. "I don't know who he is! I'm not lying, I swear to you!"

"How can I even believe a word you say, Lily? God knows how long you've kept me in the dark about this, how long you've been lying to my face…"

She held on to his arm in desperation. "I didn't want to worry you."

"_Worry?_" he spat the word in rage. "All I've done, Lily, is worry about you!"

She let go of his arm as he tore away from her. She hated the sound of his feet touching the Prince's notes strewn across the floor - each crunch of foot connecting with parchment felt like another betrayal against James. He paced the room and she felt nauseous just by watching him.

"I want to know everything," he murmured, his stare cold. "Who he is, what's been going on, _every single little thing_."

Suddenly, Lily thought of a question: how had James found the notes in the first place? Without a doubt he'd used the spell to reveal the ink she'd charmed to be invisible, but how had he, by accident, come across the drawer? The answer was clear: he hadn't. And as she examined the surroundings of her room, messy and plainly explored, she felt a familiar rush of anger swell up inside her.

"You searched my room," her voice came out in a fierce whisper.

James looked up at her angered disbelief. "Don't you dare make it look as if I'm in the wrong here!"

"You _searched_ my _room_," she repeated louder. "I don't believe this! It just gets better and better, doesn't it? I can't believe you don't trust me!"

"Obviously I can't when you hide stuff like this from me!" He grabbed a handful of the notes from the floor and threw them in the air angrily - it resembled a small whirlwind as the notes spun and slowly drifted back into the sea of parchment, rustling all the while, making Lily feel the urge to cut off her own ears from the sound that prodded her with guilt. If only the stupid parchment had burned in the fire! "But wait," he continued in a scathing tone, "You were just trying to protect me, right? Just neglected to tell me about your little affair."

"_Affair?_" repeated Lily ludicrously. She felt compelled to laugh at the absurdity of it all. "What are you talking about? There's been no affair!"

"I think all _this_," James kicked the parchment across the floor, "is evidence of the love letters you've been exchanging with your _royal boyfriend_."

Lily felt like slapping him. "You don't know anything!"

"And why do you think that this is, Lily? Because you haven't told me anything!"

"Because it's so bloody difficult to sit down and have an adult conversation with you sometimes, James!" she couldn't help but scream. She wasn't sure if she really meant it or not; she just needed to attack him with something – anything – for accusing her of seeing someone else behind his back. "I'd planned to have an adult conversation with you about this, so I could explain, but here you are, acting like a child and jumping to conclusions, taking any stupid idea as fact!" She couldn't help but feel it was Sirius' influence on him.

"You know what?" He was so close to her now; on any normal day she would expect a kiss from him in such proximity, now all he did was glare at her with displeasure. "I don't think I want to know after all."

Lily turned more confused than ever. "W-what?"

"You heard me." He sent her a chilling stare. "I just…_ Fuck_." He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "I need air," he announced all of a sudden. He stormed out of the room, trampling on the notes as though stabbing every single one with each step he took.

Lily stood frozen to the ground for a moment, her eyes wide and shiny as she took in everything that had just happened. Finally, her brain caught up with her. She ran from her bedroom, hoping to prevent James from leaving - they couldn't leave things like this, there was so much more they needed to discuss. And she hadn't even said sorry.

"James!" She hurried across the common room, passing Peter, Remus, and Sirius who watched the scene rather pryingly in silence (she thought they would have left). "James, wait!" she shouted one final time, but he'd already exited through the portrait hole, and, much to her bemusement, she didn't feel like following him.

She stood by the opening, staring so hard she would swear she'd forgotten how to blink. Was James ever going to talk to her again? That was, if she ever wanted to talk to him - he had searched her room like a nosy mother seeking her daughter's diary. And then out of the blue tears had come again, except she had no James to cry on his shoulder this time. She covered her face in embarrassment - she was crying and Marauders were present in the room. They'd never seen her like this and would probably never let her live it down. Remus seemed the most concerned, advancing towards her, while Sirius watched indignantly at his actions.

"Lily, I'm sorry." Not knowing what to do in front of crying girls, Remus put an arm around her. "I tried to stop him."

"Wait," Peter picked up on what Remus said and looked at him strangely. "You knew about this note stuff?"

Sirius had also caught on and was frowning. "Ever heard of Marauder loyalty, Moony?"

Tiredly, Remus rubbed his forehead. "But I owed my loyalty to Lily," he stood up for himself.

"You're not her fucking boyfriend, are you?" Sirius snapped.

More tears began to fall as Lily watched the boys quarrel; she felt it was her fault everyone was arguing. Escaping Remus' arm, she left the boys and ran inside her dorm, shutting the door firmly behind her.

"Well done, Sirius," Remus congratulated him darkly.

"Let her cry, she doesn't deserve any comfort from us!" replied Sirius sourly. He turned even sourer against Remus. "I think congratulations are in order for you, Moony, for pretty much being the best betrayer." Remus tried not to take the comment to heart; Sirius was just overreacting, getting caught in the moment. He didn't really mean it - at least, Remus hoped.

"Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you guys or James but I swore to Lily I'd keep it secret."

"Keep it a secret that his girlfriend was cheating on him?" Sirius said absurdly. "I think you need to get your priorities sorted, mate."

"She's not cheating on him; both you and James are being so ignorant. If you and him would just listen to her you'd know she just has some sort of deluded secret admirer that keeps writing her silly poems, and that's all there is to it!"

Sirius had clearly had enough with the conversation. "Whatever, alright? I'm going to be a real friend right now and comfort Prongs." He made for the exit.

Remus knew there was no point trying to stop Sirius and could only watch him clamber through the portrait hole in search of his stag friend.

Sirius would pick up the pieces of James, just like all the times Evans had turned him down and he'd had to put his fellow Marauder back together.

---------------

James felt like throwing things again, throwing _expensive_ things. For the safety of everyone in Hogwarts he had to get out of the castle before he started picking up people he passed in the corridor and flinging them at the wall like human darts. He didn't want to think of Lily because thinking of Lily made him want to smash things even more, so keeping his mind as blank as possible (_'LILY'S CHEATING ON ME, LILY'S CHEATING ON ME and OH, LILY'S CHEATING ON MEEEE'_) he kept his head down as he strode down the corridor, determined to make it to the Hogwarts grounds without any casualties on the way.

_Wishful thinking_, he thought immediately, as he spotted Derrick and Georgina hand-in-hand heading his way. On the upside, Georgina had done what he'd asked - she and Derrick seemed to be dating, judging by their close proximities lately Lily seemed far from the pinnacle of his interest. James gave Georgina a courteous nod as she passed. On the downside, Derrick had made such a smirk at him his blood run cold, so cold it might freeze and clog up his arteries. What did he have to sneer about? James didn't know, but he had to get out of this castle because Derrick, at this precise moment, looked like a pretty promising human dart.

Finally making it to the grounds, he took in a deep breath of the cool air - it felt good filling up his lungs with it. The space inside the castle felt so stuffy. The air outside was so much more…unsullied and pure. He'd thought Lily was pure, but the pure didn't cheat.

He found himself still walking even though he'd made it to his destination of the grounds. Walking sidetracked him ('_move right foot, move left foot, move right foot, move left foot'_). He felt like he was in a daze, and was almost startled when he realized he'd stridden the whole way over to the entrance of the Forbidden Forest.

He watched the leaves amongst the branches rustle softly in the breeze. Now that he'd stopped moving his thoughts were beginning to drift back to Lily again. Unavoidably, his mind ran away with him, ran far, _far_ away to _Bulgaria_, images of Lily kissing a prince who wore a sparkling crown and a magical robe made out of gold, while he sat on his chocolate throne eating his caviar encrusted with diamonds (James' knowledge on princes wasn't that precise). Maybe Lily was better off with royalty? To him, she was like a princess (in need of some damn anger management, but he was hardly one to say that after what had happened earlier), and he supposed she did deserve a prince. James couldn't be a prince - he didn't like hats and wearing a crown of some sort would undoubtedly be a problem.

The forest seemed to beckon him within, the illusion of tree branches curling into hands, spindly fingers waving him forwards. He surrendered to it. He needed to change into a stag and think of nothing but the grass beneath his hooves, head-butting tree trunks (he swore he had a strong stag head like a mountain goat), and avoid getting his antlers stuck in branches. He closed his eyes for a brief moment and took a deep breath out - he felt slight satisfaction in this as all his anger was released and he began to transform. When he was on all fours and his skin was replaced with a smooth brown coat envied by many creatures in the Forbidden Forest, he galloped into the woods, fast and free.

---------------

Sirius decided to check the Great Lake first for James; he was probably all depressed and suicidal by the beech tree like every other single time he had had an argument with Evans. Since he had got a steady girlfriend he was so bloody predictable and humdrum.

He passed Georgina and Derrick in a corridor but pointedly didn't look their way - what a sickening couple they made. What had he ever seen in her? She'd had him completely fooled.

He stopped in the passage when a girl approached him, Lily's friend Nicole. He'd deemed her likable because he liked people who wore glasses; especially ones that let him wear them for a laugh and used them to reflect sunlight, burning a couple of ant nest kingdoms.

"Can I wear your glasses? I promise I won't smolder an ant monarchy."

Nicole frowned at him; did he always have to greet people so bizarrely? "What? No!" She sent him a strange look. "Have you seen Lily, by chance?"

Sirius quickly turned bitter. He wished Lily were an ant he could flame in an insect realm. "No, I haven't. You could go search for her in HELL," he offered disdainfully.

Nicole glared at him as he marched off, continuing on his hunt for James. "What's your problem?" she shouted after him.

"Nothing," he threw his answer his shoulder. "And while you're looking in hell, say hello to the 'Prince' for me, will you?"

Nicole could do nothing but furrow her brow in perplexity.

When Sirius arrived at the Great Lake, James was nowhere to be found. He scratched his head in confusion - where else could the twonk be? As big as Hogwarts was, there weren't that many places to hide; he could only imagine James wanted to escape the castle so he had to be outside the walls of the school.

He suddenly looked over to the Forbidden Forest and he felt something click. _Peculiar time to transform, Prongs,_ he thought. Shaking his head, he strolled across the grounds towards the woods. When he was at the foot of the forest, a familiar grin spread across his face just like any moment before Animagus time - it was such an invigorating thing, being a dog, having so much hair it could cover a pillow case and slobbering _everywhere_. Plus, he'd track down James in a second with that rather disgustingly wet nose of his.

He relaxed his body, then shutting his eyes for a second, slowly changed into 'man's best friend' (Remus, Peter and James would constantly argue with this phrase). He made into an eager run as he entered the woods, sniffing the ground all the way.

---------------

Lily had lain in the bed of the Prince's notes.

She felt too tired to move them. After locking herself in her bedroom she'd collapsed on the note-ridden bed and tried to get some sleep, but her body felt stiff against the parchment - it was like the Half Blood Prince had his slimy hands all over her skin. She resorted to sitting against a wall in the farthest corner of the room where there was a small patch of bare carpet.

There was another knock at the door and she groaned. Remus had tried to speak to her for the past hour but she refused to open the door to him. She knew he meant well but she didn't fancy seeing him - he was a friend of James', and she didn't feel like being in the presence of anyone familiar with her boyfriend.

Another knock was made and she sighed. "Remus, please. Just go back to Gryffindor tower, I'll be fine."

There was a moment of silence until a voice replied behind the door, "Lily, it's me."

Her eyes grew wide. She quickly hurried across the room and flung the door open: there was her friend Nicole looking worried and confused. At once, Lily attacked her with a hug.

"I'm so glad it's you," she whispered thankfully. Nicole smiled. So this was what rekindled friendship felt like? It felt better than drinking euphoria elixir.

"You ready to tell me what's going on now?" she asked hopefully.

"Yeah." Lily shot her an apologetic look hinting she was sorry for not telling her sooner, and ushered her inside. "Yeah, sit down and tell me how much of a nob I've been."

---------------

After deliberately bashing into yet another tree trunk, Prongs' head was starting to hurt; perhaps he didn't have a skull like a mountain goat after all because he was developing a clear case of dizziness, and a dizzy stag was a marvelous sight to watch, with his slender legs wobbling all over the place. Deciding food was the best cure for stag vertigo, he started nibbling at some fresh grass. He assumed he was alone - he'd checked this part of the woods to make sure he wasn't near any magical creatures that inhabited the forest.

He spotted a butterfly flutter by and swiftly abandoning the grass (it seemed that this particular stag had a short attention span) he began to chase it and tried attacking it with his antlers. Evidently, antlers were only good for two things: attacking enemies (the butterfly had antagonized him, he protested) and hanging your underwear off them.

All of a sudden there was a distinct bark in the distance, and Prongs' eyes grew wide. He knew that woof; there was only one _mutt_ who made _that_ woof. Determined not to be found, he took off deeper into the woods, his hooves hammering hard against the forest floor. The barking got louder and as he tried to gain speed he turned a corner too fast, his antlers getting stuck in a tree branch. He wished they were more compact sometimes; they really got in the way.

As Prongs wrestled with the branch, the shaggy black-haired dog dubbed Padfoot appeared in front of him, grinning (if that was even possible for a dog), flashing many of his canine teeth - it was the kind of teeth-flashing you saw on a dog before it decided to piss on you. As Padfoot crept closer Prongs fought tougher with the tree that had captured him. He had to get away; Padfoot's pee would burn him! Just as Padfoot lifted a leg up, Prongs managed to escape the branch and a serious Sirius urination.

The dog yelped as the stag lunged at him, yet missed and head-butted (this time involuntarily) into yet another tree trunk. Padfoot made another bark of what could be guessed as hilarity. Even more irate, Prongs charged at him again but he stumbled over a rock - his slim legs wobbled like jelly and he toppled to the ground. Just as Padfoot had began to slobber over Prongs' feet, the stag transformed back into human form, the dog following in unison, but not without a surge of giggles.

"Watching you fall over as a stag will _never_ stop being funny," Sirius remarked as he picked himself up from all fours. James was busy wiping his soggy shoes as he staggered to his feet and raked a hand through his hair, trying to pick out bits of twigs.

"You're a complete bastard, did you know that?"

"Since birth, my friend," Sirius replied roguishly.

James couldn't help but smile a little. "How'd you find me?"

"Well," Sirius settled himself against a tree, "I just thought: if I were James and a complete poofter, where would I go? And the Prefect's bathroom was empty so I came here."

"Oh _har har_." James crossed his arms and also leant against a tree. Sirius stared at him in silence, and as the stillness stretched James looked on glumly. "Banter with me some more so I can stop thinking about her," he ordered his friend.

Sirius sighed and rubbed his back against the tree bark as though he was still in his Animagus form. "I've ran out of repartee juice."

James raised an eyebrow. "What exactly does that taste like?"

"Mango," Sirius answered predictably. James didn't think that word was appropriate - he'd gotten confused to whether Sirius was actually talking about mangoes or he was using it as the codeword for sex. He didn't think a sex flavour existed, and if it did it was simply immoral. "You can buy it from the store of personality," he continued in jest. "You should go there sometime."

"Har har," James said again. He tried to think of a sharp retort to continue their teasing session but his head hurt and he simply wasn't in the mood. "Oh, it's not working, Padfoot. All I can think about is Lily shagging some twat noble… Do you think his face is on a coin?" he asked abruptly.

"We can put your face on a coin." Sirius got a sickle out of his pocket and placed it on the palm of his hand. Going over to James, he positioned his hand in front of him, grabbed James' head by his hair and pushed it down into his palm so the coin was pressing against his nose. "There you go."

"I cannot believe you just did that…" James grunted. "You're an awful, _awful_ friend."

"But at least I don't bore you," Sirius pointed out with a grin. Reluctantly, James had to agree. He wanted to turn back into a stag again but Sirius seemed keen to talk, and it was rather difficult for a dog and a stag to communicate - it entailed much grunting, woofs and slobber. Slobber _everywhere_.

"What are you going to do about Lily?" Sirius appeared careful when he asked this.

James shrugged. "I don't know. And before you even say it, having make-up-mangoes with Lily would not help."

"Are you entirely sure?"

"Certain as your mother needing to be shot."

Impressed, Sirius whistled. That was a hell of a lot of certainty. "Moony," he started cautiously, "seems to think this is all a misunderstanding, that Lily's innocent and got some bloke stalking her."

James took in what he said with a furrowed brow. "What do _you_ think, Padfoot?" he directed the question with a hint of wanting guidance on what to believe himself.

Sirius mimicked James' actions by shrugging. "I don't know what to think… For your sake, I hope Moony's right because Merlin knows no other girl but Evans will have you."

"And I'll probably have no other girl but Evans," James added with a sigh.

"How revoltingly sweet," Sirius commented, quick in search of a vomit bucket. All of a sudden, he looked uncomfortable. "I feel kind of bad for all this drama going on between you and Lily; I was the one who made you search her room in the first place-"

"Padfoot, I'm glad you made me." James didn't understand why Sirius was speaking with such remorse. "If you hadn't made me I would have never found out about the notes. It's good it's out in the open."

"Yeah, well, sometimes things should never be out in the open… much like your genitals."

"Do you mean all genitals in general or just mine?"

Sirius smirked. "Just yours, mate." His thirst was starting to peak. "Do you want to get drunk now?"

James remained impassive. "See, what worries me the most is that if I was a girl you'd add to that question the words 'and snog?' But apart from that, I really think getting drunk in a forbidden forest is a bad idea. You're likely to get molested by a centaur."

"Ugh," Sirius shuddered. "You know what the worst part about that would be? They'd probably do it while commenting every few seconds, 'Mars is bright tonight'."

"The way they go on about the luminosity of Mars you'd think it was decorated in Christmas tree lights."

"I wish it was so I could actually see it in the sky for once when a centaur remarks about it."

James looked thoughtful for a moment, until a wary look suddenly crept upon his face. "This would really backfire if there was a group of centaurs standing behind us right now, wouldn't it?"

Sirius seemed to regret bashing the magical creatures in their habitat, too. "Yes. Yes it would," he whispered back fearfully. He found himself stepping closer to James for protection, and if a centaur happened to pop out of the blue James was nearer for him to shove at them as food. Slowly, the boys spun round and prepared themselves for the worst: a centaur beating…

Nothing was there except the maze of trees.

"Oh thank Merlin," James exhaled with outmost relief. "Considering our track record of bad luck, I am so stunned there's nothing there, aren't you?"

"Holy mother of…" Sirius appeared to be recovering from a mild panic attack. "Christ, I swear my heart stopped beating, my life flashed before my eyes and all it consisted of was me air-humping." He took a few more short deep breaths. "And you're such a poof for being so scared, honestly," he tried to take the attention off himself.

"Me? _You're_ the one who's clinging to my arm, Sirius-" James started but was cut off by a stranger's cough.

"_Ahem._"

James and Sirius looked at each other, wide-eyed. "We didn't check over in that direction, did we?" Sirius pointed a thumb over his shoulder to their right. Grimly, James nodded. Even slower than before to delay the suffering they would soon face, they turned towards the direction of the voice and were greeted with a pack of furious centaurs.

"Molestation did you say?" one of the group asked fiercely. If they wore shirts they would have rolled up their sleeves in a threatening manner. Sadly, they didn't, and James and Sirius were ogling at their rather impressive and muscular chests, feeling rather intimidated when they looked down at their own and found not a lot there.

"Mars isn't always bright, you know," one of the centaurs huffed. "It just happens to be bright when you're in our company."

The pack strode forwards.

"Oh crud."

---------------

"What the hell happened to you two?"

Remus and Peter gawked from the armchairs in the common room as they watched James and Sirius climb through the portrait hole, both covered in mud from head to toe, though not even muck could cover the sullen looks across their faces. They would have sat down but Remus shot them stern looks that they would certainly not be dirtying furniture in his company.

Peter eyeballed them wearily. "You've been gone for like," he checked his watch, "five hours!" The news of this only worsened the boys' moods.

"You know how we like to make fun of centaurs?" James said as he admired his muddy footsteps on the carpet. After Sirius had spelt his name out in mud he tried following his mud-covered trail but it just lead him in a circle and he started to feel lightheaded.

"Yes, remarkably so," Remus replied. "In fact, it's got so out of control lately I was going to tell a centaur on you so you'd get a written note home to your mother."

"Alright Mr. Smarty pants, do you want to know why we're covered in filth or not?" Sirius butted in with a hand on his hip. Remus didn't think he was referring to the inner filth that was imbedded within Sirius from the day he was born. He nodded for James to continue.

"Well, we finally got our comeuppance," he continued dismally. "They overheard us accusing them of sexual assault-"

"Oh, _God_," Remus politely covered his mouth with his hand.

"-and they pretty much abducted us, then dumped us in mud." James folded his arms. "I still say they're perverted and wanted us to wrestle before we got away," he said stubbornly.

Sirius seemed delighted James had told their exciting adventure of the day, or simply stopped talking as he was eager to tell Remus something. Lowering his voice to a whisper, he murmured, "_They molested me, Moony_," as though Remus had to know this and would undoubtedly be upset by the news.

"No they didn't," James disagreed with a scowl. "Besides, why would they molest you and not me? Why? I don't understand this. You're lying. Shut up."

Sirius stuck out his tongue at him, several times for extra annoyance. "You weren't pretty enough, Prongs."

"Not pretty enough?" James repeated his words in incredulity. He pointed to his face. "Do you know how many wish to eat off of this?"

"That's funny, all I can think of is," he struggled to think of a low life form, "…a dog?"

"You do realize you've just insulted yourself since that's your Animagus form, you stupid great tit."

"_You_ do realize I just compared your face to a dog bowl."

"May I point out that neither of you is looking your finest covered in something that resembles excrement?" Remus stated from his chair. "Sirius, go shower, Peter's getting queasy just by looking at you." He proved his point when Peter actually left the room, finding the sight of the boys covered in mud rather sickening.

Mumbling, "Yes, _mother_," Sirius clambered up the staircase to the dorms, not caring about the muddy trail he left in his shadow - at this point James realized Remus had purposely got rid of him so they could talk alone. Rather awkwardly, James took off his glasses and attempted to clean them as a means of something to do with his hands.

"I think you should go talk to Lily properly," Remus advised him. James raised his brow at his choice of words.

"Properly?"

"Yes, properly. Not arguing who's betrayed whom, just sit down, talk and listen to each other."

James over-exaggerated how tired he was with a yawn. "Moony, I've just been taken prisoner by _talking horses_, I'm pretty tired…"

"I don't think this is something you should leave until the morning," Remus told him truthfully.

James replied, quiet and reluctant, "I don't think I can even look at her right now."

Remus shook his head and exhaled noisily in his reply. "James, you know the countless number of times you insist I 'know everything'?"

"Yes," he replied, a little confused. He wandered over to where Remus was sitting and threatened to poke his head with one of his grubby hands. "It's that gigantic brain of yours. It's so big it could be considered an entirely separate person. In my mind I like to refer to you both as 'Remus' and 'Remus' brain'."

"Well, yes, whatever," Remus brushed that aside and moved on. "Since you claim I know everything, here's something I can tell you I know inside out: that girl loves you and she's most certainly not seeing someone else."

James swallowed hard. "Do you really think so?"

"I _know_ so, remember. Now please just bugger off and make things up with Lily, then get some rest," he ushered him towards the way out. "It's been a long day."

James smiled - Remus was always there for him to give great guidance and get him back on track of confusing adolescence. "I'd give you a hug but I don't want to get you all grubby."

"Thanks, I appreciate you not getting me unclean—"

"Oh, what the hell! C'mere!"

"Wait, what? Wait, James, no—AUGH, MY SWEATER VEST," Remus cried out, now covered in brown. "Leave before I do something I regret."

James quickly scampered through the portrait hole. Squirming from the dirt that coated his front and back (how bloody wide were James' hugs?), Remus made the woeful journey to his dorm. The second he entered the room, Sirius remarked with a towel round his head (was he a woman?) and a towel round his waist fresh from a shower, "Remus, go wash, Peter's getting queasy just by looking at you." This would have worked better if Peter wasn't sleeping, and at once, Remus aimed a pillow at Sirius' head, though he didn't try hard enough as it easily missed, clearly only half-arsed to do anything while covered in dirt.

"A centaur—practically a talking horse—has a better chest than me, Moony."

"That's incredibly interesting." He watched Sirius prod his chest looking rather disheartened that it didn't compare to one of his earlier abductors. "You didn't tell James, did you?"

"Tell him what?" Sirius answered absentmindedly.

"Tell him I already knew about the notes."

Sirius rolled his eyes at him. "'Course not. You know how mad Prongs would have got. He'd throw things. Heavy things. At your _head_. Your cranium is a valuable thing, Remus Lupin."

Underneath the jokes Remus knew Sirius had done a great gesture. "Thank you."

"Well…yeah," Sirius replied embarrassedly, "Like I say, sometimes things are best not left out in the open, much like your genitals."

"Why do I have an uncanny feeling you've used that bizarre phrase more than once today?"

---------------

"Lily."

James was standing in her bedroom; Nicole had just left the room after he had asked to talk to Lily in private. She was still sitting against the wall on the bare bit of carpet, but it was impossible to disguise the perplexity on her face as she took in his mud-covered self with startled eyes.

"What happened to you?" she asked barely above a whisper.

He chuckled a little as he slid against the wall and sat next to her. "Long story," he answered briefly. There was an exchange of silence where they just stared at each other, until James rather shyly took her hand (fortunately, his hand was clean), kissed it for a moment and held it snugly in his lap. "I'm sorry for searching your room and overreacting earlier; I'm ready to listen now."

Those were the exact words Lily wanted to hear, almost laughing. "Your glasses are all covered in mud," she smiled as she wiped one of the frames with her finger. Her hand gradually moved to affectionately wipe at his dirty cheeks. Sadly, she knew she couldn't delay it any longer and started to explain. "When we first got back to the castle there was a note on my bed… It was from the Half Blood Prince." She could tell James found it difficult to listen to this - his hand felt stiff in hers.

"What did it say?" he tried to ask offhandedly. Lily found it just as tricky to answer.

"It said…'you give me heart palpitations'."

James looked stunned at this, perhaps even a little disturbed. How could this stranger have said the exact same words he'd said to her, words he had meant from the bottom of his heart? "That seems to be your specialty, eh," he kidded.

"He also… gave me a gift," Lily added quietly. James looked even more uneasy, maybe even angry, yet at the same time self-conscious. Should he have given her more gifts? Was love not enough for her?

"What was it?" he asked dreadfully.

"It was a knife," she revealed.

"_A knife?_" he repeated frantically, and then it hit. "Oh Merlin, that knife," he remembered that one time in Potions class, "that posh knife you said you bought in Diagon Alley - it was from him, wasn't it?"

Lily covered her mouth with her hand and silently nodded. A sad laugh erupted from James' lips.

"That knife…" A perfect picture of it plagued James' mind. "It was quite fancy, wasn't it? Quite beautiful and expensive. Did you like it?"

Lily didn't know what to say. "I suppose," she told him weakly, "but, James, it's a knife, for Christ's sake. This Prince guy is clearly insane."

"I don't know," he disagreed with her a little. "Maybe he just thought he could buy your affection with presents."

"Yeah, well, it's completely fruitless of him," she insisted, squeezing his hand. He appreciated her saying that. "Since then he's been sending me more letters, basically poems and verse… They've become more frequent as time has passed."

"Hmm." James was beginning to feel jealousy towards the Half Blood Prince and his intellect. "Poetry, eh?" He felt uncomfortable just by saying the word. "Never really liked poetry… Could never do it, it's hard to make words rhyme… Nothing rhymes with orange, you know?"

Lily laughed a little. "I know."

"This Half Blood Prince is a clever bloke," James had to admit. Lily nodded. "Trying to manipulate you into falling for him with gifts and fancy language…" He looked at her closely. "Did it work?"

"Of course not!" she opposed at once. "James, I love _you_. You don't need to send me, frankly, _creepy_ presents and silly poems to make me feel that."

James looked over the moon. "Thank Merlin you said that," he said breathlessly with a grin.

"There is probably something I should tell you though…"

James turned tense, what more could she be hiding from him? Was it even possible to make the situation worse than it already was?

Apparently so.

"At first, I have to admit I was flattered by the letters…" Lily came clean reluctantly. She could feel James stiffen again. "But then there was this _one letter_ and…" She didn't think she could go on as she hugged her knees. He put his arms around her.

"Hey, you can tell me."

"It's… easier just to show you." Silently, she handed him a small piece of parchment. James was getting really sick of the never-ending notes. "Please, promise me you won't freak out once you've read it."

"This is something I really can't guarantee, Lils."

He opened up the note, not expecting much more than a sappy poem with pompous words he didn't understand. When the four words _my knife, your throat_ stared him hard in the face he looked intently at Lily thinking this was some kind of sick joke. Her solemn face confirmed it wasn't. He hit the roof.

"I'll kill him."

"James, you don't even know who he is."

"I don't care, I'll kill him anyway. I'll kill something… I know, I'll kill Sirius. It's long overdue."

"Don't be ridiculous-"

"This prick is threatening your life, Lily!" James raised his voice. "He wants to put a fucking knife to your throat! This guy needs to be locked up!"

"I know, James. I really don't understand him." She rubbed her forehead in frustration. "After he sent me that he went back to poems and how much I'm apparently the love of his life, as though threatening to kill me never happened."

There was a moment of stillness where James tried to collect his thoughts. He felt slightly angry at himself for not knowing all this had gone on - he'd only recently seen the signs that something was up, and the whole Half Blood Prince nonsense had started from the first day back at Hogwarts. Thinking back to what had happened since they had returned as seventh years, he remembered Lily going to the hospital wing when she felt poorly.

"Lily… that time you went to the hospital wing because you were ill from stress, was it because of this?" He waved the Prince's note. Lily didn't even have to nod; he knew the Half Blood Prince was at fault. "Oh Merlin, Lily," he put his arms around her again and she buried her head in his sadly muddy chest, "this guy has made you _ill_."

Lily felt herself relax as he stroked her hair; she'd missed his close contact. This was exactly how she wished it had been in the first place instead of him running out of the room, not bearing the sight of her. "What happens now?" she asked softly.

"Everything's gonna be fine, alright?" James reassured her. "I'm here for you now, and no bloody way is this git going to hurt you. I'll sort everything out, don't worry."

Though everything was out in the open now, Lily couldn't help but feel the worst was only yet to come as she clung tighter to James' chest.

---------

The next morning Lily felt a weight lifted off her shoulder now that the secret of the Half Blood Prince was exposed to James, but she still had a bad feeling that something catastrophic would happen soon. It was clear James wanted to find out who her secret admirer was and rip him apart limb from limb. On a positive note, since Lily had confided in her friend Nicole about the notes she'd felt their friendship had been rekindled.

"How are you doing today?" Nicole asked her as she took a seat beside her in Transfiguration.

"Good." Lily felt like smiling more genuinely.

"You talked to James last night?"

"Yeah," Lily got out her books from her bag. "Told him everything." Nicole seemed a little astounded at that.

"And you two are okay?"

This was the moment where Lily fell quiet and paused for a moment. Were they _really_ okay now? Could things really go back to normal after all the secrets and dishonesty? "I don't know…" She watched James on the other side of the classroom laughing with his friends. He seemed fine. "I couldn't sleep in my room last night with all those notes everywhere," Nicole nodded, "So I slept in James' room… He slept on the couch."

Nicole didn't know what to say but a small, "Oh."

"Oh," Lily repeated, just as hollow. "I suppose things are kind of awkward between us…"

Now she didn't feel like smiling genuinely anymore. And when James flashed her a smile from across the classroom, she felt a phony one returning, and she hated herself for doing it.

---------------

It was near dusk and James had taken a customary walk to the beech tree by the Great Lake, except this time he'd taken a much closer look at the tree he was sentimental towards, and he certainly didn't like what he found.

"What the…" His brow knotted as his fingers brushed the scorched bark. 'James and Lily Potter' engraved into the trunk using Sirius' pocket knife was now marked with a fuming cross over it. Who had done it? Surely not Lily… Perhaps the Half Blood Prince? It angered him to no end that this pretentious stranger who considered himself royalty and above all others was walking about the castle, threatening to ruin he and Lily's relationship.

Infuriated, he searched for Sirius' pocket knife in his trousers so he could re-carve over their names, but his heart wasn't really in it. He was sick of it all, sick of all the problems. Why was dating Lily _so hard?_ Relationships shouldn't be this difficult. There was no doubt they loved each other but there were so many obstacles in the way. And one of those obstacles was the Half Blood Prince.

If only he knew who he was. When Lily had slept in his room last night James had gone to her bedroom and taken a closer examination of the notes. It made him squirm to have to read them; read words from a guy who had tried to turn Lily against him. He'd struggled to find any sorts of clues that would lead him to finding the Half Blood Prince's true identity but he found nothing. The Prince was cunning.

Then, without warning, James thought of someone cruelly capable of all this mess, and the person's name was so obvious he felt like hitting himself for not realizing who the Half Blood Prince was before. Of course it was _him! _It _had_ to be him. There was no other suspect.

James would make him pay.

---------------

Lily had been staring at the fire in the Head Tower when James had barged in through the portrait hole. She swiftly stood up as if he were a teacher entering a classroom full of students; she didn't like the extreme look in his eyes. Something was up. That catastrophic incident she was afraid would happen looked as though it was going to occur now.

"Come on," he seized her hand, "we're going for a walk."

"What?" Her face filled with concern as she followed him and exited the tower. "James, it's dark. Where are we going?" she questioned as they walked through the deathly quiet corridors. The castle seemed so disconcerting at night when the portraits were in slumber and shadows looked liked monsters.

"We're going to have a little chat with this Half Blood Prince and sort everything out."

Immediately, Lily halted and forced James to stop. "_What?_" She looked him directly in the eyes; he still held that distressing stare. "Are you kidding me? James, you don't even know who he is!"

"Oh, I know who he is," he said firmly. He took hold of her hand again and tried to pull her down the corridor once more, but she refused to move. She didn't even know where he was aiming to go tonight.

"Look, stop it. You're scaring me. Let's just go back and get some sleep-"

"I won't sleep until I do something to that guy!"

"Do what?" she asked distressingly.

"I don't know, Lily! Just… _something_."

She hugged him hard in the darkness. He seemed cold to her touch at first, but he eventually gave in to her embrace as he rested his head tiredly on her shoulder. "Things are supposed to be better now that I told you but it only feels like it's getting worse," she murmured, upset.

"I'm sorry… I'm just not handing this Half Blood Prince stuff very well, Lily."

"I know." She rubbed his back soothingly. "It's not your fault."

"_I hate to break up the moment here_," a voice suddenly boomed down the corridor, and the two rapidly broke apart. It was so gloomy it was hard to find the direction of where the voice had come from, candlelight their only guide. "But I believe you're looking for me."

James and Lily squinted as someone stepped out of the shadows.

"I'm the Half Blood Prince."


	21. An Unbreakable Vow

**A/N:** Sorry it took so long to update, I've been really busy with college and such. **Also: this is not the last chapter.** Though I think the next one will be.

I'd just like to say that people sending me rather rude emails about me not updating and how unjust I'm being is unnecessary. If anything, emails like that only discourage me more to update because it makes writing seem less fun and more of a chore. If I haven't updated a story for a long time it doesn't mean I'm doing it on purpose, it's simply because I haven't got the time at the moment. If it's impossible for you to be patient then I suggest you just look elsewhere for fic.

That being said, I do love all you readers, though probably just the nicer ones who understand that fanfic authors don't devote all their time to writing - we're human beings and have lives too! I apologize if I sound in any way presumptuous here – it wasn't intended. I hope you have a nice day!

**Chapter 21**

"I'm the Half Blood Prince."

Echoes were made as the stranger's shoes clicked against the floor. They stepped forward towards James and Lily, so far forward the stranger seemed no stranger anymore…

"Why am I not surprised you would say that?" James replied, as the person shone the tip of their wand in their faces and light illuminated their features. "Derrick," he added disdainfully.

"Sorry." The blond faked the apology with an amused sneer. "Was it that obvious?"

Lily hadn't taken in the exchange and the heated glares between the boys at all; her mind was too busy racing with denial at what Derrick had just so easily slipped out.

"Wait just a damn second here," she butted in, and James eyed her rapidly, confused. "You," she started, pointing at Derrick and only receiving an even more entertained sneer. She was so frustratingly perplexed she had to stop and get her head around what on Earth was happening. She started again, staring at Derrick intensely, "You told me you weren't the Half Blood Prince."

A scornful laugh came from his lips, which only turned Lily more puzzled and James with more of an urge to rip him to shreds.

"Ever heard of lying? Surely you're familiar with that."

She shook her head at him; she didn't know why she was refusing to believe him when he was fearlessly admitting to being the Prince, but something just didn't add up. "No… something isn't right here. You're not the Prince."

"I think I know who I am."

"You're not _him_."

Completely mystified by her negation of Derrick's confession, James took her arm and said quietly in her ear, "If he says he's the Half Blood Prince then he _is_ the Half Blood Prince-"

"_He's not him!_" she bellowed, and James was reminded that being on the receiving end of shouting wasn't at all pleasant. He felt a little embarrassed that Lily was acting this way, especially in front of Derrick. They weren't supposed to be this couple that shouted at each other and looked as though they'd hit rock bottom lately, they were supposed to be this couple that looked blissfully in love, as though Derrick could do nothing to interfere.

"Why are you so disappointed that I'm the Prince, Lily?" Derrick asked out of curiosity, cocking his head to one side. "Is there a specific somebody you were hoping the Prince would be instead?"

"Of course there isn't," James answered for her. "She didn't ask you to stalk her, you complete and utter-"

"Oh, Lily can't speak for herself now, can she?"

She had to tug James back by the elbow before he had a chance to march forward and sock him in the face. "I refuse to believe you are the Half Blood Prince without any evidence," she said persistently.

The couple's eyes grew wide in terror as Derrick took out a gleaming knife from his pocket. Protectively, James moved Lily behind him. "Have you lost your mind?" he yelled at the boy. "What the hell are you doing?"

His eyes stayed on Lily's all the while as he grasped the knife firmly in both hands, positioning it to the flesh of his neck, close enough that if he moved his hand just an inch nearer his throat would be sliced with the blade. 'My knife, your throat', he mouthed, with a tremendous grin afterwards. "Ring any bells, Lily?"

"You're _sick_," James spat at him, holding tight onto Lily in case Derrick tried anything. "You're_ sick in the head._ You should be sent to Azkaban where you'll rot alone and…"

But Lily didn't listen to the rest of James' continuous threats - the image of Derrick mouthing those four dangerous words kept repeating in her head. He had to be the Half Blood Prince, didn't he? There was simply no other way Derrick could have known about _that_ note if he wasn't him. Then why did Lily feel a small amount of suspicion that Derrick might be covering for someone?

She kept quiet.

"You just couldn't handle the fact that she chose the better man," James smirked, "could you?"

Derrick put the knife away again, much to James and Lily's relief. "If I recall," he started snootily, "you and Lily went out on a date, then the very next day she decided to be my girlfriend."

James side-glanced at Lily - she looked away, embarrassed at the memory. He was embarrassed too. "She was…" He hated it when he stumbled when he spoke – Potters didn't stumble. "She was just confused about her feelings for me. It was a stupid mistake. You manipulated her."

"Excuse after excuse after excuse," Derrick complained in a bored fashion. He crossed his arms and asked James, in too much of a casual manner for him to stand, "So, how did you find out about me? Did she tell you?" He looked at Lily out of the corner of his eye and smiled; she continued to keep quiet and stare at the ground. "Or… did you find out by yourself?" Judging by how uncomfortable they looked, Derrick figured it was the latter. "That's it, isn't it? She didn't tell you, and you found out. Tut tut, Lily, shouldn't be keeping things from the boyfriend now—"

"Shut up. Shut the _fuck up_."

"Am I getting on your nerves, James?"

He was so close their foreheads were practically touching. "Since _day one_," he growled out. It seemed as though it was taking him a lot of restraint to keep his arms pinned to his sides, so much they were shaking, and all Lily could do was touch his back and hope his anger wouldn't get the better of him.

"What are you going to do to me this time?" Derrick questioned. "Hit me? Hex me? Both? I can tell you: I'm better prepared this year. Been brushing up on my Dark Arts." That had done it – James had grabbed him by the collar. "Of course," he went on, "that's expected when you're following the path of the Dark Lord-"

"Don't you even say that name in front of me."

"Oh don't be so _virtuous_." Derrick scowled at James, looking as though he was about to heave at the sight of him. He was getting slightly impatient that James hadn't done anything yet, just held him by the neck of his shirt and glared fiercely. "Do it," he egged James on.

He could feel Lily's fingers touch his back; he roughly thrust Derrick away at once. The blond struggled to keep his balance, and then returned to his usual self-righteous stance. "Don't tell me being Head Boy has made you into a _better person?_" he laughed, sounding even a little disappointed.

James side-glanced at Lily again. "You could say that."

"You've become very boring," Derrick stated. "I sent your girlfriendlove letters and you're just going to stand there and do nothing?"

James looked hesitant for a moment - was he being a fool to let Derrick get away unharmed after all this? He'd wanted to kill the Prince when he found who it was, but being present in front of the Prince now, staring at the scum that was Derrick, punishing someone so insignificant didn't seem worth his time.

"I'm not going to do anything to you," he told Derrick, who looked upon him open-mouthed. "I don't know why –maybe you're a sick masochist- but you want me to hurt you. You want me to kick off and make a fuss, and you want Lily scared, and it's not worth it." He laughed all of a sudden. "_You're_ not worth it. You're not worth my time, you're not worth Lily's time, and you're not worth anybody's."

Derrick tried not to look at all affected by his unpleasant words, but his jaw had significantly tightened.

"Now listen closely," James went on, voice low but heated. "I could tell Dumbledore all about all this-" he squeezed Lily's hand tightly, ignoring the limp sensation it had "-but I'm not going to, because I'm not a snitch. But if you send her one more letter, or even make her just the smallest amount of uncomfortable, I'm going straight to Dumbledore, and you'll be kicked out of this castle faster than I can say 'Quidditch'. And trust me, I will personally forget all my newfound morals and hurt you so bad that it will surpass pains of a mother giving birth to sextuplets."

James kept a tight hold of his wand in his pocket, preparing himself for Derrick to argue, throw a ruckus and start a fight - but the boy looked strangely defeated, though still haughty as ever. James had won, and it felt good.

"Message clear?" he made sure.

Derrick sent him a condescending leer. "Crystal."

"Good." James' arm went around Lily's shoulders - they felt taut. "We'll be leaving, then."

"So soon?" Derrick feigned regret.

"I'm afraid so," James kept the happy charade going. He began to steer Lily down the corridor; she was still deathly quiet as ever. "Count your lucky stars I'm no longer the person the person I was last year, who would kick your face in without a trace of regret," he threw over his shoulder.

"Believe me," Derrick muttered resentfully. "I will."

The second the couple disappeared down the corridor, he punched the wall, earning a furious shriek from one of the portraits. He gave it the middle finger in return.

He nursed his aching hand by shaking it out, as though the pain would ease that way. After a while of glowering in the darkness, he said, "You can come out now."

Two figures stepped out of the shadows, one belonging to Georgina, the other to Severus Snape…

---------

James and Lily were wordless on the journey back to the Head Tower. His arm was still slung round her shoulders as they walked, but she wasn't leaning into him like she usually did. He figured she was either still in shock from the frightful moment when Derrick had gotten a knife out, or maybe the shocking revelation that the Half Blood Prince was Derrick of all people (though James hadn't been surprised). Whatever it was, it made him very nervous.

"You're quiet," he stated the obvious, breaking the silence. His pupils searched hers but they were glued determinedly ahead.

"It's just been a long day."

She looked glum, even miserable, something she shouldn't have been considering what had happened. "Why aren't you happy?" he asked her faintly. He stopped walking and his arm left her shoulders. Her head turned suddenly to look at him.

"I'm happy, James."

"Then look it."

She let out a tired sigh, but her lips were quirking upwards. She rose on her tiptoes slightly to kiss him. "I'm happy," she said again with more feeling. That seemed to ease him as he enfolded her.

"It's over, all this Half Blood Prince stuff." He sighed contentedly through his nose and breathed her in again. "You don't have to worry; he won't send you another letter after what I said. And I didn't even have to hex his bollocks off," he ended on a wide grin and Lily laughed.

"Thank you for not doing that - hurting him," she said softly. "I know he deserves it, but…"

"If I had hexed him, I'd be just as bad as he is."

Lily smiled. "I've taught you well, haven't I?"

"Being with you has just knocked some very-much needed sense into me."

Lily wondered if what James had said was really true, or sense had been there all along and he had just been too stubborn to follow it.

Why couldn't someone knock some sense into _her_ so she could figure out who the Half Blood Prince was? Because it wasn't Derrick. She knew it couldn't be. There was no point telling James that. He wouldn't believe her, and everything was finally fine again. She didn't want to spoil their happy state of normality now, whatever the definition of normality was.

She'd chanced a glimpse back at Derrick as they had walked away. A finger had been placed over his lips and his face had said it all: _I'm lying. _And he knew she wasn't going to tell James that she believed he was lying either. She knew it, too.

There was no doubt about it: Derrick was covering for someone. The question was…

Whom?

---------

Georgina found it almost disconcerting, lingering in the middle of a corridor past midnight with almost strangers, one a fellow Ravenclaw and someone she could barely stand but was with for a favour, another a Slytherin she—to be brutally honest—forgot existed some days (Snape didn't particularly strike out to her, only as too unsettlingly kept to himself). Years ago she'd never have pictured herself in the company of these two out of everyone in the castle. She figured they must have looked like the most bizarre trio to the portraits—at least, the ones that had been awakened and pretended to be asleep after nosiness got the better of them.

She hadn't known Derrick and Snape even conversed, but Snape had eyed Derrick gratefully so it seemed apparent they were familiar with one another, though that didn't make anything clearer. At lunch Derrick had told her to meet her late tonight, and then Severus Snape had turned up - unexpectedly to her, but planned to Derrick.

Derrick didn't seem to have a set out destination in mind as he lead the way down the corridors of the castle. He'd dragged Georgina roughly by the arm while Snape followed, head down, not uttering a word.

The arrival of James and Lily turned her more mystified. Before they'd seen them Derrick had ordered her to hide, and when she was about to demand what was going on or argue hiding was something small children did—and she was certainly no child—Snape had covered her mouth with the palm of his hand and pulled her back into the shadows. Though she had been viciously pushed against the wall and behind one of the castle's shining knights of armour, the Slytherin seemed a lot more interesting in this light (or more correctly: this darkness).

She'd listened closely, picking up something about Derrick being the 'Half Blood Prince'. She quickly became bored and wanted to go back to Ravenclaw tower; she hated being present in anything she didn't understand. What was the point?

Taking her attention elsewhere, she'd watched stare at James with expected hate—their animosity towards one another was legendary within the school—then, at Lily with-

She blinked.

Georgina had once looked at James the way Snape did at Lily. Surely Snape couldn't be in-

"_He's not him!_"

She watched Snape's lips twitch into a small smile; he didn't even look like Snape at that moment, not that surly boy who sat under trees by himself, and all Lily had done was speak. When it seemed like she wasn't going to talk again with Derrick and James immersed in conversation, Snape quickly met Georgina's probing eyes, and she detected a twinge of embarrassment.

"You can come out now."

James and Lily had left. Snape stepped out from behind the knight and Georgina followed, immediately speaking after being commanded to keep silent and unseen for a fairly long time had been rather difficult.

"I don't see why I had to be here for… well, whatever the hell that was," she said, and Snape seemed to concur as he gave a small nod in agreement.

"I'm getting you involved," Derrick replied fiercely. "Don't complain."

She wanted to—she really wanted to—but she took a leaf out of Lily's book and kept her mouth shut, quietly observing the boys instead.

"Thank you," Snape spoke eventually, voice hoarse. Georgina was going to ask what in Merlin's name for but realized he was talking to Derrick. She looked at the Ravenclaw for a response.

"Don't make it sound as though what I just did was out of friendship, Severus. We made an Unbreakable Vow."

"You made an _Unbreakable Vow?_" Georgina cut in, horrified. Derrick looked irritated by her interruption. "Are you crazy? If you don't follow it you'll-"

"Die? Yes, I know." Derrick looked rather breezy considering the topic. "But, you see, I always follow through with what I say. So don't worry your pretty little head." He turned to Snape again. "You do remember the vow we made, don't you?"

"Of course I do," he snapped a little.

"What was the vow?" Georgina couldn't help but ask. So much for keeping quiet. She didn't have high hopes in Derrick telling her, but it appeared as though he was eager to expose it, much against Snape's wishes.

"_I_-" he put much emphasis on the word "-was to lie and say I was the Half Blood Prince when James and Lily interrogated me, to keep Severus' identity hidden. And in return he would owe me any favour I asked from him."

Georgina took a moment to soak everything in. "So you're this Prince who's been sending her love letters?" She turned to Snape, open-mouthed. She felt compelled to laugh, but Snape's cold stare told her to do otherwise. "I knew it," she murmured all of a sudden, studying the Slytherin's face of discomfiture. "The way you looked at her earlier, I knew it. You're in lo-"

"_Shut up_." Snape's wand was out and pointing straight at her. She raised her hands in the air. "Just _shut up_."

"Calm down, Severus," Derrick said flatly, bored beyond belief. He smacked Snape's wand arm down, but he just as quickly lifted it again and pointed straight at him, the tip of his wand nearly touching Derrick's nose.

"You have a lot of guts to be pointing your wand at me like that after what I've just done for you," he spat.

Reluctantly, Snape realized Derrick was right, slowly pocketing his wand back into his robes.

The more Georgina thought about this Half Blood Prince business, the more infuriated she became.

"What is it about Lily Evans that's got everyone so besotted?" she said with disgust.

Derrick made a point to differentiate himself. "I only wanted her because James Potter did, and if I did get her it would be one up on him." Just talking about James twisted his mood to resentment. "He walks around this castle like he owns it. _I_ should have been Head Boy. _Me, _not_ him_."

"Actually, I thought Remus Lupin would have been Head Boy." The second the name slipped out of Georgina's mouth she felt guilty. She'd avoided Remus like the plague the instant she found out he was a werewolf, and now she was starting to wonder if she'd overreacted…

"Who's Remus Lupin?" Derrick replied confusedly.

"You know, that light-haired boy that hangs around with-"

"Oh." He remembered all of a sudden, scowling. "The bookworm."

Georgina turned defensive. "There's a lot more to him than books-"

"Well, why don't you go out with _him?_ Oh, wait, you can't, because you're going out with me because _Precious Potter_ told you to." Georgina's eyes were wide, lips parted. "Oh don't look so surprised, it was pretty obvious he sent you to distract me from his beloved girlfriend. Well, I can tell you now: Lily Evans is old news to me. I've found a much bigger project to satisfy my time. And it involves Lord Voldemort making this world a much cleaner place.

"We're done," he informed her brusquely. "Now scurry off to bed."

Georgina didn't need telling twice. She turned on her heel and left.

Snape was shaking his head after her. "You better make sure she'll keep that gob of hers shut."

"She won't tell a soul," Derrick reassured him. "Though, what a disaster it would be if she did," he said humorously. "I'd love to be there the moment Lily Evans finds out the boy that's been pathetically pining over her in repulsive poetry is Severus Snape."

He tried not to take note of Derrick's choice of words. "She won't find out."

"Of course she won't," he agreed, "because she'd probably be either completely dismayed or even laugh in your face." The second image amused him the most. He was faintly surprised Snape looked so offended by his words. "Come on Severus, you know I'm right. Even if you were more of Lily's 'type', she's utterly smitten with James Potter and there's nothing you can do about it."

"Maybe I'll tell her," Snape spoke up impatiently. "I know she liked those letters. Maybe I'll tell her and-"

"She'll fall into your embrace," Derrick finished his sentence patronizingly. "You'll kiss passionately and ride off into the sunset on the back of a unicorn, the perfect fairytale ending." He snorted. "Merlin, when did you become so delusional?"

"I never said I wanted that," Snape hissed out angrily.

"I can see it in your eyes, Severus," Derrick spat back. "I don't blame you though, for falling in-"

"_Don't say it_." That had come out as a growl and Snape was pointedly staring off down the corridor.

Derrick paused, and then went on. "I don't blame you for feeling _that way_ for Lily Evans. I believe I did at some point or other amidst the competition to win her over, to rub it in James's face. This year I even put on this act that I was feeble with no self-confidence anymore, a complete shamble of a human being, to try and manipulate her, to make her feel sympathy for me and forget her precious Potter." He seemed embarrassed for confessing this, rubbing his forehead tiredly with his fingers. "Though I admit my behaviour then was quite a mess - following Lord Voldemort was proving to be more difficult than I imagined…"

He realized he was going off tangent; he got back onto the subject of Lily. "I should have realized she only goes for arrogant bastards," he snarled. "But… she is quite beautiful, an intelligent witch." It seemed painful for him to admit. "Even if she is a filthy little Mudblood," he added cruelly.

Snape flinched at that.

"Oh, sorry," Derrick faked remorse, "I shouldn't have called her that in front of you, though I do specifically remember you calling her that very name once-"

"I was forced to say it to keep up appearances."

Derrick considered his excuse. "Very well," he accepted. "Though, I can't imagine Lily was pleased, even if you hadn't meant it."

Snape said nothing in reply to that, but his shoulders had dropped a fraction. "What did you say to them with that knife in your hand?" he demanded from Derrick.

"What are you talking about?"

"You mouthed something I didn't see. What did you say?"

"Nothing that concerns you," Derrick said in a way that Snape knew not to press further on it.

"This favour that I owe you," Snape brought up. "What is it?"

"I haven't decided yet." Derrick smiled crookedly. "I'll let you know when I think one up, probably when you least expect it. Aren't surprises exciting?"

Exciting wasn't the word Snape would have chosen.

"We should call it a night," Derrick decided, and Snape nodded in agreement. He rapidly turned confused when Derrick's hand settled on his shoulder in what at first could have come across as a warm gesture, until he was gripping his skin so hard it throbbed and Snape released an unwilling grunt of pain.

"This whole boring and disgusting business with Lily Evans nearly cost you everything that you've built up to becoming a Death Eater. The Dark Lord does not believe in love, Severus, he believes in _hate_. You better get over this crushyou have on her, or I will _make_ you get over it, _Prince_."

He released Snape's shoulder with a thrust and bent over in a mocking bow. "Goodnight, your royal highness."

For a moment, Snape shut his eyes in regret; when he opened them again Derrick was gone.

---------

"So Derrick was the Half Blood Prince all along?" Peter said in between mouthfuls of food.

James had loyally given a detailed account of last night's events to his friends over dinner in the Great Hall. He nodded in response to Peter.

"That was obvious," Sirius commented with a snort. "_I_ could have told you that."

"Why didn't you, then?" James asked with a pang of annoyance.

"Lessons are learned better when you learn them yourself," Sirius replied astutely.

James ignored him on the grounds of not entirely understanding what he'd just said. "It was pretty easy to figure out anyway," he went on. "He's a sap who's been pining over Lily for years. It's pathetic."

"Sorry, I'm a little befuddled here. Were you talking about Derrick then or yourself?"

"_Har har_." James swatted a grinning Sirius in the arm. "Anyway, I better head off. Meeting Lily for Head patrolling."

"Yeah, you guys have some nice _mangoes_ now. See you later," Sirius teased, waving him off cheerfully.

"We're _patrolling, _Padfoot. Bugger you." James dashed off.

"I'm gonna head off too," Peter mentioned, getting up. "Got to go to the library to finish an essay."

"Yeah, you have a good time writing that essay now. See you later," Sirius waved him off just as cheerfully as he did with James.

Peter had stopped. "For once, can you think _I_ might be off having… you know… sex, or something?"

Sirius blinked. "_Okay_. You have a good time having mangoes with the librarian, Wormtail. _Bye bye_."

"That's not what I…! Sod it." He sighed and left the hall.

"You shouldn't be so mean to him, you know," Remus said with folded arms.

"He loves it really," Sirius grinned. His smile lessened a touch when he noticed his friend's pensiveness. He let out a sigh and asked, "What are you thinking about _now_, Moony?" Because he clearly never stopped pondering something or other.

Remus was reluctant to voice his thoughts as he rubbed his chin. "I don't think the Prince is Derrick."

"Of course he is, you ponce." Sirius rolled his eyes. "He admitted to it, for Merlin's sake."

"That doesn't mean a thing," Remus argued. "A while ago Derrick cornered Lily outside Ancient Runes. I questioned him about the letters and he seemed completely oblivious."

"He was probably lying, the little shit," Sirius gave a reasonable explanation. "Look, even if he isn't the bloody Prince, everything is better with everyone thinking he is, isn't it?"

Sirius had a point. "I suppose you're right," Remus agreed hesitantly.

"You know I'm right," Sirius corrected him.

"Shut up," Remus pulled a face at him and kicked him under the table.

"Moony," Sirius started, rubbing his bruised kneecaps. "If some stalker ever sent you love letters, you'd tell me straight away, right?"

"Of course I would," Remus answered at once, though regretted it as Sirius' smugness was practically smothering him to death. "Come to think of it, I did get these notes in Transfiguration this morning…"

"Those notes were from me, you arse!"

"I know," Remus smirked. "You have got to stop stalking me by following me around everywhere-"

His face was promptly plunged into his bowl of custard.

A food fight ensued.

---------

"I don't know what to do, Nicole."

Just like James had done with his friends, Lily had told her closest friend (going against popular belief, girls don't find it as easy to spill to more than one companion) about what had happened last night in the girls' dormitories.

"Well, um…" Nicole discovered she was really quite poor at giving advice. "How do you know Derrick was lying?"

"You didn't see his face." Lily's eyes closed for a moment, picturing it in her mind and shivering.

"Why didn't James see that particular face?"

"Because he wants this all over with, he'd have believed anything." Lily rolled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling despondently from her bed. "The Half Blood Prince could have been Dumbledore's auntie and he would have gone along with it."

"But does it really matter who the Prince is if he stops sending you letters?"

"_Yes_," Lily insisted. "You don't understand, Nic, I have to sit down with this guy and talk to him."

"Why?" Nicole demanded, horrified by the idea of Lily and the Prince, whoever the hell he was, being in the same room. "Lily, this guy is crazy, and you want to sit down and have a bloody tea party with him? He obviously knows you're going out with James, yet he has still been sending you love letters – not to mention he threatened to _kill_ you."

"He's just confused," Lily said, confusing herself by defending him. "He's probably just feeling neglected. Maybe if I talk to him…"

"You can't help everyone." Nicole was looking at her with sad eyes. "No matter how much you want to."

"_I know_." That had come out harsher than necessary; she hated the fact that Nicole knew her too well. "But I can try."

Nicole just shook her head at her.

"Oh," Lily checked her watch and realized the time, "I have to meet James for patrolling. I'll talk to you later?"

"Yeah," Nicole answered in a subdued manner. She stopped Lily at the doorway, turning concerned. "Promise me you'll be careful finding out who the real Prince is?"

"Of course I will." Lily threw a reassuring smile and scoffed, "I'm not a Marauder."

"You're just in love with one."

Lily stuck her tongue out and Nicole hurled a pillow at her from across the room.

---------

The instant James was done with Head patrolling, he politely asked Remus's assistance in the common room:

"Moony, help me, or I'll help you into a canyon of blunt knives."

"Blunt knives?" the werewolf repeated slowly.

"I'd want you injured, not dead." James grabbed the Daily Prophet he was reading and tossed it into the fireplace.

Remus exploded. "Did that look like firewood to you? What do you want? Oh please don't say you're so inebriated I have to help unzip your fly so you can pee, again."

"No, because if I was in that situation I'd be doing the _Pee Dance_ and thrusting my crotch at you. No, Remus Lupin, I want you-" he poked him in the chest "-to help me write a love letter."

Remus narrowed his eyes. "Do you really need to record a letter of how much you love yourself? Surely you can just tell yourself verbally-"

"To _Lily!_"

"Oh, of course. Sorry," Remus apologized in embarrassment. "Wait, this is about the Half Blood Prince, isn't it?"

"Of course it is!" James shoved him out of his chair and stole his comfy seat by the fire. He got a single sheet of parchment out along with a quill and said, "I was thinking something along the lines of, 'My dear orange peel, mangoes with you makes me… squeal?'"

Remus' eyes seemed to be watering by how awful James' opening line was. "Please, _please_ tell me that was a joke."

"If you're partial to it: yes. If you're not… non?" His eyes brightened with an idea after the use of French. "French sounds sexy, right? Do you think I should write her a love letter in French?"

"You can barely write one in English, you idiot!"

"Is James being called an idiot?" Sirius asked as he came down the stairs into the common room with Peter. "I must be present for this. Moony, please repeat what you said - it's like sweet music to my ears."

"I will not do anything for you because there is _custard_ in _my ears_ from earlier," Remus shot back.

Peter looked between Sirius and Remus with a squirm. "What dirty thing have you two been doing concerning custard?"

"There was a food fight," Remus clarified.

"Instead of dipping your ear into a shell to hear the ocean," Sirius said, "I was dipping his ear into a bowl of custard so he could hear the pudding."

James was busy chewing the end of his quill, staring so hard at the blank piece of parchment his head was beginning to hurt and he was on the verge of going permanently cross-eyed. "Wormtail, do you know any French?" he asked suddenly.

"Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?" he replied with a shrug.

"No thank you, Pete," Sirius said under his breath.

"Tell me you've never said that to anyone," Remus begged Peter.

"Why?" James asked, interested. "What does it mean?"

Peter shrugged again. "Something about having pretty eyes?"

"Oh Lord…" Remus massaged the bridge of his nose.

"Right." James dipped his quill into the ink. "I'll start off the love letter with that. How do you spell vou-lay voo cooshay avock mwah?"

"You are _not_ writing that down," Remus said at once, snatching the quill from him.

"_I'll_ write you a love letter," Sirius said, swiping the parchment from James and the quill from Remus.

"Padfoot, no! I spent at least half an hour searching for a clean piece of parchment and you are not ruining it by writing rubbish onto it!"

"Excuse me?" Sirius looked scandalized. "I would never do such a thing! I'll have you know that I know many a love poem_. 'Every time I look at you my heart skips a beat! I wonder if you know, my love, that my heart is at your feet'!_"

"Wow," James said impressively. Peter was so impressed he was standing very close to Sirius all of a sudden, until Sirius smacked him round the head and reminded him he was not a girl that wore knickers he could get into. "Write some of that rubbish down. Quickly," James ordered Sirius with a clap. "Before it leaves your head."

---------

"Where've you been?" asked Lily when James entered the Head Tower ten minutes later. "You practically ran off after patrolling was over." Truthfully, she was a little sulky after having been abandoned.

"I jogged actually," he corrected her. He thought back to asking for Remus' help in the common room. "I've been nowhere."

"Liar," Lily saw through him straight away. "What's that?" She pointed to his trousers.

James looked down; the love letter written by Sirius was sticking out of his pocket. "Nothing," he said, because he hadn't looked at it yet – Sirius had stuffed it in his pocket on his way out with a clap on the back and a grin that had made him very edgy.

"You can't keep secrets from me," Lily said with defiant but smiling eyes. She tried to slip out the parchment from his trousers. Amused, James caught her wrists and kissed her.

"You can easily keep secrets from me though," the words slipped from James' mouth, initially intending to be witty, but out loud set the mood tense. Letting go of Lily's wrists, he looked away. "Sorry," he apologized for bringing up the Prince.

"Don't be," she murmured, a little sad.

Now that James was off guard and didn't really seem to care about the parchment in his pocket anymore, Lily slid it out and opened it up. An expression of revulsion crept across her face - had Sirius' poetry been that bad?

"What in Merlin's name is this, James?"

He looked over her shoulder and scanned the note; his face quickly matched Lily's. "My, it appears to be drawings of stick people."

"Labeled after us," Lily pointed to their names. "And what exactly are the stick people doing, James?"

He had a feeling she very well knew what the diagrams of the stick people were doing - she just wanted to embarrass him. And she was doing an exceptional job of it, turning him redder than ever.

"They're…" He cleared his throat. "They're having… sex, in various impossible positions." He met Lily's eyes and looked apologetic. "I swear I did not draw those-"

"Sirius," Lily presumed before he went on. "For someone who you've said has never even had sex, it's rather alarming that he knows so many ways to… apparently break your groin."

"Especially in that one," James tapped the parchment with a squirm. "We should leave this around to freak out some first years."

Lily stared at him. "And _that_ is why Dumbledore chose you as Head Boy."

She kissed his cheek, and was about to make her way to her dorm when James revealed, "I tried writing you a love letter earlier," while messing up his hair bashfully.

She stopped in her tracks, a guilty sensation filling her insides. "You don't have to do stuff like that," she said gently.

"I know, but… I tried writing you one and it was so _bloody difficult_." He sighed, but then he took hold of her hands and stared at her resolutely. "Then I realized love letters are what stupid cowards write when they haven't got the guts to say it out loud. And I've got guts. Mountains of it."

"Yes," Lily agreed with a small smile. "Sometimes it takes over your brain and thinks for you."

James pulled a face at that, but went on seriously, "I don't need to waste my time blathering about with stupid imagery to let you know how much I love you, right?"

Lily's smile grew wider. "That is better than any love letter, James."

---------

The second James entered the classroom for Potions next morning, he took a seat next to Sirius and smacked him upside the head at full pelt with his schoolbag. Sirius' face very much connected with his desk.

"Isn't it a bit early for that?" Remus said, though it was never too early for James.

"I think you should try _this_ position," James slammed Sirius' love letter on the desk and pointed to a very explicit stick person diagram involving ice cream. "With your hag of a mother," he added with a smirk.

"Prongs can never take a joke," Sirius said to Remus under his breath, rubbing the sore patch on his head.

James had forgiven Sirius ten minutes later on account of Sirius using his expertise art skills, once again, to change the stick people from James and Lily to Snape and Professor Slughorn, Sirius and James collapsing into giggles every few seconds. They kept looking over at Snape and sniggering, something the Slytherin didn't appreciate in the slightest.

When the lesson was over and everyone was eager to leave, James hauled his schoolbag hard over his shoulder – but to his annoyance, his bag split open from the bottom, scattering his things across the floor. He had a feeling smacking Sirius' head with it had not done it any favours.

"Bugger," he grunted automatically.

"Smooth move, Prongs," Sirius congratulated him sarcastically with a pat on the back. "Do you want us to wait for you?" he asked nonetheless, good conscience making a rare appearance.

"Nah." Knelt on his knees and gathering up his books, James knew collecting his stuff and mending his bag would take quite a while. "I'll catch up with you."

Sirius shrugged and left the classroom with Peter, while Lily kissed James' cheek briefly before dashing off to Ancient Runes with Remus.

James scowled at the large hole that was now the bottom of his bag. He got out his wand and muttered a repairing spell; stitches that looked like wriggling worms weaved the split sides together.

"Potter?"

James stood up after putting his last belonging back into his fixed bag. "Yes sir?" he answered the professor at the front of the empty classroom.

"It seems Severus has left his copy of _Advanced Potion-Making_ behind." James spotted the textbook in Slughorn's hand that he'd seen Snape write feverishly during each lesson - his nose practically smudged the pages doing so, and smoke could have appeared from the speed of the quill. "Would you mind giving it back to him?"

The sheer idea of touching a possession of Snape made him refuse at once. "Actually, professor, I'd rather-"

He looked closely into Slughorn's eyes and realized it was not an offer - it was an order.

"Of course I wouldn't mind," James said, taking that proper voice of a Head Boy. Reluctantly, he took Snape's textbook from Slughorn's outstretched hand.

"There's a good lad," the professor patted him warmly on the shoulder, then ushered him out of the classroom.

Minutes later he was marching down the corridor, definitely late for his next class. He glanced down at the textbook clutched in his hand and gave an exaggerated shudder; he would definitely have to clean his hands thoroughly after touching such a greasy thing.

He was lucky (and almost relieved) to find Snape making his way down the same corridor as him. James figured he must have realized he'd forgotten his book and was heading back to Slughorn's classroom. He wasn't in the least bit amused when Snape didn't even acknowledge his presence, staring hard at the floor as he strode straight past him; he guessed Snape hadn't seen his precious book in his hand.

"Not even going to greet me with a hello, Snape?" James shouted after him, familiar resentment swelling up. "Oi, Snape!" he shouted louder and angrier when the Slytherin didn't stop. "I've got something of yours!"

Snape straightened and slowly spun round. His dark eyes were blacker than ever, and that was one of the reasons why James found him so unsettling – there was no colour there, no life. Even the dullest colours, like the grey in Sirius' eyes, would twinkle. Snape's eyes were like two pieces of grimy coal.

James waved the textbook in the air – a little too carelessly, he realized, as Snape's eyes twitched with the threat of his book being damaged. "You left your book back in Potions," he said, voice steadier, less acidic.

At once, Snape strode forwards to him, and James was uncomfortable by the almost panic in his wide eyes, his haste to grab the textbook back from James as quick as possible. When Snape's hands lunged out clumsily to seize the book, James dropped it by accident. It landed on the floor with a deafening slam, the back cover facing upwards.

"Shit." James ran a hand through his hair and bent on his knees, genuinely apologetic. "Sorry."

He made to pick the book up, but Snape was on his knees too, his shaking hands springing for the book again. Then, something scribbled along the bottom of the back cover caught James' eye, and just as Snape's fingers came into contact with the surface of the textbook, James' hands crashed down onto it as he pulled it forward to examine the words closely:

_This Book is the Property of the Half Blood Prince._


End file.
